Observational Humor – Page 4

Web Cam Sex Show Vs. 976-HUMP (4867)

Lets just be Adult about it and admit that since there have been People there has been Porn. Cave Paintings became Nude Portraits. Man invented Tools and Nude Sculptures two minutes later. Man created the Written word and Literary Porn was Born. The things really started to take off.

Then the Invention of the Camera changed the World. It all started with Nude Pictures then evolved through time into Pornographic Magazines such as Playboy or Hustler.

After The Camera blew Everyones Tits off Mr. Bell invented The Phone which led to Phone Sex, The Rise of the 976 SexLines, and Eventual demise due to the invention of the Internet (Why Pay for Porn when You can get it ABSOLUTELY FREE ONLINE FROM ANYWHERE?!)

Then Holy Shit someone invented the Movie Camera which introduced Society to Pornographic Movies.

Next the HOME VIDEO CAMERAS AND VIDEO TAPES. Now Everyone could make Their own Sex Tapes, AND with a VCR (first Beta then VHS) People could watch Porno Films in the Comfort, Safety, and Cleanliness of Their Own Home.

At the same time of the Golden Age of VHS that PC’s were becoming more and more popular, and along with Computers came The Beginning of Gaming as We know it.

And OF COURSE People Invented “Adult 18+ ONLY” Pornographic Games. These Original PC Text Based Role Playing Games are the FARTHEST CRY from the Crazy CGI Adult Games They have out Today. It be like comparing an Atari 2600 to a Playstation 4.

The Internet grew to fruition, and that literally gave One the ability to see an ACTUAL WORLD’S WORTH OF PORN FROM AROUND THE GLOBE AND TO THE 4 CORNERS OF THE EARTH.

The Best had yet to come in the Invention of The Smart Phone. Smart Phones had EVERYTHING One would need for Pornographic Activities. It had a Camera, A Video Camera, and Internet Access.

Plus unlike PC and Laptops Smartphones are Hand Held Devices, and thus can fit in Your Pocket allowing You to take it ANYWHERE at ANYTIME.

This provided the Platform for the Progression of Human Sexuality with such things as Sexting, taking/sending of Nude Selfies, Tumblr, Growler, Craig’s List (Casual Encounters), Emoji being Given Sexual Association. The Eggplant Emoji being designated as the sign for Penis for Example.

Now that We’ve covered the basic T and A Timeline heres the point of this for this Post: I will be Comparing/Contrasting Two of the Above: 976 Sex Lines of Yesteryear Vs. The New School Internet Live Web Cam Sex Shows.

As One may have already deduced Each The Old School and New School have Their own Pros and Cons its true. And While Live Web Cam Sex Shows are one of the Top Social, and Technological Pornographic Creation does that make Them Superior

Remember Porn is ENTIRELY FANTASY BASED, and uses the Greatest Sex Organ Available to Humanity (get Your Mind out of Your Crotch) The Mind.

I’ll start off with the Old School 976 Sex Lines. For those who are too young to remember or know what the fuck a 976 is it was a Toll Number (90% of which were Sex Lines) You could call for Phone Sex that charged by the MINUTE.

The Numbers always started 976 and the other four digits spelled out something sexual like 976-GIRL, 976-HUMP, 976-SEXX or something similar I’m sure You get the idea.

The FATAL FLAW that Ultimately brought down the 976 Phone Sex Empire was simply GREED. You see as I mentioned Dear Reader these Sex Lines charged per minute, But thats Not All.

The First Minute cost on average$2.99 to $4.99 or so. Then for each additional minute after that the Caller was charged a reduced rate of anywhere from $1.00 to $3.00 per minute.

I know reading this You must be wondering Who the fuck would pay that kind of cash for Phone Sex, and the Answer is FAR MORE THAN YOU THINK.

True there are a sparse handful of Late Night Ads for so called “Adult Chat Lines”, BUT it basically just redirects the Caller in some one or another to a Web Cam Performer.

Nowadays though the Old School Patron’s of 976 Phone Sex Lines are either Dead or Graduated to Online Live Web Cams where They are Charged as Well because New School or Old School its ALWAYS BEEN PAY TO PLAY.

True there are Free Live Web Cam Sex Show FOOTAGE available to the Public on Free Adult Sites like YOUPORN, But the Clips are Time Restricted and usually have No Sound (or if music is playing its some shitty sounding R&B that seems to be playing out of a Tin fucking Can under fucking water.)

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU DON’T HAVE ANY INTERACTION with the Performer like You do with Phone Sex or a Live Web Cam Sex Show. Interaction is the Key to Keeping the Customer Interested because it Fuels The Fires of Fantasy. Thats why Strip Clubs will NEVER DIE, but I’ll get back to that a bit later on.

The Fantasy Factor was MUCH, MUCH GREATER with Phone Sex because YOU HAD NO VISUAL STIMULATION so The Caller had to RELY on Their IMAGINATION as a foundation on which to build said Fantasy.

Phone Sex was WAY, WAY more Detailed Oriented making for a much more VIVID Fantasy. It was just The Caller and The Performer one on one with no additional distractions such a music, Computer Sounds, or Other People.

Now Others could argue that Live Web Cam Sex Shows are Superior BECAUSE You can See as well as Interact with the Performer, BUT there are Cons as well that I think FAR out number the One Pro of having the Visual Aspect.

I mean either way Your paying for it so why not get Your money’s Worth?!

The Problem with Web Cam Sex Shows is its like a Virtual Strip Club if you will in that You and the Performer are NOT Even close to being alone as there god knows how many other People who are also vying for the Performer’s time and attention. This Creates a Chaotic to Combative Environment since all the Users can see What one another is writing. This is a HUGE fucking Distraction, and Ugly one at that.

In addition to all the Unwanted Company anytime one of them Tips the Performer some annoying fucking Alert Noise goes off like some sort of hyperactive Smoke Alarm having a fucking Seizure. That too is a BIG Distraction, and Distractions Decimate Fantasy.

Lastly the Web Cam Performer’s all seem to be desperately trying to hold the whole production from falling apart by the Performer becoming overwhelmed by having to manage a constant non stop barrage of Comments and Tip Acknowledgements.

The Performers end up looking like Awkward like a Cross between a Deer in the Head Lights and a New Born Baby Horse struggling to stand minutes after being born. It’s not an Attractive Look to say the least.

976 Phone Sex Lines gave the Caller a much more Personal and Intimate Fantastical Experience for the Money in spite of Lacking the Visual Component.

The Operator had to be Incredibly Gifted at Description and Enticing the Caller, They had to Act Their Asses Off since Their Performance could only be Heard and Not Seen. This Led to Operators creating several different Personas to Play with, and really losing Themselves in Their Alternate Work Personas. There was always a Strong Thematic Undertone. It took Skill. It took Talent. It was Professional Story Telling.

Now a Days You log into a Web Cam Show and its always the same deal. The Performers naked and fielding a myriad of User Requests. You see its not a One on One scenario instead You thrown into a MASSIVE MIX of Every Other Users Fantasies leading to a Schizophrenic Atmosphere.

That and a lot of the Other Users are just Barbaric Primal Male Scumfucks Type YELLING demands like “Shove such-in-such Up/In…” I mean talk about a fucking Distraction.

In Conclusion Which is Better The Old 976 Phone Sex Lines or The Live Web Cam Sex Shows of Today? Well I leave You to desert that for Yourself. If You give a flying fuck what I think then I’ll tell you. I have no fucking idea. It really comes down to the Type of Person You Are in the End I suppose.

Now before I sign the fuck off I will say I believe the Best Spank Bank Fantasy if You will for Your Money is The Strip Club. They Have Good Music, Booze, Plenty of Performers, and if You want more intimate Experience You can Buy a Lap Dance. Its the Best of Both Worlds really. You have the Visual Component AND a more Structured One On One Design.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Snapple Situation Depletes Sanity

I decided to write this rather impromptu Post BECAUSE it’s No Joke an Extremely Effective Example of the Bizarre shit that tends to happen to Me, and has My entire fucking Life.

I may have touched on the fact last year was a Surreal Trip Down The Medical Rabbit Hole as once more Life TRIED to Murder Me. And again I found Myself in the Best Case Scenario for being in a Seriously Shitty Situation.

Anyway all that shit is disappearing fast in the Rearview Mirror, and I’m doing just fine so fuck it Alls Well that Ends Well.

I used to Only drink Water be it Bottled or Tap I don’t care the Bottled Water Craze is a fucking Scam. Then when as They’ve been known to do (and have many times before over the Decades The Medical Community changed They Recommendation/Supposed Health Facts.

The Medical Community had rallied the American Public into a fucking frenzy over HYDRATION. It became the Prime Topic of conversations, dominated advertising, and had countless Medical Professionals agree Hydration was a Serious issue facing Americans.

HYDRATE became a Social Mantra REMEMBER TO HYDRATE, ALWAYS BE SURE TO HYDRATE, DON’T FORGET TO HYDRATE, STAY HYDRATED, HYDRATION IS IMPERATIVE, and EVERYONE IS DEHYDRATED IS A FUCKING EPIDEMIC NO ONE IS HYDRATED PROPERLY.

Well just a short time ago The Medical Community realized that People were now in fact OVER HYDRATING which just like Dehydration can be detrimental to a Person’s Health, and could even result in Death.

Once again Mankind learns that its not always wise to try and Out Think Biology. The point being its one of the many times Doctors/Scientists reaffirmed the HUMAN BODY CAN HANDLE ITSELF.

BOTTOMLINE: If Your Body needs Hydration it Triggers Thirst Sensation, and We then Drink WHAT WE NEED exactly the way it was Engineered.

Now one of the Things I can drink that doesn’t piss My Doctor off like Beer is Snapple Lemon Iced Tea.

In the Beginning it was the time of year many Friends/Family of Mine are Zipping up and down the Coast, and all I did was ask Them to pick up any Snapple Lemon Iced Tea while up North or in Route.

This worked BRILLIANTLY as believe it or not is easy to find Snapple Lemon Iced Tea out here where I live. Don’t get Me wrong They do Carry and have tons of OTHER Snapple Flavors IN STOCK, yet I think the Ones They do have taste like Liquid Ass.

Thats why the Whole Snapple Train as I called it was so great because it was essentially Importing what I needed in a geographic area almost utterly devoid of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea.

Well in the end after 4 months I had managed to gather the SPARSE amount of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea in My region combined with all the Imported shit had created the desired Giant Stock Pile.

THEN EVERYTHING STARTED TO PROGRESSIVELY DETERIORATE QUICKLY………

As I sustained Myself as it were on said Stock Pile it became increasingly difficult to Replenish. Each Time I drove an fucking Hour or so to a more populated Area there was LESS AND LESS Snapple Lemon Iced Tea. This is what started the Snapple Situation to Start Spiraling Out of Control.

It got to the point that it wasn’t uncommon for whichever of The Particular Stores I went to to be COMPLETELY OUT OF STOCK.

This started scenario spiraled out of control.

It finally got so fucking bizarre with the Stores as far as Stock I started contacting the Manager’s of such places as Grocery Stores, and asked if I could place a Special Delivery. Surprising to Me (I’m a Natural Born Pessimist) SEVERAL Managers said Sure and took My Order.

Again it started off Promising as Hell, but fell fucking FLAT. A week or two would pass without word so I would end up calling the Store to find out what the fuck was going on.

EACH AND EVERY FUCKING TIME I got apologies along with a bunch of Boonie bullshit. I was be told the Person who places to orders was informed, The Trucks got fucked up in Transit, or Their Supplier was OUT OF STOCK.

So The Store were now useless along with trying to place specific Orders THROUGH the RETAILER.

I then did the last thing possible and I went Online. I found a place and Ordered a 12 pack of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea, BUT the Cost of Shipping was totally outrageous.

I continued My Online hunt until I found a place thats prices were reasonable and offered FREE SHIPPING! And again things looked like they had at last be remedied, BUT NO.

Two Weeks past so TODAY I called the Company directly to inquire as to why the fuck I hadn’t received My Order Yet. The Dimwit on the other end of the fucking phone put Me on hold for fucking ever to check on My Order.

When the Dimwit returns They inform Me…are you ready….THAT Snapple LEMON ICED TEA IS OUT OF STOCK, and They would be refunding My money.

And while I was glad to get My cash back I told the Dimwit how I thought it was fucking stupid that NO ONE CONTACTED ME about the issue at hand, and wasted My fucking time.

I have since contacted Snapple Via E-mail and strait up asked:

“Are You Discontinuing Lemon Iced T because I can’t fucking find it to save My fucking Life, AND THAT INCLUDES ONLINE?!”

Snapple was kind enough to respond with a generic template computer generated form letter saying How They’re sorry I’m having trouble, They Value Me as a Customer, and NO They are NOT Discontinuing Snapple’s Lemon Iced Tea and have NO plans to do so Now or in the Future.

So as of NOW I’m left Ass Out in the Cold with My Dick in My hand as it were feeling like I’ve lost My fucking Mind.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Great Unplug 2019

Practically all of lost year/last year, I really contemplated completely cutting myself off from modern technology. Should i go cold turkey with everything? Should i just pick my phone, my pc, my ps4, tablet, wearables, my “crowdfunded” anal device, my tv?

I made a major compromise with myself. I’ve given up most of my basic cable package. Well not given up. I totally had my dad block half my tv channels.

Will i miss them? I can honestly say not one fucking bit. Now sure i have Netflix to fall back on so it’s not a huge sacrifice. I gotta say one thing. It is such a fucking pleasure to not have any clue of what is going on in the world.

Since I was 12 I have been entirely too aware of the world. I grew up way too fast while being too naive and I have insanely varying maturity since.

At 12 i was 40, 16 i was 8, 20 i was 30, 25 i was 50, 30 i was 16 again and now might as well be 80. Anyway the point is not hearing Donald Trump talk (or dems if ur conservative) is some of the best therapy ever. I also feel less 80 which is good but not quite teenager thankfully. Acting 16 is far more natural to me then however the fuck an adult is supposed to act.

I also have given up alcohol for the new year which led to quite the blackout and hurried 940pm liquor store run on new years eve but i digress. I think my liver is happier.

Oh and no more gaming either. Probably the hardest of all. I really thought there would be more creativity but all I’ve been given so far is how many different genres of music over how many different decades can I blast to potentially piss off my neighbors.

I have listened to 700-1000? different artists the past week. I wish i could find a way for spotify to churn them out to a simple file to post. I will never get tired of this. I could seriously spend all day listening to new music and playing model search.

More sacrifice is coming. Will I live? Die? Have a major meltdown? Have an epiphany? Signs point to yes.

Time for me to be 16 again. Framing Hanley is back together and I’m about to drown. Harder. Faster. Louder. Until it’s so loud I’m taken to the show in my dreams. Here in my head.

By SpaceDog

We Don’t NEED a Sign.

Yesterday I along with My Mother drove My Brother and His Wife into the nearest City so They could utilize The Airport there to fly home. We went into the City early so We could have Lunch at some little Bistro that My Brother’s Wife had heard of (I forget if She had or hadn’t been there before or if She is just a real fucking Fan of Vietnamese Food), and wanted to eat at.

My Brother’s Wife is a bit more out on the Trendy curve of things, and NO She is NOT a Hipster thank fuck for that. She is in actuality quite awesome so just wanted to clarify that. So I was curious as a cracked out cat, BUT at the same time wary as shit that this was virtually uncharted waters for Me. I have had Vietnamese food only once or twice in My life and sadly with My aging memory can’t remember much about the food.

Anyways We drove into the working class neighborhood where the Place was located and found a place to park. We then walked about 4-5 blocks to the Bistro or whatever the fuck trendy title They identify Themselves as/with.

What is quite cool is that the Place (I hate trendy shit so I refuse to say Bistro, Gastropub, or Fusion as they are pretentious and inane) is housed in a some what renovated Corner Gas Station. I say some what because while the Owners had full gutted the shit out of the inside and transformed it into a Hipster Clubhouse with a professional kitchen, the outside remained untouched.

The exterior while being rather plain and completely ordinary it was in need of some attention. The paint was severely cracked and chipping badly, the wore out sun bleached Logos and Advertising for the former Gas Station/ Garage were barely visible.

Another reason to mention the condition and aesthetic is due to the fact the Place is one of those Hipster “We’re so fucking cool We don’t need a Sign or any sort of exterior recognition whatsoever, and don’t Advertise because We’re old school word of mouth trendy Hot Spots so Fuck You.”

Thus if You didn’t know it was a place to eat You’d drive right the fuck past it as You would just immediately dismissed it (if You acknowledged it at all) as just another Abandoned Gas Station/Garage so in fact fuck Them.

We decided to sit outside under the awning that used to protect the Pumps and customer’s from Rain, but now Tables. Inside not only was unpleasing They were also fucking blaring some shitty Folk EMD Hybrid shit at Night Club Level for some ungodly reason.

The menu was small with only 6 items on it which I liked as I’m not too familiar with Vietnamese food, and thus wouldn’t be overwhelmed by a larger menu. In the end I tapped out and let My Brother pick for Me. I didn’t want to waste time lingering and loitering staring blankly at the menu as if all of a sudden it would be come clearer to me.

On the reverse side of the menu were the beverages. The first thing I noticed was the entire drink menu were Alcoholic. I have NO problem with Alcohol and am a fan of Beer, but not at 12:30 pm on a fucking Tuesday for fuck’s sake. What I found funny as fuck was at the very fucking bottom of the drink menu it said in tiny lettering “If You Would Like A NON-Alcholic Beverage Please Ask Your Waiter/Waitress”

I thought this was funny because People in general would expect it to be the other way around where one would have to ask for alcohol as the alternative. I also found it wildly fucking entertaining that at the bottom of the Food side of the menu it read again in tiny lettering:

Buy Kitchen a Beer- If you enjoyed your food & want a chance to do something nice for the kitchen staff.

I found myself wondering after reading the above “So what they whole staff splits a singular beer? That doesn’t seem very nice. And why only Kitchen Staff what about the fucking servers? What They don’t deserve a fucking free beer?! Bullshit.

I decided to play it say and stick with fucking water. I didn’t wan to waste ( fucking dollars on some crazy Asian soda/juice only to take a sip to find out I hated it. Fucking Hipster Prices.

The Food was really good and very fucking spicy which again I really thought was cool. The only thing I didn’t dig about are Server was One when You read of what you wanted He had to be a pretentious twat and repeated with its proper pronunciation in a condescending manner.

Two was when He asked “Would You like more water Bro?” I take issue with this because come on Guy “Bro “talk about un-fucking-professional. Also I HATE BEING CALLED BRO. I’m not Your Bro in any way shape or fucking form. I don’t want to be refereed to a Bro as I think Bros are complete pieces of human shit. Fuck You Bro, Fuck Bro, Fuck You.

In the end it was a good meal at a odd Hipster hangout with an excellent outside eating/seating area. The staff weren’t overtly dicks keeping the Douchebaggery to a minimum. They didn’t pipe the shitty Folk EMD music outside through speakers or what have You. The only down side was the aforementioned Hipster Prices which resulted in a fucking $92.49 bill for a basic Lunch deal.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Darker Side of Social Absurdities.

Lets face it some(if not all) Social Norms and Conventions are just a ridiculous bunch of shit. Social Norms and Conventions are truly funny fucking things thats for sure.

I mean these are things We do without question. We don’t even think about it We just do almost on Instinct. And We don’t question Social Norms and Conventions because They have become Second Nature having been deeply ingrained in our minds brainwashing the shit out of Us since We were fucking Babies.

So then Society has Unwritten Rules about how Citizens of a Civilized Society should Behave (according to the Majority anyway.) Now if One stops to think about one of these Unwritten Rules One can see that more than most of Them Defy Logic in Their Absolute Absurdity.

Time for an Example. Heres one The Flyer/Poster Scenario. Now its likely to say most of Us have been in this position at least once in Our lives, and if not then you still definitely know what I’m talking about anyways.

Lets say You have a bunch of Flyer/Posters You want to put up for a Lost Pet or Selling a Car or Advertising an Event (Such as a County Fair or School/Church Event), and You want to Post some up in heavily trafficked areas like certain Business/Stores/Restaurants.

Now the Social Norm/Convention tells Us that if We are going to ask to hang up a Flyer/Poster at said Business/Store/Restaurants then You should buy something. Nothing Big just some small item or some bullshit before making Your formal request.

This is something that as even You Our Dear Reader having read the above are thinking:

“So why the hell should I give a shit about this post, everyone knows that. Its such commonplace knowledge that its fucking boring?!”

Well then Dearest Reader heres My Point this little Socially Structured Situation is actually quite Dark in Nature.

Allow Me to Explain if You will.

To start off with there is Business/Store/Restaurant Employee who is charge be They a Supervisor, Regional Manager, Owner, CEO, Manager, Assistant Manager, Manger of Managers or what fucking ever Their bullshit Title is.

Second You have The Citizen wishing to through up some Flyer/Poster for some Personal Reason Financial or Otherwise.

As dictated by Societal Unwritten Rules of Conduct The Citizen walks into the Establishment, and locates some minor purchase. Once the purchase is picked The Civilian promptly pays for it.

ONCE the monetary transaction is complete The Citizen makes Their request Directly to the Cashier (who may or may not refer The Citizen to “Management”) or to “Management” Themselves.

THE CITIZEN is thinking that since They bought something regardless of its size or value that the Ball is in Their Court. See No One said The Citizen couldn’t buy Their weekly groceries at said establishment before asking instead of just purchasing a Candy Bar is all I’m saying.

The Citizen perceives They have the so called advantage because that purchase is basically a fucking Bribe. Its a variation of “If You Scratch My Back I’ll Scratch Yours”, BUT in this case The Citizen has already scratched the Business’s back by buying some shit or another.

This makes the Citizen confident enough that Their request will not be denied. The Citizen figures what asshole would say no to someone who shopped at Their establishment especially if Their other Customers around, No one likes a scene and no one wants to look like the asshole.

As for The Business Representative in charge comes out and immediately sees The Citizen, AND that They have indeed made a purchase at Their Establishment.

So The Business Representative figures fuck it They have a couple free minutes so no harm in hearing The Citizen out anyways. Plus The said Citizen has also made a purchase so The Business has already banked some bucks. And letting Citizens post up Flyers/Posters or even having a Community Notice cork Board deal is GOOD PUBLIC RELATIONS which leads to more SALES.

In the end 90 plus percent of the fucking time The Citizen’s request will in fact be granted due sold to this Absurd Arrangement.

What I pointing out is this is NOT just a everyday pleasant Nicety its an exercise in Manipulation and Self Serving. Each Party has a set goal in The Citizen wants permission for Their Flyer/Poster, and the Business wants what Business want TO GET PAID. And to achieve Their goals each side uses a Accepted Social Practice of “Buy Before You Ask” to essential manipulate the situation in Their particular favor.

Moral of The Post: Think About Something Before You just Accept It as Is.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The F List Continues Baffling Its Creator

As I am sure even if they haven’t read it Readers are aware of two recent Posts Titled F to the U to the C to the K Parts 1 and 2. For those who may not be aware the original Post was a beyond basic “List” if you will of Fucks as in molded in the Fuck “That” format.

The 1st “List” as it were was only meant to be one singular post. Later after it was posted I slowly realized that I had forgotten a few things, and before I knew it I had another whole “Lists” worth of material.

At this point even My Dear Friend SpaceDog whom I have know more years than I can recall right now thought that had to be it.

And so did I.

We were Both Wrong.

The Cycle just reset itself and began once again spawning a 3rd and possibly final Fucks “List” (which is fucking Mind Boggling even for Me)

To say that these posts are not for f-yourblog curious Noobs. This only appeals to the small section of society that truly understand the “Lists”

No One including Myself wouldn’t blame Anyone for skipping over this or the two prior “Lists” Not by a Long Shot. The One and Only SpaceDog Himself said reading the “Lists” made him feel and I quote “Dirty”

So for those Hardcore enough to withstand the Gruesome Grind I give you List Number 3 in the ongoing F to the U to the C to the K to the series.

The Fucks List Continues:

Fuck Tiny Houses. Fuck Waffle House. Fuck Tail Gating. Fuck the Illogical.

Fuck Colombo. Fuck Nursing Homes. Fuck Coal. Fuck Armed Conflicts.

Fuck Leaky Roofs. Fuck Head Colds. Fuck The Flu. Fuck Foot Notes.

Fuck Traffic Lights. Fuck Neighbors. Fuck Kenny G. Fuck Muzak.

Fuck Flutes. Fuck Ice Machines. Fuck Regulations. Fuck Teletubbies.

Fuck NPR. Fuck AM Radio. Fuck FM Radio. Fuck Satellite Radio.

Fuck Internet Radio. Fuck Chat Rooms. Fuck Shitty Tattoos.

Fuck Manic Panic. Fuck Body Piercing. Fuck Phil. Fuck Jail. Fuck Uniforms.

Fuck Fango. Fuck Fanta. Fuck Soy Milk. Fuck Coconut Water.

Fuck I Can’t Believe Its Not Butter. Fuck Substitutes. Fuck Tori Amos.

Fuck Mr. Brainwash. Fuck Cheap Toilet Paper. Fuck Hand Dryers.

Fuck Port-O-Pottys. Fuck Credit. Fuck Loans. Fuck PayDay Loans.

Fuck The Movie Ratings Board. Fuck Harmonicas. Fuck Loans.

Fuck Finances. Fuck Mortgages. Fuck Predatory Bank Loans. Fuck Loofas.

Fuck Body Spray. Fuck Spas. Fuck Unsolicited Advice. Fuck The Odds.

Fuck Playing It Safe. Fuck Droll Waiters/Waitresses. Fuck Last Call.

Fuck Spray Tans. Fuck Extensions. Fuck Push Up Bras.

Fuck Victoria’s Secret. Fuck Staring. Fuck Foreclosures.

Fuck Insider Trading. Fuck Slow Fast Food Service. Fuck Identity Theft.

Fuck Religious Conflicts. Fuck Home Schooling. Fuck Reunion Tours.

Fuck Being On The Spectrum. Fuck Quiet Riot. Fuck The Beetles. Fuck Yoko Ono.

Fuck Bob Dylan. Fuck The 70’s. Fuck The 90’s. Fuck Dull Knives.

Fuck Dog Racing. Fuck Horse Fighting. Fuck Coming Back Into Fashion.

Fuck Hair Salons. Fuck Sore Losers. Fuck Asshole Winners.

Fuck Dog Fighting. Fuck Gloating. Fuck Howie Mandel.

Fuck Condo Associations. Fuck Middle Men. Fuck People’s Core.

Fuck Hot Yoga. Fuck Carbs. Fuck So Called Upscale Shit. Fuck Cell Towers.

Fuck Dust Bunnies. Fuck Shedding. Fuck Speed Limits. Fuck Spite.

Fuck Malice. Fuck Re Runs. Fuck Whitening Strips. Fuck Date Rape.

Fuck Someone Loves Someone Reality Shows. Fuck The Bachelor.

Fuck The Pick Up Artist Mystery. Fuck Jeff Foxworthy.

Fuck Larry The Cable Guy. Fuck Kevin Hart. Fuck Cialis. Fuck Zoos.

Fuck The Weinstein Brothers. Fuck Beard Art. Fuck Dog Shows.

Fuck Chris Jericho. Fuck Zack Saber JR. Fuck Deep Fried Butter.

Fuck Vince Vaughn. Fuck Decaf. Fuck Papa Johns. Fuck Bell Bottoms.

Fuck Kiss. Fuck Lowe’s. Fuck Property tax. Fuck Non Caffeinated Soda.

Fuck Tim Allin. Fuck Ray Romano. Fuck Jazz. Fuck Noise Bands.

Fuck Synthesizers. Fuck Drum Machines. Fuck Unauthorized Bios.

Fuck Korn. Fuck Morrissey. Fuck Slutever. Fuck Humiliation. Fuck BP.

Fuck Second Rate Sushi. Fuck Tex Mex. Fuck Fusion Restaurants.

Fuck The Cost Of Living. Fuck Maritime Law. Fuck Rush Hour (Traffic).

Fuck Rush Hour Movies. Fuck Steven Seagal. Fuck Dolf Lungrin.

Fuck Jean-Claude Van Damme. Fuck Phish. Fuck The Grateful Dead.

Fuck Petrulli. Fuck Toe Rings. Fuck McRibs. Fuck Ambrosia Salads.

Fuck Jello Molds. Fuck Fruit In Jello. Fuck Fig Newtons. Fuck Flair.

Fuck Glitter. Fuck ARL. Fuck Contradictions. Fuck Cane Toads.

Fuck Fanny Packs. Fuck Snap Bracelets. Fuck Jelly Bracelets. Fuck Mullets.

Fuck Vanilla Ice. Fuck Las Vegas Residencies. Fuck Snake Oil Salesmen.

Fuck Chain Wallets. Fuck Hacks (as in People). Fuck Pokemon Go.

Fuck Cheap Liquor. Fuck Labels. Fuck Swamp Ass. Fuck Anal Leakage.

Fuck Gas Station Bathrooms. Fuck Skiing. Fuck Paddle Boarding.

Fuck Sorry Not Sorry. Fuck Granola. Fuck LOL. Fuck Fisting. Fuck Thrillers.

Fuck Food Porn. Fuck The Unknown. Fuck Love Seat. Fuck Snuggies.

Fuck Voter Tampering. Fuck Dental Vaneers. Fuck Golden Showers.

Fuck Foot Oder. Fuck Bad Breath. Fuck Hashtags. Fuck Lice. Fuck Herpes.

Fuck Bed Bugs. Fuck Bug Bombs. Fuck Trophy Fishing. Fuck Commands.

Fuck Slot Machines. Fuck Full Voice Mail Mailboxes. Fuck Mimosas.

Fuck Homelessness. Fuck Carbon Dioxide. Fuck Braces. Fuck Smoothies.

Fuck Human Resources. Fuck Spanish Fly. Fuck Roofies. Fuck Spyware.

Fuck The Cold. Fuck Vape Shops. Fuck Toe Sucking. Fuck Rhubarb Pie.

Fuck Smoothies. Fuck Fire Ants. Fuck Preconception. Fuck Cosmetics.

Fuck Assumptions. Fuck Evaluations. Fuck Opossums. Fuck Termites.

Fuck Elective Surgery. Fuck Pool Noodles. Fuck North Korea. Fuck 777.

Fuck Web Cams. Fuck Skype. Fuck Microsoft. Fuck Slavery. Fuck Karaoke.

Fuck Vacation Resorts. Fuck Itineraries. Fuck On Schedule. Fuck Profiling.

Fuck Drug Free Work Places. Fuck Netty Pots. Fuck Canned Raccoon Meat.

Fuck Pickled Eggs. Fuck Jerky. Fuck Grits. Fuck Dullards. Fuck Snap Chat.

Fuck The Close Minded. Fuck Vine. Fuck Crabs (Pubic Lice).

Fuck Speed Walking. Fuck Pegging. Fuck Cream Pies. Fuck 7-11.

Fuck Titty Fucking. Fuck Lutefisk. Fuck Canned Meats. Fuck Waste.

Fuck Tea Bagging. Fuck Gristle. Fuck Waste. Fuck Female Circumcision.

Fuck Vice Principlas. Fuck Rats. Fuck Boiled Chicken, Fuck Bottled Water.

Fuck Cheque. Fuck Pasties. Fuck Granny Panties. Fuck The Over Rated.

Fuck False Promises. Fuck Bait and Switches. Fuck Newark. Fuck Trenton.

Fuck South Orange Blossom Trail. Fuck Disney. Fuck Phone Solicitations.

Fuck The Police Athletic League.Fuck The Black Eyed Pea (Restaurant).

Fuck The War On Drugs. Fuck Addiction. Fuck Vices. Fuck CBD. Fuck SWAG.

Fuck Name Tags. Fuck Hospital Gowns. Fuck Social Functions.

Fuck Polities. Fuck Malt Liquor. Fuck The Cost Of Living. Fuck Love Bugs.

Fuck Medical Debt. Fuck Gnats. Fuck Pat Robinson. Fuck Christian TV.

Fuck Gentrification. Fuck Animal Testing. Fuck Mowing The Lawn.

Fuck Jessica Vaughan. Fuck Thomas Homan. Fuck Kirstjen Neilsen.

Fuck Pubic Hair. Fuck Clubs. Fuck Toupees. Fuck Gangs. Fuck The Alt-Right.

Fuck The Proud Boys. Fuck The “I’m Above That” Mentality. Fuck OMG.

Fuck Medical Capitalism. Fuck Pay Per View. Fuck The UFC.

Fuck Sea Monkeys. Fuck Angora. Fuck Corduroy. Fuck Ski Masks.

Fuck Inflatable Lawn Ornaments. Fuck Fake Xmas Trees. Fuck Candy Corn.

Fuck Chemical Warfare. Fuck Water Boarding. Fuck Glory Holes.

Fuck Cheerios. Fuck Table Side Guacamole. Fuck Lectures.

Fuck Thighty Whiteys. Fuck Frozen Rats. Fuck Kazoos. Fuck Mimes.

Fuck Circus Clowns. Fuck Broadway. Fuck Nay Sayers. Fuck Lasik.

Fuck Custom Contact Lenses. Fuck Artificial Vampire Teeth. Fuck Halo.

Fuck Body Modification. Fuck Call Of Duty. Fuck Gamer Chairs.

Fuck Gamers. Fuck Angry Birds. Fuck Words With Friends. Fuck Risotto.

Fuck Candy Crush. Fuck Zucchini. Fuck Invasive Species. Fuck DayQuil.

Fuck Sleep Paralysis. Fuck Red Tape. Fuck Paperwork. Fuck Trivia Crack.

Fuck Sleep Apnea. Fuck Escalades. Fuck Munich International Airport.

Fuck Preferred Customers. Fuck Yard Sales. Fuck Garnish. Fuck Liver Spots.

Fuck Varicose Veins. Fuck IVs. Fuck EKGs. Fuck Nose Hair. Fuck Dipping.

Fuck Cigar Lounges. Fuck Daring Not To Dream. Fuck IQ Tests. Fuck PTSD.

Fuck Bastardizing Dive Bars. Fuck Artificial Intelligence. Fuck Hair Metal.

Fuck Political Science. Fuck Glam Metal. Fuck Poking (FB). Fuck Toe Rings.

Fuck Revenge Porn. Fuck Trickle Down Economics. Fuck The Boarder Wall.

Fuck Musicals. Fuck Natty Ice. Fuck Day Drinking. Fuck Paddle Boarding.

Fuck Grown Men Who Call Their Fathers “Daddy”. Fuck Mood Rings.

Fuck Promise Rings. Fuck Las Vegas. Fuck Atlantic Shitty. Fuck Dan Hanson.

Fuck Brittany. Fuck Gargling. Fuck Orgies. Fuck Swingers. Fuck Bukacki.

Fuck Nude Beaches. Fuck Patrolman Miller. Fuck Police Corruption.

Fuck White Collar Crime. Fuck Winding Brook. Fuck Designer Drugs.

Fuck Smoking Pot Using An Apple. Fuck Convince Store Coffee.

Fuck Panera Bread. Fuck Above Ground Pools. Fuck Cauliflower.

Fuck Florists. Fuck Customer Service Reps. Fuck Private Schools.

Fuck Ciracha. Fuck Putting Salt In Beer. Fuck Scrapbooking. Fuck Drones.

Fuck Puppy Mills. Fuck Backyard Wrestling. Fuck Matt Whitaker.

Fuck Blue Jays. Fuck Backyard Breeders. Fuck Kellyanne Conway.

Fuck Vatican LAw. Fuck Kids In Cages. Fuck Russian Oligarchs. Fuck Fur.

Fuck Hello Kitty. Fuck Sports Bars. Fuck Shitty Pizza. Fuck Garbage Island.

Fuck Cable Sports Packages. Fuck Phone Promotions. Fuck The Red Tide.

Fuck Revelations (Bible). Fuck Palm Readers. Fuck Ouji Boards. Fuck Q Tips.

Fuck The Evil Eye. Fuck Pier One. Fuck Pottery Barn. Fuck Sharper Image.

Fuck Segway. Fuck Baby Bumps. Fuck Metal Wind Chimes. Fuck Fruit Wine.

Fuck Dean Heller. Fuck Scott Walker. Fuck Oliver North. Fuck Kris Kobach.

Fuck Bruce Rauner. Fuck Pete Sessions. Fuck Dave Brat. Fuck Kim Davis.

Fuck Claudia Tenney. Fuck Rohrabacher. Fuck Percentages. Fuck Huffing.

Fuck Metal Straws. Fuck Cheesy Welcome Mats. Fuck Police Check Points.

Fuck Valets. Fuck Permits. Fuck 3rd Party Billing Agencies. Fuck Sneaks.

Fuck Military Coups. Fuck Double Speak. Fuck Backstabbers.

Fuck People Who Talk Both Sides Of Their Mouths. Fuck Dementia.

Fuck Alternative Motives. Fuck Privilege. Fuck Servitude. Fuck Mentors.

Fuck Back Handed Compliments. Fuck Cheap Shots. Fuck Sucker Punches.

Fuck Walking Poles. Fuck Land Mines. Fuck Hummers (Vehicles).

Fuck Butt Chugging. Fuck Vodka Tampons. Fuck Smoking Tide Pods.

Fuck Sniffing Glue. Fuck Mass Production. Fuck Comfort Zones.

Fuck Haters. Fuck Alienation. Fuck Life Coach’s. Fuck Advisors.

Fuck Piss Jugs. Fuck Men’s Thongs. Fuck Product (Hair). Fuck Tinsel.

Fuck Cosmetics. Fuck Dereliction. Fuck Disadvantage. Fuck Ye Olde.

Fuck Foreskins. Fuck Conditioning. Fuck Gold Diggers. Fuck Trophy Wives.

Fuck Status Symbols. Fuck Recorders (The Instrument) Fuck a Quick Fix.

Fuck Being “Too Good For” Anything.

AND

Fuck f-yourblog.com.

Well if you have made it through the entire list without skipping an entry congratulations thats really some Hardcore Shit right there.

This is The End of the F List……OR IS IT?!

Thanks for Reading By Les Sober

Part 2 The Forgotten

The lady had arrived at the final destination. She did not know how final it was or if she would be happy with the person next to her or the person inside of her in the morning, but she saw a shimmer in those eyes, like alpenglow cresting forth before the dawn.

There was no rhyme or reason. There was no great parade, no grand procession as she was accustomed to seeing. And so forth she went.

Well that lady is me. It is you. It is everyone of us. We all forget things that should not be forgotten. I personally have about five years of my life that I have blocked out due to PTSD. I treated myself deplorably and lived as such in almost every single facet of my being. I have difficulty distinguishing up or down, wrong or right, nearly every moment of those five years is a complete blur.

It is like it almost never happened but unfortunately it did. I sometimes tend to forget the year I am in, the age I may be, etc. at the given moment.

Several of my friends have gone through ECT, so I can relate with some degree of empathy with the lost thoughts, days, months, places. Except mine are in a more accessible place, a place I frankly choose not to access and which my conscious mind does not allow me to bring forth.

A lot of people I talk to think I am crazy. They do not wish to see the optimism I see in things to the point that I almost do not believe in it anymore. I have not forgotten that the world we live in is not a place of innocence, it is not a place of the nice guy never finishes last and the asshole never wins. It is opposite.

So as I sit here trying to break some kind of bread with Anne Frank, swastika emblazoned on my forehead. As I sit here wondering if all of my causes are noble or whether certain rocks should never be turned there is one thing I do not forget.

That there is still some kind of love, some kind of hope in this world. What brings me hope in the closest sense of the word is rather private but there are always rocks which need to overturned. Some should never have been touched but I touch. I feel, I learn. It has taken me a very long time to believe something I had forgotten for many, many years.

Luckily yesterday going to see a Pearl Jam concert on Halloween returned some of that lost innocence just a little bit more. Probably only for a little bit, but that’s a little bit more life in me then I had yesterday or the day before.

Everything in life brings you one step closer to death. Or one step closer to life. Most things are not that obvious. No one knows whether speeding down the highway or screaming at the top of your lungs makes you live more or die. All I know is today I am closer to life. Whatever lost cause tomorrow may bring.

By SpaceDog

IF Your Feeling Froggy I Can Gladly Eat Your Legs.

Here is the briefest of glimpses into my manic mind.

2 weeks ago I had to have a Surgical Procedure done as an insurance policy as it were. It wasn’t a big deal. Nothing to break a sweat over.

What I mean is it was a same day type deal. Your admitted in the Morning and discharged in the Afternoon (I mean fuck I was home a little before 1:30 pm)

Everything went smooth as a Sex on Satin Sheets that is until I arrived in Post Op.

You see I was born in The Armpit of America so swearing is highly integrated into my speech pattern. Thats is simply I curse a lot.

Now over the years with Age and some Wisdom I have managed to keep my shit together and roll with the punches, BUT I am far, far, FAR from perfect.

There are a few times/situations/scenarios where granted I do still tend to go from Calm to Batshit Crazy in the blink of a eye.

Its a fucking Nightmare for ALL involved myself included (no one truly wants or strives to be a complete Dick or an outrageous Asshole or perhaps they do who knows not I.)

I mentioned in the last post F To The U To The C To The K To The Part To The 2 (that besides arguing absurdity while fucking with people to amuse myself when things get boring) I win the Mass Majority of my actual real deal arguments by Arguing Intelligently.

The Trick is a combination of the Other Party not being as nearly as smart as they think they are, They Don’t actually know that much about what Their arguing about/over, and Their underestimating their opponent knowledge on said subject.

And Here is a Perfect Example.

Once I had a moment to gather my surroundings and ability to speak without babbling incoherently I started talking with My Wife and My Dear Friend Percibles who We had flown in to assist Me while I recovered.

I’m extremely independent. I won’t even ask My Wife for help during temporary physical limitations because I should be able to cope with whatever the task is by Myself regardless of said limitations. Thus Percibles Presence was requested.

Anyway a particular Nurse swung back the privacy curtain with force and told me to watch my mouth with a scowl of disapproval painted across her fucking face.

I initially thought nothing of it because I was Beat Up and Half Whacked on Pain Killers while Muddle Minded due to the lingering Anesthesia. So I kept chatting with My Wife and Buddy Pericbles and I was unaware at first that I was continuing to swear like a Drunken Sailor.

That was until The No Nonsense Nurse whipped back the privacy curtain for the second time to inform me to watch my language because there were kids there while trying to stare me down.

That irritated me because in all honesty I didn’t tell anyone to have fucking kids.

If you have an issue with that last statement think of it like this if I had a misbehaving Dog you’d think the same thing I just said about Kids.

That and don’t fucking try and be all tough with me with that bullshit stare down bullshit, save that shit for Dogs.

I’ll let that sink in for a second. And We’re Back…..

So once the Nurse closed the privacy curtain (I could see her shadow silhouette standing there like a fucking Horror Movie) and turned to leave I deliberately said something to the affect of :

“I don’t fucking need her self righteous bullshit right now Jesus Christ.”

That got the desired reaction as the Nurse threw back the Curtin like a fucking Hurricane force gale, glaring like a motherfucker being obviously pissed off and growing incapable of hiding it.

This time she told me that apparently if I didn’t stop swearing she’d call Security. And that did not go over well.

I was born Loath and despise any and all Authority Figures. Authority is just Abuse of Power Run Amok. I mock Security Guards mercilessly always have and always will.

The reason is technically their an Authority BUT they have NO REAL AUTHORITY TO DO A DAMN THING. The most Security Guards can do is try and detain a suspect until the Police arrive.

Security Guards are a lame illusion of an Authoritative Power. Total Bullshit.

So once again as the Nurse shut the curtain and turned to leave I blurted out: “Fuck This Bullshit and Fuck Her Too for all I fucking care.”

This time the Nurse stormed off only to return with an Orderly or some low level grunt and I was relocated to what I can only assume was a spare Exam Room of some kind but I really couldn’t tell you for sure.

BEFORE YOU GET JUDGMENTAL HERE Is The Method to My Madness.

Incident One: Like I said initially I was unaware do to My then current condition aware I was swearing. I don’t mind nor take offense to anyone telling me/ reminding Me to watch my mouth. Thus No Harm No Foul.

Incident 2: I damn well know (because I’ve had surgery before, been in the Hospital a few times before, and oh yeah My Wife is a fucking Nurse (RN) for the past 10 fucking years) that society has long ago established that Adults go to the Hospital and Children go to Children’s Hospital designed to cater to the various needs of developing Children.

In a few rare cases that are the acceptation to the rule a Hospital may treat Children in a separate and secluded building.

My Point: ADULTS AND CHILDREN ARE TREATED IN SEPARATE FACILITIES.

I knew this was a blatant attempt into shaming me or making me feel guilty so I would stop Cursing.

Incident 3: I was also knew that the Threat of Security being called was utter horseshit from the get go. First off I’m in Post Op which means legally I can’t be moved. I also know ONLY A DOCTOR can discharge you.

Not to mention My Doctor had a couple more post op checks to do plus I had to go through the rather lengthy discharge process. Again proving that I COULD’T be removed from or discharged from the Hospital.

If the Nurse had even tried it be a race between My Doctor and the Hospital to see who fired her first. Not to mention t(hat just like Doctors or Lawyers) Nurses have Licenses that if revoked means They’d be barred from practicing in the Medical Profession.

Not to mention First Off Security would decline her request to phone the Police because CURSING ISN’T A CRIME. Can you say 1st Amendment?!

In the case Security was dumb as a box of fucking rocks and did phone the Police the Police would tell them the same thing. That and don’t call them over trivial bullshit again or they’d be in trouble for doing so.

My point in all this is the Nurse PERSONALLY took offense to my course language, it had nothing to do with Hospital Rules/Protocol, Security or The Police.

Bottom Line DON’T TRY AND FORCE FEED ME YOUR PERSONAL OPION(S).

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

First Loves

I have not been writing in a while. I realized some of the things I say I am going to write about and don’t write about, well basically the reason I do not write about them is because well they are not really all that important. I say I’m going to blog about the status of my weight loss and this bullshit and that bullshit but I don’t really care. If I really gave two shits about that I’d be looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger back in the day.

Wow I can’t believe his name is in my spell check. I highly doubt my last name will ever make it into the spellchecks of the universe one day. I really hope not actually I’d rather change my name to muffinsnatch. That would be kinda neat to have pop up as a possible spelling in spellcheck.

It’s funny though how in life we get so caught up with the stupid shit and lose sight of the big picture. I really hate when people use the phrase “The Big Picture” because truthfully the big picture for them is nowhere even close to what it is for you. It is so profoundly different for everyone involved. A lot of people don’t have the depth to see this. It is rather unfortunate.

Thankfully I do. Thankfully I see that while my dreams may meet up with the dreams of others at a crossroads or two, my dreams are not theirs, they are not mine.

I have been blessed with the ability to succeed in many different undertakings. Unfortunately many of the different things I have undertaken do not have a glass ceiling. Even if they did have a glass ceiling, I have long since shattered it. It is time to move on.

That being said. While I love writing and love the blogging and such, it is not my first love. No person is my first love. That distinction goes to music.

No matter how many times I may be disappointed or alarmed or happy or jubilant or whatever, I will always come back. I will always be on the search for more. Unfortunately I do not see a concussion at any point in my future so my talent will be none or hope to god everyone is in a blackout and doesn’t remember anything i attempted.

To me it is just better then a first kiss, better then the first shot of liquor, the first spike in my arm, the feeling of love I get when I’m talking to that special someone. There is nothing that can replace the excitement, the pure glee in all my veins on the night of a show. Heck even when someone local has a gig I still get the same kind of rush and excitement and bliss.

I may write more in the future, god knows I have so so much I have not written about. But for now I am embracing my first love and making as many Tracks as humanly possible or until I run out of money to buy blank CD’s and the cases to put them in.

Maybe along the way I’ll mix some sounds together but regarding that one I have one thing to say. Don’t hold your breath.

By SpaceDog

Some Dicks Should Go By Richard

The name game can be totally insane as real life triumphs over fiction. So what I have done is compiled 72 different ACTUAL REAL LIFE PEOPLE WHO GO BY DICK who due to their last name should REALLY reconsider going by their full name. And if you feel compelled to use a nickname all I’m saying is sometimes its far better being a Rich than being a Dick.