Tag: traffic

Conflicting Karma Continues

As some Reader’s may be aware July was a real fucker, but for those who don’t heres a quick summation.

My 10 year old plus Vehicle took a huge shit returning from a rather kick ass road trip. It was asshole of an Alternator so. Next day the Check Transmission light came on, after a waste of my time transmission was fixed. That didn’t happen, a part within the transmission “blew” (the Transmission Guy’s words interpret as you will), and We had to cancel a Birthday Road trip for my Wife.l. Thank Fuck for WARRANTIES! All good Now.

Meanwhile my Wife’s  10 year old Car was at the point where We weren’t going to put another fucking nickel into it. It be an utter waste to invest anymore money in a car that was showing its age, had some minor issues, and some mysterious electrical problem (Toyota Dealer Mechanics couldn’t figure out what exactly it was). We went online like assholes and discovered the electrical issues more than likely was the for warning of a Failing Fuel Pump. The Fuel Pump would cost $1,800 alone so it be $2,000 and change by the end of it for Labor, Taxes, and extraneous bullshit.

So my Wife felt unsafe driving her car anymore so it was the next step is trade this thing in before it takes a total shit on us leaving us out one car. It sucked like nothing else on this planet, it is a truly unique suck. Overtime you had to turn her car on you prayed it fucking start, and then while your driving the son of a bitch you were praying it wouldn’t break down for the last fucking time.

After We had to cancel my Wife’s awesome Birthday Road Trip do to emergency transmission issue reoccurrence. Luckily my Wife had already jumped on the new car train and thoroughly researched various cars she was interested in. And since she knew what she had a top 5 list we decided to check out Dealerships that had one, some or all of the her said choices.

Now to get to any actual real Dealership (Podunk Mitch’s Auto Super Sales holds no water whatsoever.) were all an hour away in the Shitty City. So off we went to check out some possible options for a new car for My Wife. The road to the Shitty City sucks King Kong Cock to drive on. Its currently 2 lanes of heavy traffic bumper to pumper type shit, but they are also doing what seems to be a 1,000 year construction project. This apparently never ending road work requires a wall of cement barricades be lined up like a poor man’s Great Wall preventing all traffic from turning right even say in an emergency attempt to avoid being hit by some jack ass driver.

With that fucking said about half way down the road to the Shitty City to go car shop for my Wife we were spectacularly hit by one of those previously mentioned Jack Ass Drivers.

As We were driving in the left lane next to the cement barriers that went on for fucking miles upon miles when I hear my Wife say something. Now it was;t what she said that got my attention it was the tone of voice she was using. It was the “Oh fuck this shit isn’t gonna be good” type of tone. So I looked over to see her looking over right before the Jack Ass Driver took the fucking rearview mirror of in an explosive fashion.

The Jack Ass Driver pulled into the median and we followed suit. For obvious safety reasons I exited through the Drivers Door to avoid the very real risk of getting plastered by any one of the millfucktillion speeding motherfuckers.

When my Wife got out god bless her she was rattled as the Snake, but overtly concerned about the overall well being of the Jack Ass that just side wiped the holy hell out of us. I scramble out of the drivers side like a baby calf being born and immediately go fucking Nuclear. I started screaming “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”, “FUCK WHERE YOU DOING?!!”, and “YOU TOTALLY FUCKED UP OUR CAR WHAT THE FUCK?!”

It turned out the Jack Ass Driver was in fact a young girl about or around 17 or 18 who was driving her father’s fucking massive SUV so there was no damage to her vehicle not a single fucking scratch. She was quite upset as this was her first accident ever apparently.

Now this wasn’t my first accident by far, but man it was a doozy. The Girl had first hit the Drivers side rear quarter panel. Then her dad’s SUV scrapped across the rear driver’s side door shredding the god living shit out of it. Next the same deal with the driver’s door, and ending with the rearview mirror being completely amputated.

I contacted our insurance people, My Wife called the Cops, and the Girl was Calling Her Parents then Insurance company.

All the while all I could think was that while I did under  my anger I did feel bad for this girl it was totally fucked how different our realities were. For her she would return home shaken but safe, possibly have to pay her Dad back for the fucking hefty ticket, and perhaps lose her driving privileges for I dunno couple weeks to a month?!

Meanwhile for my Wife and I it meant whole lot more. It meant that this crappy kid driver (who was fucking with her phone more than not) had absolutely fucked us out of the last thing we had going (the trade in value) in the “Battle of the Old Ass Cars” because we could live without one, BUT that meant we still needed one safe and reliable car for work to pay the fucking bills.

We then spent the next fucking hour or so baking in the median while again trying not to get fucking killed by the mad ass drivers on the highway. Finally a fucking Cop shows the hell up. This dick gets both my Wife’s and the Girls licenses and announces we’re going to drive to the next exit to a gas station (if you decided not to show he had all the info needed to issue a warrant mind you), and sort things out because and I quote ‘We don’t want to get killed out here.” Now while that makes perfect fucking sense the reality of it is He knew it was dangerous. YET he had no fucking issue leaving us stranded out there for an hour. Fucking Cops.

We drove to the gas station where the Cop ticketed the Girl, the Girl’s goddamn parents show up, My Wife is way too nice, I continued  aggressively venting about how fucked up all this fucked up shit is, and we all went our separate ways.

In the End: We got my Wife a fucking AWESOME NEW CAR the next day, and (My Vehicle has remained issue free as well) thanks to the accident the Girl’s insurance cut us a check for couple thousand and change (plus we did manage to get some cash for the trade in but it barely beat the Junk Yard) so we end up coming out ahead. Can’t argue when life throws you a bone rather than a bastard.

Thanks for Reading, Les Sober.

(P.S. THIS IS THE LAST POST ABOUT FUCKING CARS.)

We’ll Make Great Pets? By Spacedog

The first half of my day yesterday was complete garbage. It consisted of sitting in traffic for an hour, getting two different credit cards declined (special shout out to Wawa and Boscovs), sitting in traffic for 2 hours and contemplating peeing my pants because I had a towel to sit on and was on my way home.

As void of intrigue and drama as I tend to be, I chose against peeing myself. This isn’t about pee though. I mean it felt absolutely amazing to do so at that point but that being the highlight of my mediocre day was not quite mediocre enough yet. I decided to do one of the most boring things that the era of the Internet has ever bought upon us. I decided to clean out my e-mail.

Now I have way too many e-mails. I know of 7 different accounts, but there probably exist a multitude of others at very dead sites. AOL, Yahoo, Juno, Hotmail, Myspace. I’d rather not read the ancient e-mails I sent in my 20s or from the dawn of time (the 90s) because well I mostly sit and think who the fuck was that guy.

So I decided to actually open up an e-mail from a random social media site called Hi5. It is not the greatest site but not the worst unless you take into account the people they tell you to speak converse with. I would show my last recommendations but just imagine a cohabitation of meth users, the morbidly obese, and people who look like an attractive young man but sadly the picture is clearly on 1970s quality film.

There is one bizarre thing this site does have. I really have never seen anything quite like it. While Facebook has (or had?) pokes, the gays have their woofs, every site has likes and Myspace has ghosts Hi5 has pets. What is the point of pets? I haven’t the slightest idea. I bought my first pet about six years ago in that time period when Myspace just died and your mom wasn’t quite on Facebook yet.

Every member is up for sale with virtual cash. I don’t know if I started with it or watched a video or two or to earn more but I just started buying cute guys. I wanted a decent amount from each country to diversify I suppose. It was basically just a bunch of clicking and clicking and clicking and I grew tired of it rather quickly.

The entire site as a matter of fact. It is like the Craigslist of social media, an odd blend of when MySpace was legit, old school AOL and creepy guys that lurk in oversized vans. The pet thing made me take the opposite approach though when I got unwanted attention. I would just buy people instead of block them.

And oh I bought them. The straights, the gays, the ladies, I even bought myself a big boned lady with a great big retard smile. I only wasted maybe 2 hours of my life doing this in total of my entire life. I really wonder though what was the point of all of this? I was owned by some lady (or man pretending to be a model, this lady was unreal looking Brazilian goddess). There were many messages of I love you and I love my pets on my page over the past few years which only make me laugh my ass off. I mean I like love and all, who really doesn’t when it comes to it, but this woman took the pet thing all too seriously.

I mean I could message all these pets of mine or meme them to death, but I feel more connected to the people I met on a Greyhound bus 15 years ago, despite not having talked to them in 15 years. I’m clicking on links right now but I am not even really sure why. I could be eating, exercising, masturbating, actually texting more then one person, actually paying attention to my TV or my music which are inexplicably both on for some reason.

I mean I guess it could have been worse. I could have bought only blacks and dreamed of my past life on a plantation but I’m Polish and the only black things we’ve ever owned are prune babkas. I could be a peddler of midgets. This seems like a fantastic type of journey I suppose, except I can’t search for people by height and would probably have to click no about 1,000 times to find one midget let alone an armada of midgets.

I could collect the deformed. I’m pretty sure this would involve way less clicking but since you are the company you keep I would just be the product of looking at ugly people, become incredibly hideous, and 400 pounds while clicking faster then any sized person barring maybe a handful of Korean Starcraft players.

Long story, long… this shit is weird as fuck. In some virtual reality type mall where I could see these people it would be funny to go up and buy people in a window but frankly I’d buy someone naked. So rest assured, I know too will get naked and become one with the night.

If you want to check out these oddities for yourself, head over to hi5.com. Check out the meager selection from the dating pool, the dead accounts, and waste an hour or so buying some pets. I can promise they won’t give you rabies over your connection, but carpal tunnel may be in your future if you happen to be riding the tsunami of boredom.