This post is to address the fun fact that through all my manic musical tastes that there has never been a single mention of the band The Mentors, and thats because they’re not a band their actually a fucking joke.
The Mentors are the equivalent of a group of High School Freshmen Boys lingering around a Basement deliberately trying to write the most shocking lyrics purely for shock’s sake (unlike GG Allin who was fucked up yes, but he had a message and a mission behind his violent and obscene music)
And like a bunch of puberty ridden teenage boys The Mentors only have one subject matter when it comes to their music and its simply Sex. They’re Rock’s answer to 2 Live Crew (who also faded away fast because no one wants to hear numerous albums that solely relied on sexually explicit and often laughable lyrics over shitty beats)
The Mentors are best described as if the World’s shittiest GG Allin Impersonator, and the World’s shittiest Gwar cover band took an insane amount of LSD, Banged Each other , and collectively gave birth a severely mentally disabled child known as The Mentors.
The biggest failure of The Mentors (other than being sub par musicians and crappy lyricists) is in their DESPERATE ATTEMPTS to try and Shock People, and make them think shit like “Oh My God! Who is this disgusting band obsessed with Sex?!”
To sum up The Mentors failure the bottom line is just one word: OVERKILL.
The Mentors employed several cliche gimmicks to achieve their goal of Shocking the Audience and Revolting Society such as :
The Mentors became a self proclaimed Porno Rock Band (Punk mixed with some Heavy Metal)
To help back up their Porn Rock Creation The Mentors Drummer (there were a few) would plaster his entire Drum Kit with Pictures of Naked Chicks cut out of Porn Magazines.
The Mentors Song Titles are as absurdly immature as their laughable lyrics with Song Titles like:
Secretary Hump, Shocked and Grossed, On The Rag, My Erection Is Over, White Trash Woman, Service Me Or Be Smacked, Kings Of Sleaze, Donkey Dick, Clap Queen, Herpes Two, In And Out Of You, Couch Test Casting, Heterosexuals Have The Right To Rock, and Wine You, Dine You, Sixty Nine You.
At some point in the early 1990’s The Mentors rebranded their self proclaimed Porn Rock musical style to Rape Rock. This was simply cheap schtick used to ramp up the offensive factor in the most obvious and cliche manner.
The Mentors adopted Stage Names as moronically immature as their shitty music and here they are:
Original Line up was: Eric Carlson ( Sickie Wifebeater) on guitar, Steve Broy ( Dr. Heathen Scum) on bass, and Eldon Hoke ( El Duce) on drums and Vocals.
Due to his severe and chronic alcoholism Hoke eventually couldn’t play drums and sing at the same time so he ended sole as Singer. Hoke died in 1997 walking intoxicated along some train tracks.
The Current Lame Line Up is still Carlson and Broy along with Rick Lomas (Insect On Acid) who joined in 2014 as Background Vocals. There is also Cousin Fister (real name not given) on guitar, John Christopher ( El Chapo) joined as drummer in 2014, and lastly Don Nutz ( The Italian Stallion) who joined in 2015 as drummer for European Tours as well as Long U.S. Tours.
Past Members Include: Zippy on bass 1988-1989, Clark Savage ( Mossedick) on drums from 1991-2008), Sickie Jr on rhythm guitar, El Rapo on vocals (2001-2005), Marc D (Mad Dog Duce) on vocals (2005-2014) and on drums from 2008 to 2014, Chris Jacobson ( Jack Shit) on bass in 1980; died 2011, Mike Dewey (Heathen Scum Wezda) on bass 19080-1987, and Ed Danky (Poppa Sneaky Spermshooter ) on bass 1986-1987; died 1990.
The band is better known for their off stage antics than any fucking shit song they wrote. The 3 most know things/incidents The Mentors are actually known for (not their toilet rock)
Number 1 : No one even had a single goddamn clue who The Mentors were until 1985 (which was 9 fucking years after the forming of The Mentors) In 1985 there were Congressional hearings run by Tipper Gore’s Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC). The PMRC’s attention had been caught by an extremely obscure Mentor’s song called “Golden Shower”.
The lyrics for “Golden Shower” ended having excerpts of it being read on the Congressional floor where they were received not by shocked gasps, BUT rather by Outbreaks of Uncontrollable Laughter.
One of the Excerpts from The Mentor’s song “Golden Shower” is as follows
“Bend up and smell my anal vapor,
Your face is my toilet paper…..
Our relationship I don’t want to spoil it,
You are my personal toilet……
It’s getting near the hour,
On your face I leave a shit tower,
Shit Tower, prune skin power,
Smelling’ sour, it’s the Shit Tower,
Golden Showers”
Number Two: The Mentors were featured on Jerry Springer in the early 1990’s (the heyday of daytime talk shows when they ruled the airwaves) as part of an episode on Shock Rock Acts.
While interviewed the band members did everything in their fucking power to offend, insult, or yes shock the studio audience. They claimed to own professional Gimps, Actual Sex Slaves, are pro Drugs, Pro Unsafe Sex, embrace STDS as badges of honor, humiliate and abuse their fans, and see nothing wrong with raping everyone in the entire world or some stupid shit like that.
The Controversy from their appearance on Jerry Springer garnered The Mentors some well needed attention.
I must remind the reader that The Mentors got a bit of notoriety from the bullshit they spewed on show, NOT THEIR MUSIC.
NUMBER THREE: AND NOTABLY THE THING THE MENTORS ARE KNOW FOR had nothing to do with the Band or their crappy music. The Mentors lead singer (Hoke had stopped playing drums as well as singing due to his raging alcoholism) was in a 1997 Documentary Film about the death of Nirvana Lead Singer Kurt Cobain called ‘Kurt and Courtney”
The Film dealt with Kurt Cobain’s unfortunate suicide. Many fans believed that the singers death wasn’t a suicide at all, but a homicide staged to look like one. Also many people believed not only was it murder they believed it was a murder for hire where the killer was contracted by no other than Kurt’s wife Courtney Love.
NOW this is were Hoke comes into the story. Hoke had repeatedly made the claim that Courtney Love offered him $25,000 to kill Kurt. The amount changed a bit over time and telling to $50,000 for the murder.
Hoke again made the claim of Love offering him cash to kill her husband Kurt Cobain on camera in the Documentary. Shortly after the filming Hoke was died while walking intoxicated on train tracks where he was hit and killed by a Freight Train.
I’m sure you can see where this going, but for shits and giggles most Mentor fans believe Hoke was murdered. Hoke’s death was officially ruled alternately an Accident and a Suicide by the authorities.
Yet most fans assume Hoke himself was murdered by someone hired by Courtney Love to shut Hoke up once and for all thus feeding into the conspiracy theory within a conspiracy theory. AGAIN THIS HAD NOTHING TO DUE WITH THE BAND’S MUSIC.
I will end this piece with proof that I adhere to the belief that one must give credit where credit is due. I have to give credit here the ONE thing The Mentors did/do thats not dumb as fuck is their idea/concept of wearing Medieval Executioner Masks, thats kind of dope.
All is All though The Mentors are still a Lame Ass Joke.
Thanks for Reading,
Les Sober 