Tag: NJ

The Return Of THE TEXPOCALYPSE!

It’s been a Long while to Say the Least since We have had a Textpocolypse, and Honestly it’s Overdue. The Textpocolypse Posts are some of the (Insane, Obscene, and Absurd) Text Exchanges between Our Dear Friend and Partner in Crime Spacedog and Our Defacto Leader Les Sober. So without a Further A Due lets get to it.

Spacedog: Oh no your fetus is exhibiting very cult like behavior.

Les: Umm…it must be Jim Jones Syndrome. Fetal Cult Like Behavior is the Kid Brittany’s Kid?! LOL fuck Her…Apparently most of NJ Has.

Spacedog: I think you are the only straight man that’s fucked her that isn’t dead or institutionalized LOL.

Les: I know talk about dodging a Bullet! Her cunt is Cursed, its Abortion Central No Fetus can survive THE WOMB OF DOOM! What in Your opinion would constitute an “Excessively Small Penis”? I’m wondering it was in a Police Report on this HBO crime Documentary Series, and its been Bouncing around in My Brain ever since.

Spacedog: Excessively to me is under 4-4.5 inches. Kinda the same as what I consider an excessively small person but feet for them.

Les: Ok I was wondering since Micro Penis is more commonly as a Baby Dick. So Excessively Small was a bit vague as far as I was and am Concerned.

Spacedog: My personal definition is the point at where the penis to me no longer feels sexy and begins to make me feel uncomfortable. My body lets me know because I become extremely ticklish LOL. At what point does a tit become big?

              

Les: Somewhere between Hung and Monster Cock???

Spacedog: I said TIT. Your definitely thinking bout cock more than me tonight LOL.

Les: My Bad I’ll ask My Wife…..

Spacedog: I mean like would 30dd be a big tit regardless of who it was on? Like a midget? an 8 year old? I mean I just would say they had unfortunate tits.

Les: My Wife said once a titty reaches the size of a 9 month old Baby’s Head it’s Big, and apparently from there the Titty Size equates to how much they hurt the Woman’s Back.

              

(* a Minute or Two goes by)

Les:CORRECTION: I relayed the Facts Wrong it’s not a 9 month Old Baby’s head it is in Fact that of a Full Grown Adult. My Bad. Sorry I’m still stuck on the Excessively Small Dick Definition. Does Width Factor in its Excessive Smallness? Example: 3″ prick and the Width/Circumference of a #2 Pencil? AND if So is that the Origin of the Insult of calling someone a Pencil Dick as in “Hey Pencil Dick Move Out of the Way. AND if that does having a 2” dick with the Width/Circumference of a Pencil be where the Insult Pin Dick came from, like “Brittany is a Pin Dick Bug Fucker”???  We have reached a Whole New Level of Dick Jokes or Genital Jokes if You will.

               

Spacedog: I think pencil dick can be a pencil dick regardless of length. I used to joke about my friend fucking me was like shoving some Angel hair pasta up my ass and his dick was 8 inches.

Les: Skinny Dick Syndrome.

Spacedog: I’m doing my first grocery pickup. Ugh. Not that I’m afraid of getting Infected by someone breathing on my car, but I really dred much human interaction. All for some kombucha and epic meat bars LOL!

Les: Grocery Pick Up is Dope, We have done it several times. COVID or No COVID I dread having interactions with Other People so No Change Here Lmfao. Epic Meat Bars? WTF are They and Where can I get some? Seriously if that’s a Thing I’m in.

(*Spacedog Texts Link to EPIC Provisions and Their Bar Variety Pack featuring a 10 Bar Pack featuring Bison, 2 Varieties of Chicken, Venison, 2 Varieties of Beef, Lamb, Turkey, Uncured Bacon, and Wild Boar.)

Spacedog: They had 2 of these at shoprite.

                

Les: What constitutes a Monster Clit? I figure 3 inches because thats the size You could Safely hang Your Keys On. My Wife said around 2″ and I called bullshit. She then pulled the fucking I have One Card and Now its a Monster Clit Standoff. Some shit You just can’t Google. Whoa hot damn they got some serious Variety I like that Wild Boar that’s Wild. BISON! Now I can Eat like a goddamn Cowboy.

Spacedog: I mean isn’t a standard clit at least an Inch? I examined a nice one before but it wasn’t so small I needed a monocle. The most daring I go at shoprite was Venison. so I’m doooooomed I have been avoiding pickup of food for months. So my parents and sister are all like pickup pickup so I finally am tomorrow. In the middle of a Tropical Storm. It’s a bad sign kinda like seeing a gaping hole before you are about to fuck someone. Also how the fuck is it the F storm already? I’ve not been paying attention.

               

Les: Tropical Storm in NJ that’s fucked up all I’m saying is when I lived there We never had a anything close to a Tropical Storm. I though that shit was reserved for fucking Florida and all that shit. We sat through God fucking knows how many Hurricanes living in the Glorified Swamp called Florida. Grades 1 through 3 aren’t so Bad really, but the time We had a Category 4 that shit was fucking Unnerving as hell. It was one of the very few times in My Life I thought I just might Die.

Spacedog: Anyway Jersey now has a “covid controversy”. My mom’s friend’s grandkids baby momma went to Florida and the one chick said she was infected going to work, but the other lady said its not true. I hope the first lady is wrong I like the second lady I’d rather pot brownie Kathy not die LOL

Les; People are such self absorbed assholes. If You went to fucking Florida which is currently a COVID Plagued Swamp in the First Place You’re a fucking Idiot. If You even think that You might be Infected STAY THE FUCK HOME. Period. LONG LIVE POT BROWNIE KATHY! I though NJ was making Everyone Quarantine for 14 Days before being allowed to enter the State. Not sure why the fuck anyone would want to go to NJ for anything is beyond Me. I have a Relative that needs to head back to NJ to check in on a Bunch of Projects and other various bullshit, and While They understand the NJ Quarantine They still Don’t like it. It adds 2 weeks where You can’t do Dick but sit around Your fucking House so it Royally fucks up Their Timeline.

              

Spacedog: This is some self entitled bitch who the minute her kid popped out of her pussy was all like btw I never loved you to the husband I just wanted a kid. Yeah that kind of blows. I hope my old aunt and uncle in Myrtle Beach are okay. Fuck my cousins they are a bunch of trumpers, I’m sure their guns and booze will protect them. At least in NJ she won’t have to be thinking about 2 out of every 10 people she sees have COVID.

Les: What a Cunt and a Perfect Reason NOT to have a fucking Kid. That Kid is gonna have some serious fucking issues with a WHore of a Mom like that. If Your Cousin’s Guns and Booze Don’t Work They can Drink Bleach, Inject Lysol, Shove UV Lights up Their Asses, or They can go the Asshole Evangelical Route and Claim They are Protected from COVID because They are Bathed in the Blood of Christ. Well if COVIDIOTS like Her keeping getting into NJ regardless of the Quarantine Protocol She very well might have to deal with a 2 in 10 Infection Ratio Sooner or Later. Thrupers and Other COVIDIOTS Here are Changing Their Tune BIG TIME, We went from “Fuck Masks” to 95% or Higher Now Wearing Masks. Why You Ask? Its because You can’t Deny or Down Play COVID once the Infection Rate Grows to the Point People and Their Friends, Family, and Co-Workers are Contracting COVID. Ignorance is Bliss Until It’s Obliterated by the Facts/Truth.

           

Spacedog: Yeah once it gets like NY/NJ which it is now most people tend to freak the fuck out especially when they are dead. Why waste a Prayer on the Born Again Bullshitters when you can call bishop chip (Link Enclosed: lutheranorthodoxchurch.org) that would be my cousin. He’s also the one with the corpse bride and the kid with fetal alcohol syndrome. Ok I should stp now LOL. Eh the 4th wife was a keeper. Trump is up to a 67% disapproval rating and not looking good for anything other then him screaming rigged 456.348 billion times between now and January. The .348 is factoring in his mini-strokes.

Les: Goddamn Dead People always Freaking the hell Out the fucking Drama Queen Corpses that They are. Toddler Trumpy is going to Rage Shit His Shorts, 67% disapproval Honestly I thought it be Higher since Trumpy is suck a Fucking Fuck Up Motherfucker. .348 Mini Strokes, That would be Epically Awesome and I hope it would be while He’s on Camera the Obeses Orange Asshole LMFAO!!!

SpaceDog: They actually had 5 minutes trump slurring his words like he’s having a stroke montage on MSNBC early morning. I’m pretty sure they do shit like that purposely to fuck with him cuz they know he’s watching. I wanna start a q-anon rumor that the real purpose of the Lincoln Project is not just to defeat trump, but that they are cloning Lincoln to be a Democrat.

              

Les: That’s fucking Awesome montage and must have been fucking Hilarious. Ah Trumpy You Feeble Minded Mush Mouthed Old Man with the World’s Shittiest Spray Tan. If MSNBC is going all Lincoln Project on Trumpy’s Fragile Ego I would have more Respect for Them thats for Sure.

Spacedog: Oh no it was replayed from the daily show now that I think about it.

Les: YES! I have thought about fucking with the Miniscule Minds of the MAGAssholes Q-Anon Conspiracy cocksuckers too! It must be a fucking sign that We must fuck with Trumpy Supporting Idiotic Assholes.

Spacedog: But yeah every morning Joe Scarborough usually goes to a single camera shot saying “Well Donald…” So trump literally the First Person ever with Dementia where the TV really is Talking to Him.

               

Les: That’s cool I’m a Fan of The Daily Show. HOLY FUCKING SHIT Trumpy’s Dementia and His TV Obsession Collide!!! I can’t stop Laughing! GODDAMN LMFAO!

Spacedog: So I just noticed something about that page of my cousin I sent you. He must be loaded I noticed that he is CEO pf the “Lutheran Orthodox” Church. My cousin invented a church. I may not believe a word he says but that was Genius.

Les: That shows how fucked up things are Today that fucking Church’s have fucking CEOs. Thats basically Admitting Churches are Businesses just like any Other Corrupt Corporation.

           

That’s All For Now Anyways.

Thanks For Reading,

By    Les Sober & Spacedog 

Day 1 – Dumb Dumde Dumb DUUUUUUMB

The title of this blog is pretty self explanatory. There is really no need for fancy little paragraphs and sections and all that jazz.

Well except that I am referring to people when I use the word dumb. It would be quite refreshing if there were only 5 dumb people in the world, but most people would be lucky if there were only 5 dumb people in their own group of 5 themselves included.

Actually there are two things in particular I was thinking about which don’t necessarily relate to one specific person’s stupidity but more of stupidity of society as a mass as a whole.

This All started yesterday as I was driving down to the beach. I ended up going by myself, but had an opportunity to take another friend I had not seen in a long time with me. There was definite thought in the positive for including him but then I reached into my CD case for a CD.

And for some reason chance decided to give me Arista’s greatest hits of the last 15 years. But this CD was old……I think from the 80s!!!! I had no idea how it got into my car, but I was driving and if I go on a maddening search for CDs my car will crash.

I didn’t know the majority of the songs, then I came upon I’ve Been Around the World by Lisa Stansfield. It was nice to hear it was a good song and I still like it but everything else on the CD was mundane. I mean Whitney Houston is great, but I wasn’t feelin’ her and some of the other artists, well probably all of them, had a relatively respectable career.

Anyway the whole CD made me think about how music is really like people. There are some songs we grow obsessive over when they first come out but there are rarely few that we continue to be obsessive over throughout the course of time. There are other songs for other reasons, no matter how great they may have once been, that we just do not feel that connection to like we used to do.

And that I realized is how I felt about this friend. You will have a great time, you will smile, you will laugh, but in the end it will be the two of you stopped at an intersection in front of a music ordinance sign blasting Metallica while exposing your genitalia to the police officer that just pulled up.

I mean if you went out one day ten years ago and went to the liquor store and bought a case of beer and Barbaresco €œSori Paitin❠Vecchie Vigne Paitn 1999 Piemonte which would you still have around today? Well obviously the wine of course, unless you are less the connoisseur and more the alcoholic. Then both would have been gone in relatively short fashion.

What I’m saying is I really rather wish that people were more like telling the difference between what type of liquor to keep then what type of music to keep. For me, I never know when my music taste is going to change even if ever so slightly. I mean the genre, the type of beats, the type of vocalistic, type of rifts, etc. will stay relatively the same. Unless I suffer a major concussion today, I won’t be buying any Garth Brooks or Sugarland albums anytime in this lifetime.

But as people change the music changes. Their music changes. The tune the world is marching along to changes as well. I assume most people are either listening to Taps, because they are doing nothing in the way of self improvement, so they might as well be dead or are listening to Fury of the Storm by Dragonforce. Sad to say it’s a lot more Taps out there, well except on the Garden State Parkway or New Jersey Turnpike. Some people there get so into Fury of the Storm, that in several days a lot of their friends and family get together and all listen to Taps outloud and not just in their heads.

Strange, strange world we live in.

oh, the other thing well i’m going to save for day 30. if i dont the fire ignition switch under my rear currently will explode.

By SpaceDog 

None Shall Pass: Spacedog’s Cosmic Conditions for Earth Dwellers

Hi all great earth bound brethren.

I’m back from my trip exploring the cosmos. It was mildly amusing I must say, but my mood swings got a bit in the way. What the hell else is new?

I searched many planets for myself. I tasted many foods, I was on many a tour bus, and the initial, “Let me take a picture with an Earthling!” grew tiresome eventually (to say the least).

I even tried to have a relationship with someone from another planet (I promised him I wouldn’t say which) but as he had no insertion points or points to insert we both agreed that me having a life long thing with vibrating Jimmy was not the best for my future sanity.

So I came back to Earth. What wow it has been like 2 weeks I think???? Yeah it’s been for 2 whole weeks since I’ve landed. I am so glad to be back home.

Enough. Enough. Enough. I am done rambling. You can ask me about my trip privately, I’ve been told I must keep things on the d/l for galactic security purposes. So don’t ask anything you wouldn’t ask your mother. Oh fuck like I would do anything your mother would do. Well maybe one or two friends I could get down and party with mama. You bitches know who you are.

I have started to hear my mind whisper to me again. It is really cool. I thought I’d share this because it means I can actually get it on with writing more of a project that is longer. Wait shit I still ramble.

NOW the point of this post..

There are some I have neglected and some I have not. You probably know who you are. There are some who seem to have crawled into their foxholes and can’t send back a text message.

While there are others of you that show up at my doorstep unannounced, unbridled, and unsane. So let me just give you mofos a little disclaimer.

#1 (yes I am making a list twats)- I may occasional enjoy a bit of plumbers crack, but please don’t be comin’ up on my doorstep with your glass dicks and your nicotine hungry mouths looking for handouts. The missionary is closed. I am no saint. I am not your Mother Theresa. I am missionary position.

#2 I don’t want to hear the same story 5000 times!!! If a story is that amusing to me you will hear a little thing called laughter trickle out of my mouth. If you do me real good, you may even get a snort. If you can get a snort out of me while there is beer in my mouth and it comes out the nose, then you are allowed to tell your stupid story again and then while I’m sober I can laugh about how drunk I must have been to have even seemed mildly interested. I am not groundhog day.

#3 I do not have a warrant for my arrest at the present time. If you piss me off to the point of unannouncedness enough I will call the cops. I am Police Academy.

#4- I am in season. If you would like to stop by, you need a guest pass. If you want a season pass, talk to my pimp.

#5- Yes fuchsia is my natural hair color. I go once a year to Japan for them to fix me up so I assimilate into society better.

#6- No I will not go to church with you. Doing so (no matter how badly I want your essence) will cause my bowels to spontaneously reverse. And yes I have been told the story (personally) of what this entails. I can tell you if you make me go to church and I will help you reverse yours if you force me to do so as well.

#7- Yes those that is my natural eye color. Yes when I get super shitfaced, they gradually go from blue to red and green and if you ask me again I am getting brown contact lenses.

#8- If you’ve actually made it this far, good for you, thankfully there are only two more AND you should go outside after you read my rampage. Spring has sprung, try to smell the love in the air (if you aren’t in love go somewhere by yourself to do this…there’s way more bad feelings floating around out there then love)

#9- Okay so now get down on your knees and face lawrenceville new jersey.

#10- FINAL LIQUIDATION- I am liquidizing my body fat and it will be on sale soon on ebay. If you are in need of a few pounds, please let me know and we can make the trade. I am also liquidizing doom, gloom, misery, and old michael bolton/celine deon albums (anyway those I’m actually burning)

Actually this is kinda like 10b- If you would like to be a part in my first annual burning of bad music please get back to me. It doesn’t have to be a burning any form of destruction will do.

Time has had its way.
You have had your say.
Since your purpose in life was my yesterday.

The ship has pulled into its port
And cocaine with you.
I will not snort.

Even though you’re so dashing.
With your pearly big whites
I’m crashing from the nutmeg
I’m falling through your thighs.

My chimney needs not a sweep from you
And it’s so purple will not do

I climb this bridge
Before I fall
You will catch me
Your eyes will catch me

Z time lasses and lads z time.

By SpaceDog 

Kevin Smith in a 532 Word Nutshell.

Kevin Smith was born into a Roman Catholic family on August 2, 1970 in Red Bank New Jersey. He attended and graduated from Henry Hudson High school and went on to attend classes at The New School for Social Research as part of their creative writing program. He ended up leaving The New School for Social Research after a year due to the school’s authorities complaining about Smith’s “undisciplined behavior”. Smith then went on to attend the Vancouver Film School in 1990 for four months. After he left the course he found his life lacking direction and decided to take a job as a clerk at a convenience store in Leonardo New Jersey.

While he was working there, Smith saw Richard Linklater’s low budget comedy “Slacker”. The movie inspired him to write and direct his own work. Smith’s good friend from film school, Scott Mosier, prompted him to write his first script for the movie “Clerks” and in addition to writing the screenplay produced the film along with Mosier. The film followed a day in the life of two central characters Dante and his best friend Randle who work as clerks. Dante works at a convenience store and Randle works at the video rental store next door. Smith shot the film in black and white during the hours after the convenience store he worked for closed, and edited the movie in the store room on his breaks. The film was an acclaimed success, but in 1995 his second movie “Mallrats” ( whose characters hang out at their local mall) was a box office disaster.

Then two years later he released his third movie “Chasing Amy” about a straight man falling for a lesbian woman and the movie was a huge box office success. In 1999 Smith’s fourth film “Dogma” was released and it caused a massive backlash from the Christian community due to its discussion of the religious issues pertaining to Catholic beliefs. The films that followed were 2001’s “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back”, and the big budget film “Jersey Girl” (another colossal flop at the box office), 2006’s sequel to “Clerks” aptly titled “Clerks 2”, “Zack and Miri make a porno” in 2008 ( a romantic comedy that failed at the box office. In 2005 Smith wrote his first book titled “Silent Bob Speaks” a collection of essays on multiple topics .In 2007 Smith wrote the first episode of the short lived television show “Reaper” and served as the show’s executive producer for seven additional episodes.

In 2007 he also started his podcast (which he refers to as SModcast). After “Zack and Miri make a porno” Smith took several years off from writing/directing his own movies and went on lengthy spoken word-like tours of colleges and small theaters discussing a variety of topics from screen writing to his personal life. In 2011 he returned to film. He wrote/directed the film “Red State” (his first horror movie) and “Tusk” in 2012 (after reading a bizarre want add). Additionally in 2012 Smith started his second venture in television with his show “Comic book men” which is a reality tv show filmed in a comic book store. The stars are the store’s staff. Smith has been very vocal about wanting to make one last film pertaining to Hockey.

Thanks For The Read As Always,

Les Sober  

Last Voicemail Message from SpaceDog Transcribed by Les Sober

Welcome

It was an autumn night. The year 1994. I was 16. I remember this night for it was my first introduction to the ‘gay community’. It was my first night at a gay bar. The people I was with told I was at the ‘Little Roxy’ (in New Brunswick, NJ maybe?).

As I walked in, I took in the room. The first thing I noticed were the stares. The first thing I felt was the hand of an intoxicated man grabbing my ass. It was immediate uncomfortablity. I was offered a drink but I just wanted to get out. I did eventually.

We proceeded to go to Roxy in New York. I was in awe. At first I loved it, then it struck me as odd, then it struck me as love again. I noticed everybody being really gropey to one another. Then the people I was with (a much older sampling of men probably mostly over 40) all started kissing together in a circle. I, being in the city on their pursestrings, joined. It was all odd in the long run, then I was taken home, snuck in my window, and went on with my regular life.

Looking back at this specifically it just strikes me as odd how this group of friends would all get tongue twisted like that. I shouldn’t judge really, I’ve hooked up with a friend or two in my days but it was basically my first impression.

On my eighteenth birthday, I was ostracized by my closest gay friend for not wanting to go out to a club. I wanted to be around my straight friends and for this I was condemned and condoned.

‘Why would you want to be around straight people?’ You can’t get any cock with them!’, he viciously barked at me.

My simple reply was,’Life is not just about sex. It is about being around people that I enjoy the company of whether they are straight or gay.’ Sadly this wasn’t the only time I heard this from a fellow gay.

Prelude to a F*** OFF

Before I begin this section I just want to state that I have had fun at gay bars and clubs in the past. I have also had fun while being stranded in snow storms along the side of the road and have had fun while being searched by the police. I even have had fun with someone after suicide attempt. Does this make me sick and twisted? More then likely yes. I adapt to the cards I am dealt on a given occasion and try to make the best of things. We aren’t always dealt a great hand and even when we are there are infinite ways we can screw it up (and vice versa).

F*** OFF!!!!!!!!!!

I am completely tired of how gay people act as a whole. Sure as a ‘community’ we can band together and protest things like prop 8 which I am proud of, yet the remander of the time we tear one another apart.

I choose not to part of a ‘community’ wear all that is praised is vanity, clothing labels, and how many cocks we can suck. I choose not to be a part of something where self centeredness reigns queen supreme. Where narcassism is considered a positive attribute and altruism is a red flag for let’s take advantage of him. Where people not conforming to the majority are made to feel like a right wing nut job at an Obama rally.

And nearly fifteen years after my first experience with the ‘community’ I have realized nothing has changed. It is all just still a big meat market, devoid of morals, devoid of much more then what can you do for me now. I don’t really expect more and never have or will. It is what it is.

On a personal note, I have noticed that things such as honesty, whether about yourself or someone else is chopped down to an unacceptable level.

Nine times out of ten when I tell someone that I have epilepsy they suddenly look at me differently like I have eight legs or they want me to have a seizure like, ‘HERE SPARKY BARK SPARKY’ F*** SPARKY!!!

I tell them I think Britney Spears, Ashley Simpson, Miley Cyrus and their legion of doom can all go suck my cock and that I like a lot more rock music and that the music playing in this club makes me to shoot myself in the head, they are either personally affronted or think I literally want to shoot myself in the head. Like I’m gonna go out like Kurt Cobain or Layne Staley and off myself just because I listen to their music.

 

When someone asks my opinion, I do not sugar coat it. I tell it like it is. I do not hang in close surroundings with people I detest. People are so offended by bluntness and honesty because the truth hurts.

Would you rather be lied to all your life by people you think are your friends or would you rather be told the truth by your enemies? Lest we forget the old saying:, ‘Keep your friends close but your enemies even closer.’

A lot of people who portray themselves as genuine will stab you in the back in front of their friends. Some people will simply reveal their true colors over time.

Which is why I simply say F*** OFF to the ‘gay community’ and for those of you fed up as well, welcome to my gay revolution.

Hmmmm What That Smell?! By Spacedog

MARIJUANA!!!!!

When times are tough and times are dull, I think back to the life I once led in the south of Columbia. Sure it was difficult. I mean there was enough cocaine to help me stay awake for weeks upon end. That was always fun. Even just chillin with Pablo and Juan Valdez made for some good times I’ll never forget. There is one person though I will never forget. Her name was Mary Jane.

My own personal Mary Jane was a big, tall strong woman. Sure I don’t have much of a proclivity towards women but she was twelve feet tall and smelled like no other woman I have met since. I even liked her seed and well that’s not the kind of seed that ole Jeffy usually takes a likin too.

She kept me safe and warm. Whenever I got home from a night at the theatron de pelicula and had bad things squirt in my eye, she was there to heal my infection.

The night I saw all of Pablo’s men get mowed down in a rain of gunfire, Mary Jane was there. I just put her in my bong and smoked her down and off I went to the club. I could already taste the rainbow even though well that was for later. Shhhhh…… And she never told any of my secrets.

She was my mother, my sister, my dominatrix, my bulldyke, and my fag hag all rolled up into one great big, bright ass spliff.  She let me tolerate more Britney Spears then any human could just so I could bring the next Juan or Carlos or Juan Carlos or fuck why not all of them back to my humble mud hut.

Eventually though we grew apart. My funds in Colombia were confiscated and back off to New Jersey I so went. That was in 1980. Oh how I miss 1980. Those were the days.

Mary Jane?

So then I was walking down the street yesterday and saw this midget girl (aptly named Midge) I knew from the club. She was a fun one to know, I mean anyone who smokes out of a bong taller then them is alright with me.

Midge introduced me to her friend. His name was Kyle. He smelled of dirt, he smelled of mud, he smelled of naughty things. So he smelled like Mary Jane. So then we smoked and then we went back to my place and Midge took pictures. She wanted to join in but I have a moral code up in this bitch. If I can teabag you standing up it’s a no go. That is my number one moral in life.

You may say I’m a dreamer. I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.