Well Eye See

So the Other Day while I was Loathing being Trapped once again in a Dismal Waiting Room I struck Up a Conversation with the Gentleman sitting across from Me.

His Name was Flynn who shared in My hatred of Waiting Room bullshit. As we talked the Conversation transitioned into How We agreed that Working for someone else, to be an Employee was something We both found Insufferably Frustrating, and Utterly Unfulfilling to say the least. There is no real sense of Accomplishment since whatever You do only benefits Your Boss/ The Company You in fact reap NO REWARDS for Your Labor. And if there is a chance in Hell Your Boss gives You a fucking Raise it’s such a small raise it’s a fucking insult, not a Bonus for Work Well Done.

Bosses dines at the Giant Corporate Table Feasting on Capitalism until The become Engorge Themselves to the Point of Sickness only to Vomit down Upon the Emplyees, and Expect Them to be fucking Thankful for it.

       

NO ONE wants some total fucking Egotistical Bastard Telling Them what To, Do Ordering Them Around,  Pulling Rank, and Basically having control of a MAJORITY of Their fucking Lives.Your not just Selling Your Time Your selling Your Life, and Enslaving Your Soul.

I mean its an entire Lifetime of Serving Someone which makes You a SERVANT paid to do the Shit Grunt Work that Management doesn’t want to, and for what?! A lousy paycheck that doesn’t even come close to being a fucking fare Wage for all the work You do.

Turns out Flynn abandoned the Rat Race where He was rotting in His Role at a Major Car Insurance Company, Got His Realtor’s License, Got a couple Years experience under His Belt, and then Started His Own Reality Company with a Couple of Friends. Flynn and His Friends Company grew into a Substantial Small Business. Flynn just wanted to Work For Himself, and make a comfortable Living which He finally had accomplished.

Now I asked the most poignant question which was did Flynn in fact have Employees outside of His Friends who He founded the Company with who are all equal Partners so there is No One Singular Boss, and all decisions are put to a Vote where Majority Wins. Flynn was honest and said that Yes there were in fact a Team of 7 beginner Realtor’s who had just gotten Their Realtor Licenses, but No real World Experience in Actual Sales.

       

Flynn must have known what I was think right away that He was a fucking Hypocrite because He just testified to a great end how being a Boss was being a Son of a Bitch, and Employees get Pissed On Constantly. This was an unfair knee jerk reaction as there are ALWAYS EXCEPTION TO THE RULE, and perhaps Flynn was one of Those said Exceptions. And luckily He was.

As it turned out Flynn was running more of a Paid Internship of Sort. First off unlike basically every other Intern Flynn Paid His, and Paid Them a real wage. He didn’t try and financially exploit the Interns by Shorting Their Pay or Underpaying Them by using Their Inexperience as an Excuse. Once an Intern is comfortable and has Clocked some Serious Man Hour’s They move on to Join another Reality Company, Go Out on Their Own or Start Their Own Company.

Flynn also had his Interns working on Real Sales, not just doing Shit work like Editing Listings, or Running to get the Owner’s Coffee/Lunch or any other meaningless tasks that Interns are stuck with instead of ACTUAL REAL EXPERIENCE, and if They do accomplish something Their Superior takes Credit for it because Said Person was on/a member of “Their Team”.

Flynn saw that I was listening to Him instead of sitting judging Him in Silence while He explained Himself. To reassure Me I suppose that He wasn’t blowing smoke up My ass (which I din’t feel that He was or I would have stopped Him mid sentence and said so), and pulled out His Cell Phone, and asked Me if I wanted to see something cool.  Of course I said Sure because it beat the Hell out of the Revoltingly Shitty Waiting Room Art.

Flynn fiddled with His phone for a moment or two then He handed it to Me, and told me to “Check This Out”. It was a series of 2 different Photos on His Phone that were Zoomed in into a Close Up of Flynn’s Eyes. In the first Pick Flynns eyes looked Extremely Happy as if the Picture was taken right After He won the fucking Lottery or some Big Time Shit. In the Other Flynn’s eyes looked Enraged to the point of Murder. I then of course asked Flynn what exactly was the point of the two Pictures especially since they were just Close Ups of His Eyes.

       

Flynn went on to explain that since on one hand He didn’t believe in Yelling, Screaming, Belittling, Cursing, or Insulting His Interns. On the Other Hand He needed to make sure that His Business was Running Smoothly so He Devised the Eye Pictures as a Unique and Innovative Solution. If His Interns were doing a Good Job or had a Good Idea Flynn Texted Them the Happy Eyes, and If His Interns were Falling Short or had a Bad Idea He texted Them the Upset Eyes (Flynn insisted on Upset instead of as I put it Enraged/Angry).

It was then that Flynn’s name was called, and We parted ways. Perhaps if I had had a boss like Flynn I would have such a Seething Contempt for Those in Positions of Authority (Because I fucking HATE anyone Who has or Thinks They have ANY Authority over Me), but Probably Not.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

So My Neighbors Think I’m “Terrifying” Part 2: The Prequel

When We moved Home Offices from the Great Souther Swamp to The Souther Country We still had the task of Selling Our Old Home Offices. This was a HUGE fucking pain in the ass because on top of the usual bullshit We were doing an Out-Of-State Sale. What that Means is that with FYB fully relocated full time We had little fucking control since We were in a completely different State than the Property Itself.

Also in Commercial Realistate You’re not really Dealing with a Buyer. Thats to say rarely especially now a Days for a Buyer to be an Individual looking to start a New or Small Business (aka Mom & Pop Shop Operations/ Family Business). The People You do Deal with in this type of Realistate Transaction are Various Investors.  Investors are Natural Born Sons of Bitches & Bastards the Whole fucking Lot of Them.

Investors all Act like They’re some kind of Forbes 500 Mega Business CEO Top 10 List Motherfucker when in Reality very few actually are (Fuck Million Dollar Listing), but They act like The Most important Motherfucker on The Planet. As if They’re a fucking Gift to Humanity from the fucking Realistate Gods on High.

      

Anyway One Friday Morning I got a Franticly Urgent Text from Our Realtor will call Him Tool for all intensive purposes. Tool’s Text was to inform Me that there was a serious Investor on the Line, and I MUST CONTAT HIM IMMEDIATELY ASAP AS FUCK! WE HAD TILL 5PM TO RESPOND OR THE DEAL WAS DEAD.

This again has everything to do with the fact Investor’s are Self Righteous Fuckwits. Investor’s believing Themselves to be Realtor Royalty or some shit will make an offer be it 8am or 4:430pm, and then demand an Answer by the End of the Day like the Limp Dicks They actually are.

I of course instantly got on My Cell Phone and Texted Tool Back and then sat the fuck back and waited to hear back. I didn’t. So I start Texting Him AND E-mailing Him but again He DOESN’T respond. By 2pm I’m losing My shit since the Deal Dies in 3 hours, and We need time for a quick negotiation if need be so the Clock was seriously running the fuck out fast.

       

I end up Texting, E-mailing, AND CALLING Tool every 15-20 minutes growing both more Stressed about losing a Possibly really Good Deal, Confused as fuck since I had NO IDEA what was going on with Tool on His end, and Anger because who the fuck sends an URGENT TEXT like that and then Disappears of the face of the fucking Planet?!!

Now lets Fast Forward to 6:00pm were I’m still pacing like a fucking Mental Patient back and forth on the Front Porch attempting to reach Our Realtor tool, and My Wife arrives Home from Work. She can already tell before She even sets foot Outside of Her Car that some insane shit is Occurring.

My Wife comes up on the porch and plops down taking a seat in one of the Rocking Chairs on the Porch. I took a minute to try and comprise Myself so as soon as I opened My Mouth it wouldn’t be “FUCK! SHIT! FUCKING SHIT! MONEY, DEAD DEAL! FUCK REALTORS!!! ARRRRRRRGH!!!” Unfortunately 3 minutes into My explanation of the Days Events come completely Unglued.

        

The F-Bombs started Falling as if the Military had gone Mad. I yelled at the top of My lungs questioning what kind of asshole texts someone and then Ghosts them, and Raging that the Deal was Dead so We lost a ton of Money, Time, and Effort. I was screaming My insults to the Four Corners of the Earth for all it was worth using My entire Vocabulary of Obscenities, Blasphemies, and Other Looked Down Upon Language.

As far as I was fucking concerned this Rageful Emotional Eruption was well fucking Warranted since it been building up all Day, and had yet to come to it’s Final Conclusion. Summation being: Tool was a Twat.

Now it just so happened that after Living Here for many Months Our so called Neighbors to Our Left finally came over to get Acquainted. You know all that Personal Introduction,Welcome to the Neighborhood, and If You ever need something bullshit. Well I must again remind Our Dear Reader’s that out here in the Southern Country NO ONE Raises their voice in Public more or less Yell at the Top of Their Lungs. And They DEFINITELY DO NOT CURSE OR USE ANY PROFANITY PERIOD (Being used in Public being considered the Worst Offense).

      

In Addition Our Neighbors are very pleasant People, but Quiet and rather Meek, They’re simply Soft Spoken Law Abiding Church Goers. With that said after Rioting like a Deranged Foul Mouthed Mental Patient for 10-12 minutes I just so happened to glance over into The Neighbor’s backyard. The first Thought to go through My Mind was “Well I think it’s Safe to Say We won’t be Talking To Them Again.”

There They were Our Rental and Kind New Neighbors standing Petrified by what They have just born witness to. The Husband is standing as rigid and Stone Faced as a fucking Buckingham Palace Guard clutching a rake tightly at His side. His Wife was Frozen with a Garbage Bag full of Lawn Debris grasped firmly in Her Left Hand, and a Gloved Hand full of Small Twigs She had been gathering up. Her face was Paralyzed Wide Eyed with Mouth Agape like a Surprised Cartoon Character.

       

Since then They have slowly warmed up to My Wife, but as for Me They have Never even looked in My direction again to this Day. They Literally keep Their Heads down staring at the fucking Ground, and remain Silent desperately trying to Not Be Noticed Nor Acknowledged. Like Dogs with Their Tails between Their Legs.

IN THE END: Our Realtor called at 6:30pm and explained He had fucking Jury Duty all Day so He couldn’t use His fucking Phone. The only comment I had then was Why the fuck wouldn’t He tell Me that in the Initial Message instead of Driving Me fucking up the Walls all goddamn Day?!

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Neighbors are a Nuisance

Its really no secret that I despise Neighbors and basically have spent a good deal of avoiding or ignoring them which has worked well for me. Neighbors are nosey, opinionated, annoying, time consuming obstacles. Neighbors  serve no true purpose accept to bother you with these moronic social protocols (and social norms ) as much a humanly possible until you actually feel that your loosing your godforsaken mind.

Things unfortunately change in this case we made a geographical change moving out of the Great Southern Swamp to The Southern Country. One side effect of living here is the fact that the people here are insanely social and gossip is their bread and butter. I’m not social and I hate gossip. Lucky for me very few of our Neighbors actually live here year round so the benefit being that we only see them once in a blue moon for a few days and then their gone again for months. The house to our left is used as a family meeting/vacation spot which means their never around. The house on the right is the same story accept the people on the right their there even less which is wonderful.

Now with that said We did officially meet the couple that lives on the right of us once and I’m guessing We will never speak with them again. See heres the unfortunate events that doomed anything social between us and the Neighbors occurring ever again. We met them one afternoon when My Wife and I were hanging out on our home office’s massive front porch. The Neighbors happened to be out in their front yard doing mundanely routine lawn care crap at the same time. Eventually the Neighbors came over and introduced themselves and we introduced ourselves in return, and then proceeded to shoot the inanest of shit. After a few introductory minutes the Neighbors finally returned to their yard and life went on.

The next day I got an e-mail from our Realtor (We were selling our Great Southern Swamp vacated Offices) stating the bullshit shoppers were ready to make a real deal and I needed to contact him ASAP. Well I immediately e-mailed him, waited 4-5 minutes and then texted him followed directly with a phone call, but I couldn’t get a hold of him it was as if he just evaporated out of existence. This insane cycle goes on 8 hours or so and I still haven’t gotten a hold of him. A couple of minutes before My Wife came home I get a text from Our Realtor stating he had been called in for jury duty and had spent all day sitting down at the court house. While I was relieved to finally hear from the Realtor and to know what the hell was going on, BUT I was also pissed as a motherfucker because when he knew he had been called for jury duty he should I contacted me then and explained the situation properly.

My Wife gets home and I’m pacing the front porch like a rabid Lion at the Zoo. As soon as she sits down I erupt like a Nuclear explosion and launch into a full fledged Ranting and Raving Fit. I totally forgot where I was in reality as I ramp up more and more as I go getting a real adrenaline high from increasingly getting angrier. I spouted off all kinds of utterly screwed up statements and claims pertaining to our Realtor and the jury duty deal.

Here is an Example: (Note: When I hit lose my shit you know because every other word basically is fuck)

“E-Roc fucking e-mailed me 1st fucking thing and says we got a deal so I fucking have to fucking call him back but the son of a bitch doesn’t answer shit, not a goddamn thing! I texted the shit out of him, did no damn good, no fucking e-mails, no fucking phone calls so I’m fucking wondering what the fuck is going on since theres a sweet deal to get done quickly! Its fucking money, a good bit of fucking money and where the fuck is my Realtor, how the fuck can I get a fucking deal fucking done when I fucking can’t get a fucking hold of my motherfucking Realtor?!! When the fuck did E-Roc become an unbearable fucking asshole, he works for Us so he fucking doesn’t get a goddamn dime till we fucking sell the fucking shitty fucking old ass offices for fucks sake!!”

In the midst of this tirade I happen to suddenly realize where I am and as I turn to face my Wife I see both of our Neighbors milling around in their backyard. When our eyes met they both looked away quick as hell and then  putzed around doing meaningless shit like moving the trash can from one side of the house to the other.

Thusly at this point I think its safe as safe to say we will never be speaking with them ever again as they seemed shell shocked enough by witnessing such a enraged rant laced heavily with profanity.

Oh well shit happens. I’m not losing any sleep over it I assure you my Fine Reader.

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober 

 

The Final Fn Chapter of The Great Southern Swamp

Well here is the last pertinent update.

We had a Buyer come poking their nose around inquiring about purchasing our Old Home Office, but their offer was shall we say Crackhead Price. Instead of telling them what I thought (that they could fuck the hell off with their insultingly insulting offer) and did the practical thing and we countered their shit offer. They responded by babbling some bullshit and walked away from the deal like the fucking vultures their are.

A few weeks later we got a call from our real-estate agent informing us that the initial buyers were back with a new offer, but the sons of bitches put a Firm Offer (No Negotiating meaning no countering) with the answer due by 5 pm that day. I read the email which our Agent sent containing the new offer, the twats came up $2,000. We wrote our Agent and this time I did tell him what I thought in full. The so called Buyers tried to low ball the living shit out of us then walked only to come back again. I told the Agent this is a bullshit tactic (they walked and waited before coming back hoping extra stress, and growing feeling desperation might of clouded our judgement allowing them to virtually steal the property.) and the $2,000 increase is utterly pointless so please go tell the bitch ass Buyers No Counter. This time We walked away from the deal.

At last the bastard Buyers came back a third time upping their offer buy another $3,000 (thats $5,000 total at this point) but then with drew their offer on;y to replace it with an actually decent offer, not the greatest mind you but it wasn’t insulting. We calculated what our savings would be (the goddamn office in The Swamp turning into a Murphy’s Law cluster fuck one added expense after another after another and so on) plus our Home Office Insurance companies refund check for the rest of this year (we are cancelling our Insurance and have found a far better company to work with here in The Southern Country) and the check for some repairs they had mailed us and decided the math worked out to our satisfaction. We alerted our Realtor that we accepted the terms of and price of purchase. The Buyer scheduled an inspection the very next day which went well. Also the Buyers offer was All Cash eliminating the worst threat to a real-estate deal the fucking Bank(s). Not to mention it greatly decreases the ton of red tape, and endless fucking paperwork that comes with dealing with a bunch of Bankers. We close in 11 days and can’t wait for the sale to be over once and for fucking all. All left to do now is sort out the various purchasing paper work, we aren’t even going to the closing we opted to do it via email/internet.

I can’t tell you how absolutely elated I am to severe the last rancid tie to that God Awful Swamp and its batshit residents. I feel for the first time that things are back on track and our planned expansion is indeed now possible.

So come on back and Keep your Eyes Open.

Thanks for the Read as Always,

Les Sober

To Our Readers Our Absence Explained

I would like to apologize to our faithful readers for the vanishing act. I’m aware that we here at f-yourblog.com were committed to doing our best to increase new content, and we still are. I know it seems ridiculous that once we here at f-yourblog.com started to ramp up content all of a sudden everything came to s sudden halt. I feel that I owe our reader’s an explanation for this counter productive seeming behavior.

I have almost completed an out of state move (and as we all know moving is a bitch from beginning to end), but it was overdue and utterly necessary. I set down roots in the Great Souther Swamp for the past 13 plus years, and shit is getting way to far fucking outta hand. The quite blue collar family oriented town I moved to 6 years ago (which I made because I was already in The Great Southern Swamp and moved farther north to avoid an increase in chaos.)

Now unfortunately the small family town I grew to love has as of recently been falling the fuck apart. The cops used to be bored as hell driving aimlessly up and down the main road. Things have definitely changed for the fucked. People are getting stabbed to death and cannibalized in their own fucking homes, Uber drivers are raping their fares, and there shoot outs infant of Home Depot and Walmart (both a 5 minute drive from my house.)

So Heres a run down of events of the move:

  1. Obviously for number one was my wife and I deciding it was time, but weren’t being pro active (this went on for 18 months)
  2. My wife was tooling around on reality sites and stumbled across an interesting possibility.
  3. My Wife found a house listed for $70,000, BUT it needed approximately $60,000 of work to bring it to a proper house.
  4. The house had been sitting on the market for 1 year already before we came across it.
  5. NOW the plan for the move my wife and I formulated was A) to buy a house for cash so the banks can fuck off and take their mortgages with them. B) NO HOA’s I’ve had more than enough of the extortion which is an HOA.
  6. So my wife and I made an impromptu trip to the Palmetto state to look at the house.
  7. We decided our strategy was to low ball the shit out of the owner, and were willing to go up to $60,000 cash but not a fucking penny more.
  8. We met the seller’s reality agent who struck me as a bit ditzy and quite incompetent. ( in all do favor this house was located outside of her territory so to speak.)
  9. The house was about what we expected and mad an shitty offer of $50,000 to try and exploit the seller’s problems (see and her family moved 2 towns over BUT she still had to pay taxes on the property, and the house had been sitting on the market a year without a single offer.)
  10. The seller responded with a so called counter reducing the sale price $1,000 to $69,000
  11. The counter was as shitty as our offer so we came up to $51,500 because I’m wasn’t coming up significantly because it would compromise my position.
  12. This bullshit tit-for-tat  game went on for 10 days before my wife and I walked. The house has since had several price reductions and no interest. The house is currently off the market as of now.)
  13. My wife and I went home and started scouring the reality sites and compiled a hefty list of 20 different properties . We also hired a realtor.
  14. The realtor was a lazy and moronic ineffectual asshole so we let that useless son of a bitch go, and hired the biggest and best realtor in the area we were looking.
  15. The new realtor informed us that the house we were initially considering was in a SHITTY neighborhood. Apparently there was a white trash family that liked to get sloppy drunk and proceed to have knock down drag out fist fights. We also learned the small apartment building at the end of the street were constantly frequented by the police combating drug dealing/drug addicts.
  16. I was enraged, why the hell didn’t the seller’s reality agent tell us about the shit we were about to move to. Thank God we dodged that bullet. My wife believes the agent was just ignorant of the situation being out of her regular territory. I believe she was desperate to sell the house as the owner was an irrational and demanding lady whom she had been working for a year straight.
  17. My wife and I then took another trip to the Palmetto state with our list and met up with our reality agent.
  18. The reality agent warned us that the end of 2016 was different from the regular market at this time of year. Thats to say from November through December the housing market usually is slow because people are saving their cash for the holidays. This year though people were still actively and aggressively buying properties. Not only that but large reality corporations were also snatching up as many properties as fast as they possibly could.
  19. This unusual trend in the reality market was attributed to the simple fact with Trump taking office and no one having a clue what he would do were buying properties to be grandfathered into the 2016 criteria.
  20. To prove point #18 we would see a property on or off our list, and half the time by the time we showed up a day or less later the house would be under contract.
  21. Finally my wife and I decided on the purchase of a Lake House, and started negotiations.
  22. Now the house was a bank foreclosure which meant the bank owned it so we would be negotiating with the Bank (an institution) not a private seller (a person or persons).
  23. At first I was thrilled by this fact. I HATE negotiating with sellers because they think their family history in the house has monetary value. It does not as I’m buying your house and you take the memories with you.
  24. Unfortunately a Bank is the exact opposite. They have NO emotional attachment so they treat it only as a business deal. They don’t give a shit about the buyer they are there to make the Bank money.
  25. After a month or more of negotiating (and I use that term loosely as possible) the Bank had sat back without countering and shot down every offer we made.
  26. Then after the month of so called negotiations the Bank suddenly gave a real shit about the deal. The sale was done in 1/2 an hour.
  27. In spite of getting one hell of a good deal on the Lake House we knew there were repairs to be done before we could move in. Examples include replacing the A/C unit, replace the hot water heater, get appliances (there was no stove, kitchen sink or refrigerator) take a wall out, landscape the neglected yard etc.

That brings us to the bottomline:

Currently for the past 3 months every 2 weeks my wife and I have rented a Uhaul trailer and moved our belongings our selves. Why you might ask? Well we decided to move our selves because A) We wanted to save money B) I’m far too paranoid to turn over all my possessions to a complete stranger, I don’t have the faith. C) It allowed us the time to pack/ prep our current house and repair/fix up the new Lake House without rushing in an anxious panic.

Thusly I’ve been ping ponging between the 2 states every couple of weeks for as I said earlier several months. As you may suspect we have been battling Murphy’s Law the entire way as unsuspected issues/problems occurred. An example returning home from our last trip to the Lake House found our A/C wasn’t working, and in the end (considering resale value) we replaced the entire A/C, and got a decent deal at $4,500.

In all the chaos of the move I fully admit I have neglected f-yourblog.com, and believe me I’m not happy about that in the least. Yet I can only do so much in a day, and with the on going move I’ve been stretched thinner and thinner.

I here by promise our reader’s that by July 15th things here at f-yourblog.com will not only resume active