S&M – f-your blog

Fetishes For People Other Than Cannibals

A short while ago FYB posted a post pertaining to different kind of cannibalism, and we received plenty of e-mails that noted that (especially the end of the list) fell into a sexually fetishized form(s)/kind(s) cannibalism. Now to say that we were unaware of this would be a bold faced fucking lie because we damn well did.

A prime example of this is Vorarephilia which is an abnormal sexual condition characterized by the tendency to become sexually aroused by the idea of eating someone, the idea of being eaten by someone, or by witnessing a cannibalistic act (people with this particular paraphilia are commonly referred to as votes.

A lot of the e-mails were ,for lack of a better word shocked, to learn of how crazy shit got when we delved into the almost unbelievable underbelly of various types of cannibalism. This led people to wonder what other strange fetish shit was out there that they may very well be unaware of. This got us in turn to contemplate the same question so we did some investigating and compiled the following list of sexual fetishes (that with only an exception of one or perhaps two) we had no fucking idea even existed. All we can say in summation of our investigation into lesser known/popular/rarer fetishes we just couldn’t help thinking how insane the human brain actually is even without in this cases the presence of a mental condition, disorder, or syndrome.

The Fetish List:

Breath Play: Breath Play involves the restriction of oxygen to the brain to achieve to heightened orgasm. Self-induced breath play during masturbation is known as autoerotic asphyxiation. Breath play within a couple can be achieved by nose pinching, holding your breath, covering the face with hood or plastic bag, “corseting” (pushing down on someones chest, choking, hanging, “Kininging”/ “Queening” (smothering your partner with your genitals. Any time you restrict someone’s ability to breathe, you’re engaging in high risk behavior, so breath play within the realm of BDSM behaviors known as “edge play”, in which your partner is actively responsible for your life.
Hybristophilia: Hybristophilia is an abnormal sexual condition in which sexual desire and climax occur in response to the knowledge that one’s partner has committed a heinous act such as infidelity, lying, or criminal act such as rape, murder, or robbery.
Diaper Bondage: Diaper bondage is a specific for of submission that involves role-play in which an adult regresses to an infant-like state. Often, the adult preforming this sexual fetish will wear a diaper and act like a baby, seeking nurturing from their sexual partner. This condition is also known as paraphilia infantilism, autonepiophilia, psychosexual infantilism or, more commonly, adult baby syndrome.

Sexsomnia (Sleeping Sex): Sexsomnia is a rare disorder that prompts an individual to seek sexual activity in their sleep. Although most reported cases involve men, both male and females may initiate sleep sex. Most people have some awareness of this fetish since the invention of prescription sleeping pills. Ambien alone has a reputation for causing strange nocturnal behavior (Sleep sex, walking, driving, eating etc.)
Cuckolding/Cuckoldry: Cuckholding or cuckoldry is a sexual fetish in which someone experiences sexual arousal by the way of observing their partner having sex with another man or woman. Some report an associated feeling of humiliation and/or rejection as part of the allure.
Omarashi: Omarahi, or “omo” for short, falls within the urolagnia family of sexual fetishes which are related to urine. Those who identify as ooo become aroused when they have a full bladder and wet themselves, or observe their partner wetting themselves. Other phrases used to describe this particular fetish are :bladder desperation” and “panty wetting.” The word omarashi is Japanese for “to wet oneself.” This is not to be confused with Golden Showers.

Spanking Art: Spanking art is generally enjoyed by people who identify as spanking enthusiasts in the bedroom. Spankophilia is a paraphilia characterized by arousal from spanking or being spanked. It falls within the realm of BDSM (bondgae, discipline, submission, sadomasochism) behaviors, although it’s a sexual fetish in and of itself.
Somnophilia: Somnophilia is erotic arousal dependent upon the act of intruding on a stranger mid-sleep, or walking someone up with an erotic caresses.
My Little Pony Sex: The adult male fans of “My Little Pony” are colloquially known as “boonies” (these are NOT fuzzies, but are considered a specific subset of the Fuzzy Fetish. While not all bronies associate this cartoon program created for children with sex, there is a niche community of people who fetishize “My Little Pony” and watch porn related to these series/ role-play scenes based on the show.
Teratophilia: Teratophilia is a sexual fetish that involves being attracted to people physical deformities. There are many subjects of teratophilia specific to different types of human deformities. For instance, acrotomophilia involves sexual attraction to amputees and stigmatophilia refers to deriving sexual pleasure from people whose bodies are marked or scarred in some way.

Coprophilia/ Scatophilia: Coprophilia/Scatophilia (also know as “scat sex”) is a sexual fetish rooted in a fixation with feces and defecation. People who gravitate towards pop play expierance sexual pleasure through the act of defecating on another person or being defecated on for instance. This is not to be confused with Copraphasia which is the act of eating one owns feces.
Daddy Kink (Day Dom): Daddy kink is a relatively simple sexual fetish that involves submission/domination play during which the submissive refers to her dominate partner as “daddy.”
Pee Fetish: You’ve more than likely heard of a “golden shower” (the act of urinating on someone for the purpose of sexual pleasure) and the people who like giving or receiving golden showers are characterized as having a pee fetish. The clinic term for this is paraphilia is “urolagnia”.
Cum Fetish: People who identify as having a cum fetish are aroused by the act of cumming on their partner, being cummed on, and/or images of people who have been ejaculated on. Sometimes its about the sticky mess of ejaculate on someone’s face, stomach, chest, or ass is tantalizing to those with a cum fetish. The most promenade form of the cum fetish is known in the world of pornography as Bukkake.

Mechanophilia: Mechanophilia is characterized by sexual attraction to machines, sometimes a desire to engage in sexual relations with (or in) an airplane, car, bicycle, Bus, Motorcycle, or Helicopter.
Macrophilia/ Giantess Sex: Macrophilia or giantess sex is an abnormal sexual condition that involves being attracted to and aroused by someone who is much larger than you are physically. In short, it’s a phenomenon in which people are turned on by giants and fantasies involving giants.
Pedal Pumping/ Revving: Pedal Pumping or “revving” is a subset of foot fetishism that involves watching someone, often a woman wearing high heels, push a gas pedal with masturbatory rhythm.
Balloon Fetish/ Looners: People with a balloon fetish (aka “looters”) find balloons sexual attractive and incorporate them into their sex lives. While some find creative ways to have sex with balloons, other simply enjoy the sight of their partner sitting on a balloon and popping it.
Quorofilia/ Hand Fetish: Some people who experience a hand fetish or quorofilia are attracted to a specific part of the hand, such as the fingers (which might appear phallic), the nails, or the palm. Others are aroused by actions preformed with the hand, whether overtly sexual (i.e. masturbation) or traditionally asexual (i.e. hand washing or rinsing dishes).

Sensation Play: While many forms of erotic play and fundamentally cerebral and centered on power exchanges (think domination/submission), sensation play is physical eroticism. In sensation play, the physical stimuli (i.e. silk scarves, ice, candle wax, massage oil, feathers etc.) are applied in a controlled manner with the purpose of eliciting the release of pleasure triggering endorphins. While their may be pain involved, the effect is similar to that of a “runner’s high.”
Extreme Feeding/ Feederism: Feeders or “encouragers” take pleasure in funneling excessive quantities of food into the mouths of “gainers”. Some extreme feeders enjoy the sensation of inserting their penis between a gainer’s fat folds.
Pygophilia: Sexual attraction or arousal to the human butt.
Hematolagnia: Hematolagnia is also known as “vampire syndrome”, hematolagnia is sexual interest in blood or desire to drink blood sensually.
Salirophilia: Is the love of getting dirty (or getting your partner dirty) literally, prior or during sexual intercourse.

Katoptronophilia: Is the intense sexual satisfaction derived from mirrors, often satisfied by having sex, stripping, or masturbating in front of mirrors.
Food Fetish: While some foods are actually aphrodisiacs because they have properties that induce sexual desire, sexual food play can involve any food that a person finds sexually stimulating. Food play is a form of sitophilia which refers to arousal by erotic scenes centering food.
Teleiophilia: Sexual attraction to adults? WE HAVE NO IDEA WTF THIS MEANS because if you’re not a pedophile then Yes you’d be an adult attracted to other adults. We couldn’t find any further useful information on this fetish so if you can/do please shoot us an e-mail at fyourblog404@gmail.com Thanks.
Microphilia: Is a sexual attraction to small people (the politically correct term(s) for DWARFS/MIDGETS) or someone of a short stature such as a Horse Jockey as well as other tiny things. Basically if someone has a micropenis then a Microphiliac is just what your looking for.
Claustrophilia: Those who have claustrophilia are people that are turned on by/ prefer to have sex in tiny or confined spaces (i.e. a Coffin).

Agalmatophilia: Is the love/sexual attraction to mannequins or statues.
Hotdogging: Is a sexual fetish that involves someone rubbing their penis between another person’s butt cheeks. (This is NOT about anal penetration, though it can lead it it).
Tricophilia: The Sexual Arousal from Hair (primarily human).
Abasiophilia: The sexual attraction to people with leg braces.
Spectrophilia: The sexual attraction (or arousal) to Ghosts.
Phalloorchoalgolagnia: Sexual arousal from pain to the male genitalia (this means anything from being kicked in the balls to cock and ball torture).
Plushophilia: The sexual attraction to stuffed animals or people in animal costumes (THESE ARE THE FUZZIES).
Emetophilia: The sexual attraction to (or arousal) to vomit.

Frotteurism: The sexual arousal from rubbing against non-consenting people. This in FYB’s opinion is creepy and borderline illegal.
Eproctophilia: The sexual arousal or attraction to farts.
Homeovestism: Is the attraction to the clothing of one’s own gender (i.e. for males it could be a Woman wearing a man’s shirt).
Dacryphilia: The sexual attraction to making someone cry.
Nasophilia: The sexual arousal or attraction to noses.
Arachnophilia: The sexual arousal or attraction to spiders also known as “spider lovers”

Now if this Post peeked your Curiosity then we suggest you head over to BDSMTEST.ORG and take the test and see what floats your boat, and who knows you might just surprise yourself.

I’ll see you on the other side,

Otto Rageous

The Morbidly Bizarre Story of leathersmokemi

There are many types of strange and disturbing things lurking from here to the four corners of the Earth. While I am a fan of Horror I am especially fond of Asian Horror in particular, and while the gory Asian movies with all the over the top geysers of spurting blood, decapitations, mutilations , and severed limbs are good for a laugh I prefer the creepier fair. I perter the more psychological of the Asian horror genre. I like the movies that really lingers inside your head like a dense fog that refuses to dissipate.

This is why one of the less popular pieces we did called Permanent Trip is a personal favorite of mine because it has that underlying uneasiness to it. The other day while I was wondering like a lost soul around the digital void of the internet.I was hunting for a intriguing rabbit hole to jump into with reckless abandon when something dark and extremely morbid. What I found was a gentleman named Dave who went by the user name Leathersmokemi.

The first thing that caught my immediate attention was the Dave’s manner of dress which reminded me of the heavy metal band of yesteryear Judas Priest. The second thing I noticed was Dave prolifically posted a total of 229 videos in a five year time span without taking any time off. The theme of of Dave’s Videos showcase Dave smoking cigarettes/cigars/Both at the same. Dave also demonstrates his new and inventive ways to smoke tobacco products (for example he concocted and created a modified gas mask so that he could smoke half a pack of cigarettes all at once).

As I waded through Leathersmokemi’s library of videos it started to go from strange too disturbing. Though he is amply aware of the toxic and deadly effects of smoking tobacco he chooses to gladly and defiantly disregard the health consequences know full well what grim fate lays in store for him. As you can imagine watching Dave’s health steady decline over the course of the videos is like watching a prolonged five year suicide. Its brutally unforgiving as Dave’s body is ravaged by his extreme smoking obsession. You follow a man who in the beginning looks like a big burly biker and ends as a withered, sickly, and skeletal looking slouched down in a wheel chair.

I selected five of Leathersmokemi’s videos for comparison purposes. Two of the videos are from the beginning of the series when Dave is at his healthiest considering he’s a avid smoking enthusiast of epic proportions. The Third video is from the around the midway point approximately two and a half years in. The fourth video is from the final leg of Dave’s imitate demise. The fifth video is the last video Leathersmoki ever posted before his death due to the cancer caused by his obsessive and chronic love of tobacco.

The painfully obvious question is why would someone chronicle last five years of their life as a smoker? What could be the possible motivation? Is this just an eccentric man in love with the art of self destruction?

IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THE FIFTH VIDEO WILL BE THE EXPLANATION OF HOW SERIOUSLY SICK AND TWISTED THIS STORY IS ONCE YOU SCRATCH THE SURFACE.

Video 189.wmv Description: My return after cancer surgery.

Video title- still here still smoking (Last Video Posted before Death).

The Answer can be found in the comment sections of Leathersmokemi’s videos. Leathersmokemi’s Videos are a extremely hardcore version of a more traditional smoking fetish. While a smoking fetish is far from anything new this version is takes it to a very dark and unspeakable place. The usual smoking fetish fair is a person dressed provocatively slowly smoking a single cigarette while flirting with the camera, and is quite innocent in nature (much like burlesque shows for example).

When I started perusing deeper into the comments section of Lethersmokemi’s videos something sinister suddenly became horribly clear. All of the comments from his fans were hyper sexualizing the detrimental effects of smoking. Their fetish wasn’t focused on a person smoking a cigarette it was solely based on the detrimental health effects from the person smoking cigarettes/cigars. They seemed to enjoy and request to hear Leathersmokemi Cough, wheeze, and his progressively strained raspy breathing. Leathersmokemi to his credit did indulge his fans and recored certain videos dedicated to certain fans.

Leathersmokemi’s small but fanatical followers were getting sexual aroused by the sound(s) of Leathersmokmi’s progressing respiratory distress. His Fans enjoyed Leathersmokimi’s physical deterioration as it was being consumed by Cancer with increasing dire delight as Leathersmokemi’s health declined. The closer he progressed towards his inevitable death the more frenzied his fans became. The sickly sounds appeared to Heighten their level of arousal. Their unofficial motto it seemed to be “The sicker the sexier”. Leathersmokemi’s fans dedicated to his deadly and prolonged process got heightened sexual simulation from hyper sexualizing the illnesses associated with smoking tobacco. They reveled without remorse in the detromental health effects upon a the human body. As far as I am concerned this is vast collection of Fetishized snuff videos.

You don’t have to believe us because directly below are two separate testimonial videos where Dave addresses what kind of person he is, what he like, sexual preference, His various Jobs, and his extremely obsessive smoking fetish.

LEATHERSMOKEMI’S TESTIMONIAL VIDEOS

Thats It.

By Otto Rageous

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (27/365)

The Performer Guy held the Christ like Pose for a few seconds before breaking into a full blown Gregorian Chant. Lee found it admirable that the Performer knew Latin since who the fuck spoke Latin as it had already been declared a Dead Language?! Once the Performer was finished singing He placed the Hammer down laying along the 2 by 4 with a Bizarre Ritualistic sense of Reverence.

Next the Guy retrieved an Old Beaten Up Bible, and a Rickety Music Stand from behind the wings. He opened the Bible to a Pre Marked Page, and started to Read the part of the Bible about The Last Supper in a Booming (almost Sing Song like) Baritone. Just as Lee was entertaining the idea of a second Bathroom break things started to pick up.

The Preformer started to speak Faster, and Faster like an Auctioneer on Crack Bender as His words began to Blur together Indecipherably. As He was reading at this point the Performer reached down and extended the bottom part of His Foreskin. He then held the section of His Foreskin in place using the insanely sharp looking Tip of the Massive Looking Nail.

Suddenly the Performer screamed out “THE BODY OF CHRIST!!!” like His fucking Life depended on it. This Snapped the Meager Audience back to Reality. As soon as He finished the word Christ the Performer picked up the 5 pound Hand Held Sledgehammer in His right Hand, Raised it High over His head, and then He brought it down (with all the might He could Muster) onto the Head of the Nail in one swift Blow. The Hammer struck the Nail with the loud Metallic Twang of Metal meeting Metal head on. The Nail Plunged almost all the way through the fucking 2 by 4 .

It was then that 3 of the 11 Audience Members present got up and left looking repulsed and pissed at the same time. Lee figured this Performance was like the others designed as an over the top Circus of Shock and Awe. And Lee would be damned if He was going to be the so called first on to flinch. This was an Abrasive Performance Art Showdown, and Lee was about to fucking loose.

The Performer returned to Reading about the Last Super from the Old Beaten Up Bible. This time His speech sped up much faster than the last time around, and Lee figured thats the way it is when you just impaled your Penis in front of a fucking Live Audience. As the Performer was building up Steam a Stage Hand in a Slayer T-shirt not so subtly snuck out and handed the Performer a Regular Standard Household Hammer.

This time the Performer Screamed Out “THE BLOOD OF CHRIST!” before taking the Claw of the New Hammer, and Violently Pried the Nail out of the Board and His Foreskin. As soon as the Nail exited His Flesh a fucking torrent of blood came gushing forth like somehow His dick had been transformed into a fucking Fire Hose it was truly unreal.

The Performer jumped back from the 2 by 4, and took His fucked up Foreskin and tried to pull it over the head of His cock. This looked to Lee like a strange attempt to stop the Profuse Amount Bleeding by turning His cock into an impromptu Water Ballon of sorts. Maybe the first thing the Performer (being uncircumcised) though of when looked down at His Bloody Bellend the first thing that popped into His head was Sausage. And thusly He was trying to use His Foreskin to create a kind of Casing if You will. Aside from the Odd Reasoning behind the Weiner wrapping idea it also was failing to work as copious amounts of Blood was being Splattered all over the fucking Stage at this point.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for the Next Stellar Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (28/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (4/365)

The last Porn Sho point Lee was mulling over in his head was along with everything else was that with Social Acceptability now Free from the Religious Righteousness, Guilt, Stigma, Demonization, and Stereotyping of the Past had directly correlated to the Social Shift in Porn Shop Cliental.

The Days of Porn Shops being Inhabited by Lone Pale skinned, Greasy Haired, Sunken Eyed Porn Zombies or Perverts in Trench Coats with Fedoras pulled down over Their eyes, and Hardcore Porn S&M Types had faded into the Obscurity of Days gone By.

In the Times since the Social Shift Porn Shop Customers suddenly became Normal Everyday People They could be anyone You see or pass on the Street. Post is They look just like You or A Soccer Mom. People came in and Smiling, Joking, and just had some fucking fun in Todays Times.

Not to mention Porn Shops started to be frequently Patronized by Couples of all Sexual Types and Orientations. Boy Fiends, Girl Friends, Fiancees, Life Partners, and Married Couples opening a whole new accessible demographic who would have literally NEVER set foot in a Porn Shop thats for fucking Sure.

It was then that Les realized His eyes were closed and He had just become aware of it. Damn too many Beers last Night at the Bar Lee thought to Himself as He was already battling a Brutal Hangover. Considering sitting still would only contribute to the issue at hand Lee hopped off the Stool behind the Check Out Counter, and figured now was a good as time as ever to do a little inventory. Nothing like counting Dildos and Inflatable Fuck Dolls to get the Blood Flowing, well it at least it keep Him awake.

A few minutes past as Lee counted Cockrings and Clit Stimulators when He hear the Front Door Bell. Ah the first Customer of the Day Lee thought as He was glad to have anything to do other than fucking Inventory. Lee strode quickly back behind the Cashiers Counter, and took a seat on the rickety Bar Stool and, waited eagerly to see what the preverbal Cat dragged in Today for Him to Observe.

Stay Tuned For Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitits: Professional People Watcher (5/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Try Scamming Me & I’ll Royally Fuck Up Your Day PT. 2: Counterstrike

I left off explaining in the last post that some Absurd Asshole(s) had contacted via text about trouble processing my Health Insurance Payment that was a BLATANT SCAM. In stead of flipping out and going batshit crazy with rage/revenge I would try a different plan. Here is what I did.

I did some Bong Rips and began to think about a plan. Now not only did I want to piss the Scam Artist off as much as they had me I also wanted it to be fun to do. I ended up coming around full circle by selecting Text Messaging as my form of communication versus Cell Phone Call. If I had chose to call the number included in the Text I know what the fuck would have happened.

I would have simply lost my shit and started cursing out the guy on the other end of the phone. The swearing then would be followed by a slew of insults and then violent threats of bodily harm. I seem to have inherited my Father’s intense source of Anger. My motto in situations like this is if you try and fuck with me or fuck me over I will return the favor 100 fold, BUT I digress.

Then I concocted a phony Movie Company Called Von Dire Films. Now Von Dire I thought should be a scummy, underground, indie, sleazy, offensive, and troubling films with titles like “Corpse Farm: A Return to Flesh” or some weird shit like that. I then came to the conclusion that Von Dire Films was a Self Promotional Merchandise Super Sluts who TEX BOMB the Hell out of random people hoping to secure some new fans/customers.

Here are some examples of the Von Dire Film Solicitation Texts:

Text 1.

You have reached Von Dire Movie Production Company. Unfortunately We are having budgetary issues while shooting our new Movie in Borneo called “Skull Fucking Your Bloody Skull”. We will be out of the Country for Filming for the next 8 weeks. Please leave any and all contact information pertaining to the specified project at Our Dark Web Website VonDiresFuckedUpFilm.Org

So to Our Fans We say “Fuck Off We’re Filming” & “Adios Assholes” so Thank You for Your interest in Von Dire International Snuff Film Productions LLC.

Text 2.

Von Dire Banned Films That with Mindfuck you like a Lobotomy!!!

WWW.VDBF.ORG

SUPER SICK SALE ALL WEEK LONG!!!!!!!!

Text 3.

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See Our Website on the Dark Web for further details!!!

STAY SICK CITIZENS!!!!!!

TEXT 4.

VON DIRE IS BACK! in the Celluloid Slaughter Business with his new demented movie “Meat Hook Justice” Coming to American Theaters Feb. 14th 2018! ADVANCE TICKETS Sales Available Through Our Dark Web Website. SO SIGN IN, SHOP, AND STAY SICK!

Text 5.

Von Dire’s Ferral Film Festival set for Bucharest Sept. 18th 2018!!!

Gorepon Group Packages Available on our DARKEST WEBSITE!

HURRY BEFORE THEY SELL OUT!!!!!

GOREPONS START AT 12,000 BitCoin (Purchaser must have a Valid

PayPal account at time of Purchase)

Text 6.

Gorepon the Groupon of Grizzly Gore has current Tour Packages of

Killing Christ’s Kingdom Studios

VERY LIMITED TIME ON ONLY!!! DON’T THINK BUY. BUY.BUY.

TEXT 7.

VON DIRE Sinful Spoken Wicked Word Tour COMING SOON!!

Check Out Our Deepest Dark WebSite for Upcoming Information!!!

Have Your check books ready!!!!

Text 8.

Von Dire Biography 4 Sale!!! “Bloody Genital Mutilation: My Life Growing Up in Antartica” ON SALE! LIMITED NUMBER PRINTED!

ORDER NOW,NOW,NOW!!! (Sale Price 165 Euros) !!!

All We need is Your Social Security Card Number for verification of Purchase!

Text 9.

Von Dire Films Presents Bloody Sod Bollock’s

“Shoot My Face Off I Like It” Disturbing Documentary of Damnation

For Sale For LOW, LOW PRICE of 900 Yen!!!

All We Need is Your Debit Card Number and Pin Number!!!

Text 10.

Von Dire’s New Gothic Novel

“The Insurance Sucubus Slayer: Cannibalize The Conman”

Available now on BrutalBooks.Net for $49.99

All We Need is the Routing Number from a Personal Check!!!

Text 11.

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Streaming on FuktFilms.Net for just the low price of $4.99 for

the 1st Minute and $2.99 each Additional Minute!!!!!

Text 12. “Lust and Lobotomies: The Jeffery Dalhmer Story” by Von Dire

Inspired by Real Life Insanity!!

Torn from the Headlines of Horror!!!!

On Sale Now For Just 17 Easy Payments of $59.99!!!!

Text 12.

Von Dire’s work will Haunt you!!!!

Check Out at Goddamn VOnDire.Org!!!

Text. 13

Von Dire Fan Club Enrolling NOW!!!

Von Dire’s Fan Club The Bloody Bastards has LIMITED OPENINGS!!!

Rare chance to become an actual Fan Club Member just Sign Up For

12 Months for $6,499.99!!!

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1 Month for just a mere $999.99

All You need to do is just send ALL Your Personal Banking Information to Us Via Our Deep Dark Dark Website!!

Text 13.

“Suck My Ass It Smells” the Von Dire GG Allin Punkumentary Slated for Release in FALL 2019!!! ADVANCE TICKETS FOR SALE!!!! BUY NOW!!!!!

Text 14.

It has come to Our attention that you haven’t purchased anything in QUITE A WHILE!

Please contact Us IMMEDIATELY with Your Credit Card Information Ready!!!

VON DIRE FILMS LLC “The Sickest Shit on Celluloid!!!”

Text 15.

WHY haven’t YOU visited Our Deep Website VonDire.Org Website??????

Please Stop and SHOP! SHOP! SHOP!

Deals! Sales! Discounts!! DOUBLE Fan Club Member Points!!!!!

Text 16.

It has come to the attention of Our Billing Department that You have an Outstanding OVER DUE Payment Pending for $749,999.99.

If You FAIL to contact us within 24 hours We will turn Your Current Past Due Amount over to The United States Federal Debt Collection Agency.

It be in Your Best Interest to CALL US TODAY and PAY Without Thinking or Questioning it. You can also Log Onto Our Darkest Website and SPEND the Equivalent on Merchandise.

Text 17.

You’ve been CAUGHT by MasterLock Security Monitoring Systems on Illegal Von Dire DarkWeb Movie sites.

These Sites contained depictions of Extreme Fetishes, Donkey Shows, Eating Feces, Platypus Rape, S&M&B&D&GT, Pygmy Gangbangs, Live Sex Acts preformed by Sea Monkeys, Defamation of the Dead, Necrophilia, HillBilly Incest, Cattle Decapitation, Sex with Star Fishes, Genital Mutilation, Uniques, Rectal Insertion of Foreign Objects, Triple Fisting, Nipple Clamp Carnage, Group Masturbation, Coffin Coitus, Blood Lust Orgies, Vaginal Vomiting, Testicular Torture, Midgets Running a Train on a WNBA Center, Amputee Stump Humping, Skull Fucking, Ejaculating Blood, Among Other Offenses.

If You Do Not PAY the Fine of $15,499.99 to Us in Target Gift Cards OR Cigarettes WE WILL REPORT YOU TO THE NSA IMMEDIATELY POST HASTE!

Text 18.

Cunt-Fart & The Rotten Peckers have just signed a contract to record the entire Soundtrack for Von Dire’s Short Student Art Film

“Sadistic Sex Slug Sodomy”

Release due February 1st at MIDNIGHT through Our Super Sick Website!!!

Members get unlimited listening!!!

So Send Us a Photocopy of Your Driver’s License and a Blank Persona Check or Debit Card!!!!

ONLY $975.99 While Supplies Last BUY NOW WITHOUT DELAY!!!!!!

Shitting and Fondling Included for an Additional Fee of $64.99!!!

Text 19.

Visit VONDIREMERCH.ORG(Y).NET NOW!!!!HURRY!!! GO!!!!

Discount Sale Starts This Friday at Midnight on Our Sick As Shit Website TODAY!!!

BE THERE YOU BASTARDS & BITCHES!!!!!

Text 20.

Authentic Bulgarian Bahhbahchoubpa Available TODAY!!!!

Grown EXCLUSIVELY at Von Dire Feral Farms in the Sunless Lithuanian Country Side!!

JUST A MEASLY $49.99 a Bushel!!!!! LOGON TO OUR Sinful Website for Purchasing Information TODAY!!!!!

Text 21.

Von Dire Office Yard Sale is going on this Weekend!!!!

This is YOUR rare and utterly exclusive chance as a Fucked Up Fan Club Member to PURCHASE SPECIAL MERCHANDISE ITEMS SUCH AS:

A Mason Jar of Von Dire’s Shaved Pubes, VD’s PERSONAL ANTIQUE Genital Torture Kit, VD’s diseased and stuffed Pet Electric Eel, VD’s office Urinal, The German Industrial Nipple Clamps from VD’s Outfit he wore to the Vomitous Awards in 1993, AND SOOOOO MUCH MORE!!!! LOG ON NOW LEMMINGS!!!

Text 22.

Von Dire’s Scummy Spoken Word Collection “Decade of Debauchery” consists of the 1979-1991 Spoken Word Tours of Guam. ONLY $99.99! LOG ON AND BUY NOW and BUY A COPY FOR A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER NOW!!

Text 23.

Von Dire’s Lost Movie has just been Found!!!!

“Cockring Carnival of Karnal Cock Carnage 1888”

One of Von Dire’s 1st Films found misplaced in the Lost Soul Studios’s Film Vault!!!! ONLY $179.99!

EXTREMELY LIMITED TIME ONLY!!! This is a one time 36 Hour Special Secret Sale!!! Buy Several Copies NOW!!!

Text 24.

Von Dire POP UP RESTAURANT The VD Clinic IS HERE Tonight!!!

Just a small fee of $299.99 Per Person and $499.99 Per Plate!!!!

Dinner Includes:

Specialty Corrosive Cocktails, 17 Course Dinner (with the Main Course Being Bison imported from the Croatia), Damnable Dessert, and Sinister Cigars served with 110 year old cognac from Turkey.

PLUS A SPECIAL SHOWING OF VD Video Productions Catalog BUT HURRY SALE ENDS IN 76 Minutes!!

Text 25.

BREAKING NEWS!!! THIS JUST IN!!!!

Von Dire Dick Pics Leaked on

HollywoodHardons.com!!!!!!

NOTE TO READER: The texts above were sent starting Monday 6:15 am and Wednesday 11:39am. That would have been the end of it, BUT on Wednesday at 2:47 pm The Absurd Assholes sent me yet ANOTHER TEXT. The text was the same deplete piece of shit cheap ass scam bullshit as the last previous 3. Thusly at 7:48 Wednesday I returned to my antagonistic ways.

Text 1.

“Throbbing Taints and the Shitty Assholes” a Film By the Legendary Deplorable Director VON DIRE is a Political Commentary Documentary on the current sate of political affairs throughout this Evil Earth. Von Dire has already announced He will be filming the sequel “TrumpFucker: A Legacy of Failure” solely focusing on Donald Trump.

ADVANCE COPIES AVAILABLE FOR 210 BITCOINS!! CHECK OUT OUR SICKLY WEBSITE!! SOONER THE BETTER, BUY NOW!!

TEXT 2.

“Crippled Faith” is a collection of Gothic Poems about Death and Desire by none other than VON DIRE’S Little Bastard Brother VAN DIRE!! The book was released by Putrid Publishing which is his Older Brother VON DIRE’s Publishing House known mostly for publishing “Necrophilia Noir” a instructional guide for beginner Necrophiliac.

AVAILABLE AT OUR WEBSITE!!!

All We Need is a photocopy of Your Personal Financial Statements such as Banking Statement, to Complete Your Purchase RIGHT FUCKING NOW BITCHES!!!

Text 3.

Von Dire’s band SlutFuck will be playing a limited number of secret acoustic Tour all during the month of March.

DON’T MISS SLUTFUCK’S “EATING THE ASS OUTTA A DEAD DINGO” TOUR

WHERE WILL THEY BE PLAYING YOU ASK???!!

Log On to Our Wretched WebSite where You and Your Friends can PURCHASE CLUES to help You to locate a Secret Show NEAR YOU!!

The Cost Per Clue is Only $29.99!!! ACT NOW, BUY NOW!!!!!!

Text 4.

Cocktails To The Tits: A Von Dire Meet & Greet scheduled before the debut of VD’s most recent Diseased Film “The Cyclops: Cycle of Shitty Sex, Unbearable Sin, and the Abominable Aftermath”

Saturday Midnight Showing down at The Barfly Lounge!!!

Meet & Greet Passes $349.99 and Film Tickets for ADDITIONAL $74.99!!

Call The BarFly Lounge For Details RIGHT FUCKING NOW BABY!!!

Text 5.

“Zombie Hooker Handjobs” a Sick Flick by One of the most despised film makers in MOVIE HISTORY Von Dire’s Eldest Son Vin Dire!! COMING SPRING 2019!!!

Text 6.

“The Scumfuck Tradition & Legendary Luridness”

Von Dire’s FAMOUS AWARD WINNING ROCKUMENTARY chronicles Iconic Underground Hardcore Porno Punk Bands Such as the Following:

The Fuck Me Pumps, SlutFucker ( a SlutFuck Tribute Band), Slore, The Shitty Shitty Gangbangers, Agent Alien Anal X, The Prolapsed Rectums, Anti-All, Puss Buster, Rectal Invasion, Muff Diver & The Bull Dykes, Fighters and Fuckers, The Les Sober Scumbag 6, The Gash, Up To The Nuts In Guts, The Young Cocksmen, Hairy Clam and The Beavers, Death To Dipshits, Fuck Your Face, Mr. Fister, Cunt-Fart, Mangled Manginas, Vag The Impaler, Manstruation, The Salty Yogurt Slingers, Molested Melvin, The Perv’s, Rectal Leakage, The Bastards, and MANY MORE!!!!

Just Send Us the Deed to Your House as Payment!!! Purchase NOW!!!

Text 7.

Von Dire Presents “Disemboweling The Dead” a Perverse Film from Celluloid Sinn with LIMITED SHOWINGS AVAILABLE NOW STREAMING ON OUR SINFUL WEBSITE!!!! ONLY $197.60!!! ACT NOW!!!

Text 8.

The Sultan of Slaughter, The Duke of The Damned, The King of Corpses, The Barron of Blood, The Price of Perversion, The President of the Perverse, The Prime Minister of Sinister VON DIRE RETURNS AFTER 2 YEAR ABSENCE!!!!!

“Mouth Full of Maggots” is Von Dire’s Return to the Wretched Movie!!!

Already Banned in 49 States and 42 Countries World Wide!!!

Available in 90 Days for $129.99 or an Advance Copy for just $119.99!!!

Text 9.

The Von Dire Movie “Gargling With Broken Glass” is now available fully remastered in GORE VISON !! Available Now For $665.99!! Gore Vision Glasses NOT INCLUDED! Gore Vison Glasses SOLD SEPARATELY and can be PURCHASED for $349.99!!!

Text 10.

The Satanic Semen Society to induct Infamous Film Maker VON DIRE into the Sleaze Hall Of Fame on Julember 32nd!!! Watch the Induction on PPV On Demand for $49.99 or Stream it LIVE on our Sinister Website for $74.99!!!!

Text 11.

BREAKING NEWS!! YUGOSLAVIAN FILTH FILM DIRECTOR VON DIRE!!!

VON DIRE was Arrested and charged with Crimes Against the Indigenous People of PogoPogo while filming his latest movie

“The Bloody Savages of The Flesh Forrst”

Stay Up To Date on this SHOCKING News Story by Subscribing to Our NEW YOURUBE Channel for a Low Monthly Charge of $79.99!!

WTF R U WAITING 4?!!

That My Readers is where it has ended for now, and We will have to wait and see if this situation will continue in the near future/future.

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober

Some Sex Conundrums

I love sex as much as the next person (just ask my wife) BUT there some aspects especially nowadays that I either have a question or comment about. This post covers a variety of topics I have an issue with in one way or another, from objections to comments to questions so here we go.

Women here are somethings I’m confused about:

What is the deal with wanting to be choked? You wake up one day and decide to see what it be like to have sex and being murdered at the same time?

What is the deal with hair pulling? Men don’t mind and have come to enjoy it as well, BUT it wasn’t our idea, we didn’t have a man meeting at which we concluded with a 9-1 vote in favor of pulling hair.

Women again what is the deal with spanking? Yes guys like to spank women on the ass BUT why is it women who are into spanking want to be hit so hard? A playful smack is one thing, but spanking someone repeatedly until the area is bright red to the point it looks like a bruise is quite another.

Another aspect of Human sex that I find mind boggling is how many ANIMAL references there are especially when it comes to masturbation.

Spanking The Monkey, Choking The Chicken, Wrangling The Worm, Murdering The Crow, (Busy with) The Monkey Fist are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Now ladies if your reading this and are thinking “well thats men, not me” I call BULLSHIT. Roughing Up The Clam, Filleting The Fish, Clubbing The Clam, Taming The Shrew,Double Clicking The Mouse (computers or not it counts), Finding Nemo (a cartoon but still a Fish), Pearl Fishing, Taking A Self-guided Tuna Boat Tour, Making a Fish Finger Taco, Soaking the Sponge (the natural sponges) are just a few I thought of right here on the spot, and its 3x as long a list versus the men’s list.

Why Would You Say That?

Here are some things people say pertaining to sex that make NO SENSE to me.

“I’m going to/ want to fuck their brains out!” Ok so your going to fuck someone until what their brains literally ooze out their ears or you want to fuck someone until they become mentally disabled?!

“I’m going to/ want to fuck the shit out of them!” Alright so your going to have sex with someone so intensely that they actually do shit themselves?!

“I’d fuck the taste right out of their mouth” Sure thing, is that to say you want to have sex with someone until they are unable to taste?!

“I’d fuck the Hell out of them!” Again your wanting to have sex with someone until what you fuck the demons/devil/evil out of them?

One aspect of the sexual world that I find disturbing to say the least and its S&M. S&M translates into Sadism and Masochism. A Sadist is someone who gets sexual pleasure/ satisfaction by physically torturing someone else (sounds like a fucking serial killer doesn’t it?!), and a Masochist is someone who gets off with pain that is they want to be tortured to get their rocks off. Some S&M acts include, but not limited to Breast Torture, Spanking, Whipping, Blood Play, Vaginal Torture, Hot Wax, Rectal Torture, Asphyxiation and CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) The bottomline for me is this: S&M seems to be a cross between sexuality and a brutal Horror Movie (“Do You Want To Play a Game???-The Movie SAW)

There is a difference between old school Pornographic Films Vs. the New School Computer Porno. Old School porn movies where shown in dingy, stank,filthy, shady porn theaters where today if you have a computer/tech device you can porn out when and where ever you want more or less. Old school porn movies WERE ACTUAL MOVIES, they ran an average of 90 minutes ( an hour and a half) and had real plots with real actual actors. Now yes these Old School porn movies did have graphic sex scenes in the movie, BUT IT WASN’T THE MOVIE if you know what I mean. A Classic Modern-day Pornographic movie example is Nymphomaniac Volume 1 which is CURRENTLY AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX. The New School porno has no sets, location changes,costume changes acting, writing or plot its just two people fucking. Now I don’t know in this computer age who still PAYS FOR PORN when theres more free shit then anyone knows what to do with already on line (Youporn.com, Pornhub etc) , BUT some do. Who I asked the people I spoke with ironically said the Premium sites/ DVDs actually emulate the Old School Format with a true cast, plot,professional camera/tech crew and so on.

I can’t get my mind around any sexual act that involves Urine or Feces, I don’t know how anyone can maintain that either is sexy. Our bodies for example are designed instinctively to avoid feces. The fact someone wants to urinate or dedicate on someone I get if the person is really pissed off and absolutely enraged in a revenge fantasy BUT for actual sexual satisfaction I can’t get my head around. I also can’t fathom why anyone would want to be urinated/dedicated on unless they have some serious real deal psychological problems with self esteem or a past traumatic event when they were a kid.

A fact I found interesting is the issue of condoms. Now safe sex is the only way to go unless you literally want to be fucked to death, BUT when it comes to the choice to use condoms (the number one promoted, advertised and used for safe sex practices) Obviously as a Man I know why we hate condoms. Their a bitch to open, a pain to put on, can completely undo an erection (do to the time needed to get, open and put on) and after all that it kills all and any natural sensation, its like having sex with a Zip Lock Freezer Bag on your boner. What Surprised me is how much women were adamant about the contraceptive hate for the condom. This is only because until it came up one day I had never considered the female perspective on the situation. Ironically to me at least is the fact women too severely dislike the unnatural feeling induced by the use of a condom.

The one question as a Man I have encountered since I can remember is “If you could suck your own dick would you?” My answer is no, BUT because I got tired of predominately women asking and decided to flip the script. So I asked them “If you could preform oral sex on yourself would you?” The universal answer was no which didn’t surprise to me in the least, BUT what the women said next floored me completely. The women I talked to said that they WOULD preform Oral Sex on themselves IF THEY WERE MEN. I had to ask why that was, and the answer was consistently the same,and the reason they would preform oral sex on themselves if they were men (as opposed to women) was due to “External Secretions”

Lastly theres the somewhat controversial topic of shaving. I’m all for it first of all for men and women alike, YET the anti porn fanatics have championed shaving as a sick psychological pedophilia tendency of Men who all apparently want women to shave so they look like children. WHAT THE FUCK? This claim is insulting, untrue and disturbing unto itself. The best way to disprove this insane claim is if these people watched porn they’d see the MALE TALENT is completely shaved too, so what the psychology behind that then that we all want to be children or to have sex with children or we all want tone children having sex with other children?! Shaving is done for a variety of reasons first and foremost a person being shaved is aesthetically more pleasing, for guys it makes you junk look bigger, increases chances for both sexes to get oral sex since pubes if your face/mouth is a real mood killer I think we all can agree on that one, and it makes it easier for your sexual partners to find your clit since its not buried under a mound of pubic hair, and it makes cleaning up after sex and hygiene simpler.

NOTE TO READER: I feel its imperative I state my stance on Sex Crimes. I believe all child molesters should be castrated publicly like a filthy farm animal. I believe Rapist should themselves be raped to death by a specifically designed machine (Think about FuckMachines’s most famous toy called The Fuck Saw, calling all S&Mers) or hung by the junk wrapped in barbwire publicly until the bleed out or die due to shock.