Tag: Spacedog

One of the Strangest Things I’ve Ever Been Part Of

I was on the Phone the Other Day catching up the Other Day with None Other than the Infamously Infamous SpaceDog who I hadn’t Talked with in Quite Awhile. SpaceDog and I were doing what We always do Talk Shit, Mock Shit We Dislike, Swapping Stories, Sharing Ideas, Collaborating on Projects, Laughing Our Asses Off, Scouring the World with Sarcasm, Catching Up on Current Events, and General Venting.

All of a Sudden Someone using the Name John Drummond called Me which is already odd because I don’t know any asshole by the name of John Drummond. I mentioned the Name to Spacedog who cracked on the Guy’s Name using a Different Strokes TV Show Reference and that was the End of that. Not a minute Later I get a Text from John Drummond who apparently got My Voice Mail, Hung the hell up, and then Texted Me in lieu of Leaving a simple fucking Voicemail. Now it’s important to note I don’t use My Name on My Outgoing Voicemail, but We’ll circle around back to this a little later on. I Scanned the Text and updated Spacedog on the New Text Twist. The Text was pretty straightforward it said:

“I’m looking for The Owner of the Apartment Building in Camden SC” (SC the Abbreviation for South Carolina)

Now at a second glance this Mundane Message appears to be a Bit Bizarre starting with the Fact He Never Used His Name as in “Hi I’m John Drummond….” which You would definitely expect from a Business Call. Second He never used (or asked for that matter) what the fuck My Name was this was the Vaguest Communication I have come across. I informed Spacedog that this was just to fucking weird to Let Go, and that I was going to Set up a Conference Call with Spacedog and then Call this Mr. John Drummond.

           

Unfortunately I fucked the Conference Call deal up, but I didn’t want to hang up on the John Drummond Number just Yet. As the phone is ringing John septs Me a Second Text stating: “Sorry I can’t Talk Right Now.” which was Weird because He had just tried to reach Me twice via the Phone and then Immediately with the follow up Text moments after hanging up on My Voicemail. I decided to stay on the Phone a minute longer to see if John had an actual Voicemail of some sort or was it a Dummy Number that would Ring from here to Eternity with No Answer. I was surprised when I heard an Actual Message from Someone claiming He is John Drummond and I stopped listening and hung the fuck up.

So after conferring with Spacedog for a few Minutes We started to Brain Storm what could/would be the Creepiest and Unnerving Response to Text back (since I wasn’t done with this John Guy not as of Yet anyway). We came up with a Myriad of Ideas involving the Dark Web, Fraudulent Government Type Messages from places like Area 51, Fake Sales Calls for Pudd Puller Ince, and More. I was worried We were wasting too much time fucking around so I wrote back the most Basic Text as Humanly Possible “Can You Text?”. Again I never gave My Name nor did I usedHis I just texted back just those Three Words. Spacedog and I continued Our previous conversation before being interrupted by this John Character.

            

According to the Time Linked with the Individual Text John returned/responded to My Text exactly One Minute Later with a Text that read “On the phone will call back in a Minute.” Spacedog and I were still trying to figure out what the fuck this was all about. You see My Phone has an Out of State Number I haven’t changed on Purpose. Like I’ve said before I’m a Very Private fucking Person so Anonymity is a Key Component of My Personal Privacy Plan. I had checked the Area Code from which John was attempting to reach Me and it was indeed a South Carolina Number, BUT it wasn’t a Camden SC Area Code.

This Meant apparently John was in South Carolina which is where He said He was looking for some Apartment Building Owner, BUT He was in calling from a Area Code just over 3 Hours away from Camden. That placed John in a Completely Different County in a Completely Different part of the State. This Too Seemed more than a little fucking Fishy to Me (as Well as Spacedog) though I couldn’t put My finger on it wasn’t sitting right with Me. And lets face it I was bringing to get a real fucking Kick out of this John-Apartment Owner Bullshit.

           

About 10-15 Minutes Pasted as Spacedog and I chatted Idly before low and behold John is back on the Line. I again try to Merge the two Phone Calls but being Hyper Focused on the Situation at Hand along with being Impatient (especially with Technology) I failed again to connect all Three of Us as it were. All I was concentrating on was being able to Talk to this Mysterious Fuckwit No Matter What happened along the fucking way. I answered the Phone without Formerly Introducing Myself as I didn’t say anything like “This is Les Sober..” or “Hello I’m Les Sober…” I just launched right into His inquiry .

Les: Hello.

John:  I’m looking for the Owner of the Apartments in Camden Sc

(First John never said Hello and Second What was the Name of these Apartments? They should at least Go by their Address, but John wasn’t obviously one for Names nor Addresses).

Les: Thats Not Me.

John Repeating Himself: Oh I’m looking for the Owner of the Apartments in Camden Sc.

Les: Thats Not Me. I not who you’re looking for.

(Since he asked the same Question Twice in a fucking Row as if He was looking for some kind of Verification that I was not in fact the Owner of said Apartments. I saw an opening to continue this Adventure in the Absurd and took it.)

Les: Why are You asking

John: I’m a Multi Family Reality Management Investor. I’m looking into  Future Investment Property Prospects and Possibilities in the Camden Area.

(I’m pretty damn certain He made up the fucking Job title as its insanely Pretentious, Long Winded, and when You stop to think about it a second You realize how fucking nonsensical the Title is. Not to mention John was trying WAY TOO FUCKING HARD to sound like an Educated and Authentic Businessman. Can You say Overkill?!)

Les: Well that doesn’t mean a Damn thing to Me.

John: Thanks for at least calling Back.

Les: *Hangs Up without saying Anything*

           

Now for the Life of Me even with Spacedog’s vital assistance We still haven’t been able to figure out the Facts be They Legit or Fraudulent. I fully believe that this was some sort of Shady fucking Scam call, and wasn’t real in Any way Whatsoever. Spcaedog is sticking with His Hypothesis that John is a Real Deal Realtor of some kind Who is interested in Buying these Apartments, and that the current Owner had Died. Now if this was the case then John was cold calling People with the name Last Name, BUT My phone is Registered in another State, and I sure as Hell don’t live anywhere Near this Camden South Carolina that’s for fucking Sure. So again Why would John have contacted Me? Again I’m certain it was a Scam and that the Scammer was New or just plain sucked at His fucking Shitty “Job”. I believe the Apartment and Fake Job Title were meant to Peak My Interest into asking questions about such Reality Investments because everyone is looking for a an Easy Money Scheme.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

The Many Faced Spacedog

Everyday when I wake up and look at myself in the mirror, I’m not really sure who I am viewing. Sure it is me but I’ve lived so many distinct lives with no connection to one another it is absurd.

Like everyone else I started off innocent. Then I got a dose of that good old Catholic guilt. Hated the parents from ten years old because of this. Why would they lie to me about something so important?

It finally came to a head when I had to smash out multiple windows in their home. I was indeed very serious about not attending church.

Around the same time I came to terms with being a homosexual. Not one of those cheesy Hollywood gay teen portrayals. I knew what I wanted and usually got it. Sure I pulled a bit of a Hard Candy situation and threatened an older man into sleeping with me or else, but what else would you expect? At my best I was Sebastian from Cruel Intentions plus a bit of Regina George (Mean Girls). I was terrifying.

I faked mental illness for many years to the point that I have fooled nearly everyone to this day. Sure I had a few suicide attempts, most illegitimate barring one. These were all caused by medication which was supposed to help. I will get to this in another blog.

I tried my hardest to be an extrovert but discovered I did not relate to very many others. I tried drug dealing, prostitution, and even attempted being a mail order bride. Sadly the guilt never let me be a bride even though I had many offers.

Then a foot injury came. 20 years ago. It led to opiate abuse and then eventually heroin abuse because I was abadoned by friends who were only there when I had a vehicle. The only one left just happened to be a heroin addict and down the rabbit hole I went.

Sometimes I feel like the original Oxycontin victim because I lived the story you hear all too often in today’s news. It was a dark and solitary several years because frankly I did not want to be around other users. It was a gross habit.

Then there were some lost years. I do not remember much of them. I drank heavily at first. This led to 80 pounds of weight gain in a year. It came off almost as rapidly. I was obsessed with someone who I clearly thought was obsessed with me. This was not real as that person completely bought into the lies about mental illness big pharma wants us to believe.

As I struggled with substances I also struggled with who I was. Most people I’ve met seem to have some issue with me because I’m straight acting. It’s not an act though it’s just me. I love sports, divas, queens, bros, most forms of tv (except true crime and cop shows), all music (just not the bs playing in 90% of gay clubs) and everything in between. Still the queens think I’m too masculine and the gay bros say I’m too fem. Apparently being naturally well rounded is not a quality others tend to believe in.

So the point to all this is that while I am all of the things I’ve ever been I am also none of them. Sure I’ve made countless mistakes along the way. I have no regrets. Yes, I could have handled things better with the handful of my friends who now live in graveyards. Regrets though never. I just had to stay in the darkness a bit longer before I knew where he the dark ended and the light began.

The only thing that truly matters though is today and tomorrow. I finally have a clear vision of what it is I want. The veil has been lifted for me.

What do I want you ask? It is a secret. Everyone is a naysayer. I’ve shared far too many secrets with all the wrong people. There is way too much ambition within me and I’d love to finally be able to use it.

But it’s all just for today. That’s the only slogan I have ever found useful in a 12 step program. Some days I go old and sit around and do nothing watching game shows like I’m 90. Other days I challenge myself to 2 hours at the gym or 20,000 steps. Some days I go young and binge teen dramas. I really don’t care what you think. I do me. You do you.

Still while I know who I will be tomorrow beyond that remains a mystery. All the vexations of my spirit have been cast away in some long forgotten martini glass. Something massive is growing inside my soul. I hope it’s love and not some tumor. Fuck tumors.

You aren’t who you were. You are who you dream. I am living the dream. I hope you do one day too.

by Spacedog

The blog that almost never happened

I have been an albatross. I have stopped doing the routines which make me sane on a daily basis. And in the process turned into a megabitch.

But hmmmmm maybe I was like that to begin with. It really doesn’t matter.
At the beginning of this year I set about with one far fetched rather self amusing goal. Which was for every year of my 30s (from 31 on), I was going to act the inverse age of what I actually was.

      

I did a pretty good job at it. For the last several months I have been literally addicted to playing online games. To the point it cut me off completely from the outside world. For a period of about one month, I did not listen to music more then several songs (down from about 100 or so songs per day roughly), did not go to the gym (down from 5-6 days per week), nor did I really leave the house for a whole hell of a lot of anything.

It has been about 3 days since the major part of this gaming addiction has been over. My gameadorkathon continues though because I have the chance to win another $350-$400, so I have been waiting and every two hours I am home I run off to check the Website and click to see if I won or lost the tournament I am in to see if this finally all can end.

   

It would be really nice to come out on top and really would be quite a thrill. Hopefully it doesn’t occur when I am drunk for my birthday that would really suck horribly. I want the whole ordeal to just end.

I finally made it to the gym again today and I have so far to go but this is primarily my doing. It is strange I have been through so many different addictions…..I wish I could figure out how to get addicted to sex I think that’s literally the final frontier but I’m sure if I met the right person who had enough booze and random cock floating by my face I could manage that one as well.

      

This is depressing. lmao. But ehhhhh this is where I have been literally. Cabo or Madrid or Tahiti would have made for a much more interesting tale but life is not interesting and well I apologize for my 13 year oldedness.

  By SpaceDog

Text Poetry That No One Should Read

WARNING DEAR READER:

Even though We here at f-yourblog.com have an open letter statement posted that has a section pertaining to content. The Following Post is the reason We have said section. THIS IS THE MOST OFFENSIVE and OBSCENE Post to date. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

In the past I have posted a couple of SpaceDog’s and my Late Night Text Conversations. I was recently on a road trip that had me headed into SpaceDog’s neck f the Woods. So I texted Him a short 4 line limerick that then gave birth to an entire poem written on spontaneously on the spot while stuck in a real bumper fucker of a traffic jam. A few minutes later SpaceDog hit me back with a Nasty bit of Poetry of His own also pertaining to the same person. See one of the things SpaceDog and I have in common are a bunch of people we both Hate and Despise to NO END WHATSOEVER. To handle this deep disgust We mock these people viciously in an arena where NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS EVER.

Here is My Poem I sent SpaceDog:

THE BAD ASS BALLAD OF BRITTANY:

People laugh and people scoff,

But Brittany cut her pussy off,

She’d have Wild Fetish fits,

While Strange Men shit on her Tits,

She used so much lube She bought Stock,

While sucking on an Old Man’s Cock,

She’d fuck you till you bounced off the Walls,

She’d Swallow, Eat Ass, and Gargle Balls,

When She heard of Bukaki,

She said “thats for ME!”,

She always had problems with her legging,

When some Dude’s Ass She was Furiously Pegging,

No Secret Brittany Licked some Slit,

Nibbled on Crackhead Clit,

She Shot Heroin that was Top Notch,

She injected into her stank Crotch,

Filled with Pervert’s Jizz,

She Loves The Biz,

Now She has Lost All Hope,

She’s Sucking Dick for Dope,

Made Her money on her Back,

Spent it all Smoking Crack,

Her Vag is riddled with STDs of Every Kind,

She’s Drinking Mad Dog 20/20 to unwind,

She’s Pregnant again and She Knows the Institution,

She’ll go back to The Free Clinic for her 100th Abortion,

She’s a 3 Hole Super Slut,

Mouth, Vag, and The Butt,

She sits on the corner smoking a PCP Laced Blunt,

While Passerby’s on the Street gag at the smell of Her Cunt,

It looked like a sloppy Hot Roast Beef between Her legs,

As Her Live In Gimp Grovels, Moans, and Begs,

She can Cream Pie like no other,

She once even fucked Her own Mother,

Started a Porno Web Cam,

Where She’d eat Her Sister’s Clam,

She’ll fuck every last one of the 42 of us,

As Long You don’t mind Her Pussy Puss,

Her Scab covered Genitalia,

Just the Smell Could Kill Ya,

She’d let you Tittie fuck Her for just a Dollar,

You could finish on her face and its No Bother,

She would go insane if you wanted to run a train,

Just as Her Baby was Aborted so was Her Feeble Brain,

Gang Bangs made Her Wet,

Bath Salt Abuse made Her Forget,

Molested by Her Step Brother,

Preformed Oral sex on her Mother,

A Homeless Alcoholic Hooker,

As a D-List Stripper No One would Book Her,

She loved taking Golden Showers,

She’d sell Her body at all hours,

She can really go to town taking on a Taint,

She does shit that makes Hardcore Porn Stars Faint,

She has to be to remain the Rim Job Queen,

She was a regular at The No Tell Motel,

In Her Own Ejaculation Soaked Hell,

She was a truly Bitter a real  Bitch,

Who’s pounded out pussy tended to Itch,

Her Vaginal fuck Flaps hung down by Her dirt covered Knees,

A Vile of Crack would pop out of Her Ass when She would sneeze,

Track Marks under Her Muff,

Taking 56 cocks a day can be rough,

She would Masturbate in a Fury,

Behind the Dumpster in the Ally,

She’s fuck you for Food,

She’ll fuck a Girl, a Sheep, and a Dude,

She was a Donkey Show Star,

At the Sleaziest Bar,

So absolutely fucked up and utterly Dumb,

No wonder The Stupid Slut is coated in Cum,

She  used to shoot Golf Balls out of Her Snatch,

And Golf Tee’s out Her Ass just to Match,

She’s Dirty, disease ridden Prostitute,

There is NO Dispute,,

She used to run through Police Barricades,

While Screaming “I have FULL BLOWN AIDS!”,

She constantly Battled the Clap,

Under a Bridge SHe’d take a Nap,

She was a Tramp among Tramps,

She’d take Cash, Drugs, or Food Stamps,

She just a low rent junkie,

a Drug Mule Flunky,

A rotten, scummy Hell of a Gutter Whore,

I hit the Road, I could stand Her NO MORE.

 

What? You were Warned So if your Offended in any way…..

For those Reader’s who are around I will be posting SpaceDog’s Reply Poem Tomorrow without Fail Friends.

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober