Tag: smoking crack

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (45/365)

Lee exited the Bathroom Post Haste, and once He was out He could hear Dizzy Shouting like a Lunatic. Lee looked around to see where Dizzy was when He saw that one of the Windows was open. While Lee was on a Sickening Safari of the Bathroom Dizzy had slipped out the Window onto the Rusty and Way Too Rickety Fire Escape. Lee poked His head out the Window to find Dizzy in the middle of a Heated Argument with a Disheveled looking Crackhead.

“I didn’t TOUCH Your fucking Shopping Cart Crackie! It was probably fucking STOLEN by one of Your Crackhead Cohorts You fucking Whack Job!” Hollered Dizzy at the Crackhead on the Street Below.

“BULLSHIT! I Know You fucked with My Cart Cracker, Your ALWAYS giving Me shit calling Me Names and Shit. You moved it because You wanna get rid of Me cuz You don’t like Me or My Associates living in Your Neighborhood!” screamed the Crackhead back at Dizzy who was preoccupied searching for something to Throw at Him.

        

“You don’t live ANYWHERE You Loiter around a CRACKHOUSE and Lurk creeping through the Streets like filthy fucking Paracites. Who the fuck do You think You are talking all this shit to Me you fucking Dope Addicted Asshole!” Dizzy Yelled back still looking for a Projectile to Launch at the stubborn Crackhead.

“GIVE ME MY CART! YOU OWE ME A CART! GET MY CART NOW YOU HONKEY MOTHERFUCKER!!” Demanded the Crackhead at the Top of His Shot Out Lungs

“FUCK OFF before I call the POLICE and You can Cop Crack in Cell Block 6 You Street Trash Crack Smoking cocksucker!” declared Dizzy Triumphantly as He Threw and Empty Pint of Wild Turkey 101 directly at the Angry Crackheads Face.

       

The Bottle flew flawlessly through the Air like a motherfucking Missile and hit the Crackhead right across the bridge of His nose. The Bottle exploded in a Shower of Glass Shards while simultaneously Breaking the Crackheads Nose. A Fountain of Blood came Gushing out of the Crackheads Nose like Niagara fucking Falls as He Collapsed to His knees. Once the Crackheads knees hit the Asphalt He instantly Slumped forward and started Wailing like a Wounded Animal. His blood collected in a growing Pool in front of Him as He sat in the middle of the street Brow Beaten and Defeated.

“Jesus Crack Smoking Christ,” exclaimed Dizzy reentered the Apartment, “Proof theres NEVER a Cop around when You need One. Thats why at the END of every Action Movie the Cops always come Charging in like the fucking Calvary AFTER THE FUCKING FACT. Mind You if I dared to take a fucking piss in an Alleyway I’d get Arrested in a fucking Heart Beat, but these Crack Smoking Sons of Bitches are allowed to Wonder wherever They want Without Issue.”

       

“Thats the Hypocrisy of the Police. Who exactly do They Protect? Who the fuck do They Serve? The fucking Government thats Who the Authoritarian Assholes.” replied Lee as He felt the same fucking way about it as Dizzy did.

“Well now that the Crackhead and the Case of the Missing Cart is Complete what I want to know is what the hell are We gonna do for the rest of the Day.” announced Dizzy rather Impatiently.

“The Best thing to do is consider Our Options I suppose.” answered Lee Honestly as He surveyed  the Stalagmites of Dust hanging from Dizzy’s ceiling which Lee thought looked like wads of Ghost Cum to Him.

        

Stay Tuned for the Next Invigorating Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER 46/365

(This Sunday We return to Our usual Lee Jonitis Posts)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Insane Text Exchange

WARNING TO ALL READERS: OBJECTIONABLE MATERIAL

This is the most recent and most entertaining Text Exchange between SpaceDog and Myself. Enjoy.

SpaceDog: U need to pull up your pants and clean up your voicemail. Did u know that men with unclean voicemail are 95% more likely to contract Syphilis and 180 timeshare likely to infect their partner? Its horrible i tied my own tubes. But i feel like u get Syphilis more than me hence my text. Multiple shots in trader joe’s to be the most Portlandia crime ever.

Les: First I’m not wearing pants so Ah-Ha! I like my voicemail FILTHY like a Pecker. 180 times that’s it?!!! GREAT now my Crabs have Syphilis AND HERPIES! Shots at Trader Joe’s SHOTS! SHOTS! SHITS!

SPaceDog: Lol

Les: Headed home from Porn Shop, gonna grab some Pickled Eggs, and Budweiser, Hit you up when I get back to Base Camp (Named after all the Cocaine Smoking or Free Basing going on there.)

SpaceDog: I just like gay hulu and i get a massive cock. ok cool.

Les: Also to get rid of Crabs soak Your Junk in Vodka and then cover it in sand. That way the Crabs get Drunk and Stone Each other to Death.

SpaceDog: Id like to do that to get my crabs to work again, between 20 year old Tweens doing vaginal stretches and the male lifeguards moving out of masturbatorial range my life has been no bed of roses. Im just watching cool gay stuff online.

Les: 

Les: Worst Dick Pix EVER. LMFAO!

SpaceDog: There goes that orgasm…clean your voicemail. I dont mind not talking to you i do mind being drunk and not being able to Express my freak.

Les: Gave my voicemail a well needed Bourbon Enema so Speak Your Freak.

Thanks for Reading,

SpaceDog & Les Sober 

Dr. Ignoramus’s Monumental Misdiagnosis Results in Near Death

Recently my Heart tried to kill me since the Chain Smoking, Binge Drinking, Shitty Diet, Shooting Heroin, Smoking Crack, Other Assorted Narcotics, and Hepatitis C couldn’t get the job done first. Ironically the issue with my Damnable Heart is more than likely due to my prior Drug use earlier in My wayward Youth. As usual People tell Me I’d feel better off if I wrote about whatever it is currently vexing the shit out of me (like My Hellish Heart) if I write about it. Well no shit Sherlock. The reason I never would have mentioned My Shitty Heart scenario is because its none of anyones fucking business but Mine, and I’ll handle it so Everyone Piss Off. I also hate People who always seem to be bitching about there fucking health always seeking sympathy. I don’t need nor want anyones sympathy.

Well with that said I’m using this post as an Acid Test to see if in this case writing about it helps, so We will see here We go….

I had been having increasing trouble breathing to the point it was disrupting My Sleep and Appetite. At this point even though I detest no despise Doctor’s, Hospitals, Health Insurance Companies, and Medical Testing decided it was time to check things out (though I was already convinced there was nothing to worry about so I’d get it checked out.) I ended up at a Local Hospitals Urgent Care Satellite Office because Hospitals are now desperately trying to cash in on the Walk-In Urgent Care Field.

This makes perfect sense as Hospital ER’s are loosing increasing amounts of income due to the fact people opt for Urgent Care Clinic’s (usually because of convince and most of all Price. You see as soon as you walk into an ER your tab starts at $1,000 and thats just for utilizing the ER everything else they do costs extra as every fucking thing they due is itemized and comes with a hefty price tag. $22 for a fucking 800mg Aspirin?! I mean its fucked up as a patient you get charged just for occupying a semi private room for $1,200 – $1,500 a day like some Wealthy Elite 5 Star resort in fucking Dubai. Well Back to the Story.

I checked in, and was escorted promptly to an Examination room. A couple of minutes later the Office’s Physician’s Assistant (or PA for short) who is one rung lower on the Medical Ladder than an actual Doctor came in. I explained what was going on and based on what I said He decided the best course of action was to run a Cardiac Work Up which is standard practice for anyone presenting with the medical definition of Chest Pain. To Me Pain fucking Hurts, so a what I deemed a minor respiratory issue doesn’t constitute Chest Pain, but in the World of Medicine it does so fuck me.

There 3 parts to a Cardiac Work-Up the first being a EKG to monitor your hearts current behavior, a Cardiac Blood Panel, and a Series of Chest X-Rays which they did. Now based on the Combined Test results this imbecile of a PA diagnosis me with fucking Anxiety, Gives me a fistful of asinine Ativan, and told me to look into seeing a Shrink.

What He should have done was send me immediately directly to the closest ER for Admittance, in spite of preforming the correct Tests He made a gross and grave misdiagnosis.

Case in point, I saw that ignorant Idiot on a Wednesday, and on the Morning of the following Monday I was being admitted to the Hospital via the ER as Doctors/Nurses scrambled to treat me as I was in danger of going into massive cardiac arrest followed most likely by death even though at that point I was surrounded by The Hospital’s assorted Medical Staff.

Since My Recovery I have contacted the 2 Agencies of the American Medical Association has in place to handle complaints by investigating the Patient’s claims. Doctors hate these 2 Agencies because they actually fear the fuck out of them. Thats because BOTH AGENCIES can level hefty fines, suspend the Doctor’s Medical license, and Even Revoke The Doctor’s License thus ending their career. I called and filed a complaint with BOTH Agencies. I have not yet decided wether or not to pursue a Medical Malpractice Law Suit, BUT I did find out the Statute of Limitation in which I have to file a  Suit if I so wish.

Thats All. Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober