Tag: revenge

The Unraveling of a Small Town Arson

Even in a tiny rural town shit happens just not nearly as frequently as in more populated areas at least. Last night though a lot of shit was happening in the wee hours of the morning.

The original details as discovered and spread by the Locals:

At 4:oo am a fire of undetermined origin had broken out a utterly destroyed all three store fronts where the fire occurred. It sucks because this is a egonomivcaluy depressed area and these 3 stores where in the small handful of local businesses that have avoided bankruptcy. There was a secondary reason the fire sucked was the owners of the 3 stores had insanely awesome antiques such as an original Model T car and 1900’s all oak Soda Bar that also were destroyed in the fire.

Now this is where small town life gets even smaller. Right after the fire and I mean the very next day as soon as the sun came up. The town split into 3 schools of thought.

School 1 Thought it was just a run of the mill accident due to old buildings with sub par electrical wires and shit.

School 2 Thought it was Arson caused by Vandals or some mentally ill drifter sort of person/persons.

School 3 Thought it wasn’t a random act of Arson, but a very specific target indicating a Family Feud that got well out of hand, and some one involved went rage crazy and was all ‘I’M GONNA BURN YOUR BUSINESS DOWN YOU BASTARDS!” Seriously feuds and grudges go far down here. An Example being There are 3 families who all own section of property. 30 plus years of futile arguing and disagreements (as well as a shit ton of underhanded and actually illegal shit going on) has lay way to intense resentments. The current generations involved in this land deal are still holding onto the grudges of the past generations.

Well why the Towns people speculated on the Local Police and Fire Chief had figured out what happened, who did it, and promptly arrested them. See there was a 4th School of Thought that no one attended, and that was Theft.

What Really Happened the the Night of the Arson. A local podunk officer was slowly cruising down Main Street at 4 am when a “an old and very beat up Chevy” came speeding out of the ally by the 3 stores that were burned. The speeding car almost t-bones the cop car, but luckily a collision was avoided that time.

People down here have a tendency when confronted by the Police to try and out run them. This case was absolutely no different. Immediately after almost causing a serious car wreck the Old, Beat Up Chevy takes off like his ass is on fire. A Police chase issues inevitably leading to the suspect driving too fast on windy ass roads until he drives off the road into a tree/drainage.

Again thats exactly what happened next in the story. The Driver survived the initial collision at least long enough to narc out his partners in crime. When inspecting the wreck the Police found the obvious reason for the Arson to cover a Robbery. The Chevy was crammed full of $1,000’s of dollars worth of merchandise from all 3 stores, and at that point they drew their conclusion. The Robbery wasn’t a personal matter nor Arson for Arson’s sake, but it was in an attempt to try and destroy all the physical evidence from the Robbery itself.

No one is sure if the Driver is alive, but his two crew members have been arrested and charged with Breaking an Entering, Arson, Resisting a Police Officer, Fleeing the scene of a crime, Grand Theft of over $1,000, and perhaps more but I don’t know currently so I for one WON’T Speculate.

Thanks For The Read Reader,

Les Sober 

The Back In The Day Battle That Got Me Banned From Blockbuster

Back a Billion years ago when no one gave two shits about a burgeoning little company known as Netflix and before technology brought us the ability to stream Blockbuster ruled the world. I admit whole heartedly I’m a movie addict (a film junkie strung out on celluloid ) so I had no real alternative to Blockbuster if I wished to rent a movie I was forced to deal with them.

One day I along with a few friends went to the local Blockbuster. Its important to note at this time Debit Cards where still the new big thing in banking, and I myself had recently received my first debit card mere months ago. We walked in and I proceeded to stroll over to the check out counter and asked the man standing there how would I go about acquiring a Blockbuster Membership Card (which without you couldn’t rent shit obviously) The man told me right off the bat that I would need a credit card I have still to this day NEVER owned nor EVER will own a credit card, (but thats another story all together) ,and because as I mentioned before Debit Cards had just become a big deal because they had duel purposes. One of the cool new options Debit Cards offered was the ability to select credit as a payment option upon check out so I pulled out my Debit Card and handed to him. The employee barely looked at it before handing directly back to me saying that Debit Cards didn’t count as credit cards. He then went on to say  I’d have to have a American Express or some bullshit if I wanted a Membership.

Now to say that back in those cryptic times I had a short fuse would imply there was a fuse to begin with. Now in spite of this kick ass cool new Debit Card this Movie Moron was telling me that Blockbuster, when all other businesses were wildly embracing new banking technology, was going to refuse me over an antiquated system. I decided to turn a bad situation to a worse one because the Film Freak behind the counter was being utterly irrational so I was going to fuck up his day for being such an unarguable ASSHOLE. I aggressively asked the Blockbuster Bitch why the Hell Blockbuster wouldn’t allow the use of Debit Cards considering their backed by Credit Card Companies hence the Visa or MasterCard Logo on it. The Idiot Employee stated condescendingly that Blockbuster does not acknowledge Debit Cards as a valid form of payment as it were and if I couldn’t get a credit card (implying that I was a young punk kid who would be denied by any and all Credit Card Companies) then it wasn’t his or Blockbuster’s concern, and thats when all Hell started to break loose. I was glaring at the employee in undeniable hate while he stared at me with his best “Fuck You Face” as the volume of our disagreement was beginning to escalate. At this point it was no longer about a minor movie membership but a total battle of wills, this shit had become personal.

I launched into a full blown, brutal, profanity laced, obscene diatribe damn near screaming about how the fuck Blockbuster could be so motherfucking egotistical and blatantly deny memberships over trivial bullshit. I mean I wasn’t trying to buy a goddamn gun I just wanted to rent a motherfucking movie for fuck’s sake. I went on that I was the prime demographic that caused Blockbuster’s rise to rule ,but not only that the demographic that comprised the body ,and provided the blood able to sustain such a massive national company. I said that from now on fuck Blockbuster I was going to now refer to them as Cockbuster because thats exactly what the fuck they are. The verbal assault switched gears from Cockbuster the Crap filled Corporation comprised of Shit Sucking Soulless Sons of Bitchs to the conduct of their (specifically the guy I was/had been dealing with) employees and their eat shit attitude. It was the usual cliche shit, who did he think he was, what made him so fucking superior when in reality he rented fucking movies not like its fucking open heart surgery.

My buddies at this point knew things were way too far out of control and realized they only solution was to physically remove me from the store. The 3 of them formed a triangle around me as my buddy at the front tried to calm me down (or at least get me to shut the Hell up) and at the same time trying to placate the situation by talking over me as well as the employee to drown out the arguing. I then became aware I was boxed in by my buddies and that they were attempting to escort me off the premises before inevitably the Crooked Cops were called in. So under duress I was shuffled out all the while still continuing my venomous venting all the way out the door, and through the parking lot to our car.

After Thoughts and Facts:

  1. Cockbuster slowly died and rotted away as Netflix and Streaming became the new and far better alternatives to putting up with Rental Rejects.
  2. Cockbuster in the end before their crippling corporate demise gave me a membership with me using my finally accepted new way of the world Debit Card.
  3. I NEVER USED THE MEMBERSHIP, I got it to PROVE I could in fact get a Membership and Cockbuster could subsequently Piss Off into Bankruptcy.
  4. About a month or so after my run in with Cockbuster an article was published (and insanely popular with the general American public) about how Cockbuster DENIED TOM FUCKING CRUISE a Membership.
  5. The Cockbuster that I had my run in with closed and was bulldozed to make room for extra shopping center parking because no one else want to lease the building.
  6. I had an opportunity to return to where my Cockbuster incident occurred during a business trip and once I stood where the Cockbuster had been I proceeded to piss on it like the commercial grade grave it is.

Patrolman Pud Whacker & The Night Of 1,000 Tickets

It was a warm summer’s day back in The Mother State I remember it well, time as not dulled the vivid details of that day in the least. I was driving around town aimlessly trying to find something to do in a town trapped in constant small time stagnation. I ended up stopping by my friend Arminian’s grandmother house and found him at home with his long term high school sweet heart girlfriend by the name of Eon. Not to long after picking Arminian and Eon up we ran into a mutual friend in the 7-11 parking lot called Hermoor the self proclaimed “Last Norwegian Viking”. Like us Hermoor was bored out of his Nordic God loving mind and had nothing to do as well decided to join our futile quest for entertainment.

We had been aimlessly driving in virtual circles for about half an hour when I made a right turn onto a highway accidentally cut some random red pick up truck off. The driver was a beer bellied middle aged man in a stereotypical John Deer baseball cap, dingy flannel shirt and sporting a scruffy unkempt wild man of the woods beard.  At this point in time the term road rage had not been defined and coined into the american lexicon as of yet ,BUT thats exactly what this moronic hillbilly bellend had going on. The driver was tail gating the holy shit out of me while screaming like a banshee and waving his hands around like a Hitler during one of his speeches.

The problem at hand I was faced with was I had 2 choices and had to make one on how the hell to best handle this road raging dickbag. On one hand I could keep driving until I hopefully lose the fool and that would be that problem solved. OR I could pull over and my friends and I could beat this wannabe bad ass into the ICU. Blinded by his road rage the pick up truck prick had failed to notice he was one middle aged outta shape man versus 3 twenty somethings figuring a fight would relieve the eternal state of boredom for a bit. I decided to attempt and avoid a fight due to the fact that inevitably the cops would be called followed by us getting arrested and the other guy getting a ride to the nearest emergency room. Unfortunately in such a small ass tiny town its next to impossible to lose anyone especially if they’re bumper fucking your car into next week.

Finally I drove behind a shitty strip mall to reach main street when low and behold there are 2 cop cars sitting side by side as they do when the officers are chatting about the bullshit they pull with tax payers money. FOR ONCE I figured the cops would be helpful in deterring the Pick Up Truck Fucker to lay off his wannabe vigilante war path and we could be rid of this son of a bitch. At first my idea seemed to have worked as I drove past the parked cop pow wow and the Pick Up Pecker pulls right up to the pow wowing police and starts ranting like a Meth head on a bender so I figured well hell that douche bag is the cops problem now.

I pulled out of the shitty strip mall onto main street and managed to drive 2-3 miles before I look in my rear view mirror and see BOTH cop cars driving up on me quite seriously with lights on and all that fun shit. I pulled over confused as to what the hell I did other than  save some ungrateful asshole from eating soup through a straw for months on end. That and I wasn’t speeding and I obeyed all traffic signs and shit because well there were 2 cops present so what the hell am I getting pulled over for?!

Thats when I officially met Patrolman Pud Whacker a 25 year old just graduated from the police academy and so fresh out of the wrapper he stilled smelled like a new car.  Patrolman Pud Whacker asked me what the pick up truck deal was all about so I explained the situation in full. Now I was the picture of refractory when I was younger as I didn’t give a shit about the game and went out of my way to shit all over the so called rules. Patrolman Pud Whacker essentially dismissed the Pick Up deal and just plain started to hassle us “young punks” at which point I all but lost my shit. I vented my increasing anger at this ass backward situation where for once in my/our lives we didn’t do the wrong thing by letting the pick up driver act the fool without inflicting grievous bodily harm.

Patrolman Pud Whacker broke right into the snide superiority of a cocksucking cop who just hit the streets and is getting an erection from the new found authority (My guess is Pud Whacker was a punk bitch who was bullied and beat up all through high school so now being a cop is his way of settling his the score with society) Anyway things between Patrolman Pud Whacker escalated quickly to say the least as our voices rose and I let the profanity train go hurtling on its way to obscenityville. I was viciously arguing that messing with us instead of dealing with some reckless revenge driver’s road rage was exactlly why America is fucked as well as why no one trusts nor likes what the American police force has turned into.

So to be a MEGA prick and also prove my point Patrolman Pud Whacker preceded to walk around my car in a malicious 360 of dickdom writing tickets for every and all traffic infractions he could find wrong with my car. At the end of our lovely 15 minute roadside shit storm I was handed a literal fist full of tickets that totaled $1,200 and change.

Summery: Cops are Crooks so handle things yourself because cops can only hurt you they don’t help anyone BUT themselves and now in 2016 cops aren’t just crooks anymore their cold blooded power tripping killers.