Warning The following article deals with the subject of Suicide.
If your suicidal stop reading this immediately and
PLEASE GET HELP.
If your suicidal my point is you have nothing to lose so why not seek help?
Suicide is the one regret you can’t do anything about.
COMING BACK AS SOMEONE DIFFERENT
Recently I have had a complete change in my psyche. I do not know if this is due to failed suicide attempts or perhaps a mid-life crisis. I mean, don’t most gay people die when they reach the age of say 60 if they are lucky. Most of us seem to pass on quietly into the sunset, be it as a whore or be it as an admirer of cashmere sweaters.
Anyway so there I was about one week ago in the hospital after taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills. I do not remember much of anything as I went into a complete delusional state. But when I came back from my so-called coma, nothing really mattered at that point, but in a negative way. My feelings disappeared from me.
So too has my common sense as to how to post a blog hence. I wish I didn’t have to be so cold and emotionless. The simple pleasures of food and of the flesh mean little to me at this point. Sleep brings no more comfort, as my vivid dreams haunt me. My days linger forth.
I wish I could be the person I was a month ago, but he is long dead. But he is still in there. It’s like my failed suicide didn’t kill my body. It killed some of my soul, not all of it. Most of it is dead now.
IMPORTANT: This happened many years ago, and Spacedog is very much alive and well today having wrestled his Demons under control.
-spacedog-