Tag: Sarcasm

Monday Terror

So it’s fucking MONDAY again! Monday the day we have to end our 48 hours of freedom and return to the grind of daily fucking life. Worse we have to fucking get through 5 fucking days of WORK, BILLS, AND BULLSHIT just to get another fucking pathetic 48 hours to ourselves. That’s why everyone on the fucking planet hates the hell out of Mondays! Mondays represent the beginning of another cycle of suck that reminds us of all the shit in our lives that sucks ass.

Les didn’t have a plan for todays post so I decided to step in since this Monday was an EXCEPTIONALLY SHITTY one. In a tribute to all fucking things Monday I selected the following post for today. It’s fucking loud, abrasive, in your fucking face, absurd as fuck, insanity inducing borderline sensory overload so like I said it’s just like fucking Mondays.

See you whenever I see you,

  Justin Sane  

The Instagram Asshole Incident

Welcome to another Wednesday FYB Post. I apologize for Our Sporadic Posting but lets fucking face it the Holidays are fucking hell with the Psychotic Shopping and Everyone Traveling fucking Everywhere. I assure You that come January We will be Back on Track with some Improvements. As Justin mentioned I recently helped a Friend Launch a Project and  it Demanded a Great Deal of My Time. Luckily the Project took off Faster than Expected so Now that it’s Up and Running its a Maintenance issue at this Point. This brings Me to Todays Post The Instagram Asshole Incident.

For Context Purposes Heres a Brief Back Story Summation of the Situation. I joined My Friend’s Project as the Creative Director, but then the Treasurer at the Time (who I had a Personal falling out just Six Weeks before I joined the Project) went Completely Retarded on Himself. At first He was all Manic and Happy then things got Dark and They got Dark Fast. A few Days after I signed on the Treasurer started getting Bizarrely Defensive, Increasingly Competitive although Our Jobs were Completely fucking different and I had no fucking interest in His fucking Job. Finally shit Hit the Fan and He had a Total fucking Bitch Fit Style Melt Down, and My Friend wasn’t going to Stand for this bullshit Attitude so He Fired the Treasurer’s Trifling Ass.

What I wasn’t fucking aware of at the Time was that the Newly Departed Treasurer had also been given the Job of the Current Handling the Social Media for the Project. As it turned out in Eleven Months of being on the Project the Treasurer hadn’t done a fucking thing. I’d say it was a fucking Joke, but it was far Beyond being just a fucking Joke it was utterly fucking pathetic. So as a Result I was asked to take over the Instagram Account and I use the word Account loosely since there was No fucking Content to speak of and it had Obviously been set up and then Ignored by the Former Treasurer. Since the Ex-Treasurer had set up the Account My Friend couldn’t get Me the Password and all that Shit so We said fuck it, Deleted the Old Account, and Started from fucking Scratch. Things were going Great with the New Account and We were Racking up Followers and Following Hand over fucking Fist then One Day I just happened to Come Across Something that Thoroughly Pissed Me off. I saw a Post by One of the Accounts We were Following that was Our Mission Statement word for fucking word Verbatim which I fucking Wrote.

Apparently this dumbfuck saw the Instagram Account and Hit up the Project’s Website and then Cut and Pasted Our shit on His Instagram. What this Douche Nozzle didn’t Realize is the Project’s Website Content is in Fact Copyrighted so what this Jackbag did was Actually Illegal. Now here was My fucking Conundrum Obviously on the Personal Front I wanted to Tear this Fuckwit’s Head Off and Shit Down His Neck. The Problem is this wasn’t a Personal Matter this was a Business Matter so I couldn’t just Rant and Rage while Unleashing a Sick Flurry of fucking F-Bombs and Insane Insults. I had to do the Exact Opposite I had to Handle this Professionally which means using a Cool, Calm, Collected, Focused, and Professional Manner. This is not nor has Ever been in My Skill Set so this was Trial By Fire. I was so fucking filled with Indignant Rage I didn’t know what the fuck to do so I called My Friend, Informed Him of the Situation, and Asked Him what How I should Proceed.

He instructed Me to Dm this Motherfucker and simply say the Content He posted was Copyrighted and to take the Post Down ASAP and I did just that. Fast fucking Forward 24 Hours and this Dickhead hadn’t taken the Post down or Even Commented on the Situation at Hand. So I called My Friend again, let Him Know the Post was Still Up, and again asked What the fuck to do since all I wanted to do is End this Fucker and Shit all over His fucking Life. My Friends Told ME to DM the Rimjob again and This Time Add if the Post is Not Taken Down in a Timely Manner We would Persue Legal Action and that should be Sufficient. I did as I was instructed and that was that for the Time Being, but things were about to get Even more fucking Aggravating as Yet Another Dipshit was about to Interject Themselves into the Situation as it were.

The Following Morning I went and Checked Instagram to see if the Post had finally been fucking taken down so this shit would be done and We could get back to fucking Work. Not only was the goddamn Post still fucking up some Bitchface had Hit Up Our DM and Left Her Two Unsolicited Cents on the Subject at Hand. I have No fucking Clue Who Exactly what the Relationship was between this Stupid Shitsack and the Dildo Who Stole Our Content. She could be a Relative, Family Member, Friend, Sibling, or Just a Random Asshat Trolling the Internet jumping into Other People’s Shit to well Start Shit. Now it was fucking aggravating back in the Pre Internet Days when Idiots and Assholes could call Your Job or Worse just Walk the fuck in, but goddamn nowadays its 100 times fucking worse with IM, DM, Email, Text, Internet, and Social Media. Living Today You feel like You’re surrounded by fucking Dickbags that You can’t Ever actually Escape From like You’re Surrounded on all Sides by Sea Shitheads.

This Raging Bitch could have Behaved like a fucking Adult and in a Professional Manner mind You, Yet She chose to Approach the Situation like a Pissy Little Tween Troll. She started by Stating People in the Instagram Community should Be Nicer to Each other and all that Typical Cliche Happy Horseshit. Then She proceeds to in the Very Next fucking Sentence to insult Our Project, Talking Shit on a Personal Level, Bitching like a Banshee in Heat, Name Calling, and being a Stuck Up Holier Than Thou Fucktard. Once Again I wanted to Unleash a Shitstrom of My Own Making Upon this Trifling Whore, but Again I had to Restrain Myself to a Spectacular Degree. It was then that Luck Would have it I just so Happened to see a Quote from Winston Churchill that Saved My Sanity. The Quote is “Tact is the Ability to Tell Someone to Go To Hell in such a Way that They look Forward to the Trip.” a Sort of  Grimmer Version of Killing Them with Kindness.

I then Sat Down and Typed Out My Response to this Irrational Asshole of a Person. I took the Tone of a Stern Parent Reprimanding a Petulant Child. I made Sure to Sound Condescending as a Motherfucker as I talked Down to Her as if She were a Moronic Fool absent of any and all Intelligence. I told Her She needed to Calm Down since She was so Obviously Emotionally Upset and Needed a Quick Time Out. I then Stated that it didn’t matter what the fuck She Thought or Felt since this was a Matter of Copyrighted Intellectual Property Used without Our Expressed Consent and Absolutely Nothing Else. I then Apologized Not for Our Dm’s BUT for the Fact She seemed to be just so fucking Distraught by Them, and then I Provided Her with My Friend’s Attorney’s Contact Information while Welcoming Her to Contact Him Herself on the Matter if She so Desired knowing Damn Well She fucking wouldn’t since She was just a Loud Mouthed Cum Dumpster. I signed off with “Have a Truly Blessed Day” as a Subtle but at the same time Obvious Fuck You.

So My Advice is if You’re on the Job and Confronted by Some Vaginal Fuck Flaps trying to make Problems Remember What Winston Churchill Said and Use the Advice Wisely.

Thanks For Reading,

   By Les Sober  

For Shits and Giggles : Where’s The Baby

So another motherfucking Monday is upon us trying to monopolize the course of our week! So to combat the bullshit here is todays FYB post featuring WHERE’S THE BABY by Spine_apples who describes their work as “shitty animation man”. I say their because I don’t think just because the word “man” appears in the quote that it’s an indicator to the sex of the animator. Anyway this 1 minute and 42 seconds of insane absurdity (that granted has a surprisingly funny but kind of grim ending) should serve as a fucking  universal public service announcement for all parents currently on the planet.

PSA: DEAR PARENTS THIS IS HOW THE REST OF THE WORLD SEES YOU. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS SO CUT THE CRAP.

Later,

Justine Sane

Salute To Eccentrics First Ever Follow Up: IvySavage aka VERDUYNETAL!

As some of you may be aware that just a while ago I did my first official a FYB Salute to Eccentrics featuring Verduynetal, and now I have returned with an FYB First. As far as I am aware this is the very first time FYB has done a follow up post on a previous Salute to Eccentrics.

I fucking deplore repeating myself but if you haven’t seen the previous Verduynetal post (or just plain don’t want to) here is a brief recap. Someone tipped me off to this YouTube Channel Verduynetal and when I checked it out I had my first real feeling of deja vu. It was a truly strange feeling as I stared at a complete stranger while feeling like somehow I did actually knew them yet I couldn’t remember for sure How I knew them. Anyway while reviewing the video content had a break through moment and realized that I did in deed know who this person was. As it turned out we grew up in the same shitty suburban bullshit town, and attended the same shitty high school (though she was a couple of years ahead of me).

        

I mentioned in the original Verduynetal post that a friend of mine actually dated Verduynetal way back in the day. I decided to hunt down my old friend   Kurt and see if I could pick his brain a bit to see if I could jog any memories. Well that idea failed because as it turned out Kurt had died of a drug overdose 2 years earlier. Left to my own devices I have spent a good deal of time racking my brain trying to remember anything I possibly could about this phantom from my past. Luckily my memory is half way decent and I contacted Spacedog to see if he could recollect anything on the subject.

After hours upon hours of deliberating Spacedog and I managed to compile the following information on Venduynetal. First off she has a younger brother named Josh who is her polar opposite if there ever was one. Where Venduynetal was a complete fucking train wreck of a person Josh to his credit was a proper preppy. He got good grades, had several extracurricular activities, a bunch of friends, was positive, and had his shit together. I image her little brother has since moved as far away as he possibly could from his fucked up family. Speaking of family there was her parents. She lived in their house but neither Spacedog or I ever met, seen, or said a cursory hello to Venduynetal’s Dad. I mean for all intents and purposes he may as well have been dead and buried though I don’t think he was dead  (at least at the time anyways). I remember seeing her mom once and that she kind of creeped me out since she didn’t say a single fucking word the entire time though she kept staring at me relentlessly.

   

As for Venduynetal Spacedog and I pretty much remembered the same shit. Venduynetal was a punk rock with the asshole attitude to match. She was one of those people that believed everything they said to be the undisputed truth, and if you didn’t agree with her then you were a fucking moron. She was outwardly angry and aggressive since she had some sort of chip on her shoulder though I don’t know why. She grew up in SUBURBIA in an UPPER MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD and never wanted for anything as her mom enabled the hell out of her allowing her to act like an out of control asshole.

Without consequences your kids grow up from being crappy kid into an asshole of an adult. Venduynetal was a drama queen who had to create shit to be pissed at because her life in reality wasn’t shitty at all. I mean no one likes authority figures as a teenager, but Venduynetal thrived on emotional chaos and assorted bullshit creating Mountain ranges out of mole hills just to have something to rage against. Bottomline SHE was the cause or creator of all her perceived problems. She got off on being the town’s self proclaimed most outrageous outcast as the mother of all misfits, and apparently she decided this was her niche, dug in, and never left.

               

That was all there was to the story until Spacedog found an extremely interesting additional piece of information. I mentioned in the original Venduynetal post that I had a sneaking suspicion Venduynetal’s name was Ivy as indicated in a couple of her video titles. I was right in real life she goes by Ivy Savage which is obviously not the name that appears on her birth certificate. Ivy Savage is part of the ongoing idolization of all things punk which she apparently made up for herself (I do know her real name first and last, but this is FYB so I’m not saying anything as per Les). You might be wondering how I came to know of the Ivy Savage angle and the answer is simple. Spacedog went and searched the name Ivy Savage on Youtube and LOW AND BEHOLD he discovered a Second Channel titled IvySavage (no spaces). So with this little kid bit of information I damn well knew I would have to most definitely do a fucking follow up post so here we go.

IvySavage:

  • This channel actually pre dates the Venduynetal channel by approximately 3 months. I don’t know why she just didn’t rename her channel instead of creating a second one but what the fuck right.
  • The IvySavage channel joined on November 6, 2008.
  • The Channels has 22 videos in total posted.
  • There are 30 subscribers.
  • Channel Description: GO TO VERDUYNETAL CHANNEL PLEASE. ITS MY OTHER CHANNEL. (What surprised the fuck out of me was she actually said please which isn’t to punk rock now is it?!).
  • There 3 reoccurring themes:Finding  Hitler/Nazis funny, insomnia and prescription medications used to treat a variety of mental disorders.

  • One video that stuck out in particular was the video titled Creative with as much as is left 7 16 10 001. This video was shot solely by accident as Ivy enters a drug store to pick up some medication. While the video sums ass visually because the camera is all over the place it the AUDIO that I find most fascinating. Since this video was filmed by accident when the camera was on without Ivy’s expressed knowledge we can see what she is really like. What I mean by this is Ivy’s other videos she’s playing it up for the camera.
  • Another video that was particularly captivating in its oddity is the video titled cigarette break. What’s weird here is where the fuck Ivy is and who are the 3 additional people (other than ivy and her camera man) exactly? At first I thought she was at work, but it appears to me that she is attending some sort of program for people with more severe cases of mental illnesses.
  • We learn that her on again off again camera man is named Christopher in the video titled Instructional video on how to use Ivy’s door. Christopher for his part seems absolutely infatuated with Ivy somewhere between puppy love and a stalker like obsession.

  • Over all Ivy’s videos (like Verduynetal’s) fall into to categories the first being she is trying way to hard to be edgy/shocking/outrageous/defiant. The second are the videos where she honestly seems to slowly be unraveling mentally on the verge of crisis or is HEAVILY (and perhaps OVER) MEDICATED.
  • It also appears that the people Ivy associates with are all on psych meds too leaving me to wonder if she did meet them at a program for those with serious cases of mental health issues. This isn’t just because Ivy and company talk a good bit about different head meds, and they seem to know what they are talking about (they seem experienced in the subject). In the video titled Extinct…Like the kiwi Ivy literally says “Did you take your meds today, I sound like my mom.” to which her friend responds with the same question posed to Ivy. They then both attest to taking their meds that day.

HERE WE GO BETTER STRAP IN FOR THIS ONE!

That’s it so I’ll see you around,

   Justin Sane