I think it’s Safe to Say We’ve all seen a Movie and be it Good, Bad or Indifferent We have thought to Ourselves that We if We had had the Chance We Could or Would have Done a Better Job. Regardless of the Fact I’m a Cinaphile I think We have all experienced this Phenomenon First Hand. Normally the Thoughts or Feelings One has about such a Movie no matter what they may be at the Immediately Following the Film They Simply Fade Away in No Time and Life Goes On. This is the same for Me, but with One Exception and the Exception is the Horror Movie US that was Written, Produced, and Directed by Jordan Peele.
This Movie has some how Lodged itself inside of My Skull due to the fact I have so Many fucking Issues with the Movie’s Plot/Script it’s not even fucking Funny. Its not just the Fact the Movie could have been something quite accessional if it was for all of the Problems with the Plot its also that some how in spite of all of the Issues Us was legitimately a Critical and Commercial Success above all. For the Record fuck the Critics who are all Fickle as Fuck, and Pretentious as Hell so I could give a Rat’s Ass what the So-Called Self Proclaimed Critics Think. On that Note as for Commercial Success well that one is Easy People are Sheep and Most will just Fall in Line with the Critics, and as for the Rest well there’s No Accounting for Taste as They Say.
The Set Up is Decent enough if Not Cliche for the Horror Genre with a Mother Adelaide who is Haunted by a Childhood Trauma when She was confronted in a Seaside Funhouse by Her Twin. Adelaide’s Family consisting of her Husband Gabe, Daughter Zora, and Son Jason) headed out on Vacation to Their House in Santa Cruz. The Family is Upbeat upon arrival and set out Settling in for Their Family Vacation. Then Four Masked Strangers Show up Lurking int he Shadows while Standing at the end of the Drive Way. Gabe verbally confronts the Ominous Strangers who seem totally oblivious to Gabe and His Threats. The Strangers then Attack the Family and Manage to Break in and Take the Family Hostage. It is then Revealed the Masked Strangers are in fact the Family’s Evil Doppelgängers (Twins).
A Reveal this Big would Normally be saved for the End of the Movie as Apposed to the Beginning so if You’re gonna pull a Major Reveal that Soon You better damn well Believe You can Back the Rest of the Film. Unfortunately for US this couldn’t be Farther from the Case as the Movie starts to Shit the Bed right after the Doppelgänger Reveal. I have summarized My Issues with the Movie US into a List if You Will which is as Follows.
- If the Evil Doppelgängers are Supposed to be EXACTLY IDENTICAL in Every Way to Their Counterpart then why the fuck does Jason’s Doppelgänger Act like a Feral Animal scurrying around on all Fours when None of the Other Doppelgängers behave in such a Manner?!
- Again if the Evil Doppelgängers are Truly Identical to Their Counterparts why does Jason’s Doppelgänger Pluto continue wearing a Mask once all the Other Doppelgänger Remove Theirs. The Audience finds out from Adelaide’s Doppelgänger Red that Pluto was “Born of the Fire” whatever the fuck that means and has been Horribly Disfigured by Burns.
- Its all fine and fucking Dandy that Red is the Only Doppelgänger that is capable of Speech in Raspy Voice speaking in a Stunted Manner, BUT why the hell do all the Other Doppelgänger Grunt, Screech, Hoot, Howl, Growl, and make use of Other Guttural Sounds I mean what the fuck is the Point?! Traditionally in Horror if Your going to Kick Up The Creepy Factor You’d have the Other Doppelgängers remain Completely Silent. So it’s an Odd choice all in all.
- Red tells a Tale of a Happy Girl who was Loved while Her “Shadow” remained Suffering in the Dark. Red then Explains the Doppelgängers refer to Themselves as The Tethered who Share a Soul with Their Counterparts. Then it could also be the Tethered Possibly Don’t have a Soul at All, but its Not made Abundantly Clear as to which.
- Later towards the End of the Movie in a Secret Tunnel Red explains further that Tethered are Clones created by The Government, The Military, or Evil Corporation (Again its Not made Clear as to which it was) to Control Their Counterparts on the Surface. The Experiment Failed and the Tethered were Abandoned by Their Creators/Handlers to Fend for Themselves for Generations. The Tethered existence was Mindlessly Imitating Their Counterparts like something out of Jacob’s Ladder until Red unified Them and They Escaped to Seek Revenge. Now thats all Fine and Dandy accept WHY DIDN’T RED EXPLAIN ALL THIS IN THE BEGINNING after the Girl and Her “Shadow” Story as it would have helped the Continuity of the Film more Fluid.
- What the Fuck are the Rabbits About?! Why the fuck Where Illegal Human Clone Creators Breeding or Housing an Army of Rabbits in Scientific Laboratory Cages/Conditions?! The Rabbits are used for some sort of Shock Tactic that Falls Far Short of its Intention.
- The Fact the Tethered Look Identical to Their Counterparts and Act Independently in the Movie then Why is it Once or Twice in the Movie the Tethered would Mimic Their Counterparts Movements precisely , but most of the time They act Totally Independent from Their Counterparts?! It’s an All or Nothing Type Situation in Either the Tethered Mimic Their Counterparts or They Don’t Scenario. Not to Mention it’s Only Pluto Jason’s Doppelgänger who Exhibits this type of Behavior while the Other Tethered Do Not.
- The Family should have Fought and Definitively Killed Their Tethered Doppelgängers at Their House instead of Running around Aimlessly towards the Neighbor’s House. Gabe Kills His Doppelgänger Abraham while crossing a Lake or Pond in a Recreational Boat. The Kill was fucking Lame, in Fact it was so fucking Lame it took the Audience a While Before Realizing Abraham is actually Dead as opposed to Injured, Unconscious, or in some Other way Inhibited. I mean have We learned Nothing from Horror Movies? If Your fighting on the Boat and You fall off the Back You Utilize the Motor to Mangle and Mutilate the Bad Guy.
- As Far as the Neighbors there was No Need for Them in the Film. The Family could have Killed Their Doppelgängers and Turned on Their own fucking TV they didn’t need all that Time Wasting Bullshit running to the Neighbor’s House. The Neighbors are Nothing but Excessive to the Plot. Also the Kills were LAME in the Fact this Time They are Filmed Far Back form the Actual Action.
- The Final fucking Issue I have with this Talented Turd of a Movie is the Totally Botched Final Twist right before the Credits. It’s when Adelaide remembers and realizes She is Her Own Doppelgänger which seems like thats the sort of Reveal I was talking about earlier, BUT this one sounds cool Yet it makes No fucking Sense I mean is She on a 20 year fucking Delay or something?! She can Remember every fucking disturbing Detail of that Traumatic Childhood Run in accept for the Fact She’s the Evil Twin. Thats the Evil Doppelgänger who knowingly Switched Places with Her Counterpart?! Also if Adelaide is Her Doppelgänger then Who the Fuck is Red supposed to be a Third Clone?!
All in All Like I said it could have been a Really Good Movie if the Time had been Taken to Smooth Out all the Inconsistencies as it were, But in the End it was just a fucking Waste of Film.
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober