Tag: new job

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (21/365)

“Look I know You’re young Guys and I could care less if You Guys wanna Drink some Beers or Smoke a little Pot, But NOT on My time, NOT on My dime You hear Me?” asked Bob in a  Authoritative Tone that resembled a Stern, but Fair Father Figure more than a Boss.

“I here You loud and clear Sir.” replied Lee being sure to sound as Sincere as He actually was.

“I’m not joking here I don’t need any extra bullshit to deal with. I already got a heaping helping of Everyday Bullshit on My damn Plate. This is a Business and I’m not in the Bullshit Business. This isn’t a damn Manure Factory for Christ’s sake You know what the hell I’m saying?” said Bob who was beginning to sound a bit worked up.

      

Bob walked over to the Office’s Big Plate Glass window and peered out Purveying the Gas Station from one end to the Other as if He was standing Guard. Bob then turned to Lee and sighed before offering Lee the Job which Lee gladly took.

“Now I don’t wanna come off like a hardass here, But I’m dead serious I don’t tolerate a bunch of juvenile bullshit. You gotta see where I’m coming from.” said Bob exasperatedly, “There was this one time a couple of the Boys who were off work swung on by to keepTheir Buddy who working the Overnight Shift from 11pm to 7am company. Well They’re hanging out and decided since it had gotten so damn late that there wasn’t a single damn car out on the Road more or less one needing a fill up.”

       

Bob wondered behind the Office Desk as He talked and started to fuck around with some of the Work Order’s on the Counter. Lee couldn’t help at this point thinking Bob looked like Mario’s (from the Classic Super Mario Brothers Video Game) lesser known Older Brother Antonio or some shit.

“Anyway These geniuses go buy some beer from the Connivence Store across the way there, and started knocking them back.” continued Bob as He started to fiddle with the Computer Mouse while squinting at the screen ignorer to see what it said before finally continuing the Story.

     

“So its the following Day which was a Saturday so that’s a busier Day around here being the Weekend and All. Well around lunch it was around 1 in the afternoon if I remember it right a big old wind started blowing. Well wouldn’t you know it all of a sudden You know what starts blowing down off the Roof?” asked Bob fustratedly, “Damn Empty Beer cans. The Guys thought it was funny to throw Their empty’s from the previous Night up on the damn Roof instead of just chucking them in the damn Trash Dumpster.  So as a result I now had a barrage of Beer Cans flying off the Roof with every Gust of Wind pelting My Workers, The Customer’s, The damn Pumps, and worst of all the Customer’s Cars. And on top of it all the damn things are scattered all over the damn Lot rolling all around like a bunch of aluminum tumbleweeds or some damn thing. It was a complete mess, and damn near killed off My customer base because No One wants to deal with that bullshit just getting some damn Gas You know.”

      

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Exciting Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (22/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (18/365)

Lee awake around 7:00am and remembered He needed to get a New Job. SO Lee started His morning routine starting with a Lengthy Shower. After His shower Lee headed downstairs, turned on the Coffee Maker, Packed His Bong, and sat down with the Want Ads.

Lee wasn’t too concerned about the prospect of landing a new job as Lee had done His homework. You see with Lee’s Personal People Watching Employment Plan He had to keep one Eye on the immediate future since He only allowed 90 days per Job. So Lee had gotten in the habit of par-oozing the Want Ads on a Daily Basis to see what was currently available, and might be a Future Employment Prospect (aka a Job He’s get a kick out of having).

        

Some of the Jobs Lee had scouted Possible Prospects especially in the last couple of weeks which had yielded a Plethora of Potential. Some such Jobs were for example A Trailer Park Supervisor, A Parking Lot Attendant, and Rest Stop Night Time Security Guard. he had also contemplated working at An Exotic Pet Shop, Cigar Shop, Tattoo Parlor, Brewery, and perhaps in a Pawn Shop too.

Lee took some time to mull things over in His mind as He drank His Coffee while intermittently Hitting His Bong. When all was said and done Lee who had always been bad at making designs was No Closer to His answer than He had before. Since Lee found Himself in this hapless situation decided to copout, and use the Shitty Cliche Romcom meets Dipshit Disney Method.

       

Feeling like a suckass Sellout Lee wrote out His options on Post It Notes, and then stuck them in no particular order to the wall of His Living Room. Lee made all His Life decisions in His Living Room. Lee thought it appropriate considering the Historical Rebranding of the Living Room.

To keep it simple the History of the Living Room is as follows in a condensed version. Originally what are now Living Rooms were called Parlors as in Funeral Parlor. Times and Society changed when Undertakers Opened Mortuaries, and the Science of Embalming was Discovered. Thus Families didn’t have to Display Their dead Family Members in the From Room of Their House for Several Days before Burial (basically at Home Wake that lasted typically 3 Days).

       

It was at this time in History that The Parlor which was associated with Sorrow and Death was simply and brilliantly renamed The Living Room. The reason is simple the Room Associated with Dying would now be the exact opposite a Room for Living. Thats why Lee thought it just made sense to make major Life Decision and the like in His Living Room.

Lee had all the Post Its up on the wall at last. He then Took a Huge Hit from The Bong, Closed His Eyes, and Exhaled Slowly He threw the Dart to decide the Next Step in His Destiny.

      

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Thrilling Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (19/365)

Thank for Reading,

By Les Sober

It Always Happens In 3’s by SpaceDog

So I’m supposed to have a lot of these aspiration type things. Or maybe just a few. However I cannot pay attention to any one thing in my life so far this year for more then three days at a time.

Why three days? I don’t know. Perhaps it is my premenstrual cycle of attention deficit asshole disorder kicking in but I’m not really sure. Yet low and behold. Three days of this, three days of that.

Three days of fuck the world I’m not charging my cell phone. Three days of oh shit call everyone back and act dumb as to why my phone is off.

Three days of drunken slob.

Three days of recovering Christian.

Three days of online gaming.

Three days of swearing off online gaming.

Well hopefully I can break this trend with a few of these great occupations that I can begin training for a.s.a.p. Right when I am done telling you about how brilliant I truly am for thinking of these jobs. Perhaps some of you can join me in these undertakings.

(These jobs are not in any special order. They are equally fabulously delicious)

#1- Somali Pirate!

I get to loot and pillage and plunder and live in a foreign land. Sure I don’t particularly look Somali and if caught will most likely reside in Guantanemo Bay but I get to wear an eye patch and get a tan and rediscover my African roots. That’s some hot shit!

#2- Jizz Mopper!

This isn’t a particularly glamorous job but the temp agency I went to last week told me that all the positions for fluffers had been taken. While I am not too keen on this one Ms. Hyman down at the agency told me if I collect enough jizz in a jar she knows a few places I could sell it for commission. So I will keep this one in mind.

#3-Cirque De Soliel!

Okay so I’m not particularly fond of French Canadiens for some reason but I get to swing around like a complete moron. I really will be able to lose a lot of weight doing this and well this definitely would get me in shape for pirating and jizz mopping.  I can’t think of any talent for them I’ll just say I’m clairvoyant. They could always use another one of those.

#4- Lab Rat!

So I saw this ad in the paper. I don’t have testicular cancer or hemroids or pussy swelling of the nipples like they need me to have, however I am sure if I put a little research into this sort of thing I can get my nut to go in hiding for a while or fake a little pus. Oh wait it says estrogen enhancement needed. I can’t really go there. I like my man parts.

#5- Bible School Counselor!

Hmmm maybe. I can make up my own biblical stories and maybe I can even wear a habit. Nah then I’ll have to cover for priests and I may have to jizz mop the confessional booth.

Oh what the hell!

Hmmm maybe I can be a jizz moping somali pirate lab rat bible dipping circus freak. Yeah I like wearing a lot of hats.

Ummmmm can I borrow some money to get to Somalia anyone?

Whoever can help me I get you lots of strange booty.