So I planned on Posting the Next installment of Lee Joints: Professional People Watcher Today, but to be quite frank I’m fucking worn out. There is some good News, well For Me anyways that I am happy to Report. Now You may have seen Me Ranting and Raving about the Fucked Up System of Highway Robbery Know as the American Healthcare System. That and You might have seen Me Enraged Railing Against the Outrageous fucking Scam the Healthcare System Truly Is. Hospitals are By Far are the Worst fucking Offenders of them all I assure You.
To Recap I have Raged against How its utterly insane that People sign up for Surgery or a Medical Procedure, have it done, and then wait to see what They Owe. Then when the fucking Bills come People just Shrug and Blindly pay them Without Question. Thats fucking Retarded. Before You get Your Car Repaired or Sign up for say Internet/cable Service You know Before hand what You’re going to be Charged, and What You will be receiving for said Payment. This is the way business is conducted unless You’re a Hospital in which case You do Your Damndest to Prevent Patients from being able to receive/View Their Itemized Bill.
Again People blindly Pay Medical Bills WHICH ARE NOT ITEMIZED and My Point is for the Massive Amount of Money involved wouldn’t You want to know what the fuck You paid for? If Your Mechanic or A/C Repair Guy did a Job for You and then handed You a Bill that stated only “You Owe Me this Sum of Money.” would You say Alrighty and fork over Your hard earned Cash No Questions asked? Without an Itemized Bill You’re allowing Whoever You’re dealing with to Exploit the shit out of the Situation by taking You for all Your fucking worth.
Now since the Dawn of Hospitals They have been seriously going out of Their way to give Patients the Royal Runaround Routine until You get Too Tired, To Exhausted, Too Pissed Off, or Plain just give the fuck up. The Question is Why? You paid a Handsome amount of Money so why would Hospitals make it insanely Difficult to get an itemized Copy of the Services You have Already fucking Paid For? The Reason is its No Secret that Hospital Charges are Outrageous, but They are so fucking Outrageous They don’t want You to Know How Much They Ripped You Off for. I think its safe to say Most of Us have seen one of the Countless Stories online posted by Patients chronicling and exposing Unbelievably Expensive Charges on Their Hospital Bill (Example: A Patient in NJ finally received his itemized Hospital Bill and saw They Changed Him $230 for a fucking 25 centToothbrush).
In the Age of the Internet Where Social Media is King making the Power of Word of Mouth even more Pivotal No One likes Bad Press. Especially Big Businesses who rely heavily on the Public for Their Income and let’s NOT FORGET Hospitals are BIG BUSINESSES Owned by LARGE CORPORATIONS. They damn well fucking Know if You see Your Itemized Bill then You’ll actually be able to see How Excessive and Greed Driven Their Charges really are. Their solution then is to give any Patient who requests an Itemized Bill the Run Around as Long as it takes for them to finally fuck off at last without EVER receiving the Itemized Bill. They Bounce You around from Department to Department, Tell You a Supervisor will call You Back with Clarifications (Big Surprise They NEVER call You), They will Mail it to You (Again They hangup and Simply Don’t Mail a Damn fucking Thing. Basically if They can’t frustrate You into giving Up, They try and Placate the Shit Out of You knowing that They have Absolutely No fucking Intention of Actually Helping You. They Tell You what You want to hear, hang up, and immediately forget about You.
I’ve been locked in this Battle with My Local Hospital for and I kid You Not OVER A FUCKING YEAR trying relentlessly but in vain to get a fucking Itemized Copy of My Bill. I have been Run Around like a motherfucker, Bullshitted, Placated, Apologized to, and Assured I would in fact receive My Bill which for the Record was a BOLD FACED LIE. I made 7 requests to have My records mailed to me (Hospitals intentional do not use the Internet for Billing just everything fucking else but Conveniently for them Not Billing), and was told Numerous Times that a Supervisor would call me back in 10-14 fucking days. Thats right I had to wait 2 motherfucking weeks, and like I said earlier They never fucking called and never intended too.
The Only Other Option to receive a Bill is By Fax like its 1986 or some shit can You say Outdated Tech?!! I because its fucking 2020 do not own or have direct access to a Fax Machine (Honestly I was surprised They still made fucking Fax Machines since I figured No One Used Them Nowadays), but I refused to Give Up and Let These Greedy fucking Bastards Win by wearing Me Out into Submission. Usually the People You’re referred to in Your quest for an itemized Bill are in fact Suborn, Abrasive, Standoffish, Aggressive, and Down Right Total Assholes. This I’m sure is Part of the Hospital’s Ongoing Scam because who wants to deal with a total dick? No fucking One thats goddamn Who.
Today I hit the Preverbal One in a Million and had a Woman Who actually Attempted to Help Me though She couldn’t actually get Me My Bill. She said as I stated Earlier that Mailing Doesn’t Work and I told Her I was Well fucking aware and that the whole thing is a fucking Scam from the Get Go. She also Admitted Supervisors don’t do a goddamn thing as Far as Customer Service of Any Kind as they Spend Their Days Holed Up in their fucking Offices Cowering Behind Their fucking Desks like a Bunch of Bureaucratic Paper Pushing Sons of Bitches. She went on to inform Me if I wanted a chance in Hell of actually getting an Itemized Bill I’d have to use the Fax Option. I then informed Her I lack the Time Machine I’d need to travel back in time to 1986 to get a Fax Machine and transport it back 34 years into the fucking Present.
She said I could go to a Store like Office Max or fucking Staples OR I could go to the Physical Hospital Itself and use Their Fax Machine. I was confused by the Receiving a Fax of My Bill when if I am at the Hospital they have a fucking Billing Department and ask what the fuck that was about. Apparently the Actual Hospital’s Billing Department Doesn’t have My Bill an operate Billing Department in another fucking state are the ones who are in possession of My Bill. My Question then is what the fuck are the cocksuckers in the Hospital’s Billing Department do all fucking Day Long if They don’t seem to do any actual do anything Billing related?!
I told the Woman while I appreciated Her so called Help and Information pertaining to My Bill that I simply didn’t Trust a fucking word out of Anyone who Works Directly for or a Third Party Employed by said Hospital fucking said. I went on to explain that I had a sneaking suspicion that if I went to a Store like Office Max then The Hospital would suddenly come up with a reason why they aren’t allowed to send faxes to Public Places of Business. That or if I went to Directly to the Hospital that They would either Tell Me No right Out or Worse Have ME wait for Someone who isn’t coming until I get tired of sitting in the lobby and go the fuck Home. At that Point We had reached an Impass since I still had No Personal Fax Machine, No Faith in the Hospital what so fucking ever, and She couldn’t send Me a copy of My bill without a Fax Number.
I then spent the next several minutes pacing like a Caged Animal on the Verge of a Psychotic Break and talked the situation over with My Awesome Wife. Luckily 2020 Technology it turns out provided a Back Door Option, as I should have Guessed. You see its 2020 so if You need a Fax Machine for some reason Theres an App for that and I downloaded it. After I installed it and it was up and running I called the Hospital back repeated My Ongoing request for an Itemized Bill, and That I had a Private Fax Number to send it to. The Second Lady I talked to tried to end the call by telling Me that She would put in a Mailing Request (Yeah My Ass) and I stopped Her in Her Tracks. I informed Her I had a Fax Number and would be using the Fax My Bill Option, but Not only that I wanted to be on the Phone as She Faxed it. I wasn’t about to have Them Yes ME to Death and Like the Phone Calls or Mail where They promise They’ll take care of it only then to play the “What do you mean You didn’t get it, We totally sent it.” run around bullshit. I wanted Confirmation that She faxed My Bill on the fucking Spot as I wasn’t about to give these slippery sacks of shit a chance to fuck me over again.
So after 15 Months I received My Copy of My Itemized Bill, mind You I haven’t looked at it yet as I’ve had enough Blood Pressure Aggravating shit for one fucking Day. I wouldn’t’ be surprised that there is a “Look at this Bullshit” post in the Immediate Future once I actually Lay Eyes on the Information.
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober