Tag: musicians

Salad Fingers 20th Anniversary Special

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring the Salad Fingers 20th Anniversary Special by David Firth with Music by Locust Toybox and Boards Of Canada and Locust Toybox. For those Who May be Unaware David Firth is an English Animator, Director, Writer, Musician, Actor, Voice Actor, Video Artist, and Broadcaster of Whom we are a Hugh Fans of of here at FYB. The Word NIGHTMARE is used most often to Describe Firth’s body of Work and Why We are such Diehard Fans of His work. Several of Firth’s works in Flash Animation, along with Multiple Music Videos and Works of Video Art, have garnered a Large (and Ever Growing) Followings Over the Years. Now We weren’t Salad Fingers Fans from the Very Beginning because well fucking Hell I’m not that fucking Old. The Fact remains that Salad Fingers is Celebrating its 20th fucking Anniversary is fucking Wild in My opinion.

       

To Those who may Not Know Boards of Canada are a Scottish Electronic Duo consisting of Brothers Michael Sandison and Marcus Eoin. The Band formed initially as a Group in 1986 before becoming a Duo in the 1990s.  Boards Of Canada Signed First to SKAM Records and then They were signed by Warp Records Back in the 1990s. The Duo received Recognition After Releasing Their Debut Album Music Has The Right Children in 1998. They followed Their Debut Album with the Critically Acclaimed Albums Geogaddi (2002), The Campfire Headphone (2005) and Tomorrow’s Harvest  (2013). “One of the Best Known and Loved Electronic  Musical Acts of the Last Two Decades.” by Music Critics.

       

The Duo’s work is Largely Influenced by Outdated Media and the Electronic Music of the 1970s which Incorporates Vintage Synthesizers,Sampling, Hip Hop inspired Beats, and Analog Equipment. Analog Equipment is a Combination of Both Analog Machine and Analog Media that can together Measure, Record, Reproduce, Receive or Broadcast Continuous Information.  Their Music has been Described as Exploring Themes related to Nostalgia as well as Childhood Memories, Science, Environmentalism, and Esoteric Subjects. Esoteric Subjects pertain to Extremely Unusual and Understood, or liked by Only a Small Number of People Especially those with Special Knowledge.

       

When it comes to Locus Toybox the Artist says it Best in Their Own Words: “My name is David Firth, I make all sorts of things like cartoons and pictures and music. This is my main solo music project. I start up different projects all the time, but this is one I keep coming back to. It’s a mixture of real instruments, samples and synth. I try and keep it as organic sounding as possible. I don’t know if you can dance to Locust Toybox, but you’re welcome to try.”

Description by David Firth: Salad Fingers is 20 years old so here is a special episode revisiting where it all began. In the original 2004 style.

It is What It Is,

  Presented By Les Sober

USA Nails – Am I Man Or Not

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring the Music Video “Am I Man Or Not” by the Band USA Nails and Animated by Lee Hardcastle. USA Nails is an Underground Noise Punk Band from London and got Their name from an Actual Nail Salon. USA Nails Music Fuses Crushing Riffs and Frantic Speak-Singing  to create Chaotic Soundscapes. And If You Don’t Know Lee Hardcastle he is an Insanely fucking Prolific British Animator/Film Maker who Specializes in All Types of Stop-Motion Techniques, and has VOWED NEVER TO INSULT HIS AUDIENCE with shitty Film Making!

Lee Hardcastle in His Own Words:

“My name’s Lee Hardcastle, a claymation degenerate from the UK who started a YouTube channel after graduating Film School. I make claymations that are not for children’s eyes, I specialize in claymation for mature audiences. If you’re under 18, you should leave.”  -Lee Hardcastle-

It is What it Is,

  Presented By Les Sober

Another Day at The Cock’n Balls Bar and Pawn: Afternoon

Once the Hubbub from the Morning’s Pickled Toe Incident Owner Bud Wiser went back to lazily wiping down the Bar as His wicked Smokers Cough was getting the Better of Him. Bud Coughed, Wheezed, and Repeatedly Cleared His Throat while muttering about whatever was Annoying Him at the Time. Bud took a moment to Scan the Bar since there wasn’t anyone in the Pawnshop since it was Friday aka PayDay so the Need for People to Pawn their Possessions was greatly Diminished. As Bud Surveyed the Bar the Dust that Hung in the Air Mingling with the Smoke of Countless Cigarettes reminded Him of Sea Monkeys though He had No Idea Why.

Shitty Nickels was sitting in the Corner Strumming a Old Guitar that was Beat to Hell that He had found in the Trash Last Week. Shitty had been joined by His Dear Friends and fellow Musician Sexx Fuckin who was considered by Those in the Know as the Best Slide Guitarist Both Sides of the Mississippi. The Gruesome Twosome were Swapping Stories and Reminiscing about Days Long Gone By over some Seriously Strong Singapore Slings.

Mikey Drongo the Leader of a Near By Chop Shop was still sitting at the Bar sipping Beer and Downing Shots like there was No Tomorrow. Bud figured that Drinking like there was No Tomorrow made Perfect Sense considering Mickey’s Line Of Work. Considering He was in Fact a Criminal (regardless of How Nice a Guy He actually was). And Being a Criminal Meant Mickey could easily be Killed by Rivals or Locked Up in a Tiny Cell for the Rest of His Life. Both were Valid Reasons to Drink in Bud’s Mind.

           

Harry Twatter the Neighborhood’s Degenerate Gambler had taken off as soon as the Pickled Toe bet was Settled opting to Spend His Day down at the Dog Track. Harry would spend His Day Tossing Cups of Beer, Tearing Up Losing Tickets, and Having His Wallet Emptied as He Dreamed of Getting Rich Quick Schemes into between Races. After a Good 8-9 Hours at the Track Harry would show Up at The Cock’n Balls convinced He had come up with a Winning System based on His Mistakes from that Day.

Harry would inevitably end up Pawning God Knew What to Secure His Gambling Money for the Next Day’s Venture be it at The Track, Backroom Poker Games, or Illegal Casinos. Harry had always been a Truly Tragic Hero who Dreamed of Scoring  a Small Fortune (through any means Possible outside of  a Legitimate Job) and was Going Broke all the While.

Bawbag Cockwomble had Shuffled Off soon after winning the Pickled Toe Bet and claiming His prize of One Pickled Egg. Bawbag spent His Days Panhandling as He wondered The Streets until Sundown collecting that Night’s Drinking Money. Bawbag called it a Day at Sundown since  walking up to a Car looking Filthy and Disheveled in the Dark with Your hand Outstretched was Likely to get You Killed. Bawbag made a pretty fucking Penny Panhandling have No Doubt about since Bawbag knew how to Play the “Spare Change” Game.

           

Bawbag had found a particularly Busy Intersection that was CONSTANTLY Jammed up with Commuters All Day Long as Opposed to just Rush Hour. Bawbag had learned the subtle art of Looking Pathetically Submissive enough to Get a Donation without looking Desperate. Bawbag knew Desperate People can be Extremely Unpredictable, and that makes Them Intimidating to the General Public which greatly Diminishes Daily Profits.

Pissy Wristy and Her Petty Drug Dealing Boyfriend Jimmy Tosser with the Lofty Ambition of Becoming a Full Blown Pimp had adjured to the Bathroom for a Quickie. Bud Waited a Receptive amount of Time before He went into the Bathroom and Evicted the Copulating Couple back to the Bar. Once The Disheveled Twosome had exited the Bathroom Pissy passed the fuck out from the Previous Nights Drinking, Drugging, and Fucking and Jimmy sat staring at His phone like an Intoxicated Caveman.

Dickey Dullard the Romantic and Animate Junkie had just recently Shot Up a Heavy Dose of Dope, and was attempting to Play Pool. Unfortunately Dickey was so High He just stood at the End of the Pool Table struggling to keep His fucking Eyes Open swaying unsteadily on His Feet. For all intents and Purposes looked Dickey looked so Comatose that Bud half expected Dickey to Suddenly Sink Unconscious to the Floor Collapsing into a Pitiful Heap.

            

Just Then “Bloody” Sod Bollocks burst through the Front Door with a Great Deal of Force sending the Door slamming against the Ball. Sod had entered this way since the First Time He entered the Bar 8 years ago, and as a Result from  the Door Knob colliding violently with the Wall the Knob had Left a Deep Circular Indent at the Point of Impact. Sob strode over to the Bar and Hopped gingerly onto a Bar Stool and snatched up one of the Bowls of Peanuts from its Resting Place. Sod snatched up the Peanuts for the Sole Purpose of Throwing them at Dickey in an attempt to illicit a Response. For His part Dickey remained completely Oblivious to the Legume Assault being Launched at Him.

Sod quickly grew tired of Pelting Dickey with Peanuts and turned around to face the Bar.  The Funny thing about Sod was He considered Himself an Intellectual, Yet Sod was also Self Admittedly Uneducated. Sod had dropped out of School after the 8th grade to go Work in a Haggis Manufacturing Plant.  He had figured School was shit and Work was shit as Well, BUT at least Work Paid, and that was good enough for Sod. So with that He  said  So Long to School and Hello to the Blue Collar Factory Workforce. By the Age of 16 Sod had Left the Work Force since He didn’t Appreciate His Boss telling Him What to Do all damn Day.

With Little to No Prospects Sod gravitated to the Illegal World of Bare Knuckle Boxing where He earned the Moniker “Bloody” since thats the Condition His defeated Opponents Left the Ring in. Sod had made His way up through the Ranks and even had been the Reigning Bare Knuckle Boxing Champion for a Short While. Sadly for Sod He was forced to Vacate the Title when He immigrated to the United States to avoid a rather serious Legal Problem. Sod’s Legal Problem was while He was attending a Soccer Match to Cheer on His Team the Manchester United on to Victory. At some point during the Game Sod got Himself into an Altercation with a Drunken Soccer Hooligan. The Incident Ended with Sod Punching the Drunk Hooligan Dead in the Face so fucking Hard it Ironically Killed the Drunk Bastard Who Died where He Fell.

           

Sod stained at the Graffiti that Patrons had Carved into the Antique Oak Bar over its Many Years in Service. Again it didn’t take but mere moments before Sod became Board and Fidgety as He wasn’t a Very Proficient Reader, and was begging to Wonder why He been in a Bar for 10 minutes and Didn’t have a Beer in His hand as of Yet. Annoyed Sod peered through the Gloom of the Low Lighting until He saw Bud over in the Pawnshop messing around with a stubborn Display Case.

This made Sod Irate as fuck since He never saw the Point in converting Half of a perfect Decent Neighborhood Old Man Bar into a Pawnshop of all fucking things. Gambling Machines Now thats where the fucking Money was at so if Bud wanted to increase His Profits He should invest in a few Video Gambling Machines thats how it should have been Done in Sod’s opinionated Opinion. Everyone fucking Knows No One spends Money quite like a Drunken Gambler mused Sod to himself Las fucking Vegas was Built on that Principle Alone.

Sod waved His hand back and forth perturbed by Bud’s lack of Acknowledgement so He decided He’d call Out to Bud to get His attention. Also being the Dick that He was would use Buddy in place of Bud. Sod knew this Presumably Minor Indiscretion would Piss Bud off in a Big fucking Way because Bud had an extreme aversion to being called Buddy. No one knew why this was such a sensitive issue for Bud and judging by His reaction when it did happen No One was about to Ask.

            

“HEY BUDDY what the fuck Do I have to do to get a Fucking Beer around Here I’m about Dead of Dehydration for fucks sake!” bellowed Sod boorishly as He was apt to do.

Bud had been bent over a Display case tinkering with the Cantankerous lock due to it Being a Bit Rusted when He Heard Sod from across the Room. Bud snapped to Attention standing rigidly as if He was using every fiber of His being to Restrain Himself from running over and punching Sod in the fucking Throat. Bud’s eyes narrowed to the point One couldn’t tell if they were even Open as the Corners of His mouth sagged in Disapproval and Distain. Bud walked out from behind the display case in a Creepily Slow manner Reenforcing the feeling that He was straining with all His might to keep from going Completely Apeshit all over the place.  As Bud walked with Purpose towards Sod He had His Shoulders back, and His Fists Clenched so Tight His Knuckles where turning White.

Stay Tuned for Another Installment of………

Another Day at The Cock’n Balls:Evening

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Ego & Irony on Twitter

I was just on Twitter doing what I do, and I noticed a Famous Musician (Who I will not Name because I don’t want to Deal with Bullshit)  I follow had Tweeted a Strangely Uncharacteristic Tweet. The Tweet said in summation that Her Followers Had “Disappointed” Her and Not just This time but Apparently a Few Times Before as Well. The Tweet was annoyingly Laden with the Angry Face, Thumbs Down, and Fire Emojis making the Tweet look Juvenile as fuck.

There was also a almost Minute Long  Video included in the Tweet where said Musician Directly Addresses the Issue at Hand. She again whines about How Her Followers Have and Current are Disappointing  Her. The Followers so called egregious Offense  apparently was Not Responding to Her Tweet(s) the Way She Wanted Them Too. And for this reason and this reason alone She is Leaving Twitter for Instagram because Twitter again some how Personally Let Her Down.

       

Granted She is Intensely Political and Hates The Current State of Affairs in America (as do Millions of Other My self Included), and wants to use Her Celebrity or Fame to Influence Her Fans/Followers into Taking Action. In Fact She refers to its as Her “Calls To Action” which where not Received as well as She would have Liked, and is the Primary Cause of this Self Serving Self Pity of Hers.

I see Her point though She utterly fucked it up with Her “Poor Me” Tweet. She wanted to Motivate People via Social Media and thinks Instagram is the Better Social Media Platform for Her, But the Tweet came off ALL KINDS OF WRONG. In Fact it was so fucked Up in My Opinion I’m No Longer a Fan of Her in any Aspect after Watching that Video.

What I got Out of the Video was This:

“People aren’t Doing What I Want When I Want!! They won’t feel and act just like Me on some shit, So fuck Them, Twitter Followers  are fucking Disappointments!  I’m taking My Toys and Going to Instagram!!! The Instagram Users  will Listen to Me and React The Way I WANT THEM TO!!!”

       

Talk about fucking Egotistical am I right?! How about She just being Happy with the fucking Fact She has Fans/Followers in the First fucking Place. This Feed My Ego, Feed My Fame Horseshit that She is wollowing in is Absolutely  CONTEMPTIBLE and DISGUSTING.

REMEMBER NO FANS NO FAME ASSHOLE. RESPECT Your Fans and Appreciate Them for Essentially making You Who You Are. Why would a Fan remain a Fan after Reading/Watching that bullshit Tweet? NOT ME FUCK THAT. For Everyone of Her “Poor Me”s I have a “Fuck You.”

The Ironic thing is as You may Imagine She HATES Trump (As do I) He’s the Vile Head of the GOP Beast, and like Many Others She has talked Shit about Donny’s Immature, Ignorant, Evil and Egotistical Behavior.

       

So it’s IRONIC that Her Departure from Twitter is EXACTLY HOW TRUMP WOULD HAVE DONE IT.

1. You See When The American People Don’t back Donny or Kiss His Traitorous Orange Ass He Sinks into a Sea of Self Pity, He then gets Angry as Hell, and Lastly He will Rage Tweet about It. Also

2. If Trump doesn’t like Something then Any and Everyone Associated with whatever it is He Dislikes are Automatically Idiots, Fake, Incompetent, Criminal etc.

3. And Finally Trump will have Such a Tremendous Tantrum that He will Completely Quite whatever He is Failing at (which is every fucking thing), and Walk away Head Down claiming He No Longer can be Bothered by this Newly Deemed Nonsense.

        

This was an Impromptu Lesson from The School of Don’t Meet Famous People You’re a Fan because They’re Human, and Thus are More than Likely Utter Assholes in Reality that will Totally Disappoint You.

Ignorance IS Bliss.

Thanks for Reading,

 Les Sober

2 Lunatic’s Late Night Text-A-Rama

Here We go with another behind the scenes glimpse into the Late night conversations via text between SpaceDog and Myself. This Late Night Lunacy leads to numerous Ideas for both Posts and for the Blog in General.

That and Neither of Us can afford a Mental Health Professional aka a Shrink.

And Here We Go:

 It all started when I texted this Pic to SpaceDog.

 

SpaceDog: Is this some kind of penis brainteaser? So apparently there are sneakers now with LCDs in the tongue that can play music videos on a loop.

Les: I found the Pic on some egotistical Art Gallery’s bullshit Website. Holy Shit fuck Air Jordan’s. I’d loop a Musical Porn Montages and play that shit everywhere I go.

+SpaceDog then Texts me a Link for further clarification barstoolsports.com+

Les: Life Beyond Beer Pong?! Lmfao Good game all around.

SpaceDog: I was gonna write an article saying how much i hated Pedro guy from Real World because it was the anniversary of his death, and everyone said nice shit and i literally hated him so much i never watched the show again after.

Les: Ha. Sounds like you should, fuck everyone else’s bullshit.

SpaceDog: I want to actually get people angry though to bring traffic to blog……

Les: Not a bad tactic and a great idea I’m all for pissing people off. The more the merrier. All that shit aside more traffic is what we could use bout now. Where the fuck did all the niche dwellers fuck off too?!!

SpaceDog: My head is so motivated for weeks but my body feels dopesick. At one point I didn’t jack off for 10 days. I honestly think that is the longest I’ve ever gone since like i was 14 before i even knew what my dick was.

Les: 10 days goddamn, Thats really crazy, funny, and true statement.

SpaceDog: Well actually maybe when i was on dope, but that was only because i was fucking my dude in various fats food bathrooms (and woods, us gays do love sex in the woods.)

Les: Its hard to jerk off when you keep nodding off every 5 minutes. The Old banging in Bathrooms an American Sex Classic. Having a Woody in the Woods. Shit that sounds like a gay porn title.

SpaceDog: The sounds of autumn…rancid sperm hitting decaying leaves.

Les: Holy Shit! Lmfao!

SpaceDog: The dead sperm inspired me, new blog Lmfao

Les: DEAD SPERM is My new favorite Band.

SpaceDog: If u can guess what it is about….you win 5 bucks paypal.

Les: My new saying “When faced with Writer’s Block remember dead sperm inspires. $5 for My Ferrari GoFundMe. Hmmm…

SpaceDog: Dead sperm and the smegma seven…i want a big band like George Clinton and The Funkadelics or Arrested Development.

Les: Smegma Seven, whats that a porno remake of The Magnificent Seven which was the American Western remake of 7 Samurais?! Awesome.

SpaceDog: Damn i saw your 3rd fucks. Was it cathartic for you like taking a giant shit. If i could have miracle coffee (or Adderall) right i would seriously put all your fucks in there to see if i could come up with the missing fucks.

Les: Its fucking weird I just think of a couple things I’m all Fuck That, and then its like fucking Autopilot the fucks just start to flow. Honestly there might be a Part 4. Who Knows. Thats why this one was titled “F List Continues Baffling Its Creator” which is nothing but the fucking truth. Or perhaps Adderall in your coffee. That be truly awesome if you could/did. Shit I wouldn’t personally it be too much even for me. Saw your Tweet Very Cool.

SpaceDog: The one from 10 seconds ago or the rambling list of musicians that will never play together. I think if i had like 19 pieces of paper i could do it. Oh wait it’s 2018 we have computers.

les: The on that started “There’s a lot of  shit on f-yourblog.com Lmfao. Then you wrote something about healing yourself with music. True these damned Digital Type Writers are rather amazing.

 I then texted this picture to SpaceDog

SpaceDog: U made that? Thats filthy.

Les: Unfortunately not. I saw it and it did remind me of some of My shit which is why I get a real kick out of it. When I look at it it makes Me laugh like a motherfucker.

SpaceDog: I need to find a good dick pic for u. I owe u like 20 penii

Les: I uploaded it today to the Blog for future use Lmfao.

SpaceDog: D***

Les: At least 20. D***?

SpaceDog: So the autocorrect suggests dick and 1000 things way worse. Yet when i do the talk to text it censors me.

+SpaceDog texted Me the Mushroom Emoji followed by The Egg Plant.+

Les: Thats SO FUCKED, it fucking censored you thats fucking balls. Your on Shrooms and have an Erection?!

SpaceDog: I couldn’t find tiny hands that mighta worked.

Les: For What?! Some sort of Pedophile Emoji Code, I’m Lost.

+I then texted SpaceDog the New Bizarre Smiley Face Emoji+

SpaceDog: Idk I’m just still frustrated i don’t think theres an emoji for anal.

Les: WTF is this New Emoji supposed to fucking represent exactly?! I can’t believe no one has put out X Rated Emojis yet for fucks Sake or Weed Ones either. Its a Life Alert Emoji it means Help me I’m having a fucking Stroke! It could be what an Emoji looks like when it cums.

SpaceDog: Omg the new life alert commercial is funny as shit. Im gonna look for a dirty emoji APK right now.

Les: Motherfucking Life Alert, Can’t say the classic tag line its fucking Trademarked now even though they don’t use it in their ads anymore. Good for You happy hunting.

SpaceDog: Im down i don’t need it to find accounts on mu device and modify my sd card for the sake of a few titties.

Les: Yeah fuck all that Bullshittery. I wouldn’t bother either fuck and that.

SpaceDog: Apks are great let u bypass the store on android but idk how the fuck to fix my phone….Wow i found a porno sounding chick on Spotify…the first 8-12 seconds are passable but now my ears might be bleeding.

Les: Ah Ha! A fucking Loophole.

SpaceDog: I almost don’t want to link it until u piss me off somehow.

Les: Her musica gota real porno vibe that fucking funny. Good to be prepared I suppose.

SpaceDog:Well she’s in the bed according to the lyrics and fuck me is a lyric. Sounds like the equivalent of a dj scratching a record but it sounds more like chalk on a blackboard.

Les: My username on Spotify is !@#$%^&*()_+ figured that shit out. That’s about it so fucking far.

SpaceDog: I guess this chick cancels out Maggie Rogers, i don’t think i have seen an authentic hippie chick with talent ever (at least not a millennial one)

Les: Me either. Who is Maggie Rogers?!

SpaceDog: Lights on…..shes some chick sol discovered. I almost dropped my were when i first was listening cuz i expected it to be trash. She has a bit of a stevie nicks vibe but looks more like a pretty, less skank, stoned janis Joplin.

Les:Damn gotta be damn decent to make a man drop his weed. Nice combo more power to her.

SpaceDog: Haha oh look bohemian rhapsody is charting for the 190 millionth different decade.

Les: 37 new Fucks to be listed now. Bohemian Rhapsody WILL NEVER DIE! Just like fucking Stairway To Heaven or Areosmith’s Dream On.

SpaceDog: Fuck Spotify for making me add 60 new artists i like overtime i listen more than 3hrs at once…theres 38.

Les: Some shit lingers like a stale fart. 38 it is. Spotify has that fucking effect.

SpaceDog: Remember when we used to actually have to talk to other people for bands or actually go to shows or have some dickhead at record exchange push some bullshit.

Les: Oh fuck yeah I remember the pre tech music World.

SpaceDog: I do just not the brief period between the end of napster and the beginning of youtube. I was way too fucking high.

Les: The Assholes at the Record Exchange were a bunch of pompous ass condescending cunts. I think we’re in the same boat with being high and timelines.

SpaceDog: All I remember about then was avril lavigne. I really think that was like 1 of every 3 songs played on the radio for those years or maybe she used to make me nod out…she kinda looked like a teenager junkie.

Les: Avril Motherfucking Lavigne. Radio replay rotations killed Radio. She was the original Tween Musical Artist.

SpaceDog: Yeah theres like 2 tolerable stations here. The rest cause me suicide watch.

Les: The only Radio listen too is in My Wife’s car which has Satellite Radio which cursing and lack of commercials aside rally isn’t a hell of a lot better than regular Radio. I haven’t been able to find a Rock Station in over 10 fucking years for crying out fucking loud. Cunty Country Music Awards.

SpaceDog: The one station is still alive believe it or not here. WMMR. Pierre Robert still there too. She has the one lyric “I don’t know who you are but I’m with you.” I made out in the back seat with some stranger lady twice my age because it fit the lyrics.

Les: holy fuck stick, WMMR is still around good for them. Pierre Robert has to be 150 by now goddamn. You were on When Cougar Attack!!

SpaceDog: I’ve had several. LOL

Les: That lyric nowadays sound like the average Trump Supporters. Blind Ignorant Lemming Twats that they are. Several?! DAMN you’ve been on fucking Safari and shit.

SpaceDog: This one was consent at least. I had some midget lady who looked like the one in kindergarten cop try to follow blow me. Except i was passed out in a chair LOL

Les: A real fucking legit midgit?! Thats like trying to play Pool with a Limp Rope.

Les: where there any Senior Citizen Sluts?! After the midget I fucking have to ask. Poor Little Lady was denied the dick.

SpaceDog: She was like 50 LOL, there were a senior slut who blacked out, fucked some guy she had no clue of, and left her teeth there.

Les: LMFAO!! She fucking left her fucking teeth there, well good news id I hear gum jobs are amazing. I accidentally fucked a 89 year old woman once. She got confused and wondered into the MEn’s room at the fucking Mall when I was jerking off in one of the stalls. Anyway She busted in on me, thought I was they Bathroom Attendant,dropped Her drawers, and sat down to use the Toilet. I freaked the fuck out and started yelling at Her, but She was weak as shit so She’d try to stand the hell up only to fall back down on my dick. Worst part of it all was She pissed all over my balls. LMFAO (is that wrong?!) Fuck the American Pie pussies I have that gross humor that will make People actually dry heave.

SpaceDog: Thats funny as fuck. That type of comment exactly makes me wish that old people comedy with david allan grier and wiki lawrence was on anything but network tv.

Les: Just some weird imagery that popped into My fucking head the rest wrote itself. The pissing on My balls makes Me laugh like hell not sure why.

+My phone rings and its SPaceDog but it rang once and stopped+

SpaceDog: Sry idk how that happened. Yeah thats when it got my tbh.

Les: That’s cool, I can’t talk on the phone which pisses Me off to no end, but My Wife is sleeping and on Puppy Duty. And with these insanely high as wannabe Cathedral ceiling We got here its goddamn impossible to avoid an echo of some sort which ironically also pisses Me Off when I’m on the Phone most of the fucking time anyway.

SpaceDog: It (his phone) thought the couch was my head.

Les: It’s a Short Bus SmartPhone.

SpaceDog: I guess i had my ass there and it was warm and it thought it was my face.

Les: Well they’re called Ass Cheeks so….

SpaceDog: OK now Im legit putting my phone on my ass to see what happens. Oops i have no ass…no call. Not even bare ass cheek works…it only likes hot ass.

Les: Awesome, all in the name of SCIENCE! Shit I figure Bare Ass would have worked.What about if you put it under your balls?! Just drape those bitches on the phone. Might work.

SpaceDog: Yeah maybe if i wasn’t on my stomach laying down my ass would more resemble a face cheek. How about in my rectum, then if i don’t text u back but only send you back repeated emojis u do the same for me since my phone is on vibrate? Thanks.

Les: Just type by squeezing Your Ass Cheeks together like some fucked up Morse Code. Sure if it works I got your back. Do the Emojis have to make sense because if they’re just random I’ll be honest I might cheat and stick it in My Dog’s ass.

SpaceDog: Ok so i really thought it would if i stuck it off to the side of my ball sack but neither side worked.

Les: GODDAMNIT! Oh well Phone wins. All that’s left is to try Tainting it. Not sure how that would work though.

SpaceDog: Yeah now that i am rubbing myself down with the phone like it’s a metal detector wand i think the show is over.

Les: I’m so fucking Posting this tomorrow. Like a fucking Metal Detector LMFAO Brilliant.

SpaceDog: I went in from the back on the taint. And it made my font big like i have a fucking jitterbug and am 90.

Les: Did it work and if not try doing it again in reverse this time.

SpaceDog: And it keeps telling me voice input is unavailable.

Les: It enlarged the font, that’s fucking insanely amusing.

SpaceDog: I gotta hit the front bar.

Les: Voice Input Unavailable BOO to that BULLSHIT.

SpaceDog: Ok i did the back again. I almost taint dialed someone.

Les: Getting Closer, Progress is being made. If it works and someone answers just scream “TALK TO MY TAINT” and hang the fuck up,

SpaceDog: Pits

Les: That works I suppose as well.

SpaceDog: Pits not active…..the smelly one nor the distinguished one. Anywhere else?

Les: No I’m pretty sure I’m out of ideas at this point. The Genitals were really my Wheel House. Lmfao.

SpaceDog: Yeah my taint is a lot more talkative then i would have thought, and blind.

Les: Blind I would expect, a talkative Taint indeed.

SpaceDog: Oooooh I’m a fat fuck imma try side boob.

Les: The Taint Factor Winner for 2018 is Gus Gifferson with a Record breaking 10 inch Taint.

Spacedog: Q9q SP.p .o

Les: Side Boob CLASSIC. Q9q. Sp.p .o I believe it’s ALIVE!

SpaceDog: The first was the right boob. the app was the left. Left boob also is blind. Font big again.

Les: Interesting. So the enlarged font is reoccurring you say. So Your saying Your right Boob can see?! As if instead of a nipple You grew a fucking eyeball? Still worked blind or not.

SpaceDog: I wish you and your wife were here i was gonna have her test it with her lady parts but then i realized my dan is on this phone and if she stuck it in her after me that might be 9th degree rape in some states. Why Stop?

Les: Valid point I don’t need a 9th degree Rape Baby on My hands thank you.

SpaceDog: That was my mid chest then me saying what and stop because my tv went to steve harvey and i hate that guy.

Les: NEVER SHALL WE STOP!

SpaceDog My phone is strictly dicktly anywhere after tonight.

Les:I know You added him to the second Fucks list. Strictly Dicktly?!

SpaceDog: Yeah bad memory some queen used to say that in the 90’s. I always wanted to punch him.

Les: Don’t fucking blame You there I would have too. I’d say pondering sticking My phone in a Kangaroo’s pouch to see if it works accept I’d end up arrested and charged with molesting a fucking Kangaroo or some goddamn thing like that.

SpaceDog: As long as i didn’t have to stick it in a joey.

Les: LMFAO! Crackhead Man Whore Junkies Need Not Apply.

SpaceDog: I meant the baby kangaroo but I’ve been joey free since those ten guys in my 20’s who kinda had no name.

Les: I mean we could shove the phone into some Junkies access they got from shooting up so much shit and see if that works. I know what You meant No Worries I just saw an opening so I took it. The Nameless 10.

SpaceDog: I will stick it halfway in tomorrow at some point. I need to prepare for that and I Zombie. SpaceDog and the 10 ancient queers of the earth. The short form is 9 Blackouts and a broken toilet.

Les: LMFAO EXCELLENT. !0 Ancient Queers, Short Form, I Zombie.

That Ended That Night Transmission.

Brought to You By,

 SpaceDog & Les Sober   

Day 1 – Dumb Dumde Dumb DUUUUUUMB

The title of this blog is pretty self explanatory. There is really no need for fancy little paragraphs and sections and all that jazz.

Well except that I am referring to people when I use the word dumb. It would be quite refreshing if there were only 5 dumb people in the world, but most people would be lucky if there were only 5 dumb people in their own group of 5 themselves included.

Actually there are two things in particular I was thinking about which don’t necessarily relate to one specific person’s stupidity but more of stupidity of society as a mass as a whole.

This All started yesterday as I was driving down to the beach. I ended up going by myself, but had an opportunity to take another friend I had not seen in a long time with me. There was definite thought in the positive for including him but then I reached into my CD case for a CD.

And for some reason chance decided to give me Arista’s greatest hits of the last 15 years. But this CD was old……I think from the 80s!!!! I had no idea how it got into my car, but I was driving and if I go on a maddening search for CDs my car will crash.

I didn’t know the majority of the songs, then I came upon I’ve Been Around the World by Lisa Stansfield. It was nice to hear it was a good song and I still like it but everything else on the CD was mundane. I mean Whitney Houston is great, but I wasn’t feelin’ her and some of the other artists, well probably all of them, had a relatively respectable career.

Anyway the whole CD made me think about how music is really like people. There are some songs we grow obsessive over when they first come out but there are rarely few that we continue to be obsessive over throughout the course of time. There are other songs for other reasons, no matter how great they may have once been, that we just do not feel that connection to like we used to do.

And that I realized is how I felt about this friend. You will have a great time, you will smile, you will laugh, but in the end it will be the two of you stopped at an intersection in front of a music ordinance sign blasting Metallica while exposing your genitalia to the police officer that just pulled up.

I mean if you went out one day ten years ago and went to the liquor store and bought a case of beer and Barbaresco €œSori Paitin❠Vecchie Vigne Paitn 1999 Piemonte which would you still have around today? Well obviously the wine of course, unless you are less the connoisseur and more the alcoholic. Then both would have been gone in relatively short fashion.

What I’m saying is I really rather wish that people were more like telling the difference between what type of liquor to keep then what type of music to keep. For me, I never know when my music taste is going to change even if ever so slightly. I mean the genre, the type of beats, the type of vocalistic, type of rifts, etc. will stay relatively the same. Unless I suffer a major concussion today, I won’t be buying any Garth Brooks or Sugarland albums anytime in this lifetime.

But as people change the music changes. Their music changes. The tune the world is marching along to changes as well. I assume most people are either listening to Taps, because they are doing nothing in the way of self improvement, so they might as well be dead or are listening to Fury of the Storm by Dragonforce. Sad to say it’s a lot more Taps out there, well except on the Garden State Parkway or New Jersey Turnpike. Some people there get so into Fury of the Storm, that in several days a lot of their friends and family get together and all listen to Taps outloud and not just in their heads.

Strange, strange world we live in.

oh, the other thing well i’m going to save for day 30. if i dont the fire ignition switch under my rear currently will explode.

By SpaceDog