Tag: Relationships

And This Fucking Guy

When it comes to Neighbors the one thing I have Learned over the years is They are more fucking Trouble then they are Worth. There are Exceptions to the Rule that is True, but as a General Rule of Thumb is Neighbors are a Necessary Evil. Don’t get Me Wrong here I’m not an Out and Out asshole or anything like that. I’ll through up a Cursory Wave Hello when I see My Neighbors to be Polite and all that, YET I’m intentionally trying Not to get to know Them. The Primary reason Neighbors are fucking Dicks is if You give Them an Inch They’ll take a motherfucking Mile. Neighbors Request for Favors quickly becomes Completely fucking Unrealistic and overly Demanding of Your Time. It can Start with something as Little like Your Neighbor Borrowing something Small like a Rake or Some Other benign Bullshit. Then the Next thing You know They’re asking You to Help Them Move, Take Them to the Airport, Babysit Their Crappy Kids, House Sit while They’re on Vacation Etc.

I have an Advantage when its comes to Annoying Neighbors since Where I live currently 80% of the Houses in My Neighborhood are Empty almost all Year Long. This is because the Majority of Homes Here are Vacation Homes so the Owners Actually live Farther away in more Populated Areas. There are however a Handful of Residents that do in fact Live Here Full Time. I recently met One of these Full Timers just the Other Day and it was Nothing Short of a Supreme Shitshow.  Let’s Start at the Beginning for Clarity Purposes if Nothing Else. So this is the Story of My Dumbfuck Neighbor Named Anthony Who I Dubbed Anthony The Asshole, and You’ll see Why but he End of the Story.

          

It all fucking Started on a fucking Friday when Anthony decided that Moving into a Wooded Area wasn’t to His liking Anymore. Thus Anthony Hired a LARGE Tree Maintenance Crew to Cut Down EVERY fucking Tree on His 2 Plus Acre Lot. Now these weren’t just Typical Trees these fuckers were Old as fuck. I mention the Age of the Trees because the Older the Tree the Bigger, and Anthony’s Trees were No Joke 60-100 Feet Tall. Due to the Number and Size of the fucking Trees the Crew started at 7:00am and Worked Until it got to Dark which was about 8-8:30 pm since it was Summer at the Time. So All fucking Weekend at the Asscrack of Dawn the Crew would Start. Once They Started the Rest of the Day was Dominated by Extremely fucking Loud Mechanical Noises (Example: Wood Chippers, Chainsaws, Yelling at Each other because They couldn’t Hear over Their Own fucking Noise and More).

Now the thing is that while They did Throw a ton of Branches and shit into the Giant Wood Chipper, and as is the Habit around here They piled up the Small Twigs/Branches and Burned Them. When it came to the Huge ass Stripped Tree Trunks They cut Them into 20 plus foot Segments so that They could be Transported via Log Truck to the Near by Lumber Mill. Accept that Didn’t happen since legitimately Trucking out the Trunks would Cost a Pretty fucking Penny that’s for Sure. So Asshole Anthony had a Very Different fucking Idea about how He would Deal with the Situation and Save Money.

At this Point I’m going to take a Brief Pause because there is an Important fucking Detail Pertaining to the Story. Behind My House is an Old Dirt Road that was Built in Anticipation of a Multiple Home Building Project. For whatever Reason 30 some odd Years ago the Housing Construction Project Failed (and it Failed Massively) yet the Dirt Road Remained. On the Other Side of the Dirt Road in a Large Section of Woods that is Owned by the County. The Point being that I, Nor do Any of My Neighbors, Own that Section of Woods so there is Nothing We can do about what Happens on that certain Piece of Property. The issue with the Woods is that People are Lazy as fuck so They just Dump Their Yard Trash (and sometimes Leftover Construction Supplies like Nails, Broken Windows, Scraps of Wood etc) into the aforementioned Woods. Well Anthony decided that instead of Paying to have the Tree Trunks Transported Off/Away He opted to Line the Dirt Road with Them.

            

Normally I wouldn’t give a Good goddamn what the fuck Anthony was doing, BUT I don’t want to Sit on My fucking Back Porch and Stare at the Rotting Tree Trunks. I went about contacting Several Other Neighbors Who’s Houses also have the Dirt Road running behind Them Too. They all were Pissed Off because No One wants to look at Decaying Tree Trunks, and it’s Also a fucking Disrespectful (Not to mention Insulting) thing to do. By Dumping the Tree Trunks in such a Manner Anthony was Effectively saying “FUCK YOU ALL I’LL DO WHAT I WANT REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU THINK!” which was the Core Reason that Everyone was Insanely Pissed Off. We all agreed this was a bullshit Situation, and that We would Contact the Appropriate County Office to come out and Deal with it since it was Their Land. The issue We faced was when We called No Actual Person ever Answered and We were Directed to leave a Message. As You May have Guessed No One ever gave Us a Call back regardless of How many time We called or Messages We Left.

At fucking Last My Next Door Neighbor actually ran into a County Employee named Will while at the Grocery Store of all Places. Once Will learned what was going on He replied there was Nothing He could do since the County doesn’t give a shit. He explained there were a shit load of Various Parcels of Land around the Entire County that the County Owned, and that They Didn’t care about Any of it or Maintain. Will did throw Us a Bone by giving Us the number to Some Higher Up that We could Contact. Though Will warned Us  that it Most likely wouldn’t Accomplish jack shit. We called anyway and Will was absolutely right it was Utterly Useless. Whoever the Higher Up was essentially repeated Exactly what Will had Said. Thus left with No recourse Everyone got  even more Bent about the Situation and That was That. Well Not Exactly as Far as I was Concerned and Not by a Long Shot.

                

I admit I have a a Seriously Bad fucking Temper combined with a Love of Revenge which is a Volatile Combination. My problem was I couldn’t Handle this Issue the way(s) I Normally would because BOTH Anthony and I are full time Residents. Not to mention I can see the motherfucker’s House down the way from My fucking Front Porch. So I knew it would be Best not to Start a Lengthy Fight that could Evolve into a fucking Feud which is Still a thing around Here. Not to Mention that it would Inevitably make Both Anthony and My Lives Miserable and would End Badly. Now What I wanted to do was Storm on Down to Anthony’s House, Knock on His Door, and When He Answered Stab Him in the fucking Face with a Rusty Fork. Now Obviously Violent Rage Fueled Impulsive Behavior can Only lead to One being either Arrested, as well as Possibly Injured or Killed, which is/are Detrimentally Counterproductive.

Still I couldn’t just Sit on My ass and Not do a Goddamn thing about this Ridiculous Bullshit. First I took a look in My Garage Diligently poking around until I found what I was Searching for a Can of Bright Red Spray Paint. Once I had Acquired the Spray Paint I then Proceeded to Tag Every fucking Tree Trunk that Anthony Lined Up along the Side of the fucking Road with “<—–262 WTF” (262 is Anthony’s House Number). I did this so Any and Everyone would know Who the Asshole was responsible for this Shit Show. You see with My fucking Luck some Santee County Clerk would actually give enough of a shit to Check the Land, and then get in My fucking Face about it like it’s My Fault.

Then I decided to go the Public Shaming Route which was a New Tactic for Me as I prefer to Run in Head First with Guns fucking Blazing. Needless to say I had a Great Deal of Homework to do on the Subject of Public Shamming and Not wanting to Waste Any Time got right to it. I found out rather Quickly that My Small Town utilizes Social Media with a Facebook Page as well as Using the NextDoor App. I then took to My Laptop and Posted the Entire Story on Both Platforms Calling Anthony Out by Name. It is important to Inform Readers that I used My Real Name on Both Posts. I didn’t Use a Fictitious Username and I didn’t Opt to use an “Anonymous” Option I have No Reason to Lie or Hide behind a Screen. If I call someone out on Their bullshit then I Always use My Real Name as Well since it’s Only Fair.

In a Matter of just a Few fucking Minutes Other Neighbors as well as Town Residents Chimed in. They were All in Agreement that Anthony was a Dick and What He did was an Asshole Move no doubt about it. At this Point I was Glad that I had Used the Spray Paint since I had No fucking Idea if Anthony Used Facebook or NextDoor in the First Place. 48 Hours Passed after the Spray Paint and Social Media Public Shaming when it Produced Real Results. It started with Anthony showing up in Person while I was Working on My Front Porch enjoying the Favorable Weather.

Now My Porch is Elevated so it has a Stair Case leading up from the Driveway with a Gate at the Top. Once Anthony got Out of His Car (I don’t know why the Lazy Bastard didn’t just fucking Walk Over) and Approached the Stairs I instructed Him to Stop in His Tracks. I then Announced that Anthony could Stay exactly where the fuck He Stood as I wanted to take Immediate Control of the in suing Conversation. To His credit Anthony Obliged and Remained were He was for the Duration of Our Encounter. Anthony then Stated that He did in fact see the Spray Painted Tree Trunks and Realized He had Pissed Someone Off. As Soon as He was Done with His Initial Statement I informed Him He was Correct and that Person He pissed off was Me.

            

Once Anthony knew it was Me He pissed off He launched into this Babbling Rant ironically about what a fucking Great Neighbor He is. He told Me that He does Favors for His/Our Neighbors all the Time like Cutting Their Lawn for Example, and that the Neighborhood Loved Him as a Whole. At this Point I was thinking to Myself what a Load of Happy Horseshit that Part of the Rant was. I have Lived here 7 Plus Years and I have NEVER seen Anthony lift a fucking Finger to Help Anyone but Himself. I continued to Listen to Anthony’s unending Line of Bullshit as He Claimed that He did indeed Talk to all the Neighbors about His Plans to Line the Road behind Our Houses. Anthony then mad the Claim that All of the Other Neighbors all Signed off on it with No Problem.

When Anthony allegedly came to Talk to Me about His Shitty Plan that I wasn’t Home at the Time. Now My Problem with Anthony’s Claims started with the Fact that more than Half the Houses in Question are Vacation Homes. That means they are Empty at least 90% of the Year basically anytime Outside of Summer. So how the fuck did Anthony discuss a damn thing with the Owners since the Houses are fucking Vacant?! The Second Problem with Anthonys Lame Claims is if I wasn’t Home when He stopped by then Why the fuck didn’t He come Back at a Later Date when I was Home. Not to Mention He could have Left a Note stating He would like to Talk to Me about His Landscaping Plan. Also Anthony could have jumped on Social Media Himself to Contact any of the Neighbors in Question. The Fact is according to His Story Anthony came by Once, I wasn’t there, and Anthony decided to fuck off without Notice and Chose Not to Double Back to Inform Me of anything.

The Next thing Anthony said was One of the Dumbest fucking things I have ever heard someone Say. While it is True that People illegally Dump shit in the Woods Anthony’s Plan to Combat the Problem was Straight up Stupid. Anthony told Me that to Help Cut down on illegal Dumping was to Create a Barrier along the Side of the Road. This New Barrier was/is Supposed to Help Deter Trash Dumping Dipshits. Now it is Painfully fucking Obvious even to a Blind Man that Creating Anthony’s Tree Truck Barrier was Utterly Useless. Did Anthony actually Believe that Excuse would Work I’ll never be sure.

I listened to Anthony’s Self Serving Speech with an Expressionless Face (which You would think would Tip Anthony off)since I obviously wasn’t buying His Bullshit. Anthony went on and on about How Allegedly He was a fucking Superstar going Above and Beyond to Help the Neighborhood (in Any and Every way He possibly could). Anthony babbled on about how much He loves and Supports the Neighborhood Bullshit, Bullshit, Bullshit, and More Bullshit. When He was Finished Anthony was Smiling like a Scammer who thinks He’s got a Mark on the Hook. I deliberately took a Moment before I replied solely to throw Anthony off His Game. Apparently this Worked like a fucking Charm as Anthony’s Body Language indicated that He was Unsure of the Situation. You see Fear of the Unknown is a Powerful fucking Thing and Anthony was Obviously trying to Figure Out what I might Say/Do. I damn well knew Anthony was getting Rather Anxious because He kept shifting His Weight from Foot to Foot like a Nervous Child who just got Caught. Now it was My fucking Turn to State My Opinion pertaining to the Situation at Hand. I made sure to Stare Anthony directly in Eyes even though He was Wearing some Cheap Oakley Knockoff Sunglasses. I wanted to Convey to Anthony that even if He hid His Eyes it wasn’t Intimidating  Me in the fucking Least.

              

Let Me take a Brief Moment to Explain the Sunglass Comment I just made. As Humans (Who are Social Animals) We are Greatly Unaware that We take a Shit Ton of Social Cues from watching People’s Eyes. Thus when You are Conversing/Interacting with a Person whose Eyes are Hidden, again Aware of it or Not, it makes Your Primal Brain quite Anxious as it is Deprived of a Prime Source of Information. Have You ever Wonder Why a lot of Cops (Especially State Troopers) utilize Wearing Sunglasses for Example? Well It’s simply because it puts People on Edge which may Help Them Narc Themselves Out if They have actually Broken the Law. The Bottomline is wearing Sunglasses in the Case of Anthony or the Police is an Intimidation Tactic, and like I fucking said I wasn’t Intimidated by Anthony by any means. So let’s get back to the fucking Story.

I coldly in a Low Controlled Almost Emotionless Tone (invoking My Best controlled Rage Technique which is indeed Creepy) let Anthony Know where I stood. It is an Unnerving Technique to say the fucking Least. This is due to the Fact While the a Person is Acting Civil it gives the impression that at Any Moment They might Suddenly Attack. This is a Tactic I use Frequently to Convey a “Don’t Fuck With Me” Attitude during any type of possible Confrontation. I also use an Unyielding Stare Sun Glasses or Not, and Keep a Straight Face so Facial Expressions are put on the Back Burner.

The first thing I addressed in was the Fact (as I said Previously) I nor My Wife, or Our Neighbors had Never seen Anthony do anything for Anyone in the Neighborhood. I then Bluntly pointed out the Fact that if We weren’t Home when He Stopped by Why didn’t He try to Reach Us at a Later Date?  The Fact was He was the one who didn’t do Jack Shit about it and I don’t Believe for a Second Anthony even Stopped by in the First fucking Place Anyway.

After that I went on to State that I was damn well Aware that Anthony didn’t have Permission to do Shit on the County’s Land. I told Anthony I knew He did this simply to Avoid Paying to have the Trunks Cut up and Hauled away, and that Instead He dumped His Yard Trash along the Side of the Road. You see Anthony was well fucking aware as well that the County didn’t give a Flying Fuck so They wouldn’t get up in His face. I assume Anthony also thought None of His Neighbors would take Acceptation to His Plan/Actions so He could get Away with it. Anthony cut in Suggesting that if I was Angry about the Tree Trunks that He would go ahead and Move them. I replied that there was Not a Chance in Hell that I believed for a fucking Second that Anthony would Dispose of the Logs Elsewhere. If there was a better Alternative Place Anthony could have Dumped His Yard Trash then WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T HE DUMP HIS SHIT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!! That Statement Floored Anthony as He realized on the Spot that He had fucked over His Own Argument. I stood Silently for a Moment or Two watching this Realization Sink in as Anthony was Desperately attempting to come up with a Valid Reply which there wasn’t. I finished what I had to Say with the Fact that what Anthony did was Insulting, Disrespectful, Self Centered, Self Serving, His Story was Pathetic, and He is a Bad Bullshit Artist.

Since Anthony wasn’t going to Convince Me of Anything and I was going to Keep Anthony Squirming on the Hook over Possible Consequences for His Actions I decided enough was enough. As Anthony continued to look as Uncomfortable as a Pregnant Nun in Church I told Him I had Heard His side of the Story and He had Heard Mine. I went on to Say Obviously there was No fucking Point in having this Conversation anymore as We were at an Impossible Impasse, and that I had Other shit to Do. I then stood on My Porch rather Awkwardly as Anthony Accepted Defeat and fucked off Home which He did but He Dragged His ass doing it. Is this the End of the Story? More than likely Not as I just need to Find the Most ViablePath of Recourse that will Settle their Score, Keep Me out of Trouble, and Not lead to a Prolonged Feud with the fucking Neighbors. Once I do Anthony and I will See Each other again Face to Face and I will Reap the Closure I so Rightfully fucking Deserve.

It is What it Is,

 Presented By Les Sober

I KNOW I’M A FOOL

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post I KNOW I’M A FOOL By Content Creator know as Burden. Burden Claims Their Work as “For those who are no longer human. For those who can’t relate. Videos range from unruly despair to unrecognized rage. Deprived Visions.” Who or Whom Burden is remains to be seen, but Here’s a would be Rundown of this Obscure Channel. Burden is a Small Channel that has a Collection of Strange/Unexplained/Mysterious Videos that could Possibly be an ARG, an Art Project, Gorilla Advertising, or Just the Crazy fucking shit Spewing from Someone Who forgot to take Their fucking Medication. We Don’t give a Fuck if Burden is Actually Ingenious or Absolutely Insane, But We fucking Do Enjoy Their Work a Good Bit that’s for Sure.

I KNOW I’M A FOOL basically can be Broken Down into 3 Parts The Beginning, The Middle, and Yeah the fucking End. The Beginning showcases Gothic Themes like it was Filmed in Some fucking Graveyard somewhere it’s just Painfully Cliche is all (it SERIOUSLY reminds Us of a Countless Number of Student Art Films/Projects is All). The Audio is Much More interesting as it’s Narrated by What Sounds like an Old British Man Who Sounds like He is Waxing Poetically during what could be a Lecture of Some sort on Life Lessons or fucking Philosophy on the Human Condition but We don’t rightfully fucking Know.

The Middle is Black and White Footage of What Appears to be a Woman on a fucking Bus as if She was on a Security Camera because the Distorted Footage is Reminiscent of Something Recored on/by CCTV. Then Following that There is Rather Random Stock Footage of Old Historical Trains with Coal Burning Steam Locomotives at the Helm. For Once in One of these Weird fucking Fringe Videos the Audio ACTUALLY fucking Matches the Visual as during the Train Footage the Audi is just a Recording of the Industrial Sounds of a Moving Train. The Trains Aren’t Passenger Trains as there No Passenger Cars or at Least We Didn’t fucking See any and We watched this Shit Over and Over So there’s That. These Trains Appear to be Freight Trains with Box/Stock Cars (The Train Cars that fucking Hobo’s Used to Hitch a Ride on)

The Final or Ending Part of the Video is a Simple fucking Visual of a Blue fucking Sky and fucking White Clouds that Sort of Blurry Together over Time. The Audio is the Old British Bastard but this Time around there is a Distinct fucking Echo wherever He’s Speaking. We instantly;y Associated the Echo with a Cathedral or Extremely Large Church as if this Guy is Delivering a fucking Sunday Sermon or some shit though God, Jesus, or Specific Religion is NOT MENTIONED OR REFERENCED. And for that We are more than fucking Grateful because NOTHING fucks Up a Potentially Bad Ass Video than Religious Preaching, Testifying, Promotion, Rhetoric, or Fanaticism. Best to Leave Religion Well Out of It because Honestly if there is a God We’re Sure He/She/It Could Care fucking Less about it.

FYI the Last Line of Dialogue is fucking Killer.

 

 

It is What it Is,

  Presented By Les Sober  

Salad Fingers 12: Post Man

Welcome To Today’s FYB Post featuring Salad Fingers 12: Post Man the Latest Installment (Uploaded Yesterday March 8th) of the Salad Fingers Series By David Firth. For those Who May be Unaware David Firth is an English Animator, Director, Writer, Musician, Actor, Voice Actor, Video Artist, and Broadcaster of Whom we are a Hugh Fans of of here at FYB. The Word NIGHTMARE is used most often to Describe Firth’s body of Work and Why We are such Diehard Fans of His work. Several of Firth’s works in Flash Animation, along with Multiple Music Videos and Works of Video Art, have garnered a Large (and Ever Growing) Followings Over the Years.

Synopsis:Salad Fingers goes out on His Postal Rounds, and then Returns to the “Postal Counting Grounds where He finds a Woman He believes to be a New Employee. Salad Fingers Develops a SERIOUS fucking Crush on the New Female and Invites Her to a Ball in an Attempt to Romance Her. But this Being the World of Salad Fingers His New Love Interest is FAR, FAR FROM NORMAL. Will Love Blossom for Salad Fingers or will it Decay like the Rotten Remains of a Dead Dog?!

 

It is What it Is,

Presented By Les Sober

Kick Ass Animation: THESE THINGS THAT WE DO

FYB is Proud to Present Another Kick Ass Animation by Duo Known as Cool 3D World Titled These Things That We Do. This Particular Animated Video and Music were Solely Done By Brian.

Cool 3D World Backstory:

When Brian and popcorn10 (as Their Youtube Handles Title them) were Introduced via Mutual Friends, They realized They shared an Interest in Exploring “Visual Art Inspired by Electronic Music” and so Cool 3D World was Born- as a Place where the Duo can Create “Art, Music, and More! All in 3D.”

Video Synopsis: This Video seems to Pertain to Human Nature be it Good, Bad, or Absolutely Indifferent. The Characters within the Video Embody the Full Array of Human Emotions from Blissful Joy (For Example: Dancing Like No Ones Watching) all the Way to Anger at the Opposite Side of the Spectrum (For Example: Anger with a Significant Other). This is Humanity and We are All Too Human.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By    Les Sober & FYB   

Where Ever You Go There You Are

It’s No Secret that I have a Extremely Low Opinion of the Human Race and People in General. I avoid People as much as fucking possible unless I absolutely have to Interact with Them. Recently a Friend of Mine had a Falling Out with one of Their Long Time Friends, and when I heard the Story I gave My Honest, Straight to the Point, No Holds Barred Opinion since I Don’t Pull My Punches. After We talked My Friend suggested I write a Post about it, and so here I am Doing just That.

The Backstory: My Buddy Who I will call “Bob” got a Text from His Long Time Friend I will call “Phil” who unbeknownst to Bob had totally fucked up His Life in Texas. So being one of those People that Blames Everything and Everybody for Their shitty Life, BUT THEMSELVES. That being so Phil decided to up and move to Florida. Phil believes that His moving  would Magically Fix everything Wrong in His Life just by Relocating. The Problem is Phil hasn’t figured out the fact that Wherever You Go You There You Are. Point being You can’t out run Your Problems because You are the One creating the Perceived Problems, and until You work out Your issues They will stick with You no matter where the fuck You may Go.

              

The problem arose when after Impulsively agreeing to let Phil and His Girlfriend crash at His House Bob resized He had made a Mistake. In all due Favor Phil contacted Bob and informed Him of His Situation a mere 3 Hours before planning to arrive at Bob’s House. Phil also just fucking Assumed that Bob would Automatically let Him, His Girlfriend, and all Their Stay at His House. With COVID running amok across America, and a Wife with Pre Existing Medical Conditions Bob realized it be Far too Dangerous (not to mention Idiotic as all Hell) for Phil to Stay with Him. Bob felt bad and Offered to Pay for Phil’s Hotel Room, and Apologized Profusely for His Mistake/Lapse in Judgment, and here is the Final Text Phil sent Bob before Cutting Off all Further Communication.

“Never blamed the virus on you, but still can’t believe that we were turned away after 2 days of hell on the road. I’ve known you for almost 20 years and  “Roberta”(Bob’s Wife) for almost 10 years, it’s not like I’m a total stranger. I know she (Roberta) has never met Amanda (Phil’s Girlfriend), but she is super cheerful and careful because I also have a weakened immune system. We don’t take this Virus Lightly. Can’t believe you couldn’t vouch for us after all we’ve been through and hate that you’re controlled all the time. I know the virus is scary but we were trusting you enough to stay over at your house. Evidently there was no trust in return.”

Well Holy Motherfucking Shit this Text is so Twisted and Ass Backwards I barely Know where the fuck to begin, so I’ll just Start at the Beginning.

              

Phil starts with the Statement that He doesn’t Blame the Virus on Bob well isn’t that fucking Nice of Him. Phil then bitches/Complains about He’s “Hellish” road trip from Texas to Florida. That has absolutely NOTHING to do with Bob at all as Bob didn’t tell You to move or to relocate to Florida that was all Phil’s doing. Phil just comes off like a whiny little Brat who gets angry if He can’t do whatever it is He wants to do which for a grown man is Utterly Pathetic to say the least.

The Next point of Phil’s about being friends with Bob for 20 years and shit is Ridiculous. If Phil was actually as Good a Friend as He apparently claims to be (not to mention for 20 fucking years) He’d understand why Bob had to change His Plan. I mean it’s just A GLOBAL PANDEMIC where America has become the Epicenter , and the Fact Phil was coming from one of the Worst COVID States in the Nation doesn’t Help His argument. That and He stopped over in Mississippi where a shit ton of People like Phil use as the Half Way Point it too is a Highly Infectious Area. The lastly Phil is traveling through Florida yet another Entire fucking State that’s a fucking Hotspot. SO to recap Phil went from Texas to a Well Used Half way stopping point for other COVIDIOTS, and then Travels through Half of Florida just to get to Bob’s House.

Talk about High fucking Risk, and as far as I know Phil nor His Girlfriend where following Coronavirus Protocol like Social Distancing or Wear a goddamn Mask. For All Anyone Knows Phil didn’t practice the recommended Safety Protocols at all, and could have encountered/Interacted/Hung Out with Who fucking knows how many People during his 48 hours on the Road. Not like Any of US was There.

              

Phil then makes the utterly Asinine comment that He “Isn’t a Stranger” as if that means that some how by Knowing Bob thats means Phil and His Girlfriend aren’t an High Risk Factor for Infection. The Fact Their Friends doesn’t even Factor into it, it was just a way of Phil trying to make Bob feel Guilty. Guilty for what exactly for Protecting His Wife and Himself from again A MOTHERFUCKING GLOBAL PANDEMIC that has KILLED over 138,ooo fucking Americans Alone?! Trying to manipulate Your Friend with Guilt to Me means They were Never a Real Friend to fucking begin with, I mean who the fuck does that Immature Childish Shit?!!

Then Phil talks about His Girlfriend who first and foremost is allegedly a Very Cheerful Person. Oh I’m fucking Sorry is being fucking Cheerful a Coronavirus Deterrent, NO IT FUCKING ISN’T. Phil’s Girlfriend’s cheerfulness is a COMPLETELY MOOT POINT as it means fuck all in this Situation. Then Phil say His Girlfriend is Careful, and I’m calling BULLSHIT BIGT IME on that Stupid Statement. If She was in Fact Careful then She would have stayed Self Quarantined in Texas, and Not Travel 2 Days across some of the Most Infected fucking Areas there are Currently. She would have realized the UNNECESSARY and Dangerous Risk a Trip like that would Pose. Traveling was the RISKIEST thing to do during a fucking Global Pandemic, and the Safest would to be to Stay Put and Self Quarantine. Careful My Ass.

                

Phil then adds to the Idiocy buy saying that He has a Weakened Immune System or Pre Exisiting Condition which make Him at the Highest Rick of Coronavirus Infection. Again with a weakened Immune system WHY THE FUCK would You take a 2 Day Road Trip? That makes ZERO SENSE and was an Incredible Stupid thing to do. Also if His Girlfriend was careful She would have NEVER allowed Him to Leave, BUT She didn’t She went with Him. Phil then has the balls to claim that He and His Girlfriend don’t take the Virus Lightly well Again We see Phil’s Actions are the EXACT OPPOSITE of what He’s Claiming. Not to Beat a Dead Horse, BUT taking a fucking Road Trip currently IS THE GODDAMN EPITOME  of taking it Lightly.

The Phil mentions Bob not Vouching for Him, but Vouching for what Exactly?! Vouching that Phil is Trustworthy, a Good Employee, or that He’s COVID Free in spite of the Extenuating Circumstances?! There’s No fucking Context so the whole Vouching For deal is Nonsensical Horseshit. Then Phil claims that Bob is “Controlled all the Time” whatever the fuck that means. What Bob is being controlled by Aliens, Evil Spirits, The New World Order, The Military, The Government, CIA, or Some Evil Entity?! Serious what the fuck is Phil babbling about here I have No fucking Idea I just know its 100% Irrelevant to the Conversation.

                

Finally right at the very fucking end of His Lengthy Text Phil admits or Acknowledges that the Coronavirus is indeed Scary. Well thats News to Me since Phil’s Actions Speak FAR LOUDER than His Feeble Words. Then all of a Sudden Phil Says “We Were Trusting You to Stay at Your House” like Bob, His Wife or His House was the Safety Issue?! It’s Phil and His Girlfriend that Pose the Threat to Bob and His Wife, Yet Phil seems to be trying some Role Reversal Tactic which is a SERIOUS PUNKASS BITCH OF A MOVE. Then Phil goes back to attempting to Guilt Bob with the last line pertaining to Trust.

Phil has the fucking Nerve to bring up the Subject of Trust?  If I was Friends with Someone for 20 fucking Years I’d Trust though They may be Disappointed They would TOTALLY UNDERSTAND Why. The Fact Phil is Bitching, Guilt Tripping, and All Out Arguing the Facts around the Pandemic thats Affecting goddamn Everything (Not just Phil although He seems to Feel He is the Only Asshole on the Planet. Hey Phil YOUR NOT ALONE) just make Phil look like a Really Shitty Friend. Phil is being so Shitty over the Situation most People would immediately reconsider Their Friendship with Phil. Who wants a So Called Friend that Acts like an ABSOLUTE AND UTTER SELFISH SELF CENTERED FUCKWIT??? Phil need to get the fuck Over Himself, Man Up, and Take Responsibility for His Life Not Running Around picking Fights with His Friends for Fuck’s Sake.

              

More Proof People are fucking Idiots. I seriously wonder Sometimes how the hell Humanity has made it this fucking Far without Going Extinct due to Our Own Mistakes, Behavior, and Overall Shitty Attitude. We Pollute the Water, Air and Land while Killing Off Entire Species, and Constantly Trying to Kill Each other its Amazing Humanity has somehow (I assume due to Dumb Luck) hasn’t Gone the Way of the Dinosaurs.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober   

So My Neighbors Think I’m “Terrifying” Part 2: The Prequel

When We moved Home Offices from the Great Souther Swamp to The Souther Country We still had the task of Selling Our Old Home Offices. This was a HUGE fucking pain in the ass because on top of the usual bullshit We were doing an Out-Of-State Sale. What that Means is that with FYB fully relocated full time We had little fucking control since We were in a completely different State than the Property Itself.

Also in Commercial Realistate You’re not really Dealing with a Buyer. Thats to say rarely especially now a Days for a Buyer to be an Individual looking to start a New or Small Business (aka Mom & Pop Shop Operations/ Family Business). The People You do Deal with in this type of Realistate Transaction are Various Investors.  Investors are Natural Born Sons of Bitches & Bastards the Whole fucking Lot of Them.

Investors all Act like They’re some kind of Forbes 500 Mega Business CEO Top 10 List Motherfucker when in Reality very few actually are (Fuck Million Dollar Listing), but They act like The Most important Motherfucker on The Planet. As if They’re a fucking Gift to Humanity from the fucking Realistate Gods on High.

      

Anyway One Friday Morning I got a Franticly Urgent Text from Our Realtor will call Him Tool for all intensive purposes. Tool’s Text was to inform Me that there was a serious Investor on the Line, and I MUST CONTAT HIM IMMEDIATELY ASAP AS FUCK! WE HAD TILL 5PM TO RESPOND OR THE DEAL WAS DEAD.

This again has everything to do with the fact Investor’s are Self Righteous Fuckwits. Investor’s believing Themselves to be Realtor Royalty or some shit will make an offer be it 8am or 4:430pm, and then demand an Answer by the End of the Day like the Limp Dicks They actually are.

I of course instantly got on My Cell Phone and Texted Tool Back and then sat the fuck back and waited to hear back. I didn’t. So I start Texting Him AND E-mailing Him but again He DOESN’T respond. By 2pm I’m losing My shit since the Deal Dies in 3 hours, and We need time for a quick negotiation if need be so the Clock was seriously running the fuck out fast.

       

I end up Texting, E-mailing, AND CALLING Tool every 15-20 minutes growing both more Stressed about losing a Possibly really Good Deal, Confused as fuck since I had NO IDEA what was going on with Tool on His end, and Anger because who the fuck sends an URGENT TEXT like that and then Disappears of the face of the fucking Planet?!!

Now lets Fast Forward to 6:00pm were I’m still pacing like a fucking Mental Patient back and forth on the Front Porch attempting to reach Our Realtor tool, and My Wife arrives Home from Work. She can already tell before She even sets foot Outside of Her Car that some insane shit is Occurring.

My Wife comes up on the porch and plops down taking a seat in one of the Rocking Chairs on the Porch. I took a minute to try and comprise Myself so as soon as I opened My Mouth it wouldn’t be “FUCK! SHIT! FUCKING SHIT! MONEY, DEAD DEAL! FUCK REALTORS!!! ARRRRRRRGH!!!” Unfortunately 3 minutes into My explanation of the Days Events come completely Unglued.

        

The F-Bombs started Falling as if the Military had gone Mad. I yelled at the top of My lungs questioning what kind of asshole texts someone and then Ghosts them, and Raging that the Deal was Dead so We lost a ton of Money, Time, and Effort. I was screaming My insults to the Four Corners of the Earth for all it was worth using My entire Vocabulary of Obscenities, Blasphemies, and Other Looked Down Upon Language.

As far as I was fucking concerned this Rageful Emotional Eruption was well fucking Warranted since it been building up all Day, and had yet to come to it’s Final Conclusion. Summation being: Tool was a Twat.

Now it just so happened that after Living Here for many Months Our so called Neighbors to Our Left finally came over to get Acquainted. You know all that Personal Introduction,Welcome to the Neighborhood, and If You ever need something bullshit. Well I must again remind Our Dear Reader’s that out here in the Southern Country NO ONE Raises their voice in Public more or less Yell at the Top of Their Lungs. And They DEFINITELY DO NOT CURSE OR USE ANY PROFANITY PERIOD (Being used in Public being considered the Worst Offense).

      

In Addition Our Neighbors are very pleasant People, but Quiet and rather Meek, They’re simply Soft Spoken Law Abiding Church Goers. With that said after Rioting like a Deranged Foul Mouthed Mental Patient for 10-12 minutes I just so happened to glance over into The Neighbor’s backyard. The first Thought to go through My Mind was “Well I think it’s Safe to Say We won’t be Talking To Them Again.”

There They were Our Rental and Kind New Neighbors standing Petrified by what They have just born witness to. The Husband is standing as rigid and Stone Faced as a fucking Buckingham Palace Guard clutching a rake tightly at His side. His Wife was Frozen with a Garbage Bag full of Lawn Debris grasped firmly in Her Left Hand, and a Gloved Hand full of Small Twigs She had been gathering up. Her face was Paralyzed Wide Eyed with Mouth Agape like a Surprised Cartoon Character.

       

Since then They have slowly warmed up to My Wife, but as for Me They have Never even looked in My direction again to this Day. They Literally keep Their Heads down staring at the fucking Ground, and remain Silent desperately trying to Not Be Noticed Nor Acknowledged. Like Dogs with Their Tails between Their Legs.

IN THE END: Our Realtor called at 6:30pm and explained He had fucking Jury Duty all Day so He couldn’t use His fucking Phone. The only comment I had then was Why the fuck wouldn’t He tell Me that in the Initial Message instead of Driving Me fucking up the Walls all goddamn Day?!

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (31/365)

” There nothing I like better right now than a Cold Beer.” Said Lee emphatically with His eyes still Locked on The Fatal Four Way Refund Death Match still going Strong in front of Them.

“I know a place Near by. It’s My Actual Neighborhood Bar believe it or Not. Low Lights, Cold Beer, No $15 Cocktails, No Flare, No Pretentious Mixologists, No Dj, and No Trendy goddamn Hipster Half Wits. People at The Boozehound are content to leave one another in Peace. Respect the Institution of Bars.” said Dizzy almost growing giddy a the Thought, “It’s called the Boozehound and it’s a True American Classic Dive Bar.”

“Dive Bar you say?” responded Lee His Apprehension being quite evident.

“What? You got a fucking Problem with Dive Bars, I mean what are You one of those Commercial Sheep? One Those Applebee’s Assholes or What?!” demanded Dizzy defensively.

      

“No Offense its nothing fucking Personal in the least. It’s just that sometimes People get confused on the exact Definition of a Dive Bar. What you described is the Ideal Dive Bar Scenario and I’m liking it again don’t get Me wrong. Some People mistake a Shitty Hellhole of a Bar as What a Dive Bar is or should. When in Actuality its nothing like the fucking stupid Stereotype as Stereotypes go,” explained Lee plainly, “Dive Bars don’t Stink of Stale Beer or Urine, They don’t smell like fucking Vomit either. They’re not dirty, scummy, disgustingly unhygienic, The Bathrooms aren’t total shitholes that make Gas Station Restrooms look like the Fucking Four Seasons. You walk into a place like that its just a Shit Bar it’s No Dive Bar by Definition thats for sure.”

“Oh shit Ok I see what  You’re saying. No I assure I’m not an Ignorant asshole or anything. Its a straight up by the Book Dive Bar.” said Dizzy with renewed Confidence.

       

With that the Two New Acquaintances departed the Theater leaving the Refund Turmoil behind. They walked several blocks through a nice Working Class Neighborhood until They Reached the Boozehound located on the Street Corner. Dizzy threw open the Door and strode in like He owned the fucking joint with Lee in tow.

Lee looked around the Bar assessing the Layout. To the left was the actual Bar that stretched almost the entire way down the wall, and a Row of High Backed Booths lining the wall to the right. The Restrooms were located all the way at the back of the Bar next to an Antique Wurlitzer Jukebox, and one of the World’s Last Pay Phones.

Dizzy and Lee posted up at the Far end of the Bar because Dizzy apparently had some fucking Mobster Complex. He said He always has to have His back to a Wall, and Where He could See the whole Bar but more importantly the Front Door. Lee wondered if Dizzy had a good reason to be Paranoid or if it was simply a Personal choice.

       

“See the Middle Aged Guy sitting in the Last Booth?” ask Dizzy in a hushed Tone.

“Yeah I saw Him when We came,” answered Lee, “Why what’s His deal?”

“Its one of those No One really knows. We Call Him Vladdy He first came to The Boozehound in the Winter of 1980, and been showing up every single day since. Vladdy keeps solo to Himself and He doesn’t say shit. Not that it matter though since Vladdy doesn’t speak a fucking lick of English and No One round here Speaks a lick of Russian, but Somehow Vladdy and the Bartenders have found some sort of way to Communicate even if it’s in a very Simplistic manner.” Replied Dizzy sparking up a Joint and continuing, “Oh it’s fine if I Smoke a little Weed in here I know the Owner. Anyway every morning when the Owner comes to Open Up Vladdy is already here and waiting on the Stoop. Everyday it’s the exactly same fucking routine. Owner Opens up, Vladdy takes His spot at the Last Booth along the Wall. After Vladdy takes a seat The Bartender brings Vladdy a Jar of Kosher Dill Pickles, a Shot Glass, and an entire unopened Bottle of this Insane Russian Vodka. I think I heard His Family actually makes the shit and ships it Stateside for Him or some crazy shit like that. It’s Vladdy so who knows.”

       

Dizzy paused for a minute to get the attention of the preoccupied Bartender who was standing with His back t the Bar intently scrutinizing the Football game that was on the Bar’s only TV. When Dizzy got the Bartenders attention He ordered Them a couple of Ice Cold DraftBeers along with a couple of Shots of Maker’s Mark before returning to the conversation.

“Well Vladdy spends the Day sitting in His Booth Taking Shots and Eating a few Bites of Pickle in-between until The Vodka Bottle is Empty. The Vladdy gets up and Leaves for where who the hell knows most likely its Home I’d suppose. And then it starts all over agin the next Morning kind of like an Alcoholic Version of that Bill Murray Movie fucking Groundhog Day and shit.” said Dizzy right before slamming a shot and a Beer, and then ordering another round.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Stupendous Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (32/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober.

System Recovery

If you had a button to press in your life where you could go back to any different point, where would you go???? Who would you be with??? Where would you be going???

I’ve thought about this one quite a bit because of a dream I had today. It was really devoid of almost all detail. It was me and 3 other people whose faces I could not see running through a field.

In the past, I would have thought that these 3 people were some of the men I’ve dated, had relationships with from my past. At other times I thought these were people from the future. But the more I think about it and realize it does not matter where they come from.
It is just a dream and the main thing behind it is the happiness, the feeling of carefree, not trying to analyze the who/what/where/whens of the situation.

I do not know where I would push this button because every person who has crossed my path, well if I thought of them they each would have their own button in my heart. The only people whose buttons would intercept would be 2 hot guys from a threesome or people whom I had only met at a concert or on vacation. The people closest to me and my soul and my being and my heart well…….

There would be no one place….there would be innumerate multiple places.

I mean sure for selfish reasons, I might choose to go back to a place where I had tons of money or I had naivety in love. These might not be satisfying to me now though because everything changes. I’m sure if I could go back to when I was 18 I probably would bitch slap myself and start screaming, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???!!!”. That actually might be fun as long as I didn’t scar the future me that is currently writing this schlep.

Honestly though this is probably a cop out but I would go back to one of my favorite concerts of all time (there have been several) and I would bring all of my closest friends throughout the years. And they would all get along. And run across the fields in bliss. It would be just like my dream. Only with audio.

 By SpaceDog

A True Partner In Crime

The question of, in ones mind, what makes up a person’s ideally perfect partner is as old as humanity itself. The journey to find ones soul mate is the undying quest of every human past, present, and future has or will endure. The deeply ingrained desire to find the one person, on an entire planet of people that you were destined to be with keeps people perseverant and imprisoned. Once again I find myself facing the eternal question of what would comprise my ideal partner in and for life.
Now almost all men automatically put physical appearance as the number one trait that they seek in a woman first and foremost. I personally do not. In fact physical appearance comes in dead last on my list. There are a singular of physical trait that I would prefer and those would that my partner and an inch or two shorter than me or as tall as me would also suffice. I’m not one of those macho guys that feel the need to tower over their partner like King goddamn Kong . What I mean is I don’t want to be walking down the street with my partner, and have some idle idiot come up to tell me what a pretty daughter I have. The so called height requirement is not written in stone as I consider all women to be attractive no matter what society dictates. Its all about what I and only I think. I don’t give a rat’s ass about what society says I don’t cow down to advertising dictating the way people should look. Its a futile endeavor that servers more over to make people fell like shit about themselves feeding on basic human insecurities. Bottom line some cliches are cliches because their true and with that said beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Emotionally I look for two primary traits in a woman the first is that she is a passionate. As I am an artist, I appreciate and admire passion for anything in any form. I’m not talking specifically talking not just about physical passion (though I like physical passion as much as the next person), but passion in all its forms. It could be a passion for sports, reading, biking,music, B movies or whatever personal passion fuels that emotional component. I think it goes without saying that my ideal woman would be loving which is the key emotional trait I believe everyone man or woman in the world truly is seeking. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t actually love them (or act in a loving manner) like someone who marries for money or social status for example.
When it comes to the intellect I would want (or need is a more accurate word I suppose) to be with a woman who has above average intelligence. Just a reminder to readers Intelligence and Educated are to separate animals, you can be quite intelligent without being educated. It does not matter how attractive or loving a woman is if I can’t have an intelligent conversation with her. I enjoy learning about an extremely diverse range of subjects (Buddhism, Troma Movies/independent cinema, and psychological warfare to name a few) If I’m with someone who doesn’t care, understand or can’t intellectually keep up then I know the relationship is going to be a rather ferocious failure.
The personality of my ideal partner would have to be positive as I’m a natural born pessimist, and need a partner who can counteract me negativity with their positivity. She would also need to be out going because I’m an introvert who tends to shun society as a whole, and again I’d need my partner to help provide a healthy balance between the world and myself. She must be accepting, open minded to new things and ideas as I am, and patient as I am an emotionally driven artist which means I can make life complicated, chaotic and be a bit overwhelming. My mother wrote my Wife a letter before we got married letting her know that she was glad my Wife could see my big heart underneath all the candy coated craziness as “I’m not an easy person to live with.” I do not deny it in the least as I’m fully aware I’m difficult to deal with or live with let alone marry. This is why I tell people my wife is my far better half with the patience of a saint with a heart of pure gold (which she needs to handle my daily frantic mood swings along with my constant loud ranting and raving endlessly.)
I truly do believe and feel extremely optimistic that any person has beyond excellent chances of meeting their ideal partner as long as they can be perseverant. Finding your ideal partner can take time, as its a process through trial and error. It can take years even decades, but it can be done as long as a person doesn’t become depressed and abandon all hope during the process. I’m not going to sugar coat shit it can be a grueling task finding ones ideal partner, and its no wonder that people can feel hopeless at times. But if you keep your eyes open and remain head strong through the inevitable failed relationships I fully believe anyone will find their ideal partner (in the end no matter what may occur along the way.) I was one of those people who gave up searching and fell into a sea of self pity, but as soon as I stopped obsessing about finding my ideal partner or if this person actually existed only then I found the my ideal partner. Thus its not only possible to find your ideal partner, but to find an ideal partner with every and all traits physically, emotionally, intellectually, and with the personality you desire as long as you don’t succumb to feelings of failure.
The characteristics I value the most in an ideal partner are intelligence as well as personality, as I can’t be with a woman who is not on my intellectual level because we simply wouldn’t have anything meaningful to talk or debate about, and that is something I can’t do without. Personality is the second characteristic I can’t make any exceptions on because I need someone who’s personality is the exact opposite of mine. I’ve been in relationships with women who’s personalities mirrored mine (which one would think would be perfect but its not) ,and each of those relationships in spite of the fact I thought I had found my ideal partner failed due to the fact we were too much alike. I need my ideal partners personality to be outgoing, accepting, open minded and loving or I know that the relationship is doomed from the start.
So in the end its my belief that everyone not only has an ideal partner with the specific desired characteristics, but that anyone in time will find their ideal partner no matter where they may be. Just like anything, as long as you don’t give up or break down and settle for second best, you will succeed in your quest for your perfect partner as I did.