Sexual Ambiguity By Spacedog

Subject Contradictions:
He takes his coat off as he slowly enters the room. A swift, precise glance of the inhabitants reveals copious laughter but their smiles are nylon. This is unamusing to him so he creeps out the back door.

He sees a child drop an ice cream cone and begin to cry.

He sees a parapelegic ringing her little bell and sitting on the sidewalk. He wonders where her wheelchair went?

He hears a train whistle but sees no tracks.

He steps in a big wad of horse shit and walks with a more pronounced anger.

Walking further down the narrow roadway, he spots a man and woman arm in arm. Every four steps or so the woman takes she gazes a loving glance at this man. The man gazes back at her but in the exact moment she looks away, he lustfully gazes at the ass of the man in front of them.

He walks down the street and wonders when his chance will be. When he will be the ass that they gaze upon. He’s a virgin though and waiting for marriage. Then he remembers that he is gay.

Wait! We can’t marry!

So he decides to take matters into his own hands. He turns around abruptly. He takes off his shirt. He is cold and his nipples harden, among other things. He walks back into the room.

I need something acceptable, he thinks. He turns his nose to the air. He smells alcohol, roses, and faint scents of sex. He walks towards those of course. He realizes it is darker in the corner of the room. Someone motions him into a doorway.

He enters the room.

Twenty minutes later…….

He’s no longer a virgin. He goes home.

Believe it or not there is a point to the story. It really has nothing to do with sex but sex gets people’s attention for the most part. All the things which are “forbidden” to us when we are children do. Sex, drugs, alcohol, crime, purposefully hurting others.

I have dabbled into all of the above. A lot of them quite often. Never all of them at the same time. You grow out of one bad habit and there is always another. We all have them. If we are defined by them and ruled by them therein lies the problem.

So I don’t care what people do in their own time. Each of the things I mentioned above have their risks and their rewards. As adults we know what they are. We still do them though. We have sex until we get the HIV or anally seep or walk a little funny. We do drugs until we have no more veins or no more teeth. We drink alcohol til we need a liver transplant and then we get a new liver and drink some more. We evade taxes, invade minors, and jaywalk. We hurt others and then we are hurt and then they are hurt and it goes around in one big limitless circle like Simba and his fuckin pathetic Circle of Life.

Then we go to church and we pray and put on our Easter bonnets and some of go home and celebrate Jesus and some the Cadburry bunny, while others still just go off and celebrate their birthday suits together. One big happy family.

Then we go feed the homeless. Then we hop a train to the city in the clothing we just bought at the Salvation Army and go panhandle.

After that we pick up our grandmother to go to bingo. She sits there contently. Dabber in one arm, flask in the other, bible in her purse. She sees another 70 year old man there, one with all his teeth, and promptly leaves you to dab balls by yourself. Apparently grandma knows a lot more about balls then you thought.

It never ends. It is eternal, it is disturbing but it’s not. We all do it. Extreme or miniscule. It exists.

“This is the biggest mistake I could think would save me. I wanted to give up the idea I had any control. Shake things up. To be saved by chaos. To see if I could cope, I wanted to force myself to grow again. To explode my comfort zone.” -Chuck Palahniuk

I have so been there. Ripping myself apart just so I could see myself bleed and try to fix things. That’s human.

And that’s why even though people are flawed to a repulsive extent, they deserve a chance in my book. Otherwise we would all be sitting alone by ourselves in caves, fleshlight in one hand (ummmm i guess dildos for all the bottoms and women out there) and a bottle of whiskey in the other. 🙂

Some Sex Conundrums

I love sex as much as the next person (just ask my wife) BUT there some aspects especially nowadays that I either have a question or comment about. This post covers a variety of topics I have an issue with in one way or another, from objections to comments to questions so here we go.

Women here are somethings I’m confused about:

What is the deal with wanting to be choked? You wake up one day and decide to see what it be like to have sex and being murdered at the same time?

What is the deal with hair pulling? Men don’t mind and have come to enjoy it as well, BUT it wasn’t our idea, we didn’t have a man meeting at which we concluded with a 9-1 vote in favor of pulling hair.

Women again what is the deal with spanking? Yes guys like to spank women on the ass BUT why is it women who are into spanking want to be hit so hard? A playful smack is one thing, but spanking someone repeatedly until the area is bright red to the point it looks like a bruise is quite another.

Another aspect of Human sex that I find mind boggling is how many ANIMAL references there are especially when it comes to masturbation.

Spanking The Monkey, Choking The Chicken, Wrangling The Worm, Murdering The Crow, (Busy with) The Monkey Fist are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Now ladies if your reading this and are thinking “well thats men, not me” I call BULLSHIT. Roughing Up The Clam, Filleting The Fish, Clubbing The Clam, Taming The Shrew,Double Clicking The Mouse (computers or not it counts), Finding Nemo (a cartoon but still a Fish), Pearl Fishing, Taking A Self-guided Tuna Boat Tour, Making a Fish Finger Taco, Soaking the Sponge (the natural sponges) are just a few I thought of right here on the spot, and its 3x as long a list versus the men’s list.

Why Would You Say That?

Here are some things people say pertaining to sex that make NO SENSE to me.

“I’m going to/ want to fuck their brains out!” Ok so your going to fuck someone until what their brains literally ooze out their ears or you want to fuck someone until they become mentally disabled?!

“I’m going to/ want to fuck the shit out of them!” Alright so your going to have sex with someone so intensely that they actually do shit themselves?!

“I’d fuck the taste right out of their mouth” Sure thing, is that to say you want to have sex with someone until they are unable to taste?!

“I’d fuck the Hell out of them!” Again your wanting to have sex with someone until what you fuck the demons/devil/evil out of them?

One aspect of the sexual world that I find disturbing to say the least and its S&M. S&M translates into Sadism and Masochism. A Sadist is someone who gets sexual pleasure/ satisfaction by physically torturing someone else (sounds like a fucking serial killer doesn’t it?!), and a Masochist is someone who gets off with pain that is they want to be tortured to get their rocks off. Some S&M acts include, but not limited to Breast Torture, Spanking, Whipping, Blood Play, Vaginal Torture, Hot Wax, Rectal Torture, Asphyxiation and CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) The bottomline for me is this: S&M seems to be a cross between sexuality and a brutal Horror Movie (“Do You Want To Play a Game???-The Movie SAW)

There is a difference between  old school Pornographic Films Vs. the New School Computer Porno. Old School porn movies where shown in dingy, stank,filthy, shady porn theaters where today if you have a computer/tech device you can porn out when and where ever you want more or less. Old school porn movies WERE ACTUAL MOVIES, they ran an average of 90 minutes ( an hour and a half) and had real plots with real actual actors. Now yes these Old School porn movies did have graphic sex scenes in the movie, BUT IT WASN’T THE MOVIE if you know what I mean. A Classic Modern-day Pornographic movie example is Nymphomaniac Volume 1 which is CURRENTLY AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX. The New School porno has no sets, location changes,costume changes acting, writing or plot its just two people fucking. Now I don’t know in this computer age who still PAYS FOR PORN when theres more free shit then anyone knows what to do with already on line (Youporn.com, Pornhub etc) , BUT some do. Who I asked the people I spoke with ironically said the Premium sites/ DVDs actually emulate the Old School Format with a true cast, plot,professional camera/tech crew and so on.

I can’t get my mind around any sexual act that involves Urine or Feces, I don’t know how anyone can maintain that either is sexy. Our bodies for example are designed instinctively to avoid feces. The fact someone wants to urinate or dedicate on someone I get if the person is really pissed off and absolutely enraged in a revenge fantasy BUT for actual sexual satisfaction I can’t get my head around. I also can’t fathom why anyone would want to be urinated/dedicated on unless they have some serious real deal psychological problems with self esteem or a past traumatic event when they were a kid.

A fact I found interesting is the issue of condoms. Now safe sex is the only way to go unless you literally want to be fucked to death, BUT when it comes to the choice to use condoms (the number one promoted, advertised and used for safe sex practices) Obviously as a Man I know why we hate condoms. Their a bitch to open, a pain to put on, can completely undo an erection (do to the time needed to get, open and put on) and after all that it kills all and any natural sensation, its like having sex with a Zip Lock Freezer Bag on your boner. What Surprised me is how much women were adamant about the contraceptive hate for the condom. This is only because until it came up one day I had never considered the female perspective on the situation. Ironically to me at least is the fact women too severely dislike the unnatural feeling induced by the use of a condom.

The one question as a Man I have encountered since I can remember is “If you could suck your own dick would you?” My answer is no, BUT because I got tired of predominately women asking and decided to flip the script. So I asked them “If you could preform oral sex on yourself would you?” The universal answer was no which didn’t surprise to me in the least, BUT what the women said next floored me completely. The women I talked to said that they WOULD preform Oral Sex on themselves IF THEY WERE MEN. I had to ask why that was, and the answer was consistently the same,and the reason they would preform oral sex on themselves if they were men (as opposed to women) was due to “External Secretions”

Lastly theres the somewhat controversial topic of shaving. I’m all for it first of all for men and women alike, YET the anti porn fanatics have championed shaving as a sick psychological pedophilia tendency of Men who all apparently want women to shave so they look like children. WHAT THE FUCK? This claim is insulting, untrue and disturbing unto itself. The best way to disprove this insane claim is if these people watched porn they’d see the MALE TALENT is completely shaved too, so what the psychology behind that then that we all want to be children or to have sex with children or we all want tone children having sex with other children?! Shaving is done for a variety of reasons first and foremost a person being shaved is aesthetically more pleasing, for guys it makes you junk look bigger, increases chances for both sexes to get oral sex since pubes if your face/mouth is a real mood killer I think we all can agree on that one, and it makes it easier for your sexual partners to find your clit since its not buried under a mound of pubic hair, and it makes cleaning up after sex and hygiene simpler.

NOTE TO READER: I feel its imperative I state my stance on Sex Crimes. I believe all child molesters should be castrated publicly like a filthy farm animal. I believe Rapist should themselves be raped to death by a specifically designed machine (Think about FuckMachines’s most famous toy called The Fuck Saw, calling all S&Mers) or hung by the junk wrapped in barbwire publicly until the bleed out or die due to shock.