Fetishes For People Other Than Cannibals

A short while ago FYB posted a post pertaining to different kind of cannibalism, and  we received plenty of e-mails that noted that (especially the end of the list) fell into a sexually fetishized form(s)/kind(s) cannibalism. Now to say that we were unaware of this would be a bold faced fucking lie because we damn well did.

A prime example of this is Vorarephilia which is an abnormal sexual condition characterized by the tendency to become sexually aroused by the idea of eating someone, the idea of being eaten by someone, or by witnessing a cannibalistic act (people with this particular paraphilia are commonly referred to as votes.

A lot of the e-mails were ,for lack of a better word shocked, to learn of how crazy shit got when we delved into the almost unbelievable underbelly of various types of cannibalism. This led people to wonder what other strange fetish shit was out there that they may very well be unaware of. This got us in turn to contemplate the same question so we did some investigating and compiled the following list of sexual fetishes (that with only an exception of one or perhaps two) we had no fucking idea even existed. All we can say in summation of our investigation into lesser known/popular/rarer fetishes we just couldn’t help thinking how insane the human brain actually is even without in this cases  the presence of a mental condition, disorder, or syndrome.

                    

The Fetish List:

  • Breath Play: Breath Play involves the restriction of oxygen to the brain to achieve to heightened orgasm. Self-induced breath play during masturbation is known as autoerotic asphyxiation. Breath play within a couple can be achieved by nose pinching, holding your breath, covering the face with hood or plastic bag, “corseting” (pushing down on someones chest, choking, hanging, “Kininging”/ “Queening” (smothering your partner with your genitals. Any time you restrict someone’s ability to breathe, you’re engaging in high risk behavior, so breath play within the realm of BDSM behaviors known as “edge play”, in which your partner is actively responsible for your life.
  • Hybristophilia: Hybristophilia is an abnormal sexual condition in which sexual desire and climax occur in response to the knowledge that one’s partner has committed a heinous act such as infidelity, lying, or criminal act such as rape, murder, or robbery.
  • Diaper Bondage: Diaper bondage is a specific for of submission that involves role-play in which an adult regresses to an infant-like state. Often, the adult preforming this sexual fetish will wear a diaper and act like a baby, seeking nurturing from their sexual partner. This condition is also known as paraphilia infantilism, autonepiophilia, psychosexual infantilism or, more commonly, adult baby syndrome.

                    

  • Sexsomnia (Sleeping Sex): Sexsomnia is a rare disorder that prompts an individual to seek sexual activity in their sleep. Although most reported cases involve men, both male and females may initiate sleep sex. Most people have some awareness of this fetish since the invention of prescription sleeping pills. Ambien alone has a reputation for causing strange nocturnal behavior (Sleep sex, walking, driving, eating etc.)
  • Cuckolding/Cuckoldry: Cuckholding or cuckoldry is a sexual fetish in which someone experiences sexual arousal by the way of observing their partner having sex with another man or woman. Some report an associated feeling of humiliation and/or rejection as part of the allure.
  • Omarashi: Omarahi, or “omo” for short, falls within the urolagnia family of sexual fetishes which are related to urine. Those who identify as ooo become aroused when they have a full bladder and wet themselves, or observe their partner wetting themselves. Other phrases used to describe this particular fetish are :bladder desperation” and “panty wetting.” The word omarashi is Japanese for “to wet oneself.” This is not to be confused with Golden Showers.

   

  • Spanking Art: Spanking art is generally enjoyed by people who identify as spanking enthusiasts in the bedroom. Spankophilia is a paraphilia characterized by arousal from spanking or being spanked. It falls within the realm of BDSM (bondgae, discipline, submission, sadomasochism) behaviors, although it’s a sexual fetish in and of itself.
  • Somnophilia: Somnophilia is erotic arousal dependent upon the act of intruding on a stranger mid-sleep, or walking someone up with an erotic caresses.
  • My Little Pony Sex: The adult male fans of “My Little Pony” are colloquially known as “boonies” (these are NOT fuzzies, but are considered a specific subset of the Fuzzy Fetish. While not all bronies associate this cartoon program created for children with sex, there is a niche community of people who fetishize “My Little Pony” and watch porn related to these series/ role-play scenes based on the show.
  • Teratophilia: Teratophilia is a sexual fetish that involves being attracted to people physical deformities. There are many subjects of teratophilia specific to different types of human deformities. For instance, acrotomophilia involves sexual attraction to amputees and stigmatophilia refers to deriving  sexual pleasure from people whose bodies are marked or scarred in some way.

                     

  • Coprophilia/ Scatophilia: Coprophilia/Scatophilia (also know as “scat sex”) is a sexual fetish rooted in a fixation with feces and defecation. People who gravitate towards pop play expierance sexual pleasure through the act of defecating on another person or being defecated on for instance. This is not to be confused with Copraphasia which is the act of eating one owns feces.
  • Daddy Kink (Day Dom): Daddy kink is a relatively simple sexual fetish that involves submission/domination play during which the submissive refers to her dominate partner as “daddy.”
  • Pee Fetish: You’ve more than likely heard of a “golden shower” (the act of urinating on someone for the purpose of sexual pleasure) and the people who like giving or receiving golden showers are characterized as having a pee fetish. The clinic term for this is paraphilia is “urolagnia”.
  • Cum Fetish: People who identify as having a cum fetish are aroused by the act of cumming on their partner, being cummed on, and/or images of people who have been ejaculated on. Sometimes its about the sticky mess of ejaculate on someone’s face, stomach, chest, or ass is tantalizing to those with a cum fetish. The most promenade form of the cum fetish is known in the world of pornography as Bukkake.

  • Mechanophilia: Mechanophilia is characterized by sexual attraction to machines, sometimes a desire to engage in sexual relations with (or in) an airplane, car, bicycle, Bus, Motorcycle, or Helicopter.
  • Macrophilia/ Giantess Sex: Macrophilia or giantess sex is an abnormal sexual condition that involves being attracted to and aroused by someone who is much larger than you are physically. In short, it’s a phenomenon in which people are turned on by giants and fantasies involving giants.
  • Pedal Pumping/ Revving: Pedal Pumping or “revving” is a subset of foot fetishism that involves watching someone, often a woman wearing high heels, push a gas pedal with masturbatory rhythm.
  • Balloon Fetish/ Looners: People with a balloon fetish (aka “looters”) find balloons sexual attractive and incorporate them into their sex lives. While some find creative ways to have sex with balloons, other simply enjoy the sight of their partner sitting on a balloon and popping it.
  • Quorofilia/ Hand Fetish: Some people who experience a hand fetish or quorofilia are attracted to a specific part of the hand, such as the fingers (which might appear phallic), the nails, or the palm. Others are aroused by actions preformed with the hand, whether overtly sexual (i.e. masturbation) or traditionally asexual (i.e. hand washing or rinsing dishes).

          

  • Sensation Play: While many forms of erotic play and fundamentally cerebral and centered on power exchanges (think domination/submission), sensation play is physical eroticism. In sensation play, the physical stimuli (i.e. silk scarves, ice, candle wax, massage oil, feathers etc.) are applied in a controlled manner with the purpose of eliciting the release of pleasure triggering endorphins. While their may be pain involved, the effect is similar to that of a “runner’s high.”
  • Extreme Feeding/ Feederism: Feeders or “encouragers” take pleasure in funneling excessive quantities of food into the mouths of “gainers”. Some extreme feeders enjoy the sensation of inserting their penis between a gainer’s fat folds.
  • Pygophilia: Sexual attraction or arousal to the human butt.
  • Hematolagnia: Hematolagnia is also known as “vampire syndrome”, hematolagnia is sexual interest in blood or desire to drink blood sensually.
  • Salirophilia: Is the love of getting dirty (or getting your partner dirty) literally, prior or during sexual intercourse.

                  

  • Katoptronophilia: Is the intense sexual satisfaction derived from mirrors, often satisfied by having sex, stripping, or masturbating in front of mirrors.
  • Food Fetish: While some foods are actually aphrodisiacs because they have properties that induce sexual desire, sexual food play can involve any food that a person finds sexually stimulating. Food play is a form of sitophilia which refers to arousal by erotic scenes centering food.
  • Teleiophilia: Sexual attraction to adults? WE HAVE NO IDEA WTF THIS MEANS because if you’re not a pedophile then Yes you’d be an adult attracted to other adults. We couldn’t find any further useful information on this fetish so if you can/do please shoot us an e-mail at fyourblog404@gmail.com Thanks.
  • Microphilia: Is a sexual attraction to small people (the politically correct term(s) for DWARFS/MIDGETS) or someone of a short stature such as a Horse Jockey as well as other tiny things. Basically if someone has a micropenis then a Microphiliac  is just what your looking for.
  • Claustrophilia: Those who have claustrophilia are people that are turned on by/ prefer to have sex in tiny or confined spaces (i.e. a Coffin).

                  

  • Agalmatophilia: Is the love/sexual attraction to mannequins or statues.
  • Hotdogging: Is a sexual fetish that involves someone rubbing their penis between another person’s butt cheeks. (This is NOT about anal penetration, though it can lead it it).
  • Tricophilia: The Sexual Arousal from Hair (primarily human).
  • Abasiophilia: The sexual attraction to people with leg braces.
  • Spectrophilia: The sexual attraction (or arousal) to Ghosts.
  • Phalloorchoalgolagnia: Sexual arousal from pain to the male genitalia (this means anything from being kicked in the balls to cock and ball torture).
  • Plushophilia: The sexual attraction to stuffed animals or people in animal costumes (THESE ARE THE FUZZIES).
  • Emetophilia: The sexual attraction to (or arousal) to vomit.

                

  • Frotteurism: The sexual  arousal from rubbing against non-consenting people. This in FYB’s opinion is creepy and borderline illegal.
  • Eproctophilia: The sexual arousal or attraction to farts.
  • Homeovestism: Is the attraction to the clothing of one’s own gender (i.e. for males it could be a Woman wearing a man’s shirt).
  • Dacryphilia: The sexual attraction to making someone cry.
  • Nasophilia: The sexual arousal or attraction to noses.
  • Arachnophilia: The sexual arousal or attraction to spiders also known as “spider lovers”

                     

Now if this Post peeked your Curiosity then we suggest you head over to BDSMTEST.ORG and take the test and see what floats your boat, and who knows you might just surprise yourself.

I’ll see you on the other side,

Otto Rageous

Tidbits For Shits And Giggles: BLOODLUBE

This Little Piece of Obscene Absurdity is By Animator, Director, and Writer Jake Lava. Now as Our Fans are more than likely Aware We at FYB Pride Ourselves in Providing the Most Information on the Subject at Hand. Unfortunately there is VIRTUALLY NO Personal Information about Jake Lava Online (Even Though He has a Twitter Account and YouTube Channel. We were Unable to Locate Him On Facebook though there Several People with Profiles with the Same Name) which in this Day and Age is Utterly Insane. What We were able to Unearth were Two Quotes By Jake Lava Describing Himself/His Work which are as Follows:

  • On Jake Lava’s Youtube Page Under “About”:
  • “I’m a Guy that Sometimes Animates and Sometimes Draws Comics Too.”
  • On Jake Lava’s Twitter Heading:
  • “(Jake Lava) An Extremely Mediocre Artist/Animator.”

Question:What Do You Get When You Add Public Transportation, Masturbation, and Blood?

Answer: You’ll Have To Watch and See for Yourself.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober   (Pt1214am)

No One Care What The Hell You Had For Lunch.

Social Media has been a crucial tool since its creation that has Contributed to the Ever Growing Societies’s  Egotistical Idiocy. Tech has/had unlimited potential, But People became Addicted to Social Media and its False Sense of Importance. People actually think ANYONE gives a flying fuck what They had for Lunch?! Yet People Post Pictures of Their Lunch likes its the most Awe Inspiring Event of Their fucking Lives.

The One Aspect in the Social Media’s Dumbing Down of America that’s Never Mentioned is the Personal “Status Updates” that People love to Use like there’s No Tomorrow (Facebook being the Number one Offender). You know what I’m talking about it’s those Pre Written Idle Bullshit like “Linda is Loving Life”, “Matt is at Starbucks”, or “Phil changed His Relationship Status to It’s Complicated.” that Users have come to Rely on.

              

Again Who fucking Cares How You Feel every Minute of the Goddamn Day?! You’re Not Nearly That Special. That’s the trick of Social Media it makes You feel far more Important than You actually Ever will be in all likelihood.

It’s the Utter Distain and Unfathomable Contempt for such Social Media Drivel is the Reason I have created a New (More Honest and Way More Realistic) List Status Updates. Enjoy.

  • Barry is Currently having Wild Sex with a Goat.
  • Louis is Busy Cooking Meth
  • Chuck is watching Hardcore German Porn.
  • Dave has Explosive Diarrhea.
  • Warren is Donating Sperm Again.
  • Linda is Hungover as Hell and Projectile Vomiting.
  • Francis is Window Shopping on Amazon like an Asshole.
  • Quinn is Writing Erotic Stories about a Nun and an Alter Boy.
  • Rex is considering a Career as a Urologist.
  • Aron is a Closet Nazi.

              

  • Gill is Bidding on an Antique Chastity Belt on eBay.
  • Luke is Ordering a Mail Order Bride from Croatia.
  • Marry is Doomsday Prepping for the Apocalypse.
  • Richard is Googling How to Preform an At Home Prostate Exam.
  • Will is Surfing the Dark Web for a Hitman.
  • Jerry is Busy Manscaping.
  • Blair is having a Heavy Flow Day.
  • Arnold Believes Pimping Ain’t Easy.
  • Kelly just woke up in a Pool of Her Own Vomit.
  • Zelda is Wondering Why Animal Assholes and the Opening is Soda Lids look the Same.

              

  • Brittany just tried Anal Sex for the First Time.
  • Valerie is Waxing Everything.
  • Billy is Ordering Asian Sex Toys Online.
  • Beth is Considering getting into Porn.
  • Shelby is Eating a Shit Sandwich.
  • Florence is working on Her New Fuzzy Costume for The Furry Ball.
  • Steve is Tripping Balls on Some Insane Blotter Acid.
  • Francine is Getting Furiously Finger Fucked.
  • Larry is imagining what it’s like to Titty Fuck Bob’s Man Boobs.
  • Rick just made an Appointment to get His Taint Tattooed.=

              

  • Carl can’t Handle is Booze.
  • Scott Tried Smoking Crack and Loved it.
  • Alice took a Massive Shit and is Looking at it Now.
  • Nick is Writing Shit on a Bathroom Wall.
  • Gill is refilling His Prescription for Viagra at The Pharmacy.
  • Travis is making All Natural Hand Made Tampons for His Wife.
  • Racheal is Learning How to Taxidermy and Practicing on Roadkill.
  • Sam is practicing making Balloon Animals Using His Dick.
  • Zander Enjoys Hot Sauce Enemas.
  • Albert is a Colonicholic.

              

  • Alice is starting a Flea Circus due to a Vaudeville Fetish.
  • Blair Farted and it smells like She Needs a Proctologist.
  • Stan just Shit Himself standing in Line at a Fast Food Restaurant.
  • Ralph is Thinking of Purchasing a High End Sex Doll for Christmas.
  • Stella is Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor behind WaWa.
  • Freddy is Attending a Family Reunion Where He’s the Creepy Uncle.
  • Stacy still Wets the Bed Weekly.
  • Benny was Banging an Inflatable Sex Doll and it Exploded Blowing off Both His Balls.
  • Nina is becoming Sexually Aroused watching Animals have Sex in a Nature Documentary.
  • Walt is Listening to Anal Cunt’s Greatest Hits.

              

  • Trent is Reading the Current Copy of Guns & Ammo at His Grandmother’s Funeral
  • Tiffany is Coated Head to Toe in KY Jelly.
  • Robbie is Wondering if Sex with a 3rd Cousin Removed Constitutes Incest.
  • Ken is Hiring a Prostitute.
  • Karen is Scoring Drugs Right Now in a Shitty Neighborhood.
  • Eddie is on Psychedelics and Hiding from a Plate of French Fries.
  • Bart just lost a Staring Contest with a Bowl of Oatmeal.
  • Dominic is Sucking off the Band Hanson Backstage.
  • Annie is Considering getting into Fisting.
  • Paula is having Sex in a Coffin to see if Necrophilia is for Her.

              

  • Vivian is Popping Pain Killers and Downing Them with Whiskey.
  • Holly is Polishing Her Nipple Clamp Collection.
  • Herbert is a German Cannibal.
  • Taylor is paying for Collage with the Money He made in Porn as a Stunt Cock.
  • Ryan is Measuring His Dick.
  • Stewart is trying to Figure Out if occasionally peeking at Another Man’s Pecker at the Urinal makes Him Gay.
  • Tiffany is Bleaching Her Asshole because She’s about to get Back into the Dating World.
  • Gary is Cat fishing His Sister.
  • Olga Thinks Hand Jobs are Outdated.
  • Jillian has a Habit of Humping the Homeless.

           

  • Bart got His Dick Stuck in a Swedish Penis Pump.
  • Becky thinks Lindsey Her Best Friend is kinda of a Cunt.
  • Eloise is on the Way to the Emergency Room with a Ruptured Breast Implant.
  • Diana has a Surgically Reconstructed Asshole.
  • Ari is getting Botox Treatments for His Scrotum Wrinkles.
  • Peter is walking His Dog and Watching as it Takes a Shit.
  • Deloris just crapped so Hard She Prolapsed Her Asshole.
  • Sue is Sniffing Glue getting a White Trash High.
  • Dale is making Wind Chimes out of Natty Ice Cans to Sell in the Local Trailer Parks.
  • Gabby Ate Her Inner Child.

                

  • Henry is Growing Shitty Ditch Weed in His Attic.
  • Donovan is in Reddit Chats while Wearing His Grandmother’s Underwear.
  • Jake shot a Man just to Watch Him Die, But Got Distracted and Missed it.
  • Reese got His Dick Stuck in a Chinese Finger Trap He won at the County Fair.
  • Lucy is in Love with an Alcoholic Carnie that reminds Her of Her Dad.
  • Reggie is walking around is House looking for Things He can Use to Improvise a Cock Ring.
  • Selma had Her Stomach Pumped just for the Experience.
  • Trina is Reading About Historic Safe Sex Methods/Practices.
  • Brittany is having Her 17th Abortion.
  • Oliver May Have Been Abducted by Aliens and Extensively Anal Probed.

              

Thanks For Reading,

  By Les Sober

(Posted @ 1:37am)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (16/365)

Lee took a minute to regain His whereabouts, and absorb what the hell was happening. Thats when things escalated once again with the Arrival of none other than The Seniors For Sex Association the arch enemy of Grandparents Against Porn.  As soon as the first mini van pulled up, (and the first wave of Senior’s For Sex came piling out) the Grandparent Against Porn Members rallied together to form a Human Wall between The Porn Shop and Their newly arrived Nemesis’s.

Lee looked on with an absurd excitement as the Senior Citizen’s from both waring factions lined up like Medieval Armies awaiting the Signal to charge head long into Battle. The Psychotic Screams of Anti-Porn Propaganda had given way to a Sinister Silence as Both sides eyed one another up anxiously.

       

Then the standoff was over and all her broke out. There were Walkers waving wildly, Damaged Dentures Littered the Parking Lot, Prescription Pill Bottles flew threw the air like tiny Orange Pharmaceutical Birds, Canes Clashed, and Wheel Chairs collided.

Lee at this point wasn’t sure what the fuck to do. Should He try and break it up? No that be futile and there was no need to suffer another humiliating hit like with the Old Ladies armed with the Dildo. Should He run? No that just plain didn’t make sense. Lee had at least to remain put, and protect the shops interests (even though He thought it safe to assume at this point He was fired as fuck) until the Authorities arrived to Handle the Rioting Retirees. That and He’d be required to relay the lead up to the Parking Lot Porno Fight in a Police Report.

   

Just then the Boys in Blue can speeding down the street sirens screaming and lights ablaze. The Officers scrambled out of Their Patrol Cars, and immediately started to defuse the Feuding Fanatics. Now this proved to be extremely difficult for several reasons. Older People can be Stubborn and Uppity to begin with, and now They were PISSED.

Not to mention the Police couldn’t actually really Physically restrain the Seniors due to Their fragile Physical Nature as well as Medical Conditions (such as Blood Pressure or Heart Ailments) The Police also couldn’t use Mace or Tear Gas for the same reasons plus the backlash from the Public to the Officers Macing and Manhandling the Elderly would be Furious.

       

Thats when Lee saw His asshole of a Boss pull up and park His shitty 1976 Station Wagon with the fucking artificial wood paneling on the sides. His Boss who went by the Nickname Fran (how the hell Fran was a better option than by going by Francis or Franklin bewildered Lee to no end) heaved His large frame to His feet. He peered around at the absolute Anarchy that had become His Parking Lot before spotting Lee standing to the side by the Tree.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Delightful Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (17/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (15/365)

Lee instinctively flipped over onto His Belly (still using the Inflatable Sex Doll as a Shield) figured His best course of action was too literally keep His head down, and army crawl His way to the Door. Luckily for Lee at His lower Level managed to blend into the insuring chaos as He suffered a serious series of pokes and jabs from the Merchandise that coated the floor like a freshly fallen snow.

After a very slow going Lee made it to the Door at last, and stood up before barging His way out to the perceived safety of the Parking Lot. Unfortunately for Lee the Porn Shop was under full blow fucking siege by the incensed Seniors. They were everywhere as far as Lee could see it was just one continuous Sea of Senior Citizens.

      

There was a large and boisterous Picket Line, as well as several People Preaching through Bullhorns from Milk Crate Pulpits. Lee could help but think that the Self Proclaimed Preacher present were all talking over one another so none of Their messages could actually be heard by anyone there.

Also the Senior’s inside had decided it was best to Purge the Porn Shop by not just plundering the Stores Merchandise, But where now actively throwing it into the Parking Lot as the Little Old Ladies outside cheered Them on with chants of “Salvation Over Sin!”, and “Pornography  is Blasphemy!”

        

This Lee thought was the biggest Irony of them all as Vandalizing and trashing the Porn Shop made perfect sense to Lee considering the situation. The thing Lee found so amusing was the Shop while being set back from the Highly Trafficked Route 22 the Parking Lot was completely visible to all the Motorists as well as Bicyclists, Joggers, Dog Walkers, and walking Locals.

So if the Senior Citizens Brigade of God Fearing Soldiers (here to restore Society’s Moral Compass from the Vile Scourges of Sexploitation) were here  to  Truthfully Protect Humanity then why the fuck would They subject the World to the Twisted Perversions They were so Heartily Fighting Against?

      

The point was The Sinful Sex Toys were now littering the ground for not just the Public to see, but since it was 3:00pm School was out. And with the combination of The Local Middle School being in the immediate area, and that the end of Route 22 (where the Shop was Located) turned from Commercial to Residential so there were also School Bus Stops near by. It was by far the Worst Strategy at the Wrong time and Place as an Anti-Porno Pro Christian Righteous Rally could have possibly occurred.

Lee got to His feet as fast as He could while bobbing and weaving through the enraged Mob to find some place anyplace where He could have a second to regroup. By the time Lee found shelter from the Porn Shop Shit Storm behind a tree (that was on the property line of the Porn Shop and the next Door Gas Station) He could hear the Police Sirens Screaming like Banshees in the back round.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Insane Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (16/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

One of the Elderly Ladies whipped Her head around, and decreed “BE GONE SAVAGE SELLER OF SMUT!” which seemed to Alert the rest of the Geriatric Group into Action. The next thing Lee knew He was being pelted with Porn Shop Products from ever direction of the Shop. Lee was ducking Dildo’s, Dodging X Rated DVD’s, Lotions and Lubricants, Edible Underwear, and Other Sex Toys/Novelty Mercilessly by the Mob.

Lee ran over to the Lingerie section and grabbed a hold of two already pre inflated Inflate-A-Date Sex Dolls one in each hand that the Owner used instead of spending money on proper Manniquienns. Lee used the Inflatable Fuck Dolls to shield Him from the continuing Torrent of Sex Toys being launched at Him by the increasingly maddening Mob. Lee knew the situation as amusing as it was had gotten completely out of His (or Any for that matter) Control, and need to escape the confinement of the Shop.

Lee jumped over the counter in one quick leap, and made a B Line towards the Front Door trying not to Knock any of the Angry Elderly over because the last thing Lee needed was a Broken fucking Hip on His watch. Lee made full use of His Inflatable Sex Doll Shield to not just Protect Himself from the Porn Themed Projectiles, but He also used it as an impromptu Bumper Car sort of Buffer to bounce off or around the Gaggle of God’s Geriatric Soldiers.

    

Lee had pulled of a pretty sick pivot to get around one Little Old Lady only to come Face to Face with another. The two locked eyes in an intense Stare of to Warriors before clashing on the Battlefield. It was as if Lee and His Little Old Lady Advisory were frozen in Time with Their eyes Locked for Eternity. Then out of no where Lee found Himself flat on His ass on the Floor.

Lee still stunned looked up at The Old Lady who was standing triumphantly with an insanely Large Rubber Novelty Dildos. Jesus Lee thought how fucking embarrassing it was going to be if for the next few days if the Dildo left a dick shaped Bruise across His cheek.

     

Lee had barely finished His thought before His Adversarial Elder spiked a “Fuck Her From Behind” Brand of fuckable Silicone Cast of The Popular PornStar Connie Lingus’s Crotch on His head like a fucking Football. This rendered Lee flat on His back seeing stars while hiding Himself with the pair Inflate-A-Dates He had grabbed a hold of initially to stave off the Onslaught of Weaponized Sex Toys.

Tune into Tomorrow Kiddies for the Next Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (15/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (13/365)

Lee placed the keys back into His pocket, and went to Open the Door to see if and how He could help this Odd Little Old Lady who was lurking just outside the Door. As soon a Lee had Opened the Door the Little Old Lady with 6 or 7 of Her Friends in tow riffled past Lee in a Single File line like Their fucking lives depended on it. Once They had barraged in gaining access to the Porn Shop the spread out in all directions like CockRoaches when the Lights come on. Before Lee even knew what was happening a Second Set of Old Women came raging through the Door looking like some sort of Demented Calvary in Homemade Shawls.

“LETS GO, LETS GO LADIES, LETS GO!” barked the Little Old Lady who first ran in. She apparently for all intensive purposes looked to be the Leader of this maundering Street Gang of Geriatrics. Next this Little Old Woman started a raucous chant of “PERSECUTE PORN PEDDLERS AND PERVERTS!!!”

It was then that Lee took notice that the Majority of the Old Ladies were wearing matching Easter Yellow T-Shirts that had a Large Cross on it with the words “Grandmas For God”. Holy Shit Lee thought excitedly I know exactly what the hell is going on now this is the Hardcore Christian Group Grandparents of God (and Yes the Little Old Men wore Grandpas For God T-shirts) who had been making waves in the News recently.

The Grandparents For God had been targeting Strip Clubs in They’re Smite The Strippers Campaign. Before that the Group landed in the Lime Light for Aggressively Protesting the last lingering Pornographic Magazines, and Their Publishers with Their Keep Porn Out of Print Program. Lee simply couldn’t wait to see what the fuck these Fanatical Old School Fire and Brim Stone Christian Coalition was up too.

    

“Alright YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, LETS PURGE THIS PLACE OF PORNOGRAPHY AND ITS PERVERSIONS!!!” Yelled The Little Old Lady Leading the Onslaught while raising Her clenched Fist high in the air as if it was the Summer of 1969. These were some Militant Missionaries who’d stop at nothing to Accomplish what They viewed as God’s work, and apparently God want Them to Persecute the Social Evil’s of Pornography in all its forms of Fornication.

Upon hearing the Battle Cry to Action the Horde of Nursing Home Soldiers of God erupted into an Apocalyptic Super Storm of Self Righteousness. The Old People Protesting started grabbing Merchandise from everywhere in the Store while one Old Lady who looked to be in Her late 90’s held the Door open with her Unsteady liver spotted Hands. Lee suddenly returned to reality, and realized He had to do something about this Religious Riot that was Unraveling before His eyes.

    

“Alright LADIES, LADIES What is going on Here? What is the Problem here? Please STOP acting so insane and just TELL ME what Your ISSUE IS.” Lee pleaded mustering all the Humility He possibly could.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Crazy Installment of

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

The rest of the Day was painfully slow at The Porn Shop with just a sparse handful of Walk Ins off the Street, but no real customers to speak of. The Owner Lee had been told upon His hiring that if Sales were Slow, and it was costing more money to stay open than was Cash coming through the Door to just Lock Up early and knock off early.

It was common sense and Lee rather not be stuck at the Job if there wasn’t anything going on since Battling Boredom was Lee’s primary goal in Life. It’s why He had decided to dedicate the rest of His days on Earth Observing Humanity for one reason and one reason only that being People if nothing else were quite Entertaining.

    

Lee had also adopted a Socrates approach to the rest of His Life which was He accepted (and also admit if and when need be) that He in fact didn’t know jack shit about a single goddamn thing. This way His Ego wouldn’t interfere with what Other People could Teach Him.

People Lee had found were willing (or felt compelled to) talk about subjects that They knew little to nothing about at Length. Lee found this occurrence fascinating and figured that People did it for One of Two reasons.

        

First off it was an obvious Social Pressure. No one wants to be Left out of the Loop, and No One wants to be the designated Office Idiot. The Other reason for the was phenomenon was Ego Driven. People simply felt that on some level They had to prove Their Knowledge or Intelligence to Others when the chance presented itself. Bottom Line in Lee’s onion was People just like to Hear Themselves talk while being paid attention too.

Lee got Himself ready to leave gathering up His belongings, Counting out His cash Drawer, Shutting Down the Shop  Computer, Sexting up whatever was needed for the following Day, and systematically shutting the lights off as He went. Everything was going smoothly, and uneventful. That was until Lee went to finish His final Closing Time Task of Locking The Front Door thats when things got REALLY Interesting.

      

Lee walked over to the Front Door with Keys in Hand ready to lock up and Leave when He noticed the Little Old Lady standing directly on the other side of the Glass Door. Even thought the Glass door like the few Shop windows were Tinted Heavily, but Lee could still see the facial features of the Little Old Ladies due to the fact She was standing so close to the Door Her nose was almost smushed up against it.

As He peered through he Door at the Old Woman the first thought that crossed Lee’s mind was that This was Definitely going to be something different. Again for the Second time that Day Lee felt the Surge of Curiosity well up inside of Him.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher ( 13/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

The F List Spirals Out Of Control Rapidly, Creator Feels Like Dr. Frankenstein

Even I can’t believe this shit is still going. It really did take on a Life of its fucking Own thats for sure.

For Those Brave Enough To ENDURE reading the ENTIRE LIST, Well Thats far beyond impressive. Give yourself a Cigar.

And Now Ladies&Gentlemen Here For Your Entertainment (and Possible Demise) THE FUCK LIST PART FUCKING FOUR.

!Warning: Prolonged Exposure to this Post can Cause Your Eyes To Bleed!

Fuck Fiber Glass. Fuck Dyson Vacuums. Fuck Dust Busters. Fuck Sams Club.

Fuck Early Mornings. Fuck Dude Ranches. Fuck Jackson Hole. Fuck Whip Its.

Fuck Fly Paper. Fuck Chili’s Baby Back Ribs. Fuck Laser Tag. Fuck OSI.

Fuck Flu Shots. Fuck Local Government. Fuck Bake Sales. Fuck Tube Tops.

FuckGarage Sale Early Birds. Fuck Storage Wars. Fuck Duck Dynasty.

Fuck The Lawrence Welk Show. Fuck Gift Shops. Fuck Imitators.

Fuck Couples That Sit On The Same Side Of The Table. Fuck Diamonds.

Fuck Wedding Registries. Fuck Honeymoons. Fuck No Paternal Leave.

Fuck Heavy Flow Days. Fuck Costume Jewelry. Fuck Monopolies.

Fuck Extradition Laws. Fuck Strep Throat. Fuck Tonsils. Fuck Mono.

Fuck Crotch Rot. Fuck Sweaty Balls. Fuck Heat Rash. Fuck Heat Stroke.

Fuck Pork Rinds. Fuck Jay Leno. Fuck Dr. Phil. Fuck Opera. Fuck Sea Lice.

Fuck Boy Bands. Fuck The Jonas Brothers. Fuck Jehovah Witnesses.

Fuck Clocking 60 New Artists Every Time I Listen To Spotify for 3 Hours.

The TV Show Jack Ass. Fuck Jim Verde, Fuck Office Art. Fuck Watercolor.

Fuck Waiting Room Art. Fuck Box Jellyfish. Fuck Station Wagons.

Fuck Crowds. Fuck Lines. Fuck The Band Sugar Ray. Fuck Mark McGrath.

Fuck Methadone Clinics. Fuck Chore Boy. Fuck Shitting In The Woods.

Fuck Zip Ties. Fuck Garbage Ties. Fuck Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Fuck Bewilderment. Fuck Confusion. Fuck Do Dates. Fuck To Do Lists.

Fuck Team Building Exercises. Fuck Office Birthday Parties. Fuck IBM.

Fuck ADD. Fuck ADHD. Fuck Adult ADD. Fuck Restless Leg Syndrome.

Fuck The Price For Dentures. Fuck Fractions. Fuck Smoker’s Cough.

Fuck Mass Appeal. Fuck The General Public. Fuck Flat Beer. Fuck Luck.

Fuck Vermouth. Fuck Prim & Propper. Fuck Homecoming. Fuck Chick Peas.

Fuck Planking. Fuck Internet Challenges. Fuck Grilling Vegetables.

Fuck Stinky Cheeses. Fuck Closing The Carnegie Deli. Fuck Power Rangers.

Fuck The Jurassic Park Film Franchise. Fuck Agism. Fuck Gary Busey.

Fuck Parsly. Fuck The Today Show. Fuck Erotic Asphyxiation.

Fuck Voyers. Fuck Spies. Fuck Tear Gas. Fuck Jude Judy.

Fuck Souvenir Shot Glasses. Fuck Wearing A Band T-shirt To Their Concert.

Fuck The Drake Passage. Fuck Jimmy Fallon. Fuck Maggots. Fuck Blisters.

Fuck The TV Show Cheaters. Fuck Mosquito Bites. Fuck Hummer Limos.

Fuck Party Buses. Fuck Gift Baskets. Fuck Edible Arrangements. Fuck Frack.

Fuck Being Under Appreciated. Fuck Carpet. Fuck Pink Eye. Fuck Tumors.

Fuck Brain Surgery. Fuck Neurological Disorders. Fuck Boss Hog.

Fuck More. Fuck Less. Fuck Stubbing Your Toe. Fuck Paper Cuts. Fuck Veal.

Fuck Lift. Fuck Ocular Degeneration. Fuck Degeneration X. Fuck InfoWars.

Fuck Dorian Fruit. Fuck GM. Fuck Shitty Weed. Fuck Man Caves.

Fuck Hot Yoga. Fuck Car Shows. Fuck Treachery. Fuck Broken Ribs.

Fuck Back Problems. Fuck Electric Chainsaws. Fuck Electric Lawn Mowers.

Fuck Police Response Times. Fuck Restraining Orders. Fuck Hiccups.

Fuck Inflation. Fuck Exchange Rates. Fuck Currency. Fuck Auto Pay.

Fuck The Gold Standard. Fuck Mixed Nuts. Fuck Internet Cat Fishing.

Fuck SO You Think You Can Dance. Fuck America”s Got Talent.

Fuck The x Factor. Fuck The Voice. Fuck Not Getting a Promotion.

Fuck MV2. Fuck FXX Streaming. Fuck A Dead Tooth. Fuck Dogma.

Fuck Anything Repetitive. Fuck Commercials. Fuck The Penny Saver.

Fuck Pizza Bagels. Fuck Natural Peanut Butter. Fuck Miley Cyrus.

Fuck Rhetoric. Fuck Global Warming Dismissal. Fuck Indoctrination.

Fuck Influence. Fuck Peer Pressure. Fuck Cult Mentality. Fuck BRAVO.

Fuck Exclusion. Fuck Stylists. Fuck Fashion Magazines. Fuck Models.

Fuck Personal Shoppers. Fuck Regional Hospitals. Fuck Road Rash.

Fuck Carpet Burns. Fuck Purple Nerples. Fuck Wet Willies. Fuck Delays.

Fuck Static Electricity. Fuck Perms. Fuck Obscurity. Fuck Fading Away.

Fuck Saying “Bra”. Fuck Saying “No Homo”. Fuck The Delaware River.

Fuck Sunday Sunday. Fuck Set Backs. Fuck Short Comings. Fuck Dyslexia.

Fuck Limitations. Fuck Sweater Vests. Fuck Selfie Sticks. Fuck Compulsion.

Fuck The Dark Web. Fuck Aesthetic Classes. Fuck In School Suspension.

Fuck Private Jets. Fuck Yachts. Fuck Armani. Fuck Corporate Buy Outs.

Fuck Gutless People. Fuck Passionless People. Fuck Pleasantry.

Fuck White Knuckling It. Fuck Photos At The End Of Roller Coasters.

Fuck Jacked Up Beer Prices At Concerts. Fuck Not Using Ones Turn Signal.

Fuck Gender Announcements Parties. Fuck Self Destruction.

Fuck Self Fulfilling Prophecy. Fuck Ms. Manners. Fuck Cutting.

Fuck People Who Bitch But Don’t Do Shit. Fuck Velcro. Fuck Speedos.

Fuck Welcome Mats. Fuck Metal Wind Chimes. Fuck Litter. Fuck Gin.

Fuck Horse Racing. Fuck Slot Machines. Fuck Online Gambling.

Fuck Mark Zuckerburg. Fuck Religious Persecution. Fuck Mormons.

Fuck Child Molesting Priests. Fuck Shunning. Fuck Tow Truck Fees.

Fuck Uninsured Drivers. Fuck Weigh Stations. Fuck Rest Stops.

Fuck Contradiction. Fuck Guessing. Fuck Anticlimactic Shit.

Fuck Probiotics. Fuck Anti Oxidants. Fuck Consumer Culture.

Fuck Duck Duck Goose. Fuck Choosing Teams. Fuck Sunday School.

Fuck Smart Cars. Fuck Wildfires. Fuck Sun Burn. Fuck Fake Balls On Trucks.

Fuck No Pain No Gain. Fuck Daylight Savings. Fuck Craft Cocktails.

Fuck People Who Are Nice To Your Face & Then Talk Shit Behind Your Back.

Fuck IPA Beers. Fuck Folly. Fuck Complacency. Fuck Taint Piercing.

Fuck Credit Cards. Fuck AnyDesk. Fuck Supremo. Fuck Team Viewer.

Fuck Team Viewer 13. Fuck Google Chrome. Fuck Curry. Fuck FBI SCAMS.

Fuck Illegal Call Centers. Fuck Scammers. Fuck Nagaland. Fuck Eating Ass.

Fuck Changing A Flat. FuckColonial Rule. Fuck Electric Bill Scams.

Fuck Ransomware. Fuck Grant Scams. Fuck Refund Scams. Fuck Tea.

Fuck FastSupport.Com. Fuck TechLiveConnect.Com. Fuck News Max.

Fuck Paddle Boats. Fuck Kayaks. Fuck Free Diving. Fuck Night Dives.

Fuck Tea Cozy’s. Fuck Dollies. Fuck Paying For Porn. Fuck Point & Click.

Fuck Dog Strollers. Fuck Instant Gratification. Fuck High Society.

Fuck Galas. Fuck Balls (Dance). Fuck Tuxedo Rentals. Fuck Bowling Shoes.

Fuck Sky Mall. Fuck Country Clubs. Fuck Civil War Reenactments.

Fuck Pink Slips. Fuck Blue Slips. Fuck No Fault States. Fuck Online Bullies.

Fuck Online Grooming. Fuck Rosemary. Fuck Pita Bread. Fuck Bland.

Fuck Common Place. Fuck Annexes. Fuck Sarah Collins. Fuck Saudi Arabia.

Fuck Classic Definitions. Fuck Grammar. Fuck Calculations. Fuck Al Gore.

Fuck Micheal Moore. Fuck The Worst Case Scenario. Fuck The Senate.

Fuck Fishing Licenses. Fuck Hunting Licenses. Fuck Gone With The Wind.

Fuck Girls Gone Wild. Fuck Black Friday. Fuck Cyber Monday. Fuck Futons.

Fuck Lawn Gnomes. Fuck Electric Weed Whackers. Fuck Lawn Furniture.

Fuck Electric Hedge Clippers. Fuck The Hair Of The Dog. Fuck Asbestos.

Fuck Whicker Furniture. Fuck All Bark & No Bite. Fuck Lead Paint Chips.

Fuck HBO’s Real Sex. Fuck Cultural Bias. Fuck The New School.

Fuck You CAn’t Teach An Old Dog New Tricks. Fuck Jeanie Pirro.

Fuck Metaphorical Crutches. Fuck The Band Green Jello. Fuck Tom Farr.

Fuck Standing Room Only. Fuck Selling Out. Fuck Compromising Principles.

Fuck The Band The Impotent Sea Snakes. Fuck John Bolton. Fuck Jeff Flake.

Fuck Scalpers. Fuck Limited Time Only. Fuck Rick Santorum. Fuck Sulfur.

Fuck Amway. Fuck Timeshares. Fuck Tupperware Parties. Fuck Gluten.

Fuck The Next Big Thing. Fuck Jerome Corsi. Fuck Mike Pompeo.

Fuck Cosmo Magazine. Fuck Artificially Flavored. Fuck Based On True Story.

Fuck Carbs. Fuck Lee Press On Nails. Fuck Immaturities. Fuck Bark Collars.

Fuck Mary Kay Cosmetics. Fuck Toxic Shock Syndrome. Fuck Pet Birds.

Fuck Tainted Drinking Water. Fuck Pipelines. Fuck Underwater Drilling.

Fuck Soft Paws. Fuck Declawing Ones Cat. Fuck Cheap Kitty Litter.

Fuck Fake Laughter. Fuck Laugh Tracks. Fuck IRS Scams.

Fuck Cindy Hyde-Smith. Fuck Saudi Prince Mohammad Bin Salman Al.

Fuck Mitt Romney. Fuck Rand Paul. Fuck Scott Walker. Fuck Marco Rubio.

Fuck Conservatives. Fuck Conservatism. Fuck Chris Christie.

Fuck Mike Huckabee. Fuck Judge Roy Moore. Fuck Wes Goodman.

Fuck Homework. Fuck The SATS. Fuck A Dull Knife. Fuck Omarosa.

Fuck Pat Meehan. Fuck Jeff Hoover. Fuck Herman Cain. Fuck Mike Duvall.

Fuck Larry Craig. Fuck Spoilers. Fuck Disorganization. Fuck Bob Allen.

Fuck Misrepresentations. Fuck Jack Ryan. Fuck Bob Packwood.

Fuck Buz Lukens. Fuck Roman Polanski. Fuck Dan Crane. Fuck Edison.

Fuck Robert Bauman. Fuck Obituaries. Fuck Charlie Crist. Fuck Dimwits.

Fuck Matt Wingard. Fuck ChatBots. Fuck Fitness Tracker. Fuck Fitbit.

Fuck The Echo Dot. Fuck Fire Sticks. Fuck Apple AirPods. Fuck Vinyl Pants.

And Most Of All……FUCK SANITY.

If You Read The Entire List Congratulations.

That is Some Extremely Hardcore Shit On Your Part.

Thanks for Reading

 By Les Sober

Textpocalypse

More middle of the night synaptic storms rolling through the maze like minds of SpaceDog and Myself. Here is the abominable textversation that took place while the rest of the World Slept.

Enjoy.

(If you Read Further You May Have to EAT your own ASS to Survive.)

SpcaeDog: I wanted to ask you about sports bets but im clearly not being too persistent since you dont like sports

Les: Hey let me hit you up in a few. At post office trying to get my passassport updated and shit. Taking waaaaay too long in my opinion. I find Sports betting very interesting.

SpaceDog: Look at u ihop hooker I will be ur bookie lmfao

+SpaceDog texts me a picture on images.google of a Tennis Player who ass he is a fan of, and was wondering if I or my Wife had 2 cents to add. I said if I had an ass like that I’d be better at soccer. My Wife is not an “Ass Person” we were informed.+

+I sent back a Screen Shot I took of Twitter’s fucking Template Warning that my account had been locked, and because I “exhibited unusual behavior that violates Twitter Rules……”+

+I then sent a picture of Alex “Asshole” Jones because while all other social media platforms (i.e. FaceBook, Apple etc) banned Alex and his bullshit Infowhores Show (for promoting hate, encouraging violence, promoting fake news, spreading conspiracies like Sandy Hook was a Hoax and the Kids weren’t victim’s they were paid child actors) Twitter refused at that point to Ban Jones.

Ironically since then Twitter has banned Jones from Twitter and Periscope which it owns, ONLY AFTER ALEX HARASSED THE HOLY LOVING SHIT out of  Twitter’s CEO Jack Dorsey outside of the Senate Hearing  proceedings screaming shit like the mental patient he is about whatever bullshit was on his deranged mind.+

Fuck Alex “The Asshole Jerk Off” Jones, BACK TO THE MAFUCKIN TWEETS!

SpaceDog: Here’s a song for you! My My My! by Troyne Sivian. (SD then texted a Spotify Link to the song) Mac Miller died omg

Les: So did Burt Reynolds any relation to Ryan?! Who’s Mac Miller? Charging Landline, cell is cutting in and out like a bitch.

SpaceDog: Mac Miller omg lol there was gonna be a link but yolo lol

Les: I have all of his albums downloaded on my Spotify Account. 26.

SpaceDog: Yo i need to ask u who just drove me around here lol

Les: Yo Shorty yo knows who dat

SpaceDog: U knows my piece

Les: I been break dancing old school 80’s as a tribute to Mac Miller

SpaceDog: U know it might not be that bad. you were the best i ever had

Les: The Wallflowers yeah?

SpaceDog: Lmfao good man

Les: JACOB “SPERM OF BOB” DILLIAN (Dylan?) Whatever.

SPaceDog: Sperm of the last rock n roll mouth that had a good cock come out. Call job away.

+SpaceDog then texts me a picture of Frosty The Snowman sitting on a couch watching porn, and jerking off. It said “Dreaming of a White Christmas”+

+I then texted SpaceDog This: +

SpaceDog: Sry I hit wrong hate.

+I responded by sending SpaceDog a GIF of an Old Pissed Off Cartoon Man, Naked, Partially Flying-Partially Humping his way through Space with a Pop Tart covering his Junk and a Rainbow Shooting Continuously Shooting out of his ass.+

(NOTE TO READER: Earlier on in the evening during a phone call with SpaceDog I had mentioned some weird shit about when I turn 80 I’m going to automatically Gay.)

Les: Me at 80 and Gay as FUCK.

SpaceDog: Lol holy shit shit

Les: I had to buy this shit called Itchibon Ball Baum cuz I was shitting in the Woods, and my Ball Bag rubbed up against some poison Oak. Greeeeaaaaseeeeyyyy.

SpaceDog: Xid rt y. Urdy. Dirty Birdy lol.  Id love to write an f-yourblog about racial bullshit but idc because he white and been dead to me for 10 yeses.

Les: So fucking what about it? I’m confused as fuck currently. When I was shitting in the Woods a Group of Ticks crawled up my Ass Crack and started feeding by locking onto my Asshole. I had to floss my ass with a Pet Anti-Flea and Tick Collar.

SpaceDog: Ihj my my my

Less: Like a fucking Pesticide G String or some fucked up shit like that!

SpaceDog: Here’s a song for you…My My My! by Troye Sivan (SpaceDog texts me the Spotify link again)

Les: Got Chemical Burns on my goddamn butthole.

SpaceDog: Whyis tour. Utthile top 10 (SpaceDOg then texts a screen shot from Spotify’s screen for Sivan’s My My My)

Les: Sexy Shit. Gave me a boner, I’m gay now.

SpaceDog: oh babe sned me a forever stiff latex cocks its what us lesbos have. Lol huh?

Les: So Good, FO SHO FO SHO

SpaceDog: Oh have the gay i will have the cock

Les: FUCKING SPORTS! GO GAMECOCKS or just GO COCKS!

SpaceDog: The only games you Sout Cacalacy  know are the ones your cock play with ur anus. Go Auburn. ok danny boy haha

Les: Why are Chaos Magicians Such Assholes? Goddamn Google has an entry that fucking literally says that shit. WTF now Internet WTF NOW?!

+I then texted SpaceDog a Picture of a close up of some Woman lifting her skirt with a smiling Justin Beiber face covering her Vagina that reads “Justin Beaver+

SpaceDog: The only woman that hate u sing so lets swim into the show of ivy and let our rel3vquce ring.

Les: Justin Bieber bangs Bovines dirty Cow Fucker

SpaceDog: Thats it my boy thats it my friend we sing this song to ivy she falls to her end.

Les: S-A-V-A-G-E …Ivy what?!

SpaceDog: I tried to call with these words to see if your ivied face had been preserved but you werent my lover not my friend she’d killed you lil your dead heart bled.

Les: Rad

SpaceDog:Oh the south she bleeds icy gets at her kneeeeeees

Les: LmMfao!

SpaceDog: Song just crazy. Raised by far and praise by 5A breeze by 5555555 a brace by for a for Raid 5 hey Girl. Sorry our butter and our jam is getting confused i just my putang tout u in the rouse.

Hey u want a q better choice. Bye. I hope u like your life lol wherever he stands our truth is ib my text. Mohammed my friend my bot and jbow jt eas a girl…vack in Bethlehem bye love.

Les: I’m so using this shit as a blog post coming up soon for fucking sure. Abortions all Around. Muhammad is a Bot LMFBO! CLASSIC!

SpaceDog: Its a sham

Les: Sham Wow?

SpaceDog: Shaw wow cocaine teenage dream. Brooklynn bo ram Botox baby boom boomer. No seems….

#This is the point in the textversation where I think its safe to assume our Dear Friend and My Partner in Crime more than likely passed out.

My brain was still on fire so I just continued on.

Les:Sham Wow Hookers AND Cocaine Baby! The Ball Baum came in contact with the Chemical Burns on my butthole ant it spontaneously Combusted, and now I have 3rd degree burns on my asshole.

Ancient Chinese Proverb: Man who sleeps with itchy ass wakes up with stinky finger.

A round of Finger Fucking for All. Can you fuck a Prolapsed asshole because that shit should be a fucking porn fetish/YouPorn Category. WTF is up with this Docking shit anyways?!

I was wiping my ass and my finger broke through the toilet paper and the tip of my finger grazed my asshole, does that make me gay?!

If your gay and horny and there only women around why not just fuck one in the ass?!

Is Necro Cannibalism better or worse than Necrophilia?! For NEcrophiliacs are Zombies a Deal Breaker?! Just when it comes to NEcrophiliacs the Deader the Better right. Zombie Babies don’t want to suckle your teat they want to EAT IT.

Giving Birth is like the fucking movie “Aliens” a small, bloody, slime covered living creature tears out of your genitals screaming like a son of a bitch. But worse because of the whole genitals over stomach shit.

If I’m Self Employed can I sue myself for Sexual Harassment?! What if you got a restraining order against yourself, I mean how would that shit work exactly I ask you?!

AT this point I was running on intoxicated fumes and quite texting in favor of Smoking Weed and then Sleep.

Brought to You By,

Les Sober & SpaceDog