Tag: pornographers

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

The rest of the Day was painfully slow at The Porn Shop with just a sparse handful of Walk Ins off the Street, but no real customers to speak of. The Owner Lee had been told upon His hiring that if Sales were Slow, and it was costing more money to stay open than was Cash coming through the Door to just Lock Up early and knock off early.

It was common sense and Lee rather not be stuck at the Job if there wasn’t anything going on since Battling Boredom was Lee’s primary goal in Life. It’s why He had decided to dedicate the rest of His days on Earth Observing Humanity for one reason and one reason only that being People if nothing else were quite Entertaining.

    

Lee had also adopted a Socrates approach to the rest of His Life which was He accepted (and also admit if and when need be) that He in fact didn’t know jack shit about a single goddamn thing. This way His Ego wouldn’t interfere with what Other People could Teach Him.

People Lee had found were willing (or felt compelled to) talk about subjects that They knew little to nothing about at Length. Lee found this occurrence fascinating and figured that People did it for One of Two reasons.

        

First off it was an obvious Social Pressure. No one wants to be Left out of the Loop, and No One wants to be the designated Office Idiot. The Other reason for the was phenomenon was Ego Driven. People simply felt that on some level They had to prove Their Knowledge or Intelligence to Others when the chance presented itself. Bottom Line in Lee’s onion was People just like to Hear Themselves talk while being paid attention too.

Lee got Himself ready to leave gathering up His belongings, Counting out His cash Drawer, Shutting Down the Shop  Computer, Sexting up whatever was needed for the following Day, and systematically shutting the lights off as He went. Everything was going smoothly, and uneventful. That was until Lee went to finish His final Closing Time Task of Locking The Front Door thats when things got REALLY Interesting.

      

Lee walked over to the Front Door with Keys in Hand ready to lock up and Leave when He noticed the Little Old Lady standing directly on the other side of the Glass Door. Even thought the Glass door like the few Shop windows were Tinted Heavily, but Lee could still see the facial features of the Little Old Ladies due to the fact She was standing so close to the Door Her nose was almost smushed up against it.

As He peered through he Door at the Old Woman the first thought that crossed Lee’s mind was that This was Definitely going to be something different. Again for the Second time that Day Lee felt the Surge of Curiosity well up inside of Him.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher ( 13/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Les’s Late Night Text Bombing SpaceDog

 

The other night during a synaptic storm I texted bombed SpaceDog with a slew of absurd, obscene, insane or offensive thoughts I was having through out the night. This time around the initial late night text bombing led to a 5 day sporadic exchange between SpaceDog and Myself.

The Texts are as follows.

Monday 10:50 pm: Les to Spacedog

Text: Dominick Dunn had a 13 1/2 inch Monster Cock and an All Star Porn career until one day he got on a public bus and was staring at a fellow female passenger. Dunn got a semi and when he sat down he accidentally fucked himself. He quite Pornographers the next day. But the question remains….Could he have maintained his career going Gay for Pay, but only actually fucking himself?

Tuesday 4:44 am: Spacedog to Les

Text: No he would have died of a cocaine addiction. Those half hard dicks up your hole would be hard to maintain.

Tuesday 5:37 am: Les to Spacedog

Text: Damn Dope Dicks, Coke snorting cocks!

Tuesday 2:56 pm: Spacedog to Les

Text: So the retarded guy I live by gave me mail he got by accident. Instead of just ringing my bell though he at first thought attempting his key in my door as a proper move. He was trying that fucker for a good 30 seconds before the rang the bell.

Tuesday 3:19 pm: Les to Spaced

Text: Well at least he has an excuse other than being just a mindless moron phone drone or just plain fucking stupidity, he is at least legit retarded.

Tuesday 8:58 pm: Les to Spacedog

Text: My new favorite insult is calling someone Cunt-Fart. Scrotumology is a lot like Palm Reading accept instead of reading lines on your hands its reading the wrinkles on your balls. TAINT PAINTING TUESDAY!

Tuesday 10:50pm Spacedog to Les

Text: Does it take into account your good ball and bad ball? And not the ball itself or more the sack. Bad balls kinda need to be removed. Good old one ball.

Tuesday 11:14 Les to Spacedog

Texts: Both and the equates the differential. They use a anal based algorithm. Testicular Topography is what your talking bout. The art of personally diagnosis using the shape, size, weight, and circumference of each nut.

Its all Eyeballs & Assholes on Facebook.

EAS: Enlarged Anus Syndrome.

Spunk Bunker Butter & Jazz Jam Sandwiches

Anal Gaping Grandmas.

Amputees with Foot Fetishes. Amputee Porn or “Stump Humping”. The Limp Dick Lounge Act.

Fantasying while jerking off is called an “Ejaculation Vacation.

The Mediterranean Sea home of the Spermicidal Jellyfish. The Jellyfish is comprised of sperm killing antibodies so the harvest them, and mash them into a lubricant.

Cream Pied Grandmas.

Deep Dildo Double Dicking.

The Vagbrator.

Ass Grease Sex Lube

Taint Piercing

Witness the Birth of an Abortion

Ragerrhea: Rage Induced Violently Explosive Diarrhea

Gentalmen Stop Spanking YourMonkeys! Ladies Stop Roughing Up Your Clams! STOP ANIMAL ABUSE! STOP JERKING OFF ANIMALS! STOP ANIMAL MOLESTATION!!

Scientology Mottos: “A Sucker Is Born Every Minute” and “A Fool & His Money Are Soon Separated.

The Pungent Stench Of Sex, The Foul Fumes Of Fucking.

I’ll have the Sucking’n Fucking Salad

Jazzy Juice is your Porn Star Sexual Stimulant Alcoholic Beverage now with 48% More Viagra & Vodka

Vaginal Viagra. All Hail Queen Clitoris & King Dong! Long Dong Silver AWAY!

Junk Stank New Crotch Deoderant

Implantphilia: The fetish where a person gets off fucking surgical implants, the most common being Breat Implants.

Blood Fart: Farting Blood. What if you jerked off so hard you ejaculated a testicle?!! FALLOPIAN TUBE TERRORISM!

Clit Shitting: Defecating on the Clitoris.

Siberian Ichtodeplomia: The Fetish where people get their rocks off fucking each other with frozen feces. OR the fetish where someone where participants fornicate with one another using frozen human feces.

Wednesday 2:19 am: Les to Spacedog

Brown Eye Wash. Vaginal Diarrhea . I can see with the eye of my cock and your a senior citizen when you cum cream of wheat.

Wednesday 4:07 am: Les to SPacedog

Aqua Cock is Deep Sea Dicking.

Wednesday 5:46 am: Spacedog to Les

Text: Double tapered shit. Was giving birth to a bloody fecal fetus. China Whyte. Goofy grape. Pie in my hole. Muff madness. Furkins and lemonade.

Wednesday 7:32 am: Les to Spacedog

Texts: Common Kiddies and I’ll tell you the tale of when the 1 Eyed Worm met the Bearded Clam! Anaconda Cock with the Vertical Smile. Mr. Harry taco.

Whats shittier than smoking Flakka? Smoking Flakka laced with Bath Salts and PCP.

Wednesday 8:53 am: Les to SPacedog

Texts: German Industrial Nipple Clamp All Inclusive Suspension Kit Only $199.99. That shit tweeted my tits.

Turkey Rapists will fuck the stuffing outta your bird.

Her Ass Is Like The Fucking Jaws Of Life. She asked if I wanted to see her Spotted Dick so I asked her if she wanted to see my Freckled Pecker?!

Nothing Like Dipping Your Balls In Fondu

Thursday 12:15am: Les to Spacedog

Remember Kids White Nationalists are Actually NAZIS FUCKERS! White Nationalists only eat White Meat.

Knob Gobbler: A Turkey That Sucks Your Dick.

Toilets EAT SHIT. Pissy Chrissy got shot in the Twat.

Saturday 5:18 pm: Les to Spacedog

Text: Sorry as fuck I missed your call, I’m driving. Their idiots and assholes all over the fucking road, call you back when I get back to the Orifice of an Office, headed to a meeting.

Saturday 5:33 pm: Spaced to Les

Text: Ok, Like a Mom Meeting?

Saturday 5:47 pm: Les to Spacedog

Text: Well not quite that, but it was a Business M-Meeting of a different kind LMFAO!

Saturday 5:58 pm: Spacedog to Les

Text: Murder LOL! My Slave Roots?

Saturday 6:01 pm: Les to Spacedog

Text: Murder? I fucking wish, but that be a legendarily long ass meeting as I have a massive on going list of people I’d like to murder LMFBO! My Slave Roots sounds like some fucking collage radio Indie Emo Band.

Saturday 6:06 pm: Spacedog to Les

Text: It was Jimis Gatage band. Moms against drunk driving? Man against mail genitalia?!

Saturday 6:19 pm: Les to Spacedog

Text: Holy Shit and Holy Hell!!! Mail Order Genitalia! Fucking Fantastic.

 

Thanks For The Read As Always,

Les Sober