public transportation – f-your blog

I KNOW I’M A FOOL

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post I KNOW I’M A FOOL By Content Creator know as Burden. Burden Claims Their Work as “For those who are no longer human. For those who can’t relate. Videos range from unruly despair to unrecognized rage. Deprived Visions.” Who or Whom Burden is remains to be seen, but Here’s a would be Rundown of this Obscure Channel. Burden is a Small Channel that has a Collection of Strange/Unexplained/Mysterious Videos that could Possibly be an ARG, an Art Project, Gorilla Advertising, or Just the Crazy fucking shit Spewing from Someone Who forgot to take Their fucking Medication. We Don’t give a Fuck if Burden is Actually Ingenious or Absolutely Insane, But We fucking Do Enjoy Their Work a Good Bit that’s for Sure.

I KNOW I’M A FOOL basically can be Broken Down into 3 Parts The Beginning, The Middle, and Yeah the fucking End. The Beginning showcases Gothic Themes like it was Filmed in Some fucking Graveyard somewhere it’s just Painfully Cliche is all (it SERIOUSLY reminds Us of a Countless Number of Student Art Films/Projects is All). The Audio is Much More interesting as it’s Narrated by What Sounds like an Old British Man Who Sounds like He is Waxing Poetically during what could be a Lecture of Some sort on Life Lessons or fucking Philosophy on the Human Condition but We don’t rightfully fucking Know.

The Middle is Black and White Footage of What Appears to be a Woman on a fucking Bus as if She was on a Security Camera because the Distorted Footage is Reminiscent of Something Recored on/by CCTV. Then Following that There is Rather Random Stock Footage of Old Historical Trains with Coal Burning Steam Locomotives at the Helm. For Once in One of these Weird fucking Fringe Videos the Audio ACTUALLY fucking Matches the Visual as during the Train Footage the Audi is just a Recording of the Industrial Sounds of a Moving Train. The Trains Aren’t Passenger Trains as there No Passenger Cars or at Least We Didn’t fucking See any and We watched this Shit Over and Over So there’s That. These Trains Appear to be Freight Trains with Box/Stock Cars (The Train Cars that fucking Hobo’s Used to Hitch a Ride on)

The Final or Ending Part of the Video is a Simple fucking Visual of a Blue fucking Sky and fucking White Clouds that Sort of Blurry Together over Time. The Audio is the Old British Bastard but this Time around there is a Distinct fucking Echo wherever He’s Speaking. We instantly;y Associated the Echo with a Cathedral or Extremely Large Church as if this Guy is Delivering a fucking Sunday Sermon or some shit though God, Jesus, or Specific Religion is NOT MENTIONED OR REFERENCED. And for that We are more than fucking Grateful because NOTHING fucks Up a Potentially Bad Ass Video than Religious Preaching, Testifying, Promotion, Rhetoric, or Fanaticism. Best to Leave Religion Well Out of It because Honestly if there is a God We’re Sure He/She/It Could Care fucking Less about it.

FYI the Last Line of Dialogue is fucking Killer.

It is What it Is,

Presented By Les Sober

Tidbits For Shits And Giggles: BLOODLUBE

This Little Piece of Obscene Absurdity is By Animator, Director, and Writer Jake Lava. Now as Our Fans are more than likely Aware We at FYB Pride Ourselves in Providing the Most Information on the Subject at Hand. Unfortunately there is VIRTUALLY NO Personal Information about Jake Lava Online (Even Though He has a Twitter Account and YouTube Channel. We were Unable to Locate Him On Facebook though there Several People with Profiles with the Same Name) which in this Day and Age is Utterly Insane. What We were able to Unearth were Two Quotes By Jake Lava Describing Himself/His Work which are as Follows:

On Jake Lava’s Youtube Page Under “About”:
“I’m a Guy that Sometimes Animates and Sometimes Draws Comics Too.”

On Jake Lava’s Twitter Heading:
“(Jake Lava) An Extremely Mediocre Artist/Animator.”

Question:What Do You Get When You Add Public Transportation, Masturbation, and Blood?

Answer: You’ll Have To Watch and See for Yourself.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober (Pt1214am)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (59/365)

The Bus Driver Slammed on the Break causing the Bus to Lunge Forward sending all of the Passengers falling forward all over one another. It reminded Lee of the World’s Most Fucked Up Domino Display Toppling Over. The Passengers pushed and shoved like a Bunch of Rabid Savages as They Untangled Themselves and returned to Their Feet once again. The Driver Threw Open the Bus Doors and the Passengers came flooding out like water through a Busted Dam into the empty Parking lot.

As Soon as Everyone was off the Bus the Asian Gamblers regroup and started talking frantically before They all took off Running like Their asses where on Fire. The Bus Driver yelled after Them to get back over by the Bus because leaving the Scene of an Accident is in itself a Crime. The Bus Driver’s words fell on Deaf Ears as The Group of Asian Gamblers continued to sprint off into the Distance like Their lives Depended on it.

“Where the fuck are They Going?” asked Dizzy confusedly as He peered around like a Methed up Meerkat.

“If I had to venture a Guess it’s because They’re afraid of Immigration or the Simply Fact They’re engauging in Illegal Gambling on Illegal Cock Fights.” snapped the Bus Driver irritably as He waited on hold with 911.

“That and They smelled like fucking Opium.” added Lee snidely since He resented the Bus Driver’s Attitude. He didn’t exactly know Why, but for some Reason it was Rubbing Him the Wrong Way. It was in all probability just due to His Overall Frustration having found Himself in the Middle of a Grade 5 Hurricane Sized Shit Storm.

“Hello 911 My name is Gus Gentry and I’m a Bus Driver for the City,” announced the Bus Driver Forcefully as He paced Back and Forth like a Caged Animal, “I got an Emergency and Need Immediate Assistance. What kind of Emergency? Every Kind You Got! I need an Ambulance, a Coroner, and some fucking Police Officers.”

As Lee eavesdropping on the Bus Driver’s Phone Call He peered around surveying the Scene laid out before Him in the Parking Lot. The Priest Dizzy had Assaulted was still Bleeding like a Stuck Pig as He attended to the Severely Injured Homeless Drunk. The Homeless Drunk was Laying on the Ground with His back up against the Curb Wailing like a fucking Banshee in Heat. The Priest had knelt down on one Knee and was Manically Praying Over Him in Hushed Tones rocking back and forth as He did So.

The Middle Aged Woman who the Homeless Drunk had Vomit Upon was Standing by a Defunct Lamp Post shaking like a goddamn leaf. This however didn’t stop Her from Launching into a Tirade about The Situation at Hand and Her Personal Predicament. In Front of Her was the Young Couple who looked shaken to Their Core and were staring Blankly into the Distance Obviously in a great Deal Shock. Lee left Dizzy’s side and wondered over closer to where the Woman was Standing to Observe the Insanity Close Up.

“I mean the Man Vomited on Me, and IN PUBLIC! A Man who Vomits publicly on a Woman is Not a Gentleman He’s a down right Abomination upon Humanity Itself,” said the Woman as if She was Preaching a Sermon in Church and waving Her Arms about like Epileptic Eels, “I have never been subjugated to such Degradation and Deviance in MY LIFE I tell You, and If My Husband was Alive He would have Slapped some Sense and common Decency Into Him. He’d have rolled up His Sleeves, taken off His Wedding Ring, Loosened His Tie, and given that Homeless Drunkard an Honest Ass Kicking!”

Lee found it fascinating Entertaining that the Woman spoke as if She was under the Impression it was 1922, and Chivalry wasn’t Dead as a fucking Door Nail. The Young Couple Meanwhile remained in a Post Traumatic Haze, all the Blood having Drained from Their Deathly White Faces, and Looked as if They would Collapse into a Heap at a moments Notice. Lee couldn’t Help but think that the Young Couple compared to the Businessman who was Actually Dead where the One’s Who in Fact Looked like Death Warmed Over. It was then Lee Noticed the Traumatized Bus Bunny sitting on the Curb Legs Splayed Open, Arms Flung About, Head Cocked to one Side, and Babbling incoherently. Lee walked over and decided to take a seat next to Her on the Curb.

“I Never…I Never…Never fucked a Guy to Death Before,” whispered the Bus Bunny aloud without even acknowledging Lee’s Presence, “I din’t know He was dying who Dies when They’re fucking? I didn’t know My shit was Sucking His Soul Out through His Pecker. My Muff is a Murderer.”

Lee got up as He had no Interest in Listing to Nonsensical Drivel so He returned to His Spot standing Next to Dizzy. Dizzy Seemed Greatly agitated He couldn’t stop fidgeting as He constantly shifted His Weight from Foot to Foot like a Nervous Prey Animal when They Know a Predator is Near. He was coated in a Clear Sheen of Sweat and His Eyes Darted about like a Hummingbird. Lee was perplexed by Dizzy’s current behavior as Dizzy didn’t seem like the Type of Person that let Never Let a Goddamn thing get to Them. Dizzy kept looking over obsessively towards Not just the Road but the Entrance to the Parking Lot as Well which reminded Lee of a Junkie on the Verge of Being Dope Sick watching Cars to see if can Spot Their Dealer coming with Their next Fix.

“What the fuck is Wrong with You Man You’re coming fucking Unglued,” commented Lee with a hint of Honest Concern, “This is undoubtedly a Royal Class A Cluster Fuck, But Hey it’s also great Free Entertainment so Why Not stay a While and see How it Ends?”

“Because I fucking Broke My Beer Bottle over a fucking Priest’s fucking Head, and He’s Bleeding like a Son of a Bitch,”replied Dizzy with a good deal of Contempt,”I don’t know about You Man, But I got Plenty of Better shit to do Today then to get fucking Arrested and Charged with Aggravated fucking Assault Goddamn it All to Hell!”

“Well We better have a fucking Plan B because the Cops beat Us Here Before We could get the fuck Out of Here,” said Lee as He watched Several Police Cruisers come Driving in like They were NASCAR Drivers.

“FUCK! FUCK ME! FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE! WHAT THE FUCK,” screamed Dizzy in a Panicked Rage, “What the Fuck Already I’m so fucked I’m going to fucking County Again Goddamnit.”

“Hold On Don’t worry just Yet,” advised Lee calmly, “With all the fucking Chaos We’ll blend in and then We can slip on Out when The Cops are Busy with all These Insane Fuckers.”

“Alright thats not the World’s Shittiest Idea.”Replied Dizzy as He did His Best to get His shit together and Maintain.

The Cops pulled up Their Brakes Screeching to High Heaven as The Charged in like it was World War III or some sort of National fucking Disaster was occurring. The Cops Piled Out of Their cars with Their hands on Their Guns and wearing Their Best Authoritative Faces. Some Police Officers rounded Everyone Up into a Small Group in Front of the Bus while a Couple Went over to Evaluate the Injured Priest and the Wounded Homeless Drunk. The Middle Aged Woman being a Shitty Snob immediately took center stage, and launched into a Full Blown “Poor Me” Victim Spiel worthy of a fucking Oscar. A Few of the Officers broke off to Handle the Fighting Roosters that were still Raising Hell inside of the Bus. The Police Officers Boarded the Bus and were Attacked Mercilessly by the Roosters as They Flapped Around trying to Claw out the Officers Eyes. This was all the Police Needed to Use Deadly Force, and The Officers on the Bus drew Their Weapons and Unloaded Clip after Clip into the Flock of Furious Foul. The Gun Shots continued until Every Raging Rooster Lay Dead Riddled with Bullets.

As The Barrage of Gunfire on the Bus was in Full fucking Swing an Ambulance came and the EMTS were tending to the two Injured Men. The Wiped as much Blood as possibly off the Priests Head before Bandaging it to the Point it looked like They were attempting to Mummify Him. One EMT escorted the Still Frantically Praying Priest over to the Ambulance. The Other EMT turn His Attention to the Homeless Drunk who ended up on a Stretcher with a Free Ride to the Nearest Hospital’s ICU.

The last to Arrive was the City Coroner who seemed to be in No Rush at all since where the fuck was the Dead Guy gonna go?! They touched base with the Police Officers before They Boarded the Bus. As soon as They did the Lead Coroner started Bitching Loudly about the Rooster Massacre He had to wade Through to do His Job. That was until He reached the Deceased Businessman’s Corpse then He really flipped he fuck out Big Time. Lee couldn’t make out the Words as They were muffled by the Confines of the Bus, but He could tell by Tone exactly how the Coroners Felt about the situation. After a Healthy Dose of Venting the Lead Coroner stuck His head out the Bus Door and looked around until He spotted His Subordinate.

“HEY PHIL,” the Lead Coroner Bellowed, “This Stiff is so covered in Bodily Fluid I’m talking Blood, Spit, Vomit, Piss, Shit and Semen WE don’t need a Body Bag We Need a Goddamn Body Condom for this Guy.”

Stay Tuned for the Next Unsettling Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (60/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis:Professional People Watcher (57/365)

Lee diverted His gaze towards the Front of the Bus were a Small Old Man who looked sickly thin almost skeletal. It reminded Lee of a Late Stage Alcoholic who has given up food to Ingest just Alcohol like His deceased Uncle Wilber. The Man was so thin His clothes though the Right size when the Man was Healthier now hung on His Feeble Frame like a Child trying on His Father’s Suit. The Oldman’s long mostly white and greasy hair was slicked back, and along with His scraggly beard both seemed only to exaggerate His Disheveled Appearance. The Old man Shuffled Heel-Toe past the Driver and sat down in the Seat directly behind the Driver.

As soon as the Old Man sat down He slumped forward so far Lee thought He might tumble head first onto the Bus Floor at the slightest bump or jiggle. The next thing Lee knew the Old Man started to Vomit though since He apparently hadn’t eaten in a Long While He was puking up a Vile combination of Bile, Stomach Acid, Cheap Booze, and an excessive amount of Saliva. The Man just continued to periodically vomit over and over again until His Lap was a Pool of Putrid Smelling Puke. The Vomit that had Pooled in the Old MAn’s Lap began to soak into His pants and the Over flow started to creep down the Man’s Trouser Leg like a Waterfall in Slow Motion. The Smell permitted the Bus from end to End as Passengers fumbled frantically to Open as Many of the Bus window’s as Possible. All the while the Driver acted absolutely Oblivious to the Human Vomit Fountain sitting behind Him only Inches away. Lee felt his gag reflex about to go Full Tilt on Him and He at last looked away from the Old Man and His Veracious Public Vomiting Episode.

“HEY! HEY! HEY!,” whispered Dizzy like an Excited Child, “Look over there the Bus Bunny is making Her Move. I fucking told you, I fucking so told You So!”

Lee shot a quick glance in the Direction of the Bus Bunny who had remained standing in the aisle next to the Tweeked Out Businessman idol chatting away. Now She moved so she was now standing in Front of the Businessman as if She was simply passing by Him to the reach Window Seat. Then in the blink of an Eye the Bus Bunny transformed momentarily into some sort of Sex Ninja. In an Instant the Bus Bunny had Her Panties off and in Her purse, Mini Skirt Hiked Up, and was bouncing up and down on the Businessman’s Meth induced Boner all in one Foul Swoop. Lee’s turned His attention to the second set of Bus Door at the Back of the Bus as it pulled up to a Stop.

A Small group of perhaps 7-8 Very Stern looking Asian Men boarded the Bus, and moved immediately to the Back of the Bus occupying the Last several rows. As Lee looked on The Group of rather Grim looking Asian Men pulled out Large Rolls of Money, started counting out Different Amounts, and Handing them Back and Forth. The Eldest Member of the Group reached into a Bag had slung over His right Shoulder to retrieve a Bottle of Saki and what appeared to be Several Saki Cups. The Elderly Man placed the Bottle on the Floor of the Bus while he handed out the Saki Cups one by one to each member of the Group.

“What in the name of all things Strange is that all about?” asked Lee hoping Dizzy would have some sort of Insight into the Subject, and luckily Lee wasn’t Disappointed.

“Oh yeah that,” said Dizzy casually, “They’re coming from a Beta Fish Fight down in China Town.”

“What in the hell is a Beta Fish Fight?” Lee wondered aloud disregarding His surroundings.

“Well You know how We have Dog Fighting here in America Right? Well in Asia especially Thailand and Vietnam the Locals host Beta Fish Fights where People can Gamble on the Outcome,” replied Dizzy completely at ease, “Beta Fish are Cool looking, BUT they are Aggressive as a Motherfucker thats why in the Pet Stores they are Housed Solely by Themselves. If you put a Beta Fish in Your Tank they will not stop until they have killed every other fish in the Tank including Other Beta’s. Thats why Beta Fish Fights found a Home in Overseas Gambling.”

“Alright thats insanely nitrating, but that doesn’t explain the Slightly sweet smell wafting off of the Entire Group? Mind you its not a bad Smell just one I’m not Familiar with is all.” said Lee with a good deal of conviction.

“Opium. What Your smelling is Opium.” answered Dizzy without pause.

“They smoke Opium at Beta Fish Fights to?!” asked Lee in disbelief at what Dizzy had just told Him.

“No, No They don’t smoke it Nowadays, BUT all the basements and backrooms where the Beta Fish Fights are held used to be Opium Dens back in the Day,” Dizzy said with a Scholarly Air, “You see just like with Cigar Smoke Opium smoke lingered in the Rooms and slowly but surely permitted into the Wood Furniture, Wood Accents all that kind of Shit. Apparently they smoked so much fucking Opium that the Smell is not just noticeable at the Fish Fights but it can stick to the Attendees clothing and hair as well.”

Stay Tuned for the Next Pulse Racing Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (58/365)

Thank for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (55/365)

The Bus Pulled up and came to an Abrupt Stop the Breaks Screeching like a Robotic Banshee, and the Smell of Exhaust was Overwhelming. Slowly and Uniformly Lee, Dizzy, and the Few Others at the Bus Stop got to They’re feet and shuffled Their Feet as They made They’re was towards Front Door of the Bus. As They approached everyone awkwardly funneled Themselves into a Single File line in order to Board the Bus. Dizzy went ahead of Lee and pumped a hefty handful of Change into Bus’s Ticket Toll Machine before making His way into the Belly of The Beast. Lee followed closely as He still had no Earthly Idea what the fuck to Expect.

Dizzy was Shuffling Heal-Toe down the Center Isle of the Bus like an Decrepit Old Man. Dizzy was doing so to Help insure His Stability as the Alcohol was beinging to Overwhelm His Motor Functions a Alcohol apt to do. Finally to Lee’s relief Dizzy Stumbled and Lurched Forward half falling into a Seat Somewhere around the Middle of the Bus. Dizzy dropped into the Seat only to Pop back up immediately like a Cracked Out Jack-In-The-Box bullshit staring at Lee His eyes Glassy and Bloodshot.

“Hold Up a Second I should take the Isle seat just to be Safe,” said Dizzy Pausing Briefly to collect his Muddled Thoughts, “You never can tell with this kind of shit so best We be prepared for anything and fucking Everything.”

“Safety First.” replied Lee having not a clue what the fuck Dizzy was going on About and Wrote it off to Dizzy’s State of Drunkenness. All Lee wanted at this point was for this fucking Bus ride to be Over as fast as fucking possible, and to be relaxing in the Corner of the Crystal Diner with a Beer and a Burger. Lee didn’t think that was to much to ask considering how this Day had Started. Lee squeezed past Dizzy who did nothing to get out of Lee’s way and Plopped Down in the Window Seat.

The Bus motor Groaned and Growled as the Bus pulled away from the Curb and started down the Street. Lee sat for a while Sipping His Beer and Staring out the Bus Window at the Epidemic of Urban Sprawl that was constantly spreading outward devouring everything in its Path. Soon Lee though the Entire Land will be Swallowed by The Sprawl until all would be were Strip Malls, Massive Apartment (or Worse Condo) Complexes, Big Box Stores, Expansive Parking Lots, 6 Lane Roads, Trendy Grocery Stores, and Generic Family Restaurants and the Like. The Quiet Small Towns would be Destroyed by Asphalt Avalanches, Cascades of Concrete, and Saturated with Cement. Buildings Begetting Building Begetting Buildings in an Endless Capitalist Assembly Line from Horizon to Horizon as Far as the Eye can see in All Directions. It was fucking Revolting to Lee who felt seriously sickened by The Non Stop Demands of Humanity that were Laying waste to a Far Simpler and More Pleasant Time. It was Simply Society Recycling Itself.

Lee found looking out the Window was starting to fuck up the Solid Beer Buzz He had going on. Lee screwed the Cap back onto His 40 oz. and desperately began to peer around the Bus gaiting a Lay of the Land as it were. The Bus wasn’t packed but there was a Fare Number of People riding the Bus none the Less. Lee first spotted a Young Generic Looking Business Man sitting a few rows in front of Him on the opposite side of the Bus. The Young Businessman Sat Rigidly the Perfect Picture of Posture which gave of an Anxious Vibe.

The Businessman Looked to be in His Late Twenties to Early Thirties and was wearing a nondescript Slate Gray Suit, White Dress Shirt, Plain Dark Red Tie, and a Decent Pair of Dress Shoes. Everything about the Businessman was Immaculate, His suit was an exact fit without a Wrinkle or stray piece of Lint or Animal Hair on it. His Shoes were in Excellent condition and were so Polished They could have passed for New, But Lee had seen the Soles of the Man’s Shoes which were Worn from a good bit of Walking. The Man Sat with a Brown Leather Looking Brief Case laying across His lap with His Hands Folded politely on Top of it. The Man had Short Black Hair that He had Slicked straight Back using a fare amount Product which mad Him look like a Wall Street Stock Broker from the 1980’s. Lee couldn’t Help but Notice that though the Businessman Sat a still as a fucking statue His eyes were Frantically Dart around the Bus as if We was keeping Tabs on Every Other Passenger, and He was beginning to Sweat Slightly while He sat Utterly Still in Silance.

Lee turned to face Dizzy who was staring to the point of Glaring at Something or Someone while taking long drawls off of His 40 like a Psychopath which was fitting considering they were on the Bus. Lee followed suit, uncapped His Beer, took several Prolonged Sips, and as He went to put the cap back on His Beer He Dropped it by Accident. Lee sat Forward as He went to Retrieve His lost Cap from where it Fell Dizzy grabbed His arm forcefully.

“DO NOT PICK THAT UP. The Cap touched the Bus Floor and there’s NO fucking 5 second anything on a Bus so That Cap is Contaminated as a $2 Crackwhore on Payday,” Snarled Dizzy not taking His Eyes off of whatever He was looking at, “Besides there’s no Antibiotics or anything else that could combat the Toxic Crap found on Bus floors, I mean Really their Pissed on, Puked On, Bled On, Spit On, Jizzed, and Shellacked in Shit for starters. Not to mention all the fucking Filth and Goddamn Grime that People track the fuck on the Bus via Their shitty Shoes. You want to Die, pick up that cap and Use it if Not leave the fucking thing were it lies.”

“Alright I’ll leave it obviously.” replied Lee annoyed at Dizzy’s perceived Over reaction to the Situation. Lee Sat back in His Seat and Signed before deciding to see what if anything the Young Businessman was up too. Lee Looked up just in time to See the Young Businessman slyly slip His right hand under his Briefcase, pull out a Syringe filled with a Very Dark Drown Fluid, Tilt His head to One Side, Vigorously rub His Neck, and Inject the Contents of the Syringe Via His Jugular Vein. Shocked as Shit Lee smacked Dizzy to get His Attention since Lee couldn’t fathom what the fuck He had just witnessed.

STAY TUNED for the Next Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (56/365) COMING SOON!

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober (12:26am)

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (54 /365)

The intoxicated twosome reached the Deli Door and Dizzy opted to be the One who went in to get the Change They needed for the upcoming Bus Venture. A Couple of Minutes Later Dizzy emerged from the Deli with a Pocket full of Silver and two 40 Ounces of Natty Ice.

“What the fuck are the 40s for?!” asked Lee some what baffled by the Alcohol He had already ingested thus far.

“There for US to Drink on the Bus because fucking trust Me You DO NOT want to be fucking Sober when Your on the Bus,” responded Dizzy matter of factly much like a Museum Tour Guide, “The shit Your about to See, Smell and Touch is much more bearable if You have Beer to back You Up.”

The Two continued words the Bus Stop in Silence as Lee wondered if the Public Transportation System seriously suck as Bad as Dizzy claimed it was?! Slowly Lee’s mind began to Spiral Out of Control with Increasingly Horrible Mental Images of the Possible Horrors that awaited Him on the Dastardly Bus. Paranoia began to set in Dominating Lee’s Emotions as Lee strained to keep Himself from having a fucking Full Blown Panic Attack. The Growing feeling of Dread started welling up inside of Lee as He suddenly found Himself beginning to Question Everything He had done that Day. The Rapid Secession of Thoughts which only lead Lee to feel even more Completely Overwhelmed.

Why did He walk into that fucking Theater only to Witness the World’s most Perturbing Performance Art Ever created? Why did He talk to Dizzy in the First Place None the Less decide to Hang Out with Him?! Lee felt trapped as if He had been backed into a corner with No Way to Escape. Life was fucking with Lee he thought to Himself and fucking with Him Hard. This Train of Toxic Thought was Aiding in Lee’s attempt to subdue His Acute Anxiety. Lee desperate but Determined blocked everything out and focused solely on His Breathing. As The Two approached the Bus Stop Lee was still fighting to Maintain to a Good Degree.

They sat down side by side on the Small incredibly uncomfortable Plastic Bench that had these pathetic Alleged Arm Rests that were there to Provide a sort of ‘Personal Space” Barrier between Strangers waiting for the Bus. In Reality The “Arm Rest/ Dividers” were a recent addition by the Department of Transportation simply so Homeless People Couldn’t/Wouldn’t Sleep on them as The General Public found such behavior Distasteful. Thats Humanity for You it occurred to Lee instead of Helping the Homeless Society decides to go with the Basic “Out f Sight, Out of Mind” Principle, and thus Persecute the Homeless in Lou of Help. God People are Shitty.

“Your gonna want to get about a Third of that Beer in You before We board the Bus,” said Dizzy staring vacantly into Space, “That way You can Fortify Your Buzz in Preparation for the World of Shit that is the Bus. Seriously it’s its Own fucked up Self Contained Ecosystem and shit. There People Riding on the Bus that I swear to God You’ll NEVER see fucking Elsewhere. They’re the Galapagos Tortoises of the Human fucking Race.”

It was Just Then that Lee looked up from His Beer to See the Bus pulling Up to Their Stop.

Stay Tuned for the Next Physics Defying Installment of………

LEE JONHITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (55/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (53 /365)

After an intense Moment of Eye Contact the Officer turned on His heel and headed back to His Patrol Car Leaving Lee and Dizzy standing in the Street like a bunch of assholes.

“FUCK THE POLICE!” yelled Dizzy Defiantly at the Police Officer Back still steaming about the Whole Situation.

“Fuck You Too.” answered the Police Officer over His shoulder not breaking stride before getting in His Patrol Car, and Speed Off Annoyed that He had to deal with Two Drunken Idiots when there was Real Crime out there He could have been Fighting.

“So now what the fuck are We gonna do?!” asked Lee bewildered by what had just happened and still quite Drunk. Lee started to riffle through His pockets searching for spare change for the Bus. There was absolutely No Way in Hell He was ever setting a single fucking foot in Dizzy’s Apartment ever again. Lee looked up briefly to see what the fuck Dizzy was doing since He had momentarily forgotten about Him. Dizzy was standing with a dumbfounded expression plastered across his face like a Drunken Mental Patient swaying ever so slightly as He Peered off blankly into the Distance.

“You got any Change for the Bus?” Lee wondered aloud as He continued to Pilfer His Pockets for literally all they were worth.

“Are You talking t Yourself or Me?!” Dizzy inquired as He slowly transitioned from wherever the fuck He was at in His Head back to Reality, and thought standing in the Street made Him look like some sort of an asshole.

“You I’m obviously talking to You I mean I know what the fuck I’m doing! I’m checking to see if I have change. So It’s You I’m wondering about.” quipped Lee snidely as He was less than Happy at How things had Turned Out.

“It’s not so fucking Obvious though is It really I had Not a fucking Clue who You were addressing, and that’s why I had to fucking ask.” replied Dizzy in an equally snarky tone as He too was Thrilled about Recent Events either.

“I don’t have any change But I found a couple of Dollar Bills and We can get Change from the Corner Deli on the Way to the Bus Stop so that’ll work, Talk about convenient right?” said Lee in a more Up Beat Tone as He realized there was No Point in Wasting the Rest of the Day over some Stupid shit.

Lee started off toward the Corner Deli down the Block with Dizzy following in Tow. As They walked Lee was Mentally going over a Fictional Best Guess Copy of the Crystal Diner’s possible Menu because He was He felt on the Brink of Starvation His Hunger Fueled by His Alcohol Intake. Dizzy on the Other hand Decided this was an opportune time to Voice His rather Dismal Opinion of Public Transportation mainly Buses.

“Do You have any Idea how fucking much the Bus Sucks because if You’ve never been on a goddamn Bus before it’s a Big Old Bitch I’ll tell You That right Here Right Now,” griped Dizzy as He began to rev up into His Next Opinion Laden Rant, “First off Buses are Big Mobile Petrie Dish of Every fucking Bacteria, Virus, Internal Parasite, and Illness or Disease under the fucking Sun. You ever have Giardia because You will You ride the fucking Bus. One 10 minute run down the Road and that Evening You’ll be Shitting Your fucking Brains Out Literally. You will actually shit out Your Brain, and Once Your Mind exits Your Body Via Your asshole there’s No Turning Back Your Proper Fucked plain and simple My Friend.”

“I think Your being really fucking Overdramatic it’s like Your the fucking Mass Transit Drama Queen for crying Out Loud. Could You be any More Over the Top fucking Seriously.” complained Lee as The Two neared the Deli.

“Well the fucking Sickness is only the TIP of the fucking Iceberg of Shit that is The Bus, and I’ve only begun to Speak My Mind Motherfucker so Deal with That.” announced Dizzy with a great deal of Gusto.

Stay Tuned for the Next Bowel Clenching Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (54/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

From Catastrophe Into Conundrum to Conclusion

A few posts back I mentioned My Car took a complete shit on me rendering it useless. I ended up getting it to a Garage where they replaced the Alternator so sucked, but no big deal. I then picked the Car up and drove the 2 hours back home. That should have been the end of the fucking story. Its My Car so it was far from being over.

A day after I get My Car home the goddamn CHECK TRANSMISSION Light starts blinking like an epileptic on Meth. I took it home, parked it, and waited for a chance to take it to my Home Town shop. I finally got My chance on Friday of that week, and I took it in.

The receptionist asked the obligatory “What can we do for you?”, and My Wife told here verbatim “The Check Transmission Light is Blinking so we brought it in.”

Now because it was around 2:30-3:00 pm they stated the obvious that the Car wouldn’t be gotten to until Monday. See I live in a Micro Podunk Town out in the Woods, and around here Mechanics (among many others) are Closed all Weekend.

I called the Shop late Monday afternoon to get a progress report if you will. The Receptionist said He (the Mechanic presumably) was playing catch up as best he could. Now I don’t know for sure but she kept saying “Him” as if they only had one Mechanic which would make sense around these parts. My confusion comes from the Fact that I’ve seen a couple of Mechanics who apparently work there, and its a 8 bay Garage. Who fucking knows anyway.

I decided not to call Tuesday because the Mechanic obviously was over whelmed with work at the moment. Wednesday was the 4th of July so they were closed which again around here thats just par of the course.

I called them on Thursday, and still the Mechanic hadn’t had a chance to look at it. The receptionist did mention that the Mechanic had had a few free minutes, and was going to run some quick diagnostic test, BUT the machine he was going to use had a dead battery so that was the end of that.

She then let me know the Mechanic was working his ass off Monday, and Tuesday he was at “The Funeral”(this is a prime example of Mirco Town Life. I mean the Receptionist just assumed I knew the person or I at least knew who the hell they were, that they had in fact died, when the funeral was, and that I very well might be attending.), and Wednesday was a National Holiday. Point being its Shitty Timing.

Come Friday I call ONCE AGAIN, and the Receptionist tells me the Problem is the Transmission. WELL NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK. My Wife told her exactly that when we dropped the fucking thing off A WEEK AGO YOU ASSHOLE. That wasn’t all though there was more bullshit coming.

The Bullshit I’m referring to is what the Receptionist tells me next. She tells me that “They” will do SOME Transmission work, BUT there are certain repairs they won’t touch with a ten foot fucking pole. And lucky Me My Car had one of the issues “They” wouldn’t fuck with.

She then refers me to a Shop a few towns over about 45 minutes away that they’ve had a long and extensive relationship Blah Blah fucking Blah. The problem is once again its Friday afternoon so My Wife was working and by the time she got off the Transmission Shop would be closed. And once again we found that the Transmission Shop was CLOSED all weekend.

I parked my Car at a near by piece of property owned by a Family Member. I didn’t want to drive the fucker because I didn’t want to exacerbate the issue just like you wouldn’t want to aggravate an injury.

Come Monday I drove my Car to the Transmission Shop. We walked in the office to find no one there. After standing there for 10 minutes like an Asshole a Shop Mechanic popped in to say the Office Guy is out test driving a customer’s car and will be back soon. This pissed me off to the point I went outside for a smoke to avoid acting like a real dick.

As I finished my smoke a greasy looking guy pulls in, and I assume this is this MIA front desk dude. As I’m walking back the office the Guy calls to me. I walk over and he asks me whats up, and I precede to tell him my transmission light was on I took it in to “I’m not mention their actual name” Shop and they said they wouldn’t do the needed repair so they sent me here.

This asshole looks me dead in they eye and says “We don’t work on Transmissions.” WHAT THE FUCK, YOU OWN A TRANSMISSION ONLY SHOP SO PARDON FUCKING ME??!!! I again feel a over whelming rage coming over me so I told him my Wife was in the office.

We went in and apparently there was a possible issue with the type of Transmission my car had.This is what had led to the Odd statement made by the Greasy Guy, BUT IN REALITY My car had a absolutely STANDARD TRANSMISSION so YEAH THEY COULD FIX IT.

Why the Greasy Guy jumped the diagnostic gun I have not a fucking clue.

I left the car there where the Greasy Guy would run further diagnostics and a drive it to see 1st hand what was going on. What lowered my blood pressure was when the Greasy Guy said he’d do the diagnostics for free. That saved me $90-$120 right there.

Later that Morning The Greasy Guy called me. He told me he couldn’t get an exact pin point on the problem with the Diagnostic Machines so He was going to have to remove the Transmission and “Tinker with it” and take a look.

He then told me how much he charged for this and it stopped me in my tracks because the additional charge was utterly going to fuck up my financial set up as it were. I got lucky again when he informed me that that money WOULDN’T be an ADDITIONAL COST as it would be put words the price of the repair.

I talked to the Greasy Guy Tuesday who said he had NO IDEA who the hell I drove my Car to his shop. See once he removed the Transmission, and opened it up a shit ton of its parts fell the fuck out all over the garage floor. The Transmission was THRASHED.

He said he could rebuild it, and that would fix any and all Transmission issues. I called my Wife to confer. My Wife and I had been spending our free time wondering if it could be repaired or did it need to be replaced all together. At the same time we were playing the “Price of Repair Vs. Getting a New Car in the Battle of Whats The Best Financial Strategy.

I asked The Greasy Guy if he did do the repairs or whatever would the car be reliable (in all due favor its a Older Car) or would investing the money in a New Car be a better Idea. No one wants to make the mistake of holding on to an aging car and end up dumping way too much money into its ongoing list go repairs.

The Greasy Guy said outside of the shitty Transmission that the car was in great shape, and would be good car for quite awhile on. I then authorized him to repair it, and He said he’d be in touch.

I waited but didn’t hear shit Wednesday and din’t bother calling either.

I called The Greasy Guy Today and he reported that the Transmission had been rebuilt, reinstalled, BUT the Mechanic working on it gave it a test drive and had heard an unusual noise. The Greasy Guy was going to test drive it himself, and then put it back up on a lift to take a look. He said he’d be in touch in a couple of hours.

At this point in the game I was loosing my fucking mind. WHAT could possibly be the Problem now? Its been over 2 weeks total I’ve not had my car and Our Micro Town doesn’t have Public Transportation in any form whatsoever, No Taxi or Professional Car Services, and No Uber so without my car I’ve been isolated out at the Lake. All I can say is CABIN FEVOR IS VERY FUCKING REAL.

The Greasy Guy called back an hour or so later to tell me everything had been sorted out and that I could pick up my Car tomorrow anytime after 10:00am.

I couldn’t be Happier.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober