Tag: personal dreams

Happiness is a Warm Gun

I see the colors changing.

I’m finally realizing that life is like a giant kaleidoscope with its plethora of color and its fading blur to brilliant clarity. In amongst all of the chaos is everyone we know, everyone we have known. For a reason or for a season the experiences wilth these particular people influence us a great deal.

I have finally removed the negative aspects from my life. Most of the time my brutal honesty gets me in trouble. I feel I have nothing to hide even though this tends to scare the vast majority of people off.          

Of course I will not share many of my dreams with a whole lot of people because friends, strangers, and most of humanity will try to bring us down. They will tell us that our goals are unattainable, that we will inevitably fail. The people that tell we will succeed,  we keep closer or we regard as friend or at the very least we regard them in a positive light.

You see, I firmly believe the reason people put us down is not simply to put us down. It is their morose attitude towards our dreams because their dreams have failed them for whatever reason. They feel too old and too tired to move on and their dreams become stagnant.

   

Yesterday, I was fascinated by something I heard by two different individuals. Both were in their 40s and one of them is definitely not lacking in personality. Yet the boredom confused me a great deal. Sure, I have been bored at various times in my life but mostly because I hated the whole world. I let the malaise, the hatred, the general feeling of frustration, you know name it and if it was negative I somehow let it effect me. Boredom never though. I have too much to discover and explore and do. I will not give up like the rest of them. I will not be the drone the world expects and the world expects so many drones. They want us all to be drones.

The paradigms are shifting. The world is turning upside down. I can feel the light from certain people and it envelopes me. It effects me so much just like the negative. I sometimes feel it through every bone in my body. And then I smile.

   

I had forgotten what a smile was.

But back to the kaleidoscope. I have been through enough frustration to throw the whole kaleidoscope down to the ground. I tried to break it but it would not break. I always felt the light, the presence of something else inside of me. A shred of love, a shred of color. No matter the situation, we all still have the color inside of us, the love inside.

And that is all for now. Hope everyone has a Splendid Day, and may your hearts not be heavy and your cup somewhat full (at the very least).

 By SpaceDog

Dreams Reunited?

I actually wrote the blog I’m about to type below offline. I had a very traumatic event (that I caused in full) which led to my banishment from a certain place. I will keep this matter private. The lesson here is do not brag about your lack of misfortune. It may and will come back to bite you in the ass.

DREAMS REUNITED?

Life is very strange on occassion. Well most of the time. People rise that were long thought to be dead. Misfortune brings some of us together; while on other occassions good omens actually can tear people apart.

And in between all the quicksand, betwixt the most recent firestorm I created something strange occured. I began to become aware of my dreams.

Not the things I want to do in my life, not the things like that. But the dreams we all have occuring somewhere deep in our unconsciousness, deep in our sleep.

The dreams at first became apparent to me at a time I would least expect them to do so. I am under firm belief that these dreams came to me because of my recent alcohol blackout. While I know it is highly unlikely that this triggered some mechanism in my head, it makes more sense then not.

You see, I had not remembered a dream or having a dream in a very long time. Six months to be exact. Six months since the time my doctor thought that a good experiment on my brain would be to give it Ritalin. They have not occured since that moment.

Yet I would trade back all the dreams I have had the past three days if I could do so. These dreams have been nothing special, nothing I could turn into great (or even mediocre) stories, movies, cures for cancer, you name it. But this price I paid for the recent dreaming is never worth the dream I suffocated.

I’m not really sure what this dream was. I’m not even sure if it was ever mine or ever tangible existed. It did on some level but I do not choose to analyze which at this moment. Yet I kept myself so incredibly dilluted with seriousness and plans of grandeur, which would take months or years to achieve not the days or hours which I so desired, that left me unable to sleep on this dream.

I will never know for sure. Yet apparently now I have an eternity to sleep on this dream. I’m not even sure that I can really do anything about it. I know I cannot, not directly. It may have never even been my dream. I may never know.

It is now simply one of the dreams I wish upon everyone.

Peace, love, and happiness. I cannot or should not expect to be able to deliver this gift to another, not at this given moment. Not when they do not exist within. I am an expert at moments of all of these attributes, yet a master at none.

Do any of us ever truly master these things? I always feel there is more work to do. No matter how good, no matter how bad things might be. People have repeatedly used me for all of these attributes. I need to learn to keep more of these to myself.

I am 31 years old right now. It is my turn to try a lot harder and not just grace the masquerade ball wearing the mask of trying hard.

There is a point of hope that began in my life on May 22nd. Perhaps I am speaking too soon. I don’t really care. I need to have this hope. I can whine and complain all I want but I would rather be an inspiration. I do not know how to be this or much of anything but I NEED to try. I cannot afford to put that torch down ever again.

I want to carry the world on my back, but I must carry my own reignited dreams, first and foremost….Dreams Reunited?

By SpaceDog