Personal Relationships

Living In A Small Town: Friday Night Down At Timeout Tavern

There’s a Saying that “There is No Pace to Hide in a Small Town.”, and the Saying couldn’t be Truer. It’s Not the Geographical Confines that make Hiding Hard it’s the Fact that the cliche is True Everyone Knows Everyone Else. Not only that but They know all About Their extended Family, Achievements, Down Falls, The Good, The Bad, and all the Bullshit In-between. You see Gossip is the Social Currency of the South that the Majority of the Population Banks On. I’m Not necessarily bitching Here because I knew this before Ever Moving to the Souther Country, and as such Deemed it as Something that comes with the Territory.

Last Year Timeout Tavern Opened providing the Town with it’s First Actual Bar and Local Drinking Hole. Not only did Timeout Tavern Open in a Small Town it did so During the Pandemic, and it Thrived mainly due to the Locals being to Stupid for Their Own Good (I guess it falls Under doing Something Good (supporting Your Local Businesses) for the Wrong Reason (IT’S CALLED QUARANTINE). Anyway I digress. Luckily Timeout Tavern and Most of the Locals Survived the Brunt of 2020, and is Doing Better than Ever in all Honesty. I attribute the Tavern’s Success to One Main Factor and that being that Before Opening the Owner did Her Homework. She got a Lay of the Land if You Will Seeing what the Market was like and Moreover what People where Looking for. In a Small Town a Bar is more than just Booze it’s the fucking Entertainment Center for the Entire fucking Town.

You have to Remember Small Towns literally Shut the fuck Down at 6pm and there is No Night Life to Speak Of. Thus Timeout Tavern provides Booze Obviously as well as Food (Up until there Opening all We fucking had as a Stellar Chinese Takeout Restaurant as Our Sole Option), There Pool Tables since the Locals love Killing Time at the Pool Table, Special Events like Ladies Night, Karaoke Thursday Nights, and Live Bands every Saturday as Far as providing a Variety of Entertainment Options. It should also be Noted that in a Part of the Country still Languishing in its Love of Tobacco the Owner researched the Local Laws Pertaining to Smoking, and Established a way for Patrons to Smoke inside.

Finally After My Wife and I were Fully Vaccinated and it had been the Full 2 weeks Post Second Injection had an Opportunity to Check Out the Timeout Tavern for Ourselves. It’s a Nice Bar nothing fucking Special, but its definitely not some Shitty Hole in the Wall. The Owner and Bartenders are about the Nicest fucking People I have ever had the Pleasant Surprise of Meeting. The Patrons are made of Locals from Town as well as the Neighboring Town being that its only 8 Miles Down the Road. Everyone is friendly as fuck and Buying Shots for One another is a Very Popular thing to Do. So Since My Wife’s Work Schedule has Relaxed a bit We have gotten into the Habit of Hitting Up Timeout Tavern on Friday Nights, and this Friday was No Exception.

The thing that Stands Out as Odd as far as Timeout Tavern is Concerned is in a Small Town full of Blue Collar Laborers (and Avid Church Goers) is the it gets Busier the Later it Gets, and Timeout Tavern is Open till 2 am or Later if Business is Booming so to Speak. I figured the Peak Hours would be from 5pm the Time most People Around Here Clock Out for the Day and perhaps 10:30-11:00 pm Tops. The Truth of the Matter is Timeout Tavern Business Starts Picking Up around 9:30 or so. It Picks up to the Point where there’re Three times as Many People there When We Leave then when We Arrived.

This Works well Because There need to be Enough People for Me to People Watch and be Entertained, but Once it Starts getting Crowded (like Saturdays with the Live Bands and All) I get fucking Irritated and Leave. I Don’t like People though I can Tolerate Them for Shorter Periods of Time. I hate being Packed in a Loud and Noisy Bar like fucking Cattle with No Personal Space to Speak Of. Also the More People that come is Directly related to the Volume of the Music in the Bar so More People the Louder the Music. I am a music Lover No Doubt but I can’t fucking Stand it being so Loud I can’t Hear what the fuck People are Saying to Not being able to Think Straight. To Me that’s Not Fun thats fucking Irritating to No End.

When We Arrived there was a Handful of People there as Per Usual and We sat down across the Bar from a Big Old Country Boy and Who I believe was His Father (all I know is it was Some Silver Haired Weathered Looking Biker who He seemed Quite Comfortable with). Time went by uneventfully for the Most Part until a Moronic Immature Man-Child came in and got Too Drunk for His Own Good. Then the Sloppy Drunk Juvenile Jackass insulted the Poor Bartender when He ordered a Round of what is called “The Fat Hooker”. This Feeble Minded Fool is so Intoxicated He kept calling the Shot a “Fat Whore”, and then Announced to Everyone Near by that He had Never bought Anyone a Fat Whore, and that the Skinny Whore (the Bartender) was going to get it. The Bartender wasn’t taking shit from Anyone especially this Binge Drinking Dipshit so She went on the War Path while the Rest of the Bar got Her Back. Once the Dumbfuck put His Tail between His Legs and made a Quick Exist it turned out An Older Man there was the Drunken Dick’s Boss who Informed Us all that the Guy was a Bratty Son of a Bitch who has been Leeching Off His Dad like a White Trash Trust Fund Baby.

Once the Drunken Idiot Issue was resolved everything went back to a Normal Bar and all was Well. Then at One Point I noticed the Big Old Country Boy Stood Up and Started to Walk Towards Me with Purpose. Due to His rather Large Size it Didn’t take Him long to End up Standing Directly Next to Me on the Right. Now here was what was Going on in My Mind at this Point:

Did I do Something to Offend/Insult this Guy and Now He wants to fucking Fight Me?
If He does want to Fight So Be It, but I’ll need an Equalizer due to the Drastic Size Differential so I’d most likely Hit Him with My Beer Bottle at the First Sign of Trouble.
Did I meet this Guy before at the Bar and was So Drunk I simply Forgot and Now I’m going to have to Try and Bullshit My way Through this Encounter?
Is This Guy just Simply trying to be Friendly and Introduce Himself?
Is This Guy a Cop?
Is This Guy going to Try and Sell Me Weed?

Luckily for Me the Big Old Country Boy stated His Purpose/Intent without an awkward Delay. He asked Me if “My Mom was Still Out at The Plantation?” which at First Confused Me. I then Realized He meant My Mom’s Family Farm that was (even though My Mother hates to Admit it) an Actual Plantation. So I replied that Yes She was, and He goes on to tell Us that He’s a General Contractor Who Four Years Ago My Mom had Called to Repair a Botched Job with Her Upstairs Shower that Occurred During Installation. Not just that but He had come over to say Hello because He remembered My Wife and I from Our Wedding Photos Hanging in My Mom’s Farmhouse. Apparently My Mom had made a Lasting Impression that She is a Nice Lady, but You sure as Hell wouldn’t want to make an Enemy of Her. I definitely couldn’t Argue since He was Absolutely right My Mom can be Your Biggest Ally or Your Biggest Enemy. Simply My Mother is a fucking Force of Nature Not to be Contented with. I couldn’t Help finding it Funny that My Mom has some Serious Country Style Street Credit.

The Part of the Conversation that I found More than Entertaining (and Equally Interesting to Learn) was when He said “Your Mother called Me in for a Tiling Job for Her upstairs Shower that the Original Guy(s) fucked up, She Didn’t Say that Mind You, but You knew thats what She Meant.” You know You’re a fucking Bad ass when You Don’t even have to Drop an F-Bomb, Yet People Still Fully Understand What Your Saying and That You’re Not to be Trifled with. It reminds Me of Actor Kevin Spacey’s unique Brand of Controlled Rage where He Doesn’t Yell or Lash Out, but You know He’s Dead fucking Serious. At this point I decided to properly Introduce Myself and found out the Man’s Name is Wade. The Funny thing is Wade also informed us “I know where You live Too.” because He apparently liked the House We bought and was even Considering Possibly Buying it Himself. That and Wade Literally Lives on My Street which is Why He extended an Open Invitation to Stop on By when I see Him working in His Garage.

My Wife told Wade the Story of How one of the First things We did Prior to Moving in Full Time was We replaced the Upstairs Toilet. Since We Don’t have Trash Pick Up of Any Kind We had to load the Crapper into the Car and Drop it Off at the Local Trash Dump. The Dump is actually a Parking lot filled with Various Dumpsters for Various Things (like Yard Waste, Old Tires, Metal etc.) and Two Trash Compacters that sit Side By Side. The Reason I mention this is to Distinguishing Our Dump from the Usual Trash Dump People think of thats Archers of Trash Piled High as Mountains. Once My Brother’s Wife’s Father came to Visit and Thought the Dump was the Typical Giant Putrid Mountain Range of Garbage, and got excited about Going Down to the Dump to Shoot Rats like He did as a Kid. The fucking Bizarre thing is When I was carrying the Toilet to the Appropriate Dumpster a Man who was a Complete Stranger approached Me and said “So You’re the Ones that Bought the House on Such and Such Street.” which Blew My Mind because again I never seen this fucking Guy before in My Life. That was My First Real Lesson in What living in a Small Town is Actually like in Reality.

After Our Chat Wade Returned to His Side of the Bar, and My Wife and I spent a few Minutes discussing How fucking Uniquely Strange Living in a Small Town is because Shit like this happens Frequently. I’m from Up North where You don’t even Look at Your Neighbor more or Less Conversate with Them. Where I grew Up You just ignored the Hell out of Your Neighbors under the guise that Neighbors are Typically More Trouble than They’re Worth. I then glanced at My Phone to check the Text Messages, and when I looked up I Saw Wade Pointing at My Wife in the Classic “You want a Shot I’m Buying.” Stance. My Wife Doesn’t start Drinking Until She is Ready In Spite of Being at a Bar so She Replied that She wasn’t Currently Drinking but Thank You just the Same. Wade then immediately Turned His Attention to Me and Boisterously Announced “I Know His Mom, I Know He Needs a Shot!” Which is the Country Version of Respectfully Busting Your Balls so I didn’t get all Bent About it in the Least. In Fact it was just the Opposite I said He was definitely correct and received My Free Shot.

Later on the Bartender Stopped by and Dropped Off a Beer and told Me that it was from Wade. I thanked Wade Who responded by Saying Loudly “He’s a Good Guy and a Good Guy to know since He’ll be Running Everything Someday.” which is Pretty Accurate. What Wade was alluding to is He is a Contractor, My Mom’s Farm always has Work that Needs to be Done, and when the Time Comes I will be in Charge of it all. This is Almost Totally accurate accept Wade seems to be Unaware I have a Younger Brother Who will be Running the Farm Jointly with Me. The Irony is My Mother’s current and Long Time Contractor is getting Close to Retiring especially since His Life of Physical Labor is taking a Heavy Toll on His Health (His Back is Shot to Shit). So crossing Paths with Wade at this Time was Perfect since We will be needing a New Contractor in the Near Future once the Current one Calls it Quits at Last.

So as I have Adjusted (and still am Honestly) to Small Town Life I never thought I’d be the One to say it, But Small Town Life is Easy Living. I never in mY wildest fucking Dreams thought I’d ever Settle Down in a Small Town and Not Only Not Hate it, but Come to Embrace it as well. I suppose its Life’s way of Letting You Know that it’s in the Drivers Seat Regardless of What You may Think or have Planned.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (32/365)

Dizzy sat back on His Bar Stool, and stared at the Vast array of Liquor Bottles that lined the Wall behind the Bar as if He were memorizing the Wide Array of Labels for Future Reference. Perhaps Dizzy thought knowing a wide range of Liquors might come in handy if He suddenly found Himself on Jeopardy with Alex Trebec during Happy Hour. For whatever reason Dizzy had suddenly become silently introspective which didn’t bother Lee in the Least.

The way Lee saw it the ability to sit comfortable in Silence with a Someone was a true Testament to true Friendship. To be able to sit in a Room with someone and NOT feel Compelled to Converse since silence makes People uneasy in General. Lee recollected a saying He had heard year before something to the affect of “Silence Makes Guilty People Feel Uneasy.” which He always found Ironically Amusing. If that was indeed true Lee figured that made just about everyone Guilty of something, and that made Him wonder what They perhaps were Guilty of.

As Lee sipped His Beer He started to in gauge His curiosity surrounding the current situation as it related to Dizzy. Lee felt assured that this was the beginning of a Friendship, but exactly what kind of Friend could/would Dizzy be in Actuality? As We all know there are a Staggering amount of Different Personalities from which Dizzy May or May not Belong to so Time would be the Deciding Factor.

Lee might not ever even see Dizzy again after this Today’s chance encounter. If Lee did end up Hanging Out consistently with Dizzy would Lee find out quickly that Dizzy is a Shitty Person. What is say He was an Evangelical Fanatic, a MAGA, Hypocrite, or Fraud. Perhaps They’d be Friends for Now, but the Friendship would Fade Away after a pivotal point in the Friendship after a Seriously Heated Argument or if One of Them Moved a Way for Work or some such shit.

Dizzy could end up being one of those Friends You repeatedly cross paths with over the Years. The Kind of Friend were No Matter how fucking Long it has been You can pick Up EXACTLY where You left Off the Last Time Your Paths crossed. A True Kindred Spirit.

Perhaps They would become Friends and an integral in each other’s Lives. They’d both get Married and have a Few fucking Kids, a Mortgage, and a Asshole Boss. And each would be there for one Another during the Key moments in Their Lives a witness to Each Other’s Trials and Tribulations in Life. Hell They might just end up picking up one another’s crappy Kids from Soccer Practice and Routine Life shit like that.

Only Time would Tell reminded Himself as He found His curiosity spiraling into Chaotic. For now Lee was just going to kick back and enjoy the fuck out of His Beer, and wait to see what was Coming up Next.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK for the Next Exhilarating Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (33/365)

(Note to Readers: This Post was Posted at 12:42 am which again in FYB’s Book was still in this Case Sunday.)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

So My Neighbors Think I’m “Terrifying” Part 2: The Prequel

When We moved Home Offices from the Great Souther Swamp to The Souther Country We still had the task of Selling Our Old Home Offices. This was a HUGE fucking pain in the ass because on top of the usual bullshit We were doing an Out-Of-State Sale. What that Means is that with FYB fully relocated full time We had little fucking control since We were in a completely different State than the Property Itself.

Also in Commercial Realistate You’re not really Dealing with a Buyer. Thats to say rarely especially now a Days for a Buyer to be an Individual looking to start a New or Small Business (aka Mom & Pop Shop Operations/ Family Business). The People You do Deal with in this type of Realistate Transaction are Various Investors. Investors are Natural Born Sons of Bitches & Bastards the Whole fucking Lot of Them.

Investors all Act like They’re some kind of Forbes 500 Mega Business CEO Top 10 List Motherfucker when in Reality very few actually are (Fuck Million Dollar Listing), but They act like The Most important Motherfucker on The Planet. As if They’re a fucking Gift to Humanity from the fucking Realistate Gods on High.

Anyway One Friday Morning I got a Franticly Urgent Text from Our Realtor will call Him Tool for all intensive purposes. Tool’s Text was to inform Me that there was a serious Investor on the Line, and I MUST CONTAT HIM IMMEDIATELY ASAP AS FUCK! WE HAD TILL 5PM TO RESPOND OR THE DEAL WAS DEAD.

This again has everything to do with the fact Investor’s are Self Righteous Fuckwits. Investor’s believing Themselves to be Realtor Royalty or some shit will make an offer be it 8am or 4:430pm, and then demand an Answer by the End of the Day like the Limp Dicks They actually are.

I of course instantly got on My Cell Phone and Texted Tool Back and then sat the fuck back and waited to hear back. I didn’t. So I start Texting Him AND E-mailing Him but again He DOESN’T respond. By 2pm I’m losing My shit since the Deal Dies in 3 hours, and We need time for a quick negotiation if need be so the Clock was seriously running the fuck out fast.

I end up Texting, E-mailing, AND CALLING Tool every 15-20 minutes growing both more Stressed about losing a Possibly really Good Deal, Confused as fuck since I had NO IDEA what was going on with Tool on His end, and Anger because who the fuck sends an URGENT TEXT like that and then Disappears of the face of the fucking Planet?!!

Now lets Fast Forward to 6:00pm were I’m still pacing like a fucking Mental Patient back and forth on the Front Porch attempting to reach Our Realtor tool, and My Wife arrives Home from Work. She can already tell before She even sets foot Outside of Her Car that some insane shit is Occurring.

My Wife comes up on the porch and plops down taking a seat in one of the Rocking Chairs on the Porch. I took a minute to try and comprise Myself so as soon as I opened My Mouth it wouldn’t be “FUCK! SHIT! FUCKING SHIT! MONEY, DEAD DEAL! FUCK REALTORS!!! ARRRRRRRGH!!!” Unfortunately 3 minutes into My explanation of the Days Events come completely Unglued.

The F-Bombs started Falling as if the Military had gone Mad. I yelled at the top of My lungs questioning what kind of asshole texts someone and then Ghosts them, and Raging that the Deal was Dead so We lost a ton of Money, Time, and Effort. I was screaming My insults to the Four Corners of the Earth for all it was worth using My entire Vocabulary of Obscenities, Blasphemies, and Other Looked Down Upon Language.

As far as I was fucking concerned this Rageful Emotional Eruption was well fucking Warranted since it been building up all Day, and had yet to come to it’s Final Conclusion. Summation being: Tool was a Twat.

Now it just so happened that after Living Here for many Months Our so called Neighbors to Our Left finally came over to get Acquainted. You know all that Personal Introduction,Welcome to the Neighborhood, and If You ever need something bullshit. Well I must again remind Our Dear Reader’s that out here in the Southern Country NO ONE Raises their voice in Public more or less Yell at the Top of Their Lungs. And They DEFINITELY DO NOT CURSE OR USE ANY PROFANITY PERIOD (Being used in Public being considered the Worst Offense).

In Addition Our Neighbors are very pleasant People, but Quiet and rather Meek, They’re simply Soft Spoken Law Abiding Church Goers. With that said after Rioting like a Deranged Foul Mouthed Mental Patient for 10-12 minutes I just so happened to glance over into The Neighbor’s backyard. The first Thought to go through My Mind was “Well I think it’s Safe to Say We won’t be Talking To Them Again.”

There They were Our Rental and Kind New Neighbors standing Petrified by what They have just born witness to. The Husband is standing as rigid and Stone Faced as a fucking Buckingham Palace Guard clutching a rake tightly at His side. His Wife was Frozen with a Garbage Bag full of Lawn Debris grasped firmly in Her Left Hand, and a Gloved Hand full of Small Twigs She had been gathering up. Her face was Paralyzed Wide Eyed with Mouth Agape like a Surprised Cartoon Character.

Since then They have slowly warmed up to My Wife, but as for Me They have Never even looked in My direction again to this Day. They Literally keep Their Heads down staring at the fucking Ground, and remain Silent desperately trying to Not Be Noticed Nor Acknowledged. Like Dogs with Their Tails between Their Legs.

IN THE END: Our Realtor called at 6:30pm and explained He had fucking Jury Duty all Day so He couldn’t use His fucking Phone. The only comment I had then was Why the fuck wouldn’t He tell Me that in the Initial Message instead of Driving Me fucking up the Walls all goddamn Day?!

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

So My Neighbors Think I’m “Terrifying”

As some of Our Reader’s are aware Last Week We had an Insanely Absurd 2 Day Technical Issue (Wednesday & Thursday). Since I don’t handle Stress well it turns Me into an Aggressively Neurotic 3 Ring Circus Sideshow, and am utterly unpleasant to be around in all Honesty.

Since We had spent 2 days going around and around like a bunch of Drunken Assholes trying (virtually in vain) at that point to fix said issue I took Friday Off from working on FYB. Consider it a Mental Health Day if You will. I spent Friday watching B Horror Movies, fucking around the House, and Wrestling with Our Pack of Dogs. It was very uneventful that was until Friday Evening anyways.

I was sitting on My couch scrolling through Troma Movies Filmography when My (and FYB’s) Good Friend and Awesome Artist N@P dropped Me a line. I have always been a “Talk and Walk” type of Person, and being so when I’m on the Phone I pace back and forth like a fucking caged Animal on the Front Porch while I’m on the Phone. This time was No Different.

I happily answered the Phone and headed out on to the Porch for a invigorating Conversation with N@P. While on the Phone venting about the Tech Issue I noticed the very last of my E-Liquid was almost completely depleted. Because I live in the Middle of Fuckall I order My E-Liquid via The Internet, and a week had gone by so it HAD to be here. I have NEVER had a problem of ANY SORT with My E-Fluid Site, and They Delivered in 3 days WITHOUT FAIL so They had to be in the Mailbox.

As I continued My conversation with N@P I strolled over to My Mailbox to retrieve My badly needed E-liquid Supply. I Opened the Mailbox and Low and Behold the Actual Mail (Letters, Junk, Flyers, and Bulk Mail Bullshit, BUT NO E-FLUIDS. I being already stressed went absolutely Batshit.

Not only was I out of E-Fluid, My E-Fluid apparently was MIA, and one other VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL. The previous Week a Young Man looking to be 17 or so suddenly pulled into My Driveway on His Dirt Bike (Bicycle). He slowly approached Me and sheepishly asked if I would buy Him E-Fluid. I had had a couple Beers so I wasn’t Driving period more or less to get some strange Punk Ass Kid some E-Fluid.

Not to mention I have literally NO fucking idea where the hell I could purchase E-Fluid in My remote Area of the World. I relayed both those points to the Young Man and He inevitably then fucked off as I wasn’t going to be any use to His punk ass.

Now back the The Present………

I flew into a Rage as I was convinced the Punk Kid stole My shit since He got all fucking bent because I would drop what I was doing, and go drunk driving to get Him E-Fluid. I had fucked up and divulged I order Mine from a WedSite so He literally knew They were in the Mail as it were.

I started ranting insanely that I knew the fucking little sack of shit stole My shit, He was being a pissed off little fuck, and I wanted to beat the holy fuck out of Him, but I was fully aware that attacking a Minor gets You Arrested and I don’t need the fucking Hassle of it all. N@P did a splendid Job of Talking ME Off The Ledge, Zen Returned, Reason was again trumped Emotion, and all was right with the World.

I kid You not more than 3 minutes later the Punk Ass Kid is riding His bike down My Street, and has the balls to wave at Me I thought. I figured the Little Shit would go the traditional Plausible Deniability route, and act all fucking surprised before taking My side in the “Steeling Shit is Fucked” overall argument. I didn’t let the Little Shit get a single fucking Word out when He once again pulled into the end of My Driveway.

I unloaded and unleashed the Fury of The Nordic Gods upon this poor Young son of a bitch. The first words out of My mouth were “YOU STOLE MY SHIT! WHERE IS MY SHIT! YOU BETTER GO GET ME MY SHIT YOU STOLE!” followed by informing Him He should “Fuck right the Hell Off before I changed My fucking mind and Came the fuck down off My fucking Porch to Totally fuck up His Day.

The Kid for His part sat on His Bike and said NOTHING. My point is He didn’t defend Himself He never once said ‘No I DIdn’t Steal Your Shit” or “I have No Idea what Your talking about.” or “I’m innocent, I didn’t do it.”

If I’m accusing You of stealing My Shit whatever it may be in My mind an innocent Person would not only Defend Themselves they would hold Their ground and continue to do so. If You like this Kid say and do NOTHING I’ll take that Silence as an Admission of Guilt because obviously Your silence indicates to Me I got Your guilty ass.

Anywho I finally stop My Tirade long enough for the Kid to make a get away. As He departed the scene The Kid in Question said something over His shoulder which I couldn’t make out, BUT assumed it was some sort of insult. So this prompted Me to Yell “I know where you fucking live if I want to find You.” I of course have No fucking Idea where this Kid calls Home.

I then remembered I was on the phone currently with N@P who was finding the whole thing a combination of utterly Hilarious and Complete Confusion. He asked for verification of what had just occurred and I filled Him in. N@P laughed as He pictured the scenario in His head. After a few more minutes N@P and I hung up and that was that. Until Later That Night………

A Little after 8 pm as I crack open another Beer there is a Loud Knock on My Door. This was surprising because NO ONE Knocks on Our Door, and NO ONE has in the last 2 years. Like I said I live deep in the Woods out by a Larger Pond. I knew though what was up. At My Front Door was either Mom, Dad, Older Brother or Sister come to see about the Earlier Confrontation. As it turned out it was His Mother.

She asks aggressively if I had a run in with Her Kid to which I reply Yes in an equally aggressive tone. I then explained the E-fluid Incident to Her in full at which point She admits that the Kid was Acting Up Recently since swiping Schools, Was in Fact only 14 years Old, Father is Not in the Picture really, The Kid toys to get People to do shit like Buy Him E-Fluids. I apologized for over reacting based on an asinine presumption, and My over all shitty Unbecoming Behavior.

The Mother then tells Me that Her Son was Terrified by Me and based on what She had been told She thought I was indeed Terrifying. Then all of a sudden She calls the fucking Kid out of the Car just to make shit more awkward or whatever. I say sorry to the Kid, and He tells Me looking Dead in My eye and I quote He said “You Terrified Me I’ve never been around someone acting like that before, I had No Idea what to do.”

So Ends yet another Chapter in The Bewildering Book Of The Life and Times of Me Les Sober.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

FIGHTING FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN

FIGHTING FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN

There are times in everyone’s life where they do not try hard enough or persist or do what is right in their heart.

They simply follow the crowd. They ignore the causes that are near and dear to their hearts. They ignore their friends because well that person may not be as liked or as popular as they so wish them to be.

However there is one constant with all of these things. You see people come and people go. When you take away all those people and all the material rubbish you are surrounded with, all you are left with is you. Nothing more, nothing less. And no matter who you are or how flawed you may be or what masks you wear to the world, well you know what it is that you believe.

“Reputation is for time; character is for eternity.” -J.B Gough

It just really saddens me to see how we as a people don’t fight constantly enough. For our world’s belief (belief as a whole), for our friend’s beliefs, for our core beliefs. What a sham(e).

Belief on the Whole

When the whole of something deteroriates all we are left we is parts that are somewhat combined and somewhat fragment.

Thankfully most of us voted in this election. The majority spoke when it came to the presidency. However one of the things that makes me most proud is that despite the unfortunate ruling in California people are peacefully protesting Prop 8. They are not bombing abortion clinics or looting stores, they just want to be heard.

Keith Olbermann. Whether you agree with him or not this man has a lot of passion and the kind of fight that more of us need. We all need to express and not repress and listen to each other. Well I let him say the rest:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVUecPhQPqY

Frankly for his belief and his expressions well that helps the world on the whole. If not helping the current vote or current situation it maybe helps move people in the future. It’s not about shifting the view of one or two or three, it’s about a shift in the generations to come. If generations didn’t progress forth from their predecessors well then we wouldn’t have had a black president now, would we?

Belief of Friends

Obviously none of us believes everything another individual says. Friend or foe, husband or ex-boyfriend, wife or mistress we all have disagreements and similarities. The thing that we must remember is that WE chose to have this people as our friends. We are not forced. This is not an arranged marriage (sorry for those of you that it is).

Once upon a time, one of my really great friends in life had a great mutual respect for me and I for him. Yes, he was overprivledged and yes he was over the top a good deal of the time but I believed in him as a person, as a friend. I stood up for him many a time. I will admit on occasion this wasn’t the “popular” move. I even lost touch with a few acquaintance type friends because of this. Still I believed in his inner goodness.

Not everyone sees this good in other people. Everyone has good in them. People usually only put emphasis on the bad. It’s a sad fault but that is life. I saw the good and it caused me to perish in ways but sadly not everyone in life can accept your choices and not everyone can be your friend.

“If it harm none, do as ye will.”

Also in the same aspect if we agree with our friends and they get persecuted for it we need to stand up as well. And vice versa.

If they don’t believe in going home with someone from the bar, I need to tell that other person to back off when they get too agressive and my friend can’t do it himself.

If they didn’t do drugs and I was I wouldn’t glorify it and push it down their throats.

It’s all about respecting one another and standing up for what you ascertain to be true.

Yes, we are not perfect. I am guility of not fighting at times when I should have but am getting much better at this through the years. Yeah my depression gets in the way at times, but if I ever had to be there for my one of my true friends I would. My situation, financially, emotionally or spiritually, would not effect this. I have done some pretty stupid things to try and protect the people I love but I would do them all over again.

Belief of Our Core

Perhaps the most important set of beliefs that we have are the ones that lie at our core. When the day is done and the lights are out at night, all you have is you. You are the only person whose own beliefs you can control. You must stand up for them at all costs.

Call them morals, call them creeds, call them principals, call them what you will. They are all uniquely ours. Some people live by more beliefs on a consistent basis and others fly by the seat of their pants. Without these beliefs, there is but a shell of a person, a body without a soul, a face without a name.

As I stated before we are not perfect. I believe in love, but that does not mean I haven’t ever had sex with a stranger. I believe in respecting others, but I’ve definitely been an asshole my fair share of times. I am not going to list all my beliefs one by one since I know what they are and hold them close to me and they affect the way I lead my daily life.

People can be very devious creatures. They find out you believe in love; they try and pull you around by a string. They find out you are generous; they blatently take advantage of this. They find out you are honest; they lie their teeth off. Opposites do attract and at times this can be tumultuous.

In a room crowded full of people acting completely fake to one another, would you be fake as well?

“Many a man’s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. ” -Elbert Hubbard

How very true. You see what we portray to the world is not necessarily who we are. If people strived to make their two sides less in conflict perhaps we would all live in a world Mr.Hubbard would be more proud of today.

So truely ask yourself, are you fighting for what you believe in? Even if you are only fighting for the beliefs in your heart it is a start. Inside each and every one of us within the deepest darkest core and tucked away through all the recessess of pain, misfortunate, and chaos is one thing that always burns. That one thing is love.

By SpaceDog

System Recovery

If you had a button to press in your life where you could go back to any different point, where would you go???? Who would you be with??? Where would you be going???

I’ve thought about this one quite a bit because of a dream I had today. It was really devoid of almost all detail. It was me and 3 other people whose faces I could not see running through a field.

In the past, I would have thought that these 3 people were some of the men I’ve dated, had relationships with from my past. At other times I thought these were people from the future. But the more I think about it and realize it does not matter where they come from.
It is just a dream and the main thing behind it is the happiness, the feeling of carefree, not trying to analyze the who/what/where/whens of the situation.

I do not know where I would push this button because every person who has crossed my path, well if I thought of them they each would have their own button in my heart. The only people whose buttons would intercept would be 2 hot guys from a threesome or people whom I had only met at a concert or on vacation. The people closest to me and my soul and my being and my heart well…….

There would be no one place….there would be innumerate multiple places.

I mean sure for selfish reasons, I might choose to go back to a place where I had tons of money or I had naivety in love. These might not be satisfying to me now though because everything changes. I’m sure if I could go back to when I was 18 I probably would bitch slap myself and start screaming, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???!!!”. That actually might be fun as long as I didn’t scar the future me that is currently writing this schlep.

Honestly though this is probably a cop out but I would go back to one of my favorite concerts of all time (there have been several) and I would bring all of my closest friends throughout the years. And they would all get along. And run across the fields in bliss. It would be just like my dream. Only with audio.

By SpaceDog

Broken Promises

I try not to make too many promises. It is not a very good habit to get into on a frequent basis. Why? Because as the old saying goes promises are made to be broken.

Also I have no memory, but do I really need one in 2018? I remember the occasional birthday but honestly I am just grateful that myspace and Facebook give me a little nudge in the right direction. I can spell most words under 7 letters, and can kind of spell words over 10 letters (at least enough so that firefox and its spell checker fix it up for me). All doctor’s offices call the day before to remind us that tomorrow we have an appointment. We are even reminded annoyingly by automated celebrities, presidents, reps, you name it to vote.

Today though is a rather unfortunate one. You see as I try not to make promises, some people are toxic to the soul. Instead of even letting you make a promise in the first place, they push and prod you and try tell you what you need to do. It is countless, from therapists, to parents, to friends, to strangers everyone knows what is best for you, everyone wants you to give them your promise.

So today rather unfortunately if I promise you anything I will break it. It is 11-7 which is the opposite and as the rural 7-11 I was at sometime earlier this year that closed at 10pm, I will break today. Yes if there were promises for today made yesterday I will honor. But none can be made today. I will not keep them.

So as it being hug a bear day I will hug myself and not shave my stubble or my body hair or my loveland or anything of that. No one will land in the strip, no will be fluffing, no not today.

It is also magazine day. I really do not like magazines much anymore, the only purpose they have anymore are the pictures or for taking into the bathroom. They are a lost art and once society somehow evolves out of using bathrooms, they will be by the wayside like boom boxes and cassette players.

I only have a few promises that will not be broken. The ones I make to myself. Hopefully you have some promises you have made to yourself as well. I do not generally share these promises with other people as they are deeply personally and my enemies would use them against me. Though anyone who knows me well enough knows that like Achilles I do have a heel.

So have you broken any promises recently? Have you made any promises you can’t keep? Have you promised someone the world when you couldn’t even whip them up a decent ham sandwich?

In the past I am yes, yes, and yes. Once you reach a certain age though, you can answer yes to most things experienced, but some yeses are not ones we like others to know. So we keep our promise to ourselves, we bend but don’t break.

Everyday could be our last. I’d hate to make a promise I could not keep tomorrow. 🙂

By SpaceDog

Letters From The Fallen

Dearest Deidre,

I’m not sure where we are going. It was really great to finally see you after all the years had gone by. We have been through a lot together. Yet still you continue to disappoint me. We once had such high hopes, for ourselves, for each other, for the world

Yet these all crumbled over time. Things began so great, but aren’t things always great before they inevitably would fall apart. We lived in a land of perfection, but the perfection we experienced was just the eye of the storm. The storm whirls around us constantly.

I never knew there was a storm for such a very long time. Things were different back then. I was different. We were different. But I look back. And I realize. Things were almost the same. Exactly. To the tee. We may be longer in the tooth, we may be wider in the hips (wait I’m not a chick), we may be colder inside.

Still it remains. That piece of hope that never dies. We see it in ourselves, some days it shines bright, other days we hold it all in wondering if it still exists. Yet it does in me. I hope it does in you but a lot of times I’m not really all that sure.

Someone told me some things about you. I didn’t believe. I was naive. Funny how we can be so jaded, yet so naive. You promised me false hope. You left me with nothing. Little did you know I like nothing. I am invisible, the transparency is abundant. The veil has been cast.

I will wrap this up now. You need to follow your heart. You need to put it back together. My heart has been healed, along with my mind and my soul. Take the time and say hi to Neil for me.

xoxoxoxo
kyren

SO, this letter is not to anyone in particular. It could be read into and picked apart and well you may think you are Deidre. Most likely you still are not. You see the world is Deidre. Life is her.

We start off so carefree and innocent. We have so many hopes. For life. For love. For how we want things to be. But then the ideals in our minds of how the world should be are broken down by people who want to impose a new worldview upon us. We can personally choose to talk to them. Have a debate. Yell at one another over coffee and crumpets.

still even if we choose not to yell or starbuck fuck these people, these people still permeate the atmosphere with their negativity. I feel it everyday. I see it all the time. People that are just completely miserable and don’t do a thing about it. It poisons us.

people that are not free. they also are a cancer. I dont mean people imprisoned. People who build their own prison and never leave. I am never going back behind my own walls of doom. Nor should anyone.

We, as a nation, need to give ourselves more freedoms. Less control over us. We need to be accepting of all people and not have the government run our lives. We need to get national health care, take those stupid fucking drug ads off the tv, prescription ones that is. We need to show fucked up shit like the commercial in the UK with the girl sending text messages and dying in the car.

Other then that the government needs to back off. Stop printing money. If you are going to print ridiculous amounts of money, please give me some. Or let me rob a bank. Who would miss it?? God knows where the bailout money went. Lining someone’s pockets.

I am disappointed by people every day. It’s crazy. Still the same people that provide the disappointment can bring me hope, joy, and serenity. For that I say nothing. I simply smile.

By SpaceDog

System Recovery

If you had a button to press in your life where you could go back to any different point, where would you go???? Who would you be with??? Where would you be going???

I’ve thought about this one quite a bit because of a dream I had today. It was really devoid of almost all detail. It was me and 3 other people whose faces I could not see running through a field.

It is just a dream and the main thing behind it is the happiness, the feeling of carefree, not trying to analyze the who/what/where/whens of the situation.

By SpaceDog

Puddles, Insomnia, Ghosts

(All my blogs from now will have a song attached that tries to go with the blog ranging from quite well to quite well but only after 10 mixed drinks. link is below my ramblings.)

I had great big plans for today. A wonderful schedule written on the whiteboard. A premade breakfast in its properly place. And then you showed up. It happened when I least expected it. It always does.

Your face showed up on my ceiling. In between the tears that tasted so salty on my lips, I caught your glimpse. I briefly smelled your scent, heard you tapping at my window. Then it was all gone, just as soon as it began.

My puddle diver. I cannot believe it has been over five years since you went away. It seems like it were just yesterday. That I could see your smiling face. Hear your carefree.

Sure, I have to dig a little deeper ago then five years, because five years ago you had lost your shine. Well not the shine, I could never see you not bathed in some kind of wonderful light. Time had taken away your smile. Time had dulled a certain part of what made you so wonderful to me. It was subtle at times but probably was much deeper. All I could see at times was my ignorance in a reflection.

I know you are still here even as I write these lines. I’m for some reason listening to Ani DiFranco. She was always more your lesbian side. Mine was this ridiculous interest in sports, but not like playing them because I didn’t want to mess up my great skin.

We were once young and well in comparison to you I guess I am the younger one now. Any age is a much more desired one then the agelessness being a corpse provides. Ageless beauty is some myth an undertaker decided to vomit onto the general population one too many moons ago.

I still remember painting with you. I had camped out at your house for an entire week, not some stormy weekend that eventually became our trademark (and demise.) You painted me a shirt. It was the silliest thing ever yet I cherished it so much. I even wore it in public a few times. I was so proud to wear your colors.

Then I threw all the colors out the window. We all did. It was my own personal prequel to 13 Reasons Why. I was such a horrible person that I’m sure I would have made the list more then once. So afraid to help because I was still so afraid of how I felt about you. I was always completely petrified. Even though you are gone, I’m still lost because of you.

Yet here I am now. I’ve been waiting 5 years to write this. As if I am somehow immortal. Some alien form that is going to outlast the cockroaches. Sadly, this shan’t be the case. I simply want redemption. While I cannot have this with you, it is something I deeply need for myself.

I cannot sit my the window any longer watching life pass me by. Instead, I will run. Flat on my face. I will fall. A lot. It is no longer my time to just stare out at the rain. Because I am the storm. And you forever are my Puddle Diver.