Tag: porn shop

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (17/365)

Goddamnit! Lee thought not because He was moments away from being seriously fucking Fired by a Furious Fran or anything like that. Lee was annoyed because Fran was going interfere with Him getting to see the Conclusion of the Parking Lot Lunacy.

“LEE WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT?!!” Screamed Fran like a goddamn Airhorn. It wasn’t so much because He was infuriated, but mainly to be heard over the Sea of Sound in the Parking Lot.

      

“What the Hell Fran this shit is some act of God shit I didn’t fucking plan for this shit to happen for fuck’s sake.” said Lee indignantly even though He knew His firing would play out this way. Lee knew He would be unfairly held accountable for the insane shit that was far beyond His control in the first fucking place, but He’d be damned if He didn’t Go Out Swinging.

“How did you let this happen, and why did you let it get totally out of fucking control?” Demanded Fran who’s Blood Pressure was so high His face was flushed making Him look like He had a fucking 3rd degree Sunburn.

          

“They just showed up and jumped the shit out of Me. I was concerned that perhaps the Little Old Lady at the Door was perhaps a tad senile and might be lost. I unlocked the Door to see if She need assistance, and Her Anti-Porn Posse shoved Their way in. Next fucking thing I know Their fucking rioting and wrecking the Joint.”Lee replied matter of factly as He stood His ground.

“Well goes without saying that as of this moment You’re fucking Fired. Give Me Your Key.”said Fran through clenched Teeth now on the verge of having a Full Blown Stroke.

        

Lee figured fuck it there wasn’t any point in arguing since He didn’t actually give a shit about the Job, and has thoroughly enjoyed the Events of the Day. Lee took the Shop Key off His Keyring and tossed it lamely in Frans direction before getting in His Car. As Lee drove off (down Route 22 to the Prospects of a Better Job to come) He shot a quick glance in His review mirror to get a final look at the Spectacular Sex Shop Showdown, and Smiled with Satisfaction.

Stay Tuned Kids for Tomorrows Enticing Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (18/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

One of the Elderly Ladies whipped Her head around, and decreed “BE GONE SAVAGE SELLER OF SMUT!” which seemed to Alert the rest of the Geriatric Group into Action. The next thing Lee knew He was being pelted with Porn Shop Products from ever direction of the Shop. Lee was ducking Dildo’s, Dodging X Rated DVD’s, Lotions and Lubricants, Edible Underwear, and Other Sex Toys/Novelty Mercilessly by the Mob.

Lee ran over to the Lingerie section and grabbed a hold of two already pre inflated Inflate-A-Date Sex Dolls one in each hand that the Owner used instead of spending money on proper Manniquienns. Lee used the Inflatable Fuck Dolls to shield Him from the continuing Torrent of Sex Toys being launched at Him by the increasingly maddening Mob. Lee knew the situation as amusing as it was had gotten completely out of His (or Any for that matter) Control, and need to escape the confinement of the Shop.

Lee jumped over the counter in one quick leap, and made a B Line towards the Front Door trying not to Knock any of the Angry Elderly over because the last thing Lee needed was a Broken fucking Hip on His watch. Lee made full use of His Inflatable Sex Doll Shield to not just Protect Himself from the Porn Themed Projectiles, but He also used it as an impromptu Bumper Car sort of Buffer to bounce off or around the Gaggle of God’s Geriatric Soldiers.

    

Lee had pulled of a pretty sick pivot to get around one Little Old Lady only to come Face to Face with another. The two locked eyes in an intense Stare of to Warriors before clashing on the Battlefield. It was as if Lee and His Little Old Lady Advisory were frozen in Time with Their eyes Locked for Eternity. Then out of no where Lee found Himself flat on His ass on the Floor.

Lee still stunned looked up at The Old Lady who was standing triumphantly with an insanely Large Rubber Novelty Dildos. Jesus Lee thought how fucking embarrassing it was going to be if for the next few days if the Dildo left a dick shaped Bruise across His cheek.

     

Lee had barely finished His thought before His Adversarial Elder spiked a “Fuck Her From Behind” Brand of fuckable Silicone Cast of The Popular PornStar Connie Lingus’s Crotch on His head like a fucking Football. This rendered Lee flat on His back seeing stars while hiding Himself with the pair Inflate-A-Dates He had grabbed a hold of initially to stave off the Onslaught of Weaponized Sex Toys.

Tune into Tomorrow Kiddies for the Next Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (15/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (13/365)

Lee placed the keys back into His pocket, and went to Open the Door to see if and how He could help this Odd Little Old Lady who was lurking just outside the Door. As soon a Lee had Opened the Door the Little Old Lady with 6 or 7 of Her Friends in tow riffled past Lee in a Single File line like Their fucking lives depended on it. Once They had barraged in gaining access to the Porn Shop the spread out in all directions like CockRoaches when the Lights come on. Before Lee even knew what was happening a Second Set of Old Women came raging through the Door looking like some sort of Demented Calvary in Homemade Shawls.

“LETS GO, LETS GO LADIES, LETS GO!” barked the Little Old Lady who first ran in. She apparently for all intensive purposes looked to be the Leader of this maundering Street Gang of Geriatrics. Next this Little Old Woman started a raucous chant of “PERSECUTE PORN PEDDLERS AND PERVERTS!!!”

It was then that Lee took notice that the Majority of the Old Ladies were wearing matching Easter Yellow T-Shirts that had a Large Cross on it with the words “Grandmas For God”. Holy Shit Lee thought excitedly I know exactly what the hell is going on now this is the Hardcore Christian Group Grandparents of God (and Yes the Little Old Men wore Grandpas For God T-shirts) who had been making waves in the News recently.

The Grandparents For God had been targeting Strip Clubs in They’re Smite The Strippers Campaign. Before that the Group landed in the Lime Light for Aggressively Protesting the last lingering Pornographic Magazines, and Their Publishers with Their Keep Porn Out of Print Program. Lee simply couldn’t wait to see what the fuck these Fanatical Old School Fire and Brim Stone Christian Coalition was up too.

    

“Alright YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, LETS PURGE THIS PLACE OF PORNOGRAPHY AND ITS PERVERSIONS!!!” Yelled The Little Old Lady Leading the Onslaught while raising Her clenched Fist high in the air as if it was the Summer of 1969. These were some Militant Missionaries who’d stop at nothing to Accomplish what They viewed as God’s work, and apparently God want Them to Persecute the Social Evil’s of Pornography in all its forms of Fornication.

Upon hearing the Battle Cry to Action the Horde of Nursing Home Soldiers of God erupted into an Apocalyptic Super Storm of Self Righteousness. The Old People Protesting started grabbing Merchandise from everywhere in the Store while one Old Lady who looked to be in Her late 90’s held the Door open with her Unsteady liver spotted Hands. Lee suddenly returned to reality, and realized He had to do something about this Religious Riot that was Unraveling before His eyes.

    

“Alright LADIES, LADIES What is going on Here? What is the Problem here? Please STOP acting so insane and just TELL ME what Your ISSUE IS.” Lee pleaded mustering all the Humility He possibly could.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Crazy Installment of

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

The rest of the Day was painfully slow at The Porn Shop with just a sparse handful of Walk Ins off the Street, but no real customers to speak of. The Owner Lee had been told upon His hiring that if Sales were Slow, and it was costing more money to stay open than was Cash coming through the Door to just Lock Up early and knock off early.

It was common sense and Lee rather not be stuck at the Job if there wasn’t anything going on since Battling Boredom was Lee’s primary goal in Life. It’s why He had decided to dedicate the rest of His days on Earth Observing Humanity for one reason and one reason only that being People if nothing else were quite Entertaining.

    

Lee had also adopted a Socrates approach to the rest of His Life which was He accepted (and also admit if and when need be) that He in fact didn’t know jack shit about a single goddamn thing. This way His Ego wouldn’t interfere with what Other People could Teach Him.

People Lee had found were willing (or felt compelled to) talk about subjects that They knew little to nothing about at Length. Lee found this occurrence fascinating and figured that People did it for One of Two reasons.

        

First off it was an obvious Social Pressure. No one wants to be Left out of the Loop, and No One wants to be the designated Office Idiot. The Other reason for the was phenomenon was Ego Driven. People simply felt that on some level They had to prove Their Knowledge or Intelligence to Others when the chance presented itself. Bottom Line in Lee’s onion was People just like to Hear Themselves talk while being paid attention too.

Lee got Himself ready to leave gathering up His belongings, Counting out His cash Drawer, Shutting Down the Shop  Computer, Sexting up whatever was needed for the following Day, and systematically shutting the lights off as He went. Everything was going smoothly, and uneventful. That was until Lee went to finish His final Closing Time Task of Locking The Front Door thats when things got REALLY Interesting.

      

Lee walked over to the Front Door with Keys in Hand ready to lock up and Leave when He noticed the Little Old Lady standing directly on the other side of the Glass Door. Even thought the Glass door like the few Shop windows were Tinted Heavily, but Lee could still see the facial features of the Little Old Ladies due to the fact She was standing so close to the Door Her nose was almost smushed up against it.

As He peered through he Door at the Old Woman the first thought that crossed Lee’s mind was that This was Definitely going to be something different. Again for the Second time that Day Lee felt the Surge of Curiosity well up inside of Him.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher ( 13/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (8/365)

I apologize that this post is quite a bit late. It’s currently 12:11am. By current Standards that technically Tomorrow so I neglected to get this so called Daily Post in by the Midnight Deadline. I personally think Midnight is far to early to Count as the Next Day. I believe that time is 3:00am. Some Say Six but that Midnight’s exact extreme Opposite. I will try to adhere to th Rules I set for Myself regarding this Mishap.

   

Shane reached Check Out, and unceremoniously tossed the Dildo onto the Counter. It appeared to Lee that Shane still had something to say on the matter at hand so He decided to engage Shane a bit further to satiate His growing Curiosity.

You see Lee had taken Note when Shane had Dropped the Name Lester Sane as Lee Himself was in fact a Huge Fan of (In)Sane Movies which was Lester Sane’s Production Company. Lee couldn’t pass up a chance to pick Shane’s Brain to find out all He could about one of His Cinematic Heroes.

“Hey Bud I couldn’t help but hear that You work for Lester Sane.” Lee said with a slightly questioning inflection in His voice.

“You heard Right. Whats it like working for or with Lester Sane well His Number One Influence and Icon is Lloyd Kauffman of Troma if You catch My Drift.” Shane replied Earnestly with just a Bit of Incredulous.

 

“Can’t Lie I’m a Big Fan of Troma and (In)Sane,” replied Lee Hoping that His comment didn’t piss Shane off into Shutting Down and thus Ending Their Exchange.

“Lester is actually a quite intelligent, and at heart is truly a Nice and Caring Guy, The Problem is You have to see that through a Thousand Layers of Bullshit, and most People give up or are Run Off before They even have a chance of Knowing the Real Lester Sane. It’s rather fucking Sad You Think about it.” Shane said while Idly Inspecting the Dildo that Started the Whole Debacle not because He gave an actual shit, BUT it provided Him a Focal Point.

“My Brother is the same Type of Personality.” Lee said encouragingly as He Rung Up the Dildo.

   

“Hold on,”Shane blurted Out before reaching over and snatching an adjustable Cock Ring of the Impulse Buy Display at the Register. “There now the King has Everything for His Erectile Empire.”

“I see what You’re saying. It seems some of the most Brilliant Artists blur the Thin Line between Genius and fucking Madness until You can’t seem to distinguish One from the Other” Lee said matter of factly as He tossed Shane’s purchases into a Plain Brow Paper Bag.

Funny Lee thought that the Whole Purpose of the Innocuous Brown Paper Bag to be absurdly Funny.  It was intended to Hide the Fact that You Purchased something Pornographic by disguising it in a Everyday Mundane fashion.  The Irony was that the Jig was Up long ago since People realized Brown Paper Bag approach was just a Rouse. Thus You can’t be a fucking Magician if Everyone knows Your fucking Tricks.

     

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (9/365)

Posting Time: 12:36am

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (6/365)

“Fine.Fine. I’m done there’s no dealing with You right now. I’m calling Lester and I’ll figure this out from the directly from the Director Himself.” said Shane indignantly before whipping out His Cell Phone with the speed of a Wild West Gunslinger.

Shane then left to Converse in Private in the Parking Lot. Glen now on His own loitered about wondering the Isle aimlessly talking shit under His Breath. It was blatantly obvious that Glen was Acting the Asshole Lee thought to Himself . Again it wasn’t hard to tell Glen was in the Shittiest of Moods it was Written all Over His Face in the form an seriously Sinister “Eat Shit” Scowl.

   

“Who the Hell buys all this Over Priced Perversion?!” inquired Glen in an Overly Demanding Tone to No One in particular as it seemed to be more of an actual Statement rather than an Honest Question.

“Everyone.” Lee quipped snidely as He was growing tired of Glen’s less than Stellar Asshole Attitude. Glen is Lee’s opinion was overthinking the living shit out of the Situation. Shane had the right fucking idea that when in Doubt (especially if Your job could possibly be on the Line) Suck It Up, say fuck it, and Go to the Source Itself.

   

“I don’t need Your two goddamn Cents worth You Cock Jockey.” Snarled Glen through His clenched Teeth looking Madder than ever.

Lee considered that comment was rather Homophobic Sounding, BUT He did get the reference to Him being a Porn Shop Employee. Lee also got a Laugh out of the Fact the Insult had a direct Correlation with Glen and Shane’s Purchase of a Dildo. At this point Lee opted begrudgingly to bite His tongue because there was no point arguing with an Asshole. Glen was Shane’s fucking problem let Him deal with the all of Glen’s pessimistic bullshittery.

   

Luckily for Lee it was then that Shane returned from His Parking Lot Conversation with Lester with His head hanging Low. Shane also seemed to now be in a real Rush it appeared to Lee since Shane was walking hurriedly in a very determined stride. He looked like a dejected Child to Lee like a mischievous Kid who just got Scolded for some Small Indiscretion.

” So I talked with Lester, well I talked while He was Yelling at Me like a motherfucker and a half.” lamented Shane before informing Glen that in spite of the in suing  Creative Chaos that was the making of a Lester Sane Movie He had managed to get an Answer.

“Thank fuck.” sighed Glen wearily,”What pray tell then is the Solution for Our Severed Schlong dilemma ?” Now that The Duo had a definitive answer this somehow stopped Glen’s Asshole Tirade in its tracks. Glen’s Hostile Attitude was suddenly replaced with an Exasperated Sarcasm as if He had run out of Shit Spewing Steam, and was finally Accepting the Situation.

   

Tune In Tomorrow for the Next Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (7/365)

Thank for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (5/365)

Lee looked over to catch a quick First Glimpse of the in coming Customer. As it turned out it was in fact was Two Young Gentlemen that looked to be in Their late 20’s, and who were locked in a heated debate over something They both seemed very animate about. Lee sat back and began His observations. Lee had a good feeling about these Two Guys, and anticipated  some quality Entertainment to get the Day off to a running start.

The Two Young Men headed strait to the Dildo Isle where Their argument became much more amplified as Each became more and more Frustrated with the Other. Lee opened a Copy of Some trashy Adult Novel and pretended to read it feigning an aloof ambivalence. This was a common Tactic Lee used to hide the fact He was now Ease Dropping on Shoppers just like He was with these Two Young Men.

   

“Well We can fucking Narrow it Down by Illuminating all the ones that look as Fake, We need to stick to Realism because not even a Psychotic Cannibalistic Necrophiliac would have a Giant Purple Double Headed Cock So there You have it.” Said the Young Guy wearing a pair of Beat Up Sneakers, Old Worn Out Jeans, and a Faded well worn Misfits T-shirt as He relentlessly scanned the Dildo Display (back and forth from End to End) with an intense 1,000 Yard Stare.

“I know BUT look at the fucking prices They’re charging for Fake Rubber Dicks its fucking Really Ridiculous. All I’m saying is I hope these fucking things last just short of Forever for the Price People are Paying.” replied the Second Young Guy in the Camouflage Cargo Shorts, Napalm Death Concert T-shirt, and a pair of Knock Off Crocs.

   

“Look Shane I know money is always an issue with Lester, BUT He goddamn is well aware this will be an unforeseen additional cost. I mean He’s the fucking Director, and this isn’t His first Rodeo not by Far. Lester has been Making B-Horror and Low Budget Sci Fi Films for a Decade at least.” snapped The Guy in The Misfits T-shirt to His Associate who was apparently named Shane.

“I’m aware of the issue at hand Glen,” Shane stated calmly before continuing “Lester wants a Real looking though be it Fake Dick for the Film, and that He also is insanely anal about the Films Budget getting out of Hand. It’s a huge pain in the ass I agree, Yet Lester has a point in the fact that if We go too far over budget the Project gets shut down and shelved  in a  Filmography Warehouse or some other Bizarre shit.”

   

“Well anyway You look at it if Lester wants realism He’ll have to just bite the fucking bullet and kick out the Cash. I mean once again Lester has to be aware that this is a 1 possibly 2 scene prop and thats it. After one or two scenes it’ll be ruined I mean thoroughly thrashed.,” Glen Barked gruffly before launching into a full blow tirade, “The Point is there is the Scene where Eddie is Jacking Off with the aid of a fucking Cheese Grater so one side of the Prop is shot. Not to mention all the Fake Blood is going to be a serious Staining issue, and if We can’t find a way around said staining issue the Prop is totally fucked as soon as We cut. Then even if We pull off the scene avoiding further damaging the Prop that’s only until Linda’s Character Castrates Eddie’s Character. The Prop will literally be Cut in Half so its Not like this is a one time Purchase. This isn’t going to be Lester’s Go To Fake Dick for the rest of His Films because the facts are it’s a one Film 2 Scene Prop at Best.”

   

Tune in Tomorrow for the Next Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (6/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (2/365)

Lee spent the early Day downtime pondering why Anyone still Patronized Porn Shops. Lee like the name Porn Shop as it seemed more Honest than the watered down Adult Store/ Adult Book Store. Why would Anyone bother going to a Porn Shop with the Infinite Universe of Free Internet Porn that could be viewed in (the Protection and Privacy of) One’s Own Home.

It was very similar to when VHS Tapes became available to the General Public it was inadvertently the Final Nail in the Porno Movie Theaters. The principle reasoning is fucking Identical in Why go out and risk embarrassment/Arrest when You could now watch all the Porn you wanted at Home for the First Time thus negating the need or use of Porno Movie Theaters.

Lee surmised that the Principle Reason People still Frequented Porn Shops was simply Instant Gratification. If One wanted say a Certain Sex Toy (outside of the Free Porn Movie Clips/Movies/Scenes) One has to wait for it to be Delivered. Even with 2 day, Priority, and Overnight shipping People want what the want as fast as fucking possible optimally without waiting.

Lee also had come to the conclusion that the Evolution of the Porn Shop over just short of 5 Decades had a great deal with People still Utilizing Porn Shops, and Porn Shops Widening Their Customer Base. The Old Days of the Dingy, Dank, Poorly Lit Porn Shops with Their Sticky Floors and Shady Clientele had gone the way of the Dodo. Porn Shops used to be on the outer fringe of Society operating in a sketchy “Legal Grey Area” since Technically in the 1970’s Porn was basically Illegal. Customers of Porn Shops or Adult Porno Movie Theaters ran the risk of Being Arrested in a Police Raid.

     

Then over the Years Porn slowly became more accepted by Society as a whole. So it was this Social Shift that allowed Porn Shops to essentially come out into the Open and Operate like any other legitimate Business. And with being allowed to Operate without Legal issues/trouble Porn Shops literally cleaned up Their act.

Porn Shop became bright and well lit with Loud and Colorful Advertising Posters on the White Sterile Walls. Suddenly Porn Shops went from Sleazy STD Ridden Barely Legal Shitholes to Viable Commercial Retail Shops that resembled Walmart more than a Scummy Den of Vice.

   

Stay Tuned for Tomorrows Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watch (3/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober