Hotel vs. Motel- THE GREAT DEBATE

HOTEL VS MOTEL (DRUMROLL PLEASE)

So yeah I suppose each of them has their own charm, their own pleasures in their own ways. I’m not really which one I like better because well it depends on who I am with (or not with) what it is that I am doing and who I am doing it with.
HOTELS

Hotels for the most part are not my preferrences unless I am by myself and want to remain as anonymous as possible or if I am with a party of 8 or more people, which is not all that often honestly. Basically if it is going to take 3 cars deep of people in order to party I like hotels better.

Unless they are non-smoking.

I’m sorry but at least 10-20 percent (I have no clue of the exact number) of our population smokes and when you add in things other then nicotine I’m sure the number increases substantially. So I believe it is really dumb for ENTIRE hotels to be non-smoking.

First of all, it is really annoying to have to wake up in the middle of the night, put your clothes back on, go down 8 floors in the elevator, parade yourself around in front of the staff and then go outside to smoke with some 50 year old businessman who you’d rather not be smoking with. Of course smokers really have no choice who to smoke with now as we are herded behind ropes and then when we walk one foot away from the “designated area” are told we are commiting an offense. Oh I didn’t know the air over here was completely clean, I mean you know I’m sure that 3 mph easterly wind is not fucking with it.

Then there is the stairwell. The stairwell is a fun place to smoke for about 2 or 3 cigarettes, then when you and 2 other people have had 9 cigarettes and you hotboxed the bitch thoughts of the smoke alarm going off, well this sucks.

And all these hotels with the $150 clean air cleansing fine if you do smoke….well if you want to get around that find a prepaid card that will let you charge the room to it or a credit card you are about to go bed on. Instantly your room is smoker friendly!!!!!

Hotels do tend to have onsite restaurants, gift shops, overpriced cigarettes (on occasion), and Internet access.

Of course most hotels do have the “FUCK OFF MAID” thing to put on the door. Not all motels do.

MOTELS
Which leads me to motels…..not all motels have the “FUCK OFF MAID” door thing. Usually this tends to be the ones with maids that are mainly non English speaking and do not understand the words FUCK OFF. Of course, I wouldn’t say that to a maid. I’d probably come up with something more clever that she wouldn’t understand like, “Get the hell out of my bodybag or I like my room like I like my meat. Raw.”

And they always come at the most inopportune time like when you are having sex or while you are doing something in the bathroom or while you are doing shots or well you get the point, maids have an innate ability to arrive when you are either taking care of bathroom stuff or fulfilling one of your vices.

There does seem to be a much greater selection of amenities in the rooms of motels then hotels though. Like I have a microwave, a refridgerator, a set of burners AND glasses and dishes here. These people obviously know that if you are staying in a motel obviously you don’t have the big cheese to go out and get lavish meals.

Also large groups of people are much better for hotels, as if you’ve been to 4 or more motels, you probably will encounter the hawkish owner who watches your every move and if anymore then the amount of guests you said are in the room for 2 minutes or more calls the room or does something assy.

Of course if you are in it for a quickie, you gotta love the motel but I’ve been retired from that business for quite some time.

The maid is about to bomp on the door and I’m sure I missed 3000 things to bitch about but I do have to say this. Even though I like hotels slightly better, I have to say I just picked a winner. There is pizza and beer in the lobby tonight!!!!! How can you top that???

So if anyone is reading this, tell me your pick…..

My personal favorites for hotel is the Borgata in Atlantic City, home of the most comfortable bed in the universe, 50 cable channels (a near record for a hotel), food, spas, bars (none gay though-oh well), and well of course gambling.

Motel is the Swiss Cottage in Niagara Falls,NY. You can’t beat 70 channels, a fridge, a microwave, 24 hour coffee, donuts for breakfast, $35 a night rooms, and an average of less then 4 bugs killed in your room per week. Oh and a staff that minded their own business when I had ummm company, maids that spoke English, and well a $20 tip to the maid instantly transformed my room into a smoking room with her donning me the gift of her industrial sized ashtray. Amen sister. Amen.

By SpaceDog 

None Shall Pass: Spacedog’s Cosmic Conditions for Earth Dwellers

Hi all great earth bound brethren.

I’m back from my trip exploring the cosmos. It was mildly amusing I must say, but my mood swings got a bit in the way. What the hell else is new?

I searched many planets for myself. I tasted many foods, I was on many a tour bus, and the initial, “Let me take a picture with an Earthling!” grew tiresome eventually (to say the least).

I even tried to have a relationship with someone from another planet (I promised him I wouldn’t say which) but as he had no insertion points or points to insert we both agreed that me having a life long thing with vibrating Jimmy was not the best for my future sanity.

So I came back to Earth. What wow it has been like 2 weeks I think???? Yeah it’s been for 2 whole weeks since I’ve landed. I am so glad to be back home.

Enough. Enough. Enough. I am done rambling. You can ask me about my trip privately, I’ve been told I must keep things on the d/l for galactic security purposes. So don’t ask anything you wouldn’t ask your mother. Oh fuck like I would do anything your mother would do. Well maybe one or two friends I could get down and party with mama. You bitches know who you are.

I have started to hear my mind whisper to me again. It is really cool. I thought I’d share this because it means I can actually get it on with writing more of a project that is longer. Wait shit I still ramble.

NOW the point of this post..

There are some I have neglected and some I have not. You probably know who you are. There are some who seem to have crawled into their foxholes and can’t send back a text message.

While there are others of you that show up at my doorstep unannounced, unbridled, and unsane. So let me just give you mofos a little disclaimer.

#1 (yes I am making a list twats)- I may occasional enjoy a bit of plumbers crack, but please don’t be comin’ up on my doorstep with your glass dicks and your nicotine hungry mouths looking for handouts. The missionary is closed. I am no saint. I am not your Mother Theresa. I am missionary position.

#2 I don’t want to hear the same story 5000 times!!! If a story is that amusing to me you will hear a little thing called laughter trickle out of my mouth. If you do me real good, you may even get a snort. If you can get a snort out of me while there is beer in my mouth and it comes out the nose, then you are allowed to tell your stupid story again and then while I’m sober I can laugh about how drunk I must have been to have even seemed mildly interested. I am not groundhog day.

#3 I do not have a warrant for my arrest at the present time. If you piss me off to the point of unannouncedness enough I will call the cops. I am Police Academy.

#4- I am in season. If you would like to stop by, you need a guest pass. If you want a season pass, talk to my pimp.

#5- Yes fuchsia is my natural hair color. I go once a year to Japan for them to fix me up so I assimilate into society better.

#6- No I will not go to church with you. Doing so (no matter how badly I want your essence) will cause my bowels to spontaneously reverse. And yes I have been told the story (personally) of what this entails. I can tell you if you make me go to church and I will help you reverse yours if you force me to do so as well.

#7- Yes those that is my natural eye color. Yes when I get super shitfaced, they gradually go from blue to red and green and if you ask me again I am getting brown contact lenses.

#8- If you’ve actually made it this far, good for you, thankfully there are only two more AND you should go outside after you read my rampage. Spring has sprung, try to smell the love in the air (if you aren’t in love go somewhere by yourself to do this…there’s way more bad feelings floating around out there then love)

#9- Okay so now get down on your knees and face lawrenceville new jersey.

#10- FINAL LIQUIDATION- I am liquidizing my body fat and it will be on sale soon on ebay. If you are in need of a few pounds, please let me know and we can make the trade. I am also liquidizing doom, gloom, misery, and old michael bolton/celine deon albums (anyway those I’m actually burning)

Actually this is kinda like 10b- If you would like to be a part in my first annual burning of bad music please get back to me. It doesn’t have to be a burning any form of destruction will do.

Time has had its way.
You have had your say.
Since your purpose in life was my yesterday.

The ship has pulled into its port
And cocaine with you.
I will not snort.

Even though you’re so dashing.
With your pearly big whites
I’m crashing from the nutmeg
I’m falling through your thighs.

My chimney needs not a sweep from you
And it’s so purple will not do

I climb this bridge
Before I fall
You will catch me
Your eyes will catch me

Z time lasses and lads z time.

By SpaceDog