Tag: personal choices

No One Care What The Hell You Had For Lunch.

Social Media has been a crucial tool since its creation that has Contributed to the Ever Growing Societies’s  Egotistical Idiocy. Tech has/had unlimited potential, But People became Addicted to Social Media and its False Sense of Importance. People actually think ANYONE gives a flying fuck what They had for Lunch?! Yet People Post Pictures of Their Lunch likes its the most Awe Inspiring Event of Their fucking Lives.

The One Aspect in the Social Media’s Dumbing Down of America that’s Never Mentioned is the Personal “Status Updates” that People love to Use like there’s No Tomorrow (Facebook being the Number one Offender). You know what I’m talking about it’s those Pre Written Idle Bullshit like “Linda is Loving Life”, “Matt is at Starbucks”, or “Phil changed His Relationship Status to It’s Complicated.” that Users have come to Rely on.

              

Again Who fucking Cares How You Feel every Minute of the Goddamn Day?! You’re Not Nearly That Special. That’s the trick of Social Media it makes You feel far more Important than You actually Ever will be in all likelihood.

It’s the Utter Distain and Unfathomable Contempt for such Social Media Drivel is the Reason I have created a New (More Honest and Way More Realistic) List Status Updates. Enjoy.

  • Barry is Currently having Wild Sex with a Goat.
  • Louis is Busy Cooking Meth
  • Chuck is watching Hardcore German Porn.
  • Dave has Explosive Diarrhea.
  • Warren is Donating Sperm Again.
  • Linda is Hungover as Hell and Projectile Vomiting.
  • Francis is Window Shopping on Amazon like an Asshole.
  • Quinn is Writing Erotic Stories about a Nun and an Alter Boy.
  • Rex is considering a Career as a Urologist.
  • Aron is a Closet Nazi.

              

  • Gill is Bidding on an Antique Chastity Belt on eBay.
  • Luke is Ordering a Mail Order Bride from Croatia.
  • Marry is Doomsday Prepping for the Apocalypse.
  • Richard is Googling How to Preform an At Home Prostate Exam.
  • Will is Surfing the Dark Web for a Hitman.
  • Jerry is Busy Manscaping.
  • Blair is having a Heavy Flow Day.
  • Arnold Believes Pimping Ain’t Easy.
  • Kelly just woke up in a Pool of Her Own Vomit.
  • Zelda is Wondering Why Animal Assholes and the Opening is Soda Lids look the Same.

              

  • Brittany just tried Anal Sex for the First Time.
  • Valerie is Waxing Everything.
  • Billy is Ordering Asian Sex Toys Online.
  • Beth is Considering getting into Porn.
  • Shelby is Eating a Shit Sandwich.
  • Florence is working on Her New Fuzzy Costume for The Furry Ball.
  • Steve is Tripping Balls on Some Insane Blotter Acid.
  • Francine is Getting Furiously Finger Fucked.
  • Larry is imagining what it’s like to Titty Fuck Bob’s Man Boobs.
  • Rick just made an Appointment to get His Taint Tattooed.=

              

  • Carl can’t Handle is Booze.
  • Scott Tried Smoking Crack and Loved it.
  • Alice took a Massive Shit and is Looking at it Now.
  • Nick is Writing Shit on a Bathroom Wall.
  • Gill is refilling His Prescription for Viagra at The Pharmacy.
  • Travis is making All Natural Hand Made Tampons for His Wife.
  • Racheal is Learning How to Taxidermy and Practicing on Roadkill.
  • Sam is practicing making Balloon Animals Using His Dick.
  • Zander Enjoys Hot Sauce Enemas.
  • Albert is a Colonicholic.

              

  • Alice is starting a Flea Circus due to a Vaudeville Fetish.
  • Blair Farted and it smells like She Needs a Proctologist.
  • Stan just Shit Himself standing in Line at a Fast Food Restaurant.
  • Ralph is Thinking of Purchasing a High End Sex Doll for Christmas.
  • Stella is Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor behind WaWa.
  • Freddy is Attending a Family Reunion Where He’s the Creepy Uncle.
  • Stacy still Wets the Bed Weekly.
  • Benny was Banging an Inflatable Sex Doll and it Exploded Blowing off Both His Balls.
  • Nina is becoming Sexually Aroused watching Animals have Sex in a Nature Documentary.
  • Walt is Listening to Anal Cunt’s Greatest Hits.

              

  • Trent is Reading the Current Copy of Guns & Ammo at His Grandmother’s Funeral
  • Tiffany is Coated Head to Toe in KY Jelly.
  • Robbie is Wondering if Sex with a 3rd Cousin Removed Constitutes Incest.
  • Ken is Hiring a Prostitute.
  • Karen is Scoring Drugs Right Now in a Shitty Neighborhood.
  • Eddie is on Psychedelics and Hiding from a Plate of French Fries.
  • Bart just lost a Staring Contest with a Bowl of Oatmeal.
  • Dominic is Sucking off the Band Hanson Backstage.
  • Annie is Considering getting into Fisting.
  • Paula is having Sex in a Coffin to see if Necrophilia is for Her.

              

  • Vivian is Popping Pain Killers and Downing Them with Whiskey.
  • Holly is Polishing Her Nipple Clamp Collection.
  • Herbert is a German Cannibal.
  • Taylor is paying for Collage with the Money He made in Porn as a Stunt Cock.
  • Ryan is Measuring His Dick.
  • Stewart is trying to Figure Out if occasionally peeking at Another Man’s Pecker at the Urinal makes Him Gay.
  • Tiffany is Bleaching Her Asshole because She’s about to get Back into the Dating World.
  • Gary is Cat fishing His Sister.
  • Olga Thinks Hand Jobs are Outdated.
  • Jillian has a Habit of Humping the Homeless.

           

  • Bart got His Dick Stuck in a Swedish Penis Pump.
  • Becky thinks Lindsey Her Best Friend is kinda of a Cunt.
  • Eloise is on the Way to the Emergency Room with a Ruptured Breast Implant.
  • Diana has a Surgically Reconstructed Asshole.
  • Ari is getting Botox Treatments for His Scrotum Wrinkles.
  • Peter is walking His Dog and Watching as it Takes a Shit.
  • Deloris just crapped so Hard She Prolapsed Her Asshole.
  • Sue is Sniffing Glue getting a White Trash High.
  • Dale is making Wind Chimes out of Natty Ice Cans to Sell in the Local Trailer Parks.
  • Gabby Ate Her Inner Child.

                

  • Henry is Growing Shitty Ditch Weed in His Attic.
  • Donovan is in Reddit Chats while Wearing His Grandmother’s Underwear.
  • Jake shot a Man just to Watch Him Die, But Got Distracted and Missed it.
  • Reese got His Dick Stuck in a Chinese Finger Trap He won at the County Fair.
  • Lucy is in Love with an Alcoholic Carnie that reminds Her of Her Dad.
  • Reggie is walking around is House looking for Things He can Use to Improvise a Cock Ring.
  • Selma had Her Stomach Pumped just for the Experience.
  • Trina is Reading About Historic Safe Sex Methods/Practices.
  • Brittany is having Her 17th Abortion.
  • Oliver May Have Been Abducted by Aliens and Extensively Anal Probed.

              

Thanks For Reading,

  By Les Sober

(Posted @ 1:37am)

HOA’s The Legal Mafia

For those who are lucky enough not to know what the hell an HOA is allow me to explain.

What does HOA stand for?

It stands for Homeowners Association.

The History of HOA’s: HOA’s started very simply. Everyone who has or hasn’t owned a house is aware there is always a neighbor who’s a complete shit, and their house/yard reflects this shitty attitude. You know the house with the over grown lawn, mattress on the porch, car or some major household appliance rusting away in the yard etc. point being their house looks like a true dump. HOA’s used to be a basic agreement amongst the residents of a neighborhood that everyone should maintain their houses and lawns in a proper and respectable manner. If a neighbor’s house started to look shabby then the other residents would address it with the owner to resolve the said situation.

What Happened then to make HOA’s so detestable?

Thats an easy answer what happened was basic human behavior. People have a great knack for taking something simple and good and bastardizing it to death until its complicated and a MASSIVE pain in the ass. Homeowners self policing evolved under the force of human behavior into having HOA boards with Presidents (and vice presidents, treasurers and the like), childish elections, moronic monthly HOA meetings (imagine a town hall meeting where everyone is clinically insane and hopped up on Bath Salts.), idiotic infighting, and bullshit newsletters. Again we learn peoples desire for power makes them act like bastards and if they get a modicum of power it goes straight to their fucking heads, and thats not all by a long shot. The HOA has given themselves the right to dictate such things as what color you can paint your house, the type of front door you can have, if you can fly a flag, when you can water your lawn, demand you replace your roof at their discretion, demand that you paint your house again at their discretion regardless of peoples personal finances (example a new roof cost between $15,000 to $17,000 so most people plan to reroof years ahead of time so they can save up the money needed. Its a real fucker to have some asshole tell you out of the blue that you have to reroof your house immediately or else.)

Can I avoid buying a house without an HOA?

In most cases no unless you want to live in the shitty ghetto at the corner of Crack and Heroin because the neighborhoods are such utter shit no one living there gives a damn about petty shit they just want to stay alive. The other place you can buy a house without an HOA is the middle of the fucking boonies where there so few fucking people no one cares because out in the sticks there houses not neighborhoods.

HOA’s gave themselves the power to demand quarterly payments under the pretense that all the dues collected will go to the betterment of the neighborhood like repaving parking lots, roof repair, and landscaping to name a few. Not only that but if you are in violation of the set rules the HOA can fine you (usually $100) every day until you fix the issue at hand. HOA’s also have the self appointed authority to put a lean on your house if things get batshit crazy outta control as it were.

HOA is Legal Extortion. If I buy a house in a certain neighborhood why should I have to pay them quarterly? Thats a play right out of organized crime’s handbook. You see if a new store opens in a particular Mob family’s territory then the shop owner has to pay “Protection Money”. If a shop owner refuses to pay  the Mob will destroy their business, make their (along with friends and family) lives miserable, beat up/ torture the owner, and possibly murder them. All this because of the geographical location alone.

There 2 types of HOA’s The HOA Nazis and The HOA Do Nothings.

The HOA Nazi’s patrol the neighborhood daily looking for infractions of the mandated rules of the HOA. They are brutal and extremely judgmental. They believe they are superior to their neighbors and enforce the rules as forcefully as they can over the smallest infraction. They write nasty fucking letters, set high daily fines for offenders, lecture about “Those Neighbors” (those who didn’t comply) at HOA meetings reminiscent of Adolf Hitler’s speeches in tone and intensity. They are hated and disposed by the rest of their neighborhoods.

The HOA DO Nothings collect they dues BUT don’t use them to improve a damn thing. They do the absolute base minimum and they do that begrudgingly. They are lax on the rules (so you can get away with shit like having 2 dogs when the HOA rules say only one dog not to mention the HOA decides what breed and size of said dog) but theirs a lot more childish drama. At one point my HOA meetings got so emotionally intense the local Police were present to keep order. The bitch about Do Nothing HOA’s is they change their minds more than parents change their new born baby’s diapers. The only fucking thing my current HOA is responsible for is maintaining/ replacing the roofs. Well they just sent me a bullshit letter stating that for the next 7 years they are instituting an ADDITIONAL $500 payment because they are going to replace the roofs. My point is this why the fuck should I pay them an additional $500 when I already pay them quarterly AND THAT MONEY (from the quarterly payment) IS FOR PAYING FOR NEW ROOFS, thus I’m being double billed if you will. There is a SHIT LOAD more infighting amongst the board members resulting in raucous HOA meetings and TONS of bullshit letters because they have much more free time than the HOA Nazi’s.

In Summation HOA’s are fucking unAmerican and operate on the principles of extortion. HOA’s only have power because they gave it to themselves and everyone else instead of calling bullshit bitched about it and then complied. I have no fucking idea why neighborhoods don’t unite and dismantle their HOA’s. HOA’s are comprised off cranky, over opinionated, better than you, mean, depressed, vengeful, nosy, moronic, idiotic assholes who get their rocks off with the power they get being on the HOA board. FUCK EVERY HOA AND EVERY BOARD MEMBER. It’s the fucking American dream to buy your own home, but now with unnecessary HOA policies and institutional horse shit can crap all over your dream, extort money from you, harass you constantly, spy on you, and fine you or even putting a fucking lean on your dream home. The entire HOA system is as corrupt as any government on the fucking planet.

Good News I’m moving in a couple of months to a different state and managed to buy a house WITHOUT AN HOA and I can’t be fucking happier.

HOA should stand for Huge Outrageous Assholes because thats who runs them.