Tag: shit sandwich

What happens when You get a New Septic Tank and while it’s being Installed You Fall Down a Serious Reddit Rabbit Hole?! You find a Reddit Room called “Any Reason To Party” where You start reading about something called a “Septic Tank Celebration of Shit Party”. You throw this type of Party in the Event You have just had a New Septic Tank, OR if Your about to get a New one since the Old one is Literally Crapping Out.

Ironically having a New Septic Tank Installed is a Real Pain in the Ass, but it is also an Unfortunate Evil of Life. So as Odd as it Sounded We decided after a Short Period of Discussion/Debate to throw the Shit to the Wind and Go For it. Now You may be wondering as We were at First what Exactly the hell  a STCS Party Consists of. Well Good News We are here to Personally Let You Know First Hand What Its all About.

Septic Tank Celebration of Shit Parties are pretty fucking Straight Forward. First and Foremost there is No Decorations Required although People love to Toilet Paper Shit, and the Famous Smiling Feces Emoji (which has led to a Bizarre Branding Overkill, They have a Shit Emoji for Everything from Stickers to Halloween fucking Costumes for Fuck’s Sake.  Also People are found of Attending these Type of Parties sporting a Variety of Shit themed T-Shirt like Shit Happens, Who Gives a Shit, No Bullshit etc. (Some more unoriginal People stick to the Traditional Theme of Wearing Brown T-Shirts).

The Focus actually being Feces the Party is a Literally a Homemade Make Shit Crap Inducing Cuisine. The point is to Serve Food that will intentionally induce Your Guests to Shit Their Brains Out thus Helping to Break in the New Septic System or Assisting in Bidding Farewell to an Old Outdated System thats about to take a Shit of its Own so to speak. We Opted for a fucking Buffet since We believe in the Go Big or Go Home Motto, and We set out a Shit Inducing Spread that could have Led to a Guest Shitting Themselves Unconscious.

Luckily We have 3 Bathrooms so even if a Guest Craps so Hard they Pass the fuck Out We still have the other Two Bathrooms accessible. This way We could keep the Party Pooping going due to the Constant Non Stop Shitting of Our Guests as They run the Risk of Prolapsing Their Rectum. We DO NOT SUGGEST throwing on of these Parties if You have Only One singular Toilet as this will lead to Fecal Overflow and Your Guests end up Shitting in Your Bushes, Flowerbeds, Garbage Cans, Pool Filters, and Other disgustingly Inappropriate Crapping (No One likes it when the Shit actually Hits the Fan).

We researched so Many Health Sites, Medical Sites, and Diet Sites We lost count, but We wanted to insure We had concocted the Most Effective Menu of Shit Inducing Foods ever Assembled by Man (We are currently waiting to hear back from The Guinness Book of World Records) to get the Shitty  Job Done. We are confident this should Never Be Attempted Again by Anyone Anywhere at Anytime, and with that said this is what We came up With.

We thought that Finding a Variety of Effective Drinks would be the Most Difficult part of the Task. The Last fucking thing We wanted was to be Stuck serving Only Coffee as Our Only Beverage. Luckily We found out rather quickly that We were in Fact Wrong. Our Drink Options were:

• Coffee
• Coconut Water
• Kale Smoothies
• Peppermint Tea, Orange Juice
• Full Fat Milk
• Aloe Vera Juice
• Kefir (a Fermented Milk Drink)
• Chamomile Tea
• 64 ounce Bottles of Water (More Water More Crapping)
• Metamucil mixed with Your Choice of Liquor
• 

Then We Provided Some Casual Appetizers:

• Veggie Plate (Raw Green Beans, Broccoli, and Tomatoes)
• Plain Popcorn (No Seasoning or Butter)
• Pistachios
• Almonds
• Whole Grain and Oat Bran Breads (Example: Rye)
• Special Farro Bread (made w/ Ancient Strain of Wheat Popular in Italy)
• Olive Oil to Dip The Different Breads into
• Almond, Cashew, and Peanut Butter (for spreading on the Breads)
• a Fruit Salad (Rasberries, Grapes, Papaya, Blackberries, Pears, Kiwi, Guava Fruit, Banana, Apples Slices, and Mandarin Fruit)
• 

Then for the Main Course We had a Buffet that Featured:

• Traditional Salad (Turnip Greens, Spinach, Swiss Chard, Kale, and Arugula)
• Curry (Types Available: Dhansak, Tikka Masala, Saag, Korma, Jalfrezi, Vindaloo
• Hot Sauce Soup (Pinto Bean or Clear Soup with Hot Sauce Added)
• Lentils
• Baked Beans
• Potato Salad
• Sweet Potato Fries
• Clear Soup (Chicken and Dill or Plain Chicken Broth)
• Brown Rice and Black Beans
• Brussel Sprouts
• Green Peas
• Artichokes
• Chick Pea Salad
• Sauerkraut
• Pinto Bean Soup
• Refried Bean Burritos/Fajitas
• 

Then for Dessert We Served:

• Watermelon (Slices or Chunks)
• Berry Chia Pudding
• Pumpkin Pie,
• Rice Pudding
• Chocolate Laxative Full Fat Milkshakes
• Plum Pudding
• Activia Yogurt with Your Choice of Peaches, Strawberries, Raisins, Dates, or Prunes
• Figgy Pudding

The Party was an Unmitigated Success and by the End of the Night Everyone had a Very, Very Shitty Time.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober