Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring CARMEN’S BANANA COOKING EPISODE #41. Carmen’s Banana Cooking Show Aired on Austin Community Television (Public Access) on Channel 10 on Fridays at 10pm from 1984 until 1992. Carmen would Cook Up Banana Dishes, Showcase Local Talent, and Go on Countless 80’s Austin Adventures. The Show’s Viewing Audience was Comprised of Actual Real Fans as well as Those Who were Fans of the Surreal Absurd fucking Freak Show Factor. The Show was Recently Rescued and Restored Carmen’s Banana Cooking is Streaming for Free On Youtube, and it has an Official Website. Also an Interesting Fact is Every Single Episode of Carmen’s Banana Cooking Show was Produced by Steven David Video.
The Host is a Ugly motherfucker in Wannabe Chiquita Banana Drag with Prosthetics (But remember They weren’t like the Prosthetics used in TV and Film Today. Take for Example Carmen’s Massive Quadruple DD Tits that were made from fucking Paper Mache for fucks sake), and the Finest fucking Dollar Store Wig Available. Carmen is Also Adorned with some Seriously fucking Tacky Banana Gimmick that looks like Some shit You’d buy for a fucking Halloween Costume. As for Carmen’s Make Up it Looks like a Piece of fucking Trailer Park Dwelling Piece of White Trash hooked up with a fucking Las Vegas Meth Addicted $2 Hooker and had a fucking Kid. Also We must fucking Warn You that at the Beginning Carmen Sings some Old Ass Love Song and Sings it HORRIBLY that it makes American Idol Rejects look Talented.
Episode Synopsis: First and Foremost the Show has Insanely Shitty Production Value and is EXTREMELY fucking Low Quality as it fucking gets. As We just Mentioned Above the Show Starts with Carmen Murdering the fuck Out of some Back in the Day Love Song. Then Carmen’s Big Sister Karma Stops by for some Utterly Unknown Reason. Karma then Dumps a Basket of what fucking else Bananas and Proceeds to Read Them like Some Sort of Shaman Mystic Medicine Man. Now it’s Not exactly Clear but it Seems that the Banana Basket Bullshit was to Confirm the Winner of the 1988 Election or at Least that’s what the Two Started Babbling About Almost Incoherently.
Our Favorite Line is when Carmen tells Her Sister as Her Sister is Leaving “We’ll Twist Up a few Banana Peels” Not too fucking Subtle Smoke Weed Much? FYI We Smoke Weed so We’re Not talking some Straight Edge Happy Horseshit. The Episode Ends by Transitioning from the Show’s Set to Some Asshole in Bed with Leopard Themed Pillows, Sheets, and Shit Wearing a Cheap Latex Mask (The Kind Used in the Human Doll Fetish). Now whoever the fuck it is or Supposed to be Doesn’t say a single fucking Word and Body Language is as if the Camera Man just Walked into Their Bedroom and Surprised Them so Their Acting all Shyly Taken Aback.
Its been a Long While since We had a Proper Candidate for FYB’S Salute to Eccentrics so We are Thrilled to have Finally found Another Exemplary Eccentric to Showcase. You see it takes a Great Deal of Effort to Locate an Authentic Eccentric especially Now a Days with all the Dumbfucks on Social Media, and the YouTube View Whores Out there while Pumping out Crappy Content like Their fucking Lives Depend on it. With the Field Flooded with all These People that are Desperately Seeking to Achieve the Title of “The Next Big Internet Sensation” (Not to mention the Fame and Potential for Endorsements and Other Money Making Ventures).
There is a Vastly Drastic Difference Between the Two Perspective Groups that all comes down to One Succinct Distinguishing Variable. Anyone can Decide to make Videos of say Themselves Wearing a Gas Mask and riding a Hippy Hop in Random Places (Such as a Fast Food Restaurant, Walmart, Library, Mall, or Supermarket for Example). Sure People would think it was a Very Odd thing to Do, and that The Person in Question is a Weirdo, Freak, or Crazy. The Point is Any Average Person can make up and Film some Bizarre Premeditated Video(s) in Hopes that it Goes fucking Viral, BUT that DOES NOT make Them even Close to being Eccentric.
Authentic Eccentrics are Quirky from Birth as if Odd is part of Their DNA which is Why Most Eccentrics have No Idea (or Interest) in the Fact that They are Eccentric. The Eccentrics that are aware that They have been Labeled as So, and thus are Perceived as Eccentric by the Public are only aware because Other fucking People have Told them So (Throughout Their Entire Lives No Doubt). Essentially it is an Aggressive Form of Forced Self Awareness. It’s Constantly Accosting Someone to Remind Them that the Rest of the World Sees Them in a Rather Unfavorable Light, and No One like being called Crazy without Provocation. People just do Shitty stuff like this because People are inherently Shitty but I digress.
The Eccentric We would like to Salute in this Installment is a Woman Known as Francine Dancer Who made Her own Unique Mark on The World Wide Web. Below are Four Videos by Francine Dancer followed by The Facts and The Fiction Surrounding this Eccentric Person and Personality.
Enjoy.
So What is it All About?
Francine Dancer posted a Small Handful of Musical Themed Videos (Seven in Total).
Four of the Seven Videos featured Francine interacting with a Tall Lanky and Quiet Creepy looking Doll of Some Sort.
The Doll Appears to be Homemade being more than likely Constructed by Francine Herself.
The Doll looks like Dr. Frankenstein built it in His Lab using Parts from a Mannequin, a Sex Doll, and then Hired Marilyn Mansons Make Up Artist to do the Make Up.
What makes the Doll Unnerving is its Distinctive Personification (The Attribution of a Personal Nature or Human Characteristics to Something Non-Human, or the Representation of an Abstract Quality in Human Form).
It Didn’t take Long for Francine’s Video’s to Fizzle Out and Francine was all but Forgotten and Her Online Presence Vanished.
Francine’s Videos were Resurrected Many Years Later when They Resurfaced on TIK TOK creating quite a Buzz Online.
Viewers were Freaked the fuck out by the Doll and the Fact They couldn’t Figure Out what the hell was Going on or What the Point of Francine’s Videos Actually was Since there is Zero Context Provided. As We Know when People can’t Understand Something Their Imaginations Run fucking Wild and with Francine there was No Acceptation.
Francine’s Alleged Backstory:
Francine was a TV Star before Her Partner She Preformed with Unfortunately Died (Reasons Unknown). This Effectively Ended the “Act” as it were thus Killing Francines’s Dreams of Being a Hollywood Actress.
After being Forced out of the Limelight by Circumstances beyond Her Control Francine had a Severe Mental Breakdown (Nothing Short of a Psychotic Break) Unable to Cope with Her New Found Reality.
Francine in a Completely Delusional State of Mind Broke into the Funeral Home, and Stole the Body of Her Dearly Departed Partner before Burial.
Francine then Proceeded to Hide the Dead Body of Her Partner in Her Home.
Francine Recorded the Four Videos in Question to Relive Her Glory Days on TV Desperate to be a Star Once Again.
Eventually the Authorities are made Aware of the Situation by an Anonymous Tip and Intervene. The Police Reclaimed the Corpse and Arrested Francine on the Spot.
Francine is Subsequently Tried for Breaking and Entering, Destruction of Private Property, Theft of a Corpse, and Desecration of a Corpse.
Francine was inevitably found Guilty on All Charges and was Sentenced to Live Out the Remainder of Her Days on Earth at The Snyder Asylum for the Criminally Insane.
The Big Question: Is This a Hoax?
Back in 2007 a Link Posted Online Titled “Best Weirdest Show EVER! Totally INSANE AND TRIPPY” was Discovered.
The Video appeared to be Footage from a Cable Access Show (This was Later Confirmed to be Correct) called Steve Beacon on Francine Dancer Variety Half Hour” .
In the Footage Francine Dances with an Extremely Tall and Extremely Thin and Lanky Man apparently Named Steve Beacon. The Two Dance like Small Children in impromptu and Ransom Movements with No Choreography whatsoever. This is Definitely Not So You Think You Can Dance or Dancing with the Starts Not By a Long Shot. This Footage would make much more sense if this was done by Actual Children as Opposed to Fully Grown Adults.
The Glaringly Apparent Likeness of Steve Beacon’s Physique to that of the Demented looking Doll is Uncanny without Doubt. This Fueled the Flames of the Internet Rumor Mills surrounding Francine’s Backstory.
Since There is Nothing like Seeing for Yourself so Below is the Video “Best Weirdest Show EVER! Totally INSANE AND TRIPPY” Featuring the Footage of Steve Beacon and Francine on the Francine Dancer Variety Half Hour.
Enjoy.
In Reality: The Facts
Francine’s Backstory while Entertaining and Morbid is Total Bullshit.
There is No Record of Francine having a Mainstream Network TV Star.
There is No Record of Francine’s Arrest or Conviction on Public Record.
The Snyder Asylum for the Criminally Insane Simply Does Not Exist.
Even though there is the Public Access TV Show Footage with Steve Beacon there is Absolutely No Indication that He could be or Was Francine’s Dead Performance Partner. The Title of the Show is Steve Beacon on the Francine Dancer Variety Half Hour as Opposed to The Seven and Francine Dancer Variety Half Hour or even The Steve and Francine Dancer Variety Half Hour.
Francine is Now a Senior Citizen Who is back on Public Access and Still Preforming with the Demented Looking Doll.
On One Episode of Her New(er) Cable Access Show Francine in fact Introduces the Doll to the Viewing Audience as Stary Dancer.
There is a Surprising Amount of Videos Posted to YouTube Pertaining to Francine such as Interviews and Biographical Pieces a Plenty.
We heard about Local 58 from a Friend Many Months ago and Just Recently Got around to Checking it Out. It Blew Our fucking Minds and We fell in Love Instantly.
Local 58 is a Fictional Television Station created for a Psychological Horror Anthology Web Series Created by Webcartoonist and Author Kris Straub. The Series is about a Fictional Public Access Television Station named Local 58 WCLV-TV, which is Constantly Hijacked with Ominous Broadcasts and Surreal Videos. The Fictional TV Station also Appears to be Named in the Fashion of PBS Member Stations, therefore indicating that it might have been an Unidentified PBS Member Station or Simply a Decoy/Clone.
We Decided to Post the Entire 8 Video Series below since the Series as a whole has a Total Running Time of 22 Minutes and 42 Seconds. In Addition Each Video has a Description Posted Above it that pertains to said Post.
From what We can Deduce the Series Chronicles TV Transmissions (Over a 40 Year Period) of Humanity’s Struggle Against an Aggressive and Hostile Alien Race. The Alien Invasion just so Happens to be Playing Out on Local 58 as Aliens, and an Unknown Third Party (perhaps a Scientist), Fight for Control of Local 58’s Airwaves and Ultimately the Fate of Humanity Itself.
Enjoy.
You Are On The Fastest Available Route
A Found Footage-Style Dashcam Video Dated from 2014 involving a Driver following a GPS. The GPS begins to Direct the Driver off the Main Road and into a Forrest. As the Directions grow more Ominous, and Instruct the Driver to Park the Car and Turn off the Headlights, a Massive Roar can be Heard as the Feed Cuts to a Driver Fleeing from an Unidentified Bipedal Creature that begins to give Chase. The Driver Flees to Their Car which They end Up Wrecking, and as The Creature approaches the Wrecked Car the GPS keeps spitting out Directs until it Finally says “You Have Arrived.”
2. Contingency
Contingency shows Local 58 Ending Their Broadcast Day, and SMPTE Bars are Aired. Suddenly, the Broadcast is Interrupted with a Prerecorded Emergency Alert from the Department for the Preservation of American Dignity (DPAD) and a written Message from President Lyndon B. Johnson claiming the American Military has beed Defeated by a Foreign Enemy. The Message states that Viewers must Commit Suicide to Prevent the Enemy Force from Capturing Them, and a Reminder to “Take Care” of Any Children or Pets before Yourself. The Message also states at the End that it “Will Repeat Until there are None to Read it”.
The Hijacking Stops, and Local 58 Airs a Retraction Claiming that the Message was a Hoax. However, it is possible to see a “Hoax Apology Card” behind the Message, suggesting the Previous Message was the Result of “Accidental Public Broadcast during off-air Remote Operation Relay Test.”
3. Weather Service
The Video starts with a Programming Schedule Broadcast at Midnight, which is Interrupted by an EAS Message Warning Viewers of a Meteorological Even taking place, and Advises Viewers Not to Look at the Event with the Naked Eye. Normal Programming Resumes, but then is Interrupted once again by a More Urgent EAS Bulletin Warning Viewers Not to go Outside or Look at the Sky, only for a Message to be Interrupted by a Second Alert Stating its Safe for all to view and the Warning has Been Lifted, and instructs the Viewers to “GO OUTSIDE NOW”.
A Fight appears to break out between the First Party, Who issued the Initial EAS Alert, and the Second, Attempting to Hijack the Station’s Airwaves. The First Party issues a Message Warning Viewers Not to Look at the Moon and to Avoid all Windows and Mirrors, which the Second pArty Alters encouraging the Viewer to look at the Moon, and then the Message Cuts Out Abruptly. Local 58 briefly returns to its Normal Programming before a Final EAS Message Airs in which the First Party appears to have been Exposed to the Moonlight after being Overpowered by the Second Party, and is now seemingly Possessed. Then the Delirious First Party slowly Types “IF YOU ARE AFRAID WE WILL LOOK TOGETHER”, the Feed Cuts to a Live View of the Moon while the Sound of People Screaming can be Heard, until the Fed Cuts Out Again.
4. STATION ID
Station Id is a Video that Displays the Following Messages while Surreal Music Plays:
ANALOG HORROR AT 476MHz
WE BEGIN OUR BROADCAST DAY
LOOK AWAY
IT DOES NOT MATTER
THERE ARE OTHER RECIEVERS
SAFETY IN NUMBER
The Video serves as the Channel’s Trailer.
5. Show For Children
The Broadcast Opens with a Programming Schedule with a 1980’s Visual Style. The First Program on the Schedule is “Show For Children” at 4:15am, which is Rather Odd Time for a Kids’ Show to Air. It then Transitions into an Old 1929-Style Black and White Cartoon called “A Grave Mistake”, Featuring a Anthropomorphic Skeleton named Cadavre, which literally the French word for Corpse. It follows Cadavre stumbling through a Graveyard at Night under the Watch of a Smiling Moon. He comes across an Open Grave and wonders if His Lover may be Inside, and Decides to take a Peek. He is Frightened by a Skeleton and Runs Away. He finds Another Grave, Only to be Frightened by a Creature Resembling a Rotting Bird and runs away again.
The Moon now Stares at Cadavre intently. He looks in another Grave, and depends into it, entering a Long and Dark Cave. After wandering through the Cave for some Time, He reaches another Open Grave, but cannot Escape; Instead, He lies Face Up on the Ground under the Light of the Now Realistic Looking Moon. As The Moon Passes over the Open Grave Cadavre apparently Dies, turning into a Lifeless Skeleton.
6. A Look Back
A Look Back is a Compilation of the History of Local 58 as it Shuffles through Different Logos. It is then Hijacked with Messages that Read:
WE SEND SIGNALS TO OURSELVES
THRU THEIR DOMAIN
DID WE REALLY BELIEVE
THEY WOULDN’T ADD THEIR OWN
It then Shows Clips of all The Hijackings, Afterward, Messages Appear Saying “DON’T TOUCH THAT DIAL”, “MORE TO COME” and then “WE BEGIN OUR BROADCAST DAY” before the Hijacking Concludes and Local 58 Broadcasting returns back to Normal.
7. Real Sleep
The Broadcast appears to be Based on a Personalized VHS recorded by the Thought Research Initiative in 1983 for a Man named Philip Gerhardt. It Starts with a simple Myth or Fact Game about Sleep, which Claims that Dreaming is Not Essential to Mental Health. It then Displays a Visual of Monitored Brainwaves called the “Kleitman Map”, implying that the Video was Personally Designed to Prevent Dreams by Applying an Inverse of the Map. The Video then Cuts to a Segment where Four Sequences are Introduced in a Manner Similar to the Flashed Face Distortion Effect.The Exercise appears to be designed in an Attempt to Erase the Concept of Facial Recognition from the Viewer. The Viewer is then Bombarded by Subliminal Messages that Flash in Rapid Succession on the Screen Saying things like:
THIS IS YOUR TIME
THERE IS WORK TO BE DONE
WE ARE OUR OWN GODS
YOU OWE THE MESSENGER
The Video Ends with the Viewer being told that They have Now Completed the Real Sleep Program, and to Avoid seeing a Doctor as the Screen Fizzles Out.
8. Skywatching
The Video begins a san Educational Program similar to Cosmos and Star Gazers Broadcast in the 1990’s. After the Introduction the Show is Hijacked by a Feed Displaying Home Video Footage of the Night Sky with the Same Title as Before the Hijacking. The Camera Displays different Asterisms, and then turns to the Moon. The Words “HIS THRONE” are Displayed on the Screen as the Cameraman begins to Switch Lenses. The Camera then Displays Close Ups of the Moon’s Surface with Strange Constructions and seemingly Organic Formations. The Moon then Slowly Fades Away as the Camera Zooms. As the Camerman begins to Switch Lenses , the Moon Reappears, Now Far Larger in Size and with a Creature Visible Inside.
An Air Raid Siren is then Heard Going off, and the Video Ends with the Cameraman walking in front of the Camera towards the Moon with His Hands Raises, while the word “REJOICE” Appear on the Screen, just before the Siren Abruptly Cuts out and the Hijacking concludes. After the Credits, the Video Concludes with one Last Message “Keep Looking Up”
We Hope You Enjoyed this Sinister Tale of a Subversive Alien Invasion as Much as We Did.
Presented By Les Sober 
(Pt1238am)