Tag: Tragedy

The Jesus Twins – God Come Down Here

Well it’s no secret that I’m a long time fan of Howard Stern and as such I was listening to an old episode of The Howard Stern Show the other day on Sirius Xm. I have Sirius for one reason and his name is Howard Stern. What? I told you I was a fan did you doubt me because that wasn’t wise.

In this episode of The Howard Stern Show fan and frequent guest actor Micheal Rapaport was coming in for an interview so I was rather psyched since I’m a fan of Rapaport too. The fucked up thing was when he showed up for the scheduled interview Rapaport showed up with The Jesus Twins in Tow. Howard by this time was rather familiar with The Jesus Twins, but still had to ask Rapaport why he brought them with him. Rapaport answered simply that The Jesus Twins were far more interesting than anything he had to say. Howard and Rapaport discuss The Jesus Twins for a few minutes, and lead to The Jesus Twins preforming a live acoustic version of their song “God Come Down Here”. I didn’t know much of anything about The Jesus Twins other then they were some seriously fucking weird musical fringe duo, but after hearing them play “God Come Down Here” I was hooked like a motherfucker. I hadn’t EVER heard anything fucking like it before in my life and I honestly became a fan on the spot.

I started to research the some what mysterious Jesus Twins and unfortunately didn’t find out a whole hell of a lot. That’s the problem with niche bands is the total lack of exposure in the mainstream music industry which insanely inhibits the band/artist’s exposure. Think about it a minute that all we know of musicians (and other famous fuckers) is from interviews, critical reviews, and biographies/autobiographies. You limit or remove those aspects then you can see what the fuck I’m dealing with when it comes to this kind of research shit. Anyways without further ado here is what I found out about The Jesus Twins after scraping and scouring the fucking internet.

The Jesus Twins

  • The Jesus Twins were an obscure, virtually unknown and unsigned independent fringe musical duo active from 1997-2004.
  • The Jesus Twins was a pair of identical twin brothers Eric Lewis and Jeffrey Brian Liebowitz.
  • Both of the The Jesus Twins are manic depressive and in addition to that Eric also suffered from Bi-Polar Disorder.
  • The Jesus Twins had an inexperienced manager named John Mendelsohn who the Twins treated with utter and total distain.
  • In 1997 The Jesus Twins gained notoriety for crashing the Jay Leno Show.
  • Also in 1997 The Jesus Twins garnered more notoriety when they forced their way onto the Howard Stern Show. The Twins demanded Stern recall every copy of the soundtrack to his movie “Private Parts” so their song Feel My Ubiquity could be included on it.
  • The Jesus Twins muscling their way onto The Howard Stern Show was aired on television and is one of the most popular Stern show segments of all time.

  • The Jesus Twins made several subsequent appearances on Stern’s radio Show over the following years.
  • In 2001 The Jesus Twins released their song “God Come Down Here” as a protest against California’s “Three Strikes Law”. The release was accompanied by yet another completely bizarre appearance on The Howard Stern Show. The appearance included a manic Eric cutting his hand while punching a glass picture frame.
  • The Jesus Twins musical style is considered to be “Outsider”.
  • Outsider music is songs and compositions by musicians who are not part of the commercial music industry. They write songs that ignore standard musical or lyrical conventions, either because they have no formal training or because they disagree with formal rules. Outsider music is often bizarre and emotionally stark in nature.

                   

  • The Jesus Twins music actually displayed good production value which is rare in the outsider genre.
  • The Jesus Twins music has been described as “an unfashionable street-informed soul funk sound (which I totally fucking disagree with. They were outsider musicians plain and simple nothing more and nothing less) with wordy melodramatic lyrics.
  • The Jesus Twins songs were accompanied by frantic and frenzied synchronized dancing by the Twins.
  • Tragically on August 5th 2008 while suffering a manic episode Eric Lewis Liebowitz was shot and killed by a Los Angeles police officer.

Albums:

  • Resurrection
  • This Moment
  • Resurrection (Explicit)
  • Feel My Ubiquity

Top Tracks:

  • Feel My Ubiquity
  • God Come Down Here
  • This Moment
  • Death By Chocolate
  • Crazy One
  • Siamese Fighting Fish
  • Peace Is The Word
  • Let Go And Let God
  • Make Believe
  • Wonder

I’ll see you when I see you,

  Justin Sane

The Insanity That Is AlanTutorial

Welcome to this Monday’s FYB Post where We’re going to do Something Different than the Past Several Mondays. Today’s Post features and Pertains to Alantutorial a tutorial based Youtube Channel that follows tutorial videos of a Mild Mannered Adult Man Named Alan. However We can tell there is Something Not Quite Right with Alan and His Mental State begins to go from Bad to Worse. The Viewer can see Alan’s Sanity Slipping Farther and Farther Away.  Alan’s Tutorial Videos start to become increasingly more Disturbing with every Passing Day and Every New Video.

                    

Alan Tutorials are Nothing Less than Absurd, and aren’t Practical for Anything. The Production Value is utterly Shitty with Wobbly Camera, Total Lack of any sort of Editing, and Half the Time Alan doesn’t seems to even grasp the concept of His own Subject Matter. There are also several Hypothesizes surrounding Alan’s rather Odd Behavior, Speech, and Videos as Well. Here They are in Random Order:

  • Alan is Experiencing some sort of Arrested Development.
  • Alan possibly has a Mental Disorder (example Multiple Personality Disorder).
  • Alan is Mentally Handicapped.
  • Alan has suffered some Horrible Trauma that He can’t come to Grips With Which In Spite of being a Adult Talks like a Little Child.
  • Alan has Asperger’s Syndrom/Autism.

Now the One Hypothesis suggesting Alan has a Autism/Asperger’s Syndrome  seems to be the Most Likely but Why is that? In one of the Early Videos Alan has a Tab on His Web Browser that Notes that it is Autism Awareness Month. Now of course some say that its just a Coincidence, but I hold favor with Those Who believe it’s a Very Subtle Clue. Although I wouldn’t Rule Out All of the Other Hypothesis as I do think some apply here and There through out the Series.

                  

Also as the Series Progresses Alan’s Life starts to Drastically Change. In the Beginning Videos Alan is simply doing His Weird Tutorials in what appears to be the Bedroom of a Small Apartment. Then there is a Significant Turning Point Where Alan is apparently been Locked out of His Room/Apartment and all of His Possessions have been Packed up for Him. Alan then spends a good amount of Time Homeless and Living in some Near By Woods where He still makes Tutorial Videos as Best He Can. There is One Thing that is Troubling from this Time Period and that is Alan is Heavily Splattered with Blood (and then cumulative Dirt and Grim) that He doesn’t seem to fell the need to Wash Off of Himself.

Then all of a Sudden Alan is Abducted by a Unknown Assailant(s) and Transported to an Unknown Location in the back of for all Intents and Purposes appears to be a Uhaul Type Truck. In the Abduction Video It is also a Disturbing Aspect that is Alan being covered in Blood like He just walked off the Set of a B Horror Movie. Alan ends up being Held Captive for a Duration during which the Captor(s) Provide Alan Supplies for His Tutorials which even in Captivity Alan continues to make. What’s interesting here isn’t just that the Captor(s) provide Alan Supplies, but when Alan is Finished a New Video a One Dollar Bill is Slid to Him under the Door.

                   

Over an Undisclosed amount of Time things slowly start to Deteriorate. The Room Alan is being Held in becomes more and more Filthy with Trash all over the Floor and at one Point the Electricity is Cut Off. We know this by the fact Alan has to use a Flashlight in the Final Videos of the Series. At Last Alan discovers a Hole in the Wall, Crawls Enthusiastically through it existing the room and Freeing Himself.

What happens Ultimately to Alan in the End is a Mystery since His Escape Video was the Last Video Posted to His Youtube Channel. Did Alan set out embarking on Starting a Life of His Own? Did He reunite with His Brother? Did Alan’s Captor’s Catch Him as He made His Get Away once Free from Captivity, or Did His Captor(s) Discover Alan’s Escape and Hunted Him down at which Point They Murdered Him? Sucks to say but these are Questions that will More Likely than Not Never be Answered.

                   

Reoccurring Themes:

  • The Color Blue is a Constant throughout the Series. Examples Include The Blue Mat in the Yoga Tutorial, The Actual Blue Chair, The Red Table Alan Paints Blue while in Captivity, and a Small Hand Painted Picture of the Blue Chair on one of the Walls in the Room Alan is being Held in (“The Story Of T3 Balls Video).
  • The Blue Chair appears in Several Videos, but it First appears in “How To Pick Up A Blue Chair Off The Ground”.  The Blue Chair is also featured in “How To Do Spanish Hair Braids”, “How To Eat A Bag Of Chips”, “How to Pick Up A Huge Amount Of Pencils, and “Do It Yourself Weatherized Hole”
  • Slats of Wood
  • Water (Not Actually Water but a Strange Hair Gel Looking Substance).
  • The Money Man Alan creates in Captivity that He ends up having a Conversation With.
  • The Mysterious Woman who is in Only Two Videos and is only Seen in One. (“How To Escape A Dark Room” and “How To Find A Lake”)

Note Worthy Shit: 

  • In the Video Hard Drive Video Alan mentions that He Lives with His Brother.
  • When it comes to the Mysterious Woman Alan says “Ut-Oh” Extremely Nervously as if He is Afraid of Her and Immediate returns to His Bedroom.. Is She Alan’s Mother or  Alan mentions Early on that He lives with His Brother so His Brother’s Girlfriend? Was She the One that Locked Alan in the Closet (aka Dark Room)? That would at least Explain Why Alan is Afraid of Her. Could the Woman be Alan’s Mother? The Video before Alan is Locked Out He Severely Damages the Bedrooms Ceiling while look for Wooden Slats, and is this Why perhaps He was Locked Out/ Evicted?
  • In the Video “Locked Out of Room” Tutorial Alan can be Heard Whispering future Tutorial Subjects to Himself (while awaiting Help), and one of the Subjects is “How To Kill”. This is Significant because in the Video where Alan is being Abducted in the back of a Shipping Truck He’s Covered in Blood.

                    

  • The Room Alan is kept Captive in doesn’t seem to upset Alan say like being Stuck in a Jail Cell for Example. In fact Alan appears to be quite Content with/in His Surroundings.
  • Alan mentions (Sometimes Several Times in a Single Video) to Subscribe, Like, and Add His Youtube Channel as a Favorite.
  • In the “How To Pick Up A Blue Chair…” Video Alan approaches the fallen Chair as if it were an Actual Person who may be in need of Emergency Medical Help or The way Someone would Act Upon finding an Unconscious and Possibly Dead. Alan appears to be Distressed as He Whimpers and His Voice Keeps Wavering as well as Cracking with Emotion. The Alan Discovering His Dead Mother is Backed by the Video’s Description “If Your Chair is on the Floor here is How to get it Back, and Pick Up all the Pieces of Something Broken and Unfair.”

                   

  • It’s Speculated by Some that Alan’s Captor(s) are Forcing Alan to make Tutorial Videos in Captivity to make Them Money (or Moreover They’re Stealing Alan’s Financial Returns from His Youtube Channel.
  • In the Video “How To Fill A Tiny Bin With Dirt” Alan says at one point “The Military Time Watch You Borrowed from Dad.” This is odd because the Only People Other than Alan in the Series are His Brother (Who We Never See or Hear From), The Unknown Woman (Seen Only Once and Not Heard From), and Alan’s Unknown Captor(s). This is the One and Only Mention of Anyone Else, and it just so Happens to be Alan’s Father.

                   

Symbolism:

  • There Many Hypothesis on What the the Origins of the Blood Covered Alan. Some Think it’s because  Alan Kill His Mom/Brother/Brother’s Girlfriend or Possibly Someone Else. The Other Possibility is Whoever Abducted Alan either Beat Him or They could have Killed Alan’s Family and it’s Their Blood all over Alan.
  • There a Couple Different Hypothesis on the Actual Room Alan is held Captive in. One it’s some Room for Holding Someone Hostage and the Other is Far More Intriguing. The Second Hypothesis is tied Directly to the Topic of the Blood in Some Believe Alan Murdered Someone and has been Taken into Custody by the Authorities or Mental Health Professionals. That would make the Room Alan Alan is a Patient’s Room in a Mental Hospital or Possibly a Mental Asylum for the Criminally Insane if He in Fact Did Kill Someone. Then Again Perhaps after Destroying His Bedroom (and Living in the Woods Homeless)  Alan’s Brother/Mother had Him Institutionalized for Help with His Mental Disorder.

                   

  • There also Two Hypothesis on Why Alan’s Room plunges into complete Squaller during the Last Videos. One is the Captors decided to Leave and Left Alan there to Die. The Other is that the Asylum was Shut Down and Alan was simply Forgotten About.
  • Now when it comes to the Blue Chair there a Variety of Hypothesis on what it Represents. Some believe it Represents Alan’s Deceased Mother who’s Body was Discovered by Alan (Remember the Distress and Emotional Angst in the “How To Pick Up A Blue Chair…” Video. It could also Represent Alan’s Failures as Far as Failing to become a Famous YouTuber or Other Life Failures. Then Some think the Blue Chair Represents Alan’s Lost Childhood. The Blue Chair might also Represent Trouble? By this I mean was Alan a Trouble Maker as a Child and Thus was put on a “Time Out” sitting on said Blue Chair.

                   

CONCLUSION:

The Obvious Question on Everyone’s Mind is This Series Real or What and Heres the Answer. It’s Fictional Series it’s actually an Experimental Performance Art Project by American Comedian, Visual Artist, and Film Maker Alan Resnick Who plays a Fictional Version of Himself. Resnick created the Series as YouTube Satire since He was Frustrated (and Disgusted) with/by all the Pointless Vlogs, Poorly Filmed, Poorly Edited if at All, Monetization, Crappy Videos with No Though or Creativity (Content for Contents sake or a Quantity over Quality Scenario), and Unexplained Tutorial on Youtube. Resnick Deemed all of it a Trash/Trashy Content and Decided to Create His Own YouTube Trash Channel Showcasing all the Shit He Hated about the Platform. Resnick created the Storyline of the Fictional Alan being a Dark and Deeply Troubled Individual Who ends up on a Nightmarish Decent into Sheer Madness.

VIDEOS: Here are the First 16 Videos from the Series, and Don’t freak the fuck Out about the Number of Videos (Their Short running from 8 Seconds to Three Minutes and Change)

Enjoy.

Thanks For Reading/Watching,

   Presented By Les Sober  

Found Footage: LOST IN THE CATACOMBS

Welcome internet travelers to this Wednesday’s FYB post that deals with the extreme psychological terror in the found footage originally titled Lost in the Catacombs. The found footage was part of a documentary which most notably aired as a Halloween Special on ABC Family, but the documentary in fact aired in various slightly different versions on Multiple Television networks in the early 2000s. The original film was directed by Francis Freeland and included segments of camcorder footage recorded in the vast and ancient Catacombs of Paris in the early 1990s. The footage was shot by an unknown man whose camera was allegedly discovered years later by an anonymous group of illicit catacomb explorers know as “cataphiles”.  The group of cataphiles found the camera was found caked in dust and covered with mold but none the less still intact, and they claimed the footage on the video tape were both totally terrifying and sadly tragic.

                  

For those who may be unaware the Paris Catacombs are a vast and extensive subterranean labyrinth that was created by building tunnels that connect a series of queries. The limestone from these quarries built Paris as it is known today, and eventually the city expanded to the point where the quarries and connecting quarry tunnel system lay below the busy metropolis. The Catacombs came to be back in the late 18th century (1787 – 1814) when the cemeteries in Paris became so overwhelmed with the dead it led to some serious problems. The over crowding of the cemeteries led to improper burials, open graves, and even unearthed corpses of the deceased, and this caused people living near/around the cemeteries to start contracting infectious diseases. To ease the over crowding and health problems and with tons of empty underground quarries at their disposal the police along with priests devised a morbid solution. They discreetly relocated the skeletal remains from older graves into the abandoned quarries effectively turning them into tombs. In the end the Paris catacombs came to house the remains of 6 to 7 million Parisians through out the estimated 187-200 miles of catacombs that lay below the city of Paris.

Let the insanity ensue………

So what the fuck?!:

While as you may imagine since the original airing(s) of the Lost in the Catacombs the creepy pasta crowd has run wild speculating what caused the unknown man to panic (and what possibly may have been his fate). It’s painfully obvious that the man’s flight or flight survival instinct wasn’t triggered by ghouls, ghosts, malevolent aliens, menacing monsters, malicious Mutants, psychotic madmen, or cannibalistic underground dwellers (C.H.U.Ds). As entertaining as it may be to propose outlandish circumstances to attempt to explain the footage, but these idle flights of fancy are nothing more than intellectual fluff.

The reality is far more disturbing and terror inducing than any imaginary beast or badman could ever hope to be. The brutal truth of the matter is the man started to experience growing anxiety as he realizes he may be in trouble. The Anxiety evolves into full blown panic as he comes to the conclusion that he is in a life or death situation and the life and death are his own. Finally the full blown panic activated the man’s fight or flight survival instinct causing him to completely lose his shit. He has realized at this point that his innocent adventure into the catacombs has gone horribly wrong, and he is now in the absolutely worst case scenario.

                   

The man finds himself now effectively trapped underground in an expansive network of subterranean tunnels and make shift tombs and no way out. He apparently hadn’t thought to bring any sort of discernible supplies such as say food/ water, additional light source, or anything he could use to mark his path as he went in the event he in fact got lost. If the prospect of being trapped alone deep underground with the remains of 6-7 million dead people’s earthly remains, without food or water, blinded by the pitch blackness of the catacombs, confined in the cramped tunnels, and being utterly clueless on how to escape isn’t insanity inducing I don’t know what the fuck is.

Thus the Man’s catacomb adventure wasn’t an adventure at all it was a fatal mistake.

Until our paths cross once again,

Presented By Otto Control 

Hauntingly Ominous Lost Japanese Public Service Announcements (PSA)

To Whom it may concern,

It is I Otto here as Les and Justin took off on a impromptu road trip which I opted out of. I enjoy my own company to that of any other so being stuck in a hellishly small RV with Les and Justin is something I sincerely want nothing to do with. My idea of a vacation is alienation in isolation removed far from the confining shackles of a sick society. Last time Les called he wasn’t pleased that I had in all due favor neglected my FYB Responsibilities in their absence so here we are.

As what to post I was left up to my own dark devices having carte blanche to choose the topic and content of said post. Needless to say I was intrigued with this newly found freedom. You see my main function since I started assisting Les here in the haunted hallowed halls of FYB is research which I am quite fond of. I like being on my own to plunge  head first down any and every rabbit hole I wish with reckless abandon. Being that this was all unplanned and very last minute I didn’t have anything in particular in mind initially as it were. I pulled out a volume of notes I had compiled a few months ago and started parozing it to see if anything caught my eye. I then just so happened locate notes I had collected on Isamu Saburo Tadashi.

                  

Isamu Saburo Tadashi had dedicated his life and his career to Japan’s Ministry of land, infrastructure, transportation, and tourism (MLIT). Tadashi married young at the age of 16 to his beloved wife Emiko, and just a year later Emiko gave birth to the couple’s first child a boy they named Masao. At a 18 Tadashi started his life long career at the MLIT, and as luck would have it the couple welcomed their second child a girl named Hiroko that same year. Time marched on and Tadashi’s career at the MLIT was taking off. Early on in his career Tadashi had received promotion after promotion along with a slew of various awards, and received the highest of Accolades from his superiors. Then one sunny summer day tragedy struck when Tadashi’s wife Emiko was struck an killed by an absent minded motorist. Tadashi lapsed into a alcohol fueled depression, but thanks to his loving and devoted children managed to fight through his inner demons.

Life rolled on and the family recovered from the loss until tragedy struck once again. One day on the way home from school Tadashi’s Son Masao then 14 years old and his 12 year old sister Hiroko decided to take a short cut home. Unfortunately for the siblings the short cut required them to cross several sets of train tracks which proved to be a fatal flaw. While crossing the tracks Masao one of his feet stuck in-between a set of rail road tracks, and it wasn’t long before Masao had a Tokyo commuter train barring down the tracks right at him. The panic boy fought furiously to free his foot before meeting a gruesome and untimely death. Hiroko refused her brothers pleas for her to escape to safety, and remained by his side trying in vane to save her brother until the very and deadly end. The commuter train wasn’t scheduled to stop at this particular station and was speeding along the rails at a top speed and hit the children dead on killing them both and obliterating their small fragile bodies.

                   

Tadashi who was now battling PTSD as well as clinical depression started to experiment with unconventional hallucinogens developing a profound fondness for smoking the venom of the poisonous Bufo Alvarious Toad (a rare species of toad native to the Sonoran Desert). The Bufo toad’s is known as 5-MeO-DMT: an extremely potent natural psychedelic. 5-MeO-DMT is about 4 to 6 times more powerful than its better-known cousin DMT (dimethytrptamine). As one can imagine Tadashi’s unorthodox drug use quickly began to affect his work at MLIT where he was finally demoted to developing MLIT public service announcements (PSA). Right before his death at 81 from a massive stroke Tadashi set about creating his most dementedly disturbing series of PSA’s majority of which focus on train/train tracks safety.

The Gritty and some what distorted series not only was hyper focused on train safety but also feature 2 eerie characters both of which appear to be young children, and one if obviously male and his counterpart female. Due to the horrific deaths  of Tadashi’s son and daughter on the train tracks people became to speculate that Tadashi had gone mad with grief (and died of a broken heart) having lost his cherished children and adoring wife. The story began to take on a life of its own as it evolved into urban legend status particularly in the paranormal communities. The current version of the story is Tadashi consumed with sorrow at the loss of his family that he began to practice necromancy (the supernatural concept of actually raising/channeling the dead). At some point Tadashi employed the use of an Ouija board in his desperate attempts to reunite with his deceased loved ones, and it resulted in Tadashi accidentally trapping the ghosts of his dead children in the PSA’s where they remain to this very day. Due to Tadashi’s mental deterioration his final series of PSA was locked away and was never intended to see the light of day ever again. Then in 2013 while the MLIT was undergoing a massive revamping the lost Tadashi PSA where discovered stashed in a rusty old filing cabinet that was jammed into a dark corner of the basement.

                   

So are Tadashi’s final PSAs in fact haunted by the ghosts of his deceased children? Are they cursed in some way? Will watching them induce insanity in the viewer? Probably not but that doesn’t make them any less creepy as fuck.

Sweet dreams & Bitter nightmares,

   Otto Rageous  

Jones Town Death Tape (Audio)

First and Foremost this is NOT a Chronicling of Jim Jones or Jonestown. This Post serves as a Focus on just One of the Multitude of Facts, People, and Events surrounding Jonestown Massacre. If You’re Curious to Know/Learn more on the Subject We suggest Hitting up Ye Old Google for all the Gritty Details.

Here is the Most Basic of Backstories:

Jim Jones started a Cult in America called The People’s Temple that promoted Global Peace and Unity among all of Humanity. To Escape the Probing Eye of the American Government, Concerned Family Members Outside of the Cult, and Other Various Detractors Jones moved the Cult to Guyana (a Country on South America’s North Atlantic Coast). Once in Guyana Jones and His Followers commenced Building Jonestown which would be a Earthly Utopia Free from the Malevolent Evils of the War. Just like Drugs Jonestown was a Beautiful Place to Live and All was right with the World. As time passed things in Jonestown took a Dark and Ultimately Deadly Turn.

As Time Passed the Cults Detractors stayed Diligent in Their Attempt to either Rescue Members of the Cult and take them to Safety or to Shut Down Jonestown and take Jones into Police Custody. A Group consisting of Concerned Family of Cult Members, Cult Defectors, and Congressman Ryan Lee calling Themselves ‘Concerned Relatives” started Petitioning Politicians and Actively Engaging the Press for Help and Assistance in Their Mission. Finally the Group flew to Guyana to Visit Jonestown in Person to asses the Allegations of Sub Standard Living Conditions, Mental and Physical Abuse of Cult Members, and Accusations of Human Rights Violations by Reverend James Warren Jones.

The Trip was Tense and Ended with Jones Men Ambushing Ryan, the “Concerned Relatives”, and More Defectors from The People’s Temple at an Airstrip Killing Ryan along with NBC Cameraman Bob Brown, Temple Defector Patrica Parks, and Examiner Photographer Greg Robinson. In Addition to the Four Murders Nine other Members of the Group were Injured. The Attack would End Up being the Final Nail in the Jonestown Coffin.

                  

THE DEATH TAPE: Is a 44 Minute Cassette Tape known as the “Death Tape”. It’s a Recording made on November 18, 1978, at The People’s Temple Compound in Jonestown, Guyana, Immediately Preceding and During the Mass Suicide or Murder of  The People’s Temple Followers. When it was All Said and Done 918 Cult Members Men, Women, and Children Died either by by Poisoning or Gunshot. On the Tape You Hear Jones urge Cult Members to Commit what He refers to as Revolutionary Suicide:

“You can Go Down in History Saying You Chose Your Own Way to Go, and it’s Your Commitment to Refuse Capitalism and in Support of Socialism.” 

                   

The Poison was the Primary Method used in the Mass Suicide served to the Cult Members in a Flavored Beverage. The Beverage was Laced with Potassium Cyanide. The People’s Temple received 1/2 Pound Shipments of Cyanide every Month since 1976 when Jones acquired  a Jeweler’s License (Cyanide is Reportedly cleans Gold). The Crowd was Surrounded by Armed Guards, Offering the Cult Members the Basic Dilemma of Dying by Poison or being Shot by the Guards. As it were Not All Cult Members Drank the Poison willingly as Some were Forced to Drink it at Gun Point, and Some Unknowingly such as the Children. The Poison took Five Minutes to Kill the Children, Less than Five Minutes for Babies, and Twenty to Thirty Minutes for Adults. As for Jones Himself He committed Suicide via a Gunshot to His Right Temple.

Escaped People’s Temple member Odell Rhodes was there that Fateful Day Described the Scene of Both Hysteria and Confusion as Parents watched Their Children Die from the Poison (Jones says on the Tape “Don’t let Your Children Know They are Dying”). Rhodes also Stated the most Present Cult Members “Quietly waited Their Own Turn to Die.” and  that many of the Cult Members “Walked Around like They were in a Trance.”

                   

Reasons For Jones Ordering the Mass Suicide:

  • Jones’s Mental Health was Declining.
  • Jones was becoming increasing Paranoid about the American Government (as well as Others) Conspiring /Plotting on How to Personally Destroy Him.
  • Jones had become Convinced the CIA and Other Government Intelligence Agencies were Conspiring with “Capitalist Pigs” to Destroy Jonestown and Harm Him and His Followers.
  • Jones was supposedly Suffering from Insomnia sometimes going Three to Four Days without Sleeping.
  • Jones Believed All Was Lost as His Mission to Build a Perfect Society Free from all Negativity was an Utter Failure.
  • Jones had just Ordered the Deadly Attack on Congressman Ryan and His Delegates earlier that Day leaving Several Dead and Injured. He Knew Retaliation for the Murders was be Inevitable since Sooner or Later someone would come Looking for Ryan and the Others.
  • Jones believed that the Children of Jonestown were going to be Captured by The American Government, and Extradited back to America where They would be Turned into Fascists.
  • Jones was at this Point was a Full Blown Drug Addict addicted to Injectable Valium, Quaaludes, Stimulants, and Barbiturates (Any Class of Sedative or Sleep Inducing Drug).

                    

In Response to Seeing the Poison Take Effect Jones Counseled His Members Saying:

“Die with a Degree of Dignity; Don’t Lay Down with Tears and Agony.”

(Note: The Cries and Screams of Children and Adults are easily heard on the Tape Recording.)

And

“I Tell You, I Don’t Care how many Screams You Hear I Don’t Care how many Anguished Cries…Death is a Million times Preferable to Ten More Days of This Life. If You Knew what was ahead of You- If You Knew what was ahead of You, You’d be Glad to be Stepping Over Tonight.”

Thanks For Reading/Listening,

Presented By Les Sober  

Malice The Band That Almost Killed Us All Pt 8: The Languishing Life Of Being On The Road

May 16th:

The Members of Malice regained Consciousness on the Tour Bus with No Recollection whatsoever  of How They came to be on the Bus, But in Malice’s World it was a Common Occurrence. The Band’s Manager Harold Slickmann had simply had the Roadies Load the Band back onto the Bus just like with Their Instruments and Associated Gear. Somewhere   around the Second Pitcher of Bloody Mary’s the Bands Bassist Ook announced an Immediate Emergency Band Meeting along with the Band’s Guitarist Ick. At the Meeting Slickmann Spoke on Behalf of the Introverted Twins as He Felt it would make the Discussion Easier in the End.

Apparently Ick and Ook aka The Oaklund Brothers had always felt that in Fact they were Siamese Twins Trapped in to Separate Bodies. They had been feeling this way for some Time now, and wanted to Inform the Band that Based on Their Feelings the Brothers were Scheduled to have a Shady and Risky Elective Experimental Surgery. The Twins Flight to Puruvia which was the Only Country in the Entire World that Allowed the Controversial Procedure, and the Tour Bus was currently in Route to the Nearest International Airport.

           

Once there The Brothers would Fly 76 Hours Straight to Puruvia where Tomorrow (due the Insanity of International Time Zones) They would Undergo what was called a “Conjoinectomy”. A Conjoinectomy was a Fringe Science Surgery in which the Twins would be Attached Together so to Speak Transforming Them into Siamese Twins. The Brothers had Not Only Felt Severed from One another They also Believed They were Destined to be Siamese as well.

Since the Twins would thus be Conjoined The Brothers would Not be Returning to Join Malice, and Instead They would be going on Hiatus Indefinitely. Malice Dropped the Brothers off at the Roy “Boy” Baritone International Airport, Bid Them Farewell, and Hit The Road to Find The Oakerlund Brothers Replacements.

May 17th:

Malice pulled into Bangor Maine’s Arctic Circle Stadium so goddamn Early in the Morning the Band was still fucking Partying from the Night Before. After doing Endless Rails of 99.9% Pure Colombian Fish Scale Cocaine the Band was Amped to Audition Their New Guitarist and Bassist. The Band was a bit Dismayed to find out there were No Actual Auditions since this was a rather Last Minute Dilemma. So in Lou of Live Auditions Slickmann had Spent all Night Soliciting Previous Interested Parties as it were. The Band was so Tweaked on Cocaine They could barely Focus on the Task at Hand. Considering They didn’t feel the Need to Read through a Ton of Applicants Resumes decided instead to just Leave the Decision to Slickmann to Select Malice’s next Guitarist and Bassist for Them.

            

Slickmann didn’t mind this Idea as a matter of Fact He thought it utterly Delightful since there wouldn’t be any Bullshitting, Ego, Envy, Or Intoxicated Outbursts of Difference of Opinion to Deal with. Slickmann took the better part of an Hour peruse the Applications and Resumes alike and made His Selection of the Replacement Musicians. Slickmann reassembled the Band in the Stadiums Executive Suite to make the Announcement of the New Members. Slickmann told the Band that For Bassist He had chosen MC Satanic Semen who was a Prominent Member of Australia’s Underground Brutal Horrorcore Scene for the Last few Years with a Growing Cult Like Fan Base. MC Satanic Semen had played in Such Horrorcore Pioneering Bands such as Vicious Bollocks, Cunt Fart, Assgasm, Mangled Mangina, Asshat, Shitting Blood, Cumming Feces, and Fist Fucking Fuckers.

The Band thought bringing MC Satanic Semen was a inovative New Idea to keep the Band Evolving, and Rock Harder it turned out had collaborated with several Horrorcore/Brutal Horrorcore Musicians during His Career. Murphy also turned out to be a Fan of the Horrorcore Genre as well so Slickmann couldn’t have been Happier with the Results. Next Slickmann Unveiled His Guitarist Selection which was Dominick Disorder Who was a Prolific Grindcore Musician from Europe. Dominick had played in Bands such as Retarded Dildo, Shit Covered Cocks, Ice Pick Prostitute, Torture Maggot, Putrid Cunnilingus, NecroCunt, and Erotic Vomit. He had also done more Collaborations with other Grindcore Groups/Musicians with such names as Screaming Ejaculation, Fuck and You, Barbwire Cock Ring, Solo Shit, Bloody Bowel Syndrome, Shitting Soup, and Vaginal Vomit.

           

Again the Band thought this was a good Strategic Move since They had been reading a Variety of Articles on Them and They weren’t Happy with what They were Reading in the Least. The Consensus being Malice was Nothing more than a Dime a Dozen Party Band Who whole Musical Repertoire consisted of Songs about Drinking, Girls, Partying, and Sex. Malice had recently been compared to Several 1980’s Hair/Glam Bands like Montley Crew, Kiss, and Poison. Thus Malice was looking to Beef Up Their Reputation and Musical Street Cred and Hiring a Well Known Grindcore Guitarist along with a Prolific Horrorcore Bassist would definitely  make People Sit Up reconsider Their Opinion of the Band. Now with Their New Guitarist and Bassist in Tow Malice headed off to Sound Check.

May 18th:

That Nights Show was the Definition of Chaotic, but Luckily the Audience were Accepting of Dominick Disorder as the Band’s New Guitarist. Unfortunately the Sediment was Not the Same as Far as MC Satanic Semen was concerned. His primary issue was He was playing all the Malice Songs in  Horrorcore (which was an Interesting Idea) the Problem was He was the Only One in Malice doing so. The Conflicting sound didn’t sit well at all with the Increasingly Frustrated Audience. As the Set went on the Audience became increasing Combative as They started Yelling Insults, and Throwing all kinds of Shit onto the Stage (and at The Members of Malice Themselves).

              

Malice for Their part bobbed and weaved like Professional Boxers to Avoid being Hit while Still Playing at the Same Time. Finally after a Disastrous set Malice made Their way Directly from the Stage to Their Tour Bus as Fast as Fuck. The Fans were Confused and had grown Frustrated, and from the Frustration The Fans had grown Agitated to a Great Degree. As Security Stepped in to Help Evacuate the Premises before a Possible Riot Erupted. Needless to Say the Concert Promoters where Furious and Wanted Their Money Back. They claimed Malice had Failed in Their Performance Duties Resulting in Fans Demanding a Refund from the Promotor who wasn’t about to Lose Money on a Deal gone Sideways.

            

Luckily for Malice( since They were in the Process of Hiring a New Bassist and Guitarist) The Band’s Lawyer TR McCoy discovered a discrepancy in Malice’s Contract. The Discrepancy was the Band had never actually Signed the Contracts in Full, that is the New Members hadn’t signed the Contract in all the Chaos to get Ready for said Concert. Without all 5 Signatures the Contract was Rendered Null and Void. Malice Celebrated Their Dodging yet Another Bullet, and Partied Late into the Night Butt Chugging  Pol Roger Sir Winston Churchill Champagne which at the Time Retailed for $1,175 a Bottle.

May 19th:

Malice had the Day of on the Road since They had to Travel from Bangor Maine to the Village of Mound in Louisiana for the Next Show. The Main Topic on Everyones Mind was MC Satanic Semen’s impromptu Horrorcore Renditions of Malice Songs during a Live Show. The Band dressed Their Concerns with MC who for His Part of insanely Self Righteous and Far Beyond Defensive. His view was He was providing a New Innovation of Sorts, and it wasn’t His Fault that the Rest of the Band failed to Follow Suit. Malices argument was Obviously MC’s Stunt had Rattled Their Fans into Malice Almost Not Getting Pain for the Concert. Still the Fiasco would Undoubted Haunt Malice in Booking Future Shows as Promotors would Now consider Them a Higher Risk.

MC was Adamant that It wasn’t His fault but Malice’s for being so fucking Unoriginal They could see a Good Concept when it was Right in Front of Them. Malice’s Manager Harold Slickmann could see the Writing on the Wall from a Mile Away and MC had To Go Immediately. Slickmann then Talked to McCoy to see if there was any Legal Recourse the Band could take to End Their Affiliation with MC without creating a Shitshow. Again Malice managed to Dodge Yet Another Bullet since MC hadn’t signed the Contract using His Legal God Given Name (Which was Gilbert Melvin), and had opted to Sign the Band Contract which again Nullified the Contract letting Malice completely off the Hook. MC was informed of His Mistake when Signing the Contract and Thus He was Fired on the Spot.

MC was fucking Livid since He had just put His Musical Career (aka Other Musical Endeavors) to Play Solely with Malice, and Now He felt Cheated more or Less Out of His Money, Time, and Talent. So Enraged and Insulted by the Firing MC Started to Rant Uncontrollably airing Every Grievance He apparently ever Had most of Which had Absolutely Nothing to Due with Malice (Seriously He was Only in the Band just Short of 72 Hours Total). During His Rant MC strode over to a Toolbox that had been left by Accident on the Tour Bus by an Absent Minded Roadie/Jack of all Trades. MC removed a Large Drill from inside of the Toolbox and Calmly Plugged it In while Continuing His Ranting and Raving. Once the Drill had Power MC started incessantly Babbling about How if His Creativity was going to Be Stifled by Anyone it would BE Him and Him Alone. MC then Proceeded to Prove His point as it were by Lobotomizing Himself with the Drill. The Blood Splatter decorated the Bus so it looked more like a Slaughterhouse than a Tour Bus.

         

Malice decided the Best thing to due in this Scenarios was to Simply Drop the Freshly Lobotomized MC off at the Nearest Psychiatric Ward, and Then Hose out the Blood on the Bus. After They did as They had Planned Malice Hit the Road Again heading for Louisiana.

May 20th:

Malice’s Tour Bus rolled into the Village of Mound in Louisiana around 9am to find that Mound had No Hotel/Motels. In Fact there was a Whole Hell of a lot of Anything really. Malice quickly found out the Reason Why the Thing about Mound was the Population of Mound was Exactly 14 People (Who were all Relatives) Total. This didn’t Phase Malice as far as the Show was Concerned. They were met by Mound’s current Mayor Elisa Elder who escorted the Band to the rather Small Hand Built Stage Located behind the Old Hotel which had been Bought and Converted into a Private Residence. It just so Happened the Residents of the Old Hotel (Now referred to as The Hotel House) were Rabid Malice Super Fans and the Concert had been Their Idea. The Village had put it to a Vote and the Results were 11-2 in Favor of The Concert.

The Problem facing Malice/The Concert was Malice had just Dropped Their Last Bassist Off at a Psych Ward after He Lobotomized Himself to make a Point. As Lady Luck Smiled Upon the Band Once More a Young Man Named Eli Elder the Son of the Mayor was Big Malice Fan knowing each and Every Song Malice had Ever Done. Eli just so Happened to be a Bass Player without a Band so Malice had Eli sit in on Bass for that Evenings Show.

           

That Evening Malice took the Carpenter’s Special of a Stage and Played Their Entire 2 Hour Set followed by an Additional Hour of Encores. Malice ended up Staying in Mound overnight (which was Highly Unexpected considering Malice tended to be Higher Maintenance) as Guests in Various Residents Home until They Departed the Following Morning for Moscow Arkansas.

May 21st:

As Malice was on They’re way to Moscow Arkansas The Band’s Manager Harold Slickmann on the Phone Deperately trying to Aquire Yet another Bassist. Literally at the Last possible fucking Second Slickmann Contacted His Associate Walt Wheeler at AllStar Entertainment. As it Turned Out One of Wheeler’s Bands Dolphin Rape Cave He had Signed had just Broken Up unexpectedly  so He called up  DRC’s Bassist Oscar Illegal. Oscar as the case would be was Bored as Shit since His Band well Disbanded as it were, and He jumped at the Chance to Get back on the Road Touring. Malice passed the Phone around like a Bong each Member taking a minute or two to Chat with Oscar before Voting Unanimously to Bring Oscar on Board as the Band’s New New Bassist.

            

Slickmann scheduled a Private Plane to Pick Up Oscar and Fly Him to Louisiana ASAP. Once He reached the Airport Malice would swing on by and Pick Him Up in the Tour Bus before Heading to theat Night’s Gig. Slickmann’s Plan went off without a Hitch, and Malice was soon sitting Back Stage at the Alister Arena in Their Dressing Room preparing for Sound Check. After Sound Check Malice was Psyched by Ocscar’s Performance as He didn’t miss a single Note, and had one Hell of a Stage Pressence. To Avoid a predicament like the One in Bangor Maine Slickmann used every Minute at the Arena before the Show to Put up Promotional Posters promoting Oscar as the Band’s New Bassist Phenomenon. This was an Attempt to Build a Positive Response to Oscar Joining Malice, and to Distract from the Issue of Fans Nit Picking the Fact Oscar was Another New Bassist in the Mix.

            

The Ruse Worked and as Fans came Filing in for the Show They reacted very Positive pertaining to Oscar’s Arrival as the Newest Member of Malice. The Show was a Bonafide Success by Anyone’s Standards ending with a 16,000 Person Standing Ovation that Lasted 47 Minutes Straight. After the Guinness Worthy Standing Ovation Malice Treated the Audience to One Final Song Their first Ht Single “We’re Here Where’s The Beer!” which led to a Second Standing Ovation that Lasted just Over an Hour. Malice invited the Entire 16,000 Fans in Attendance to Join them for an After Concert Tail Gating Party in the Arena’s Vast Parking Lot. Malice Partied the rest of the Night Away with Their enthusiastic Fans Funneling Countless Beers and Snorting 2 Bottles of Adderall a Piece.

May 22nd:

For Legal Reason All Record of May 22nd’s “Activities” Fall Under a Non Discourse Agreement.

May 23rd:

Malice had the Day Off for some seriously Needed Serious R and R at The World Famous LuxurioUS Hotel Drummer Rock Harder being the Senior member of the Band Currently was Feeling Beat Up from all the Years of Partying Hard on the Road (As well a sin General to be Honest). He kept complaining about How He Felt like Mick Mars in Motley Crue. This was alluding to the Fact Mick Mars being significantly Older than the Other Members of the Crue. So Rock decided to spend the Day off Having a Facelift, and Made an Appointment for Later that Afternoon at The Prestigious Alexander Vanity Plastic Surgery Center.

Oscar Illegal still Amped from ingestion an Entire Bottle of Adderall 2 Nights ago decided that He would take Rest to a New Level by Sleeping for the Entire Rest of the Day (which was approximately 22 Hours at that Point), and to do So He’d have to counter act the Adderall First and Foremost. Oscar came to the Conclusion the Best course of Action would be Injecting Enough Heroin to Legitimately Kill a fucking Circus Elephant.

            

Guitarist Dominick “Dom” Disorder Lounged by the Pool downing Singapore Sling like He had Two Hollow Legs. It was One after the Other in a Continuous Line of Unending Cocktails from Sun Up to Sunset. Other than Tempting Fate with a Case of Alcohol Poisoning Dom spent the Leisurely Day trying to get Laid. Normally a Famous Musician would be Swarmed by Groupies, Yet Dominick was Also a rather recent Addition to Malice. For that Reason the Groupies Didn’t Associate Him with the Band.

Lead Singer Murphy “Thunderbolt” Gibbons had a Private Physician come to the Hotel for a Medical Procedure. Murphy had the Physician Scrape His Vocal Cords, Well Clean them might be a Better way of Putting it. Since Murphy Smoked 2 Packs of Black Lung Cigarettes, Drank Whiskey like a Fish, and had a Penchant for Partying with Hardcore Street Drugs His Vocal Cords were Encased in Ton of Toxic and Corrosive Crap. After the Scraping/Cleaning the Physician Shot Murphy’s Vocal Cords with a Heavy Dose of Anabolic Steroids, Human Growth Hormones, and Humming Bird Blood. Once the Procedure was Done Murphy Spent the rest of the Day Staring t the Static on the TV in His Room Doped Up on Painkillers and Still quite woozy from the Anesthesia.

              

May 24th:

As Malice Piled off of Their Tour Bus at the AmpaStar Amphitheater in Mississippi They ran into Their Opening Act Carnivore. The Two Bands Stopped for a While to Bullshit and Drink Beer Backstage. They Two Bands got along Famously which was Rare for Malice since They could be Extremely Standoffish, Judgmental, Stubborn, and Pig Headed. They Two Bands were having such a Great time just hanging the fuck Out Killing Beers They forgot They were there to put on a Show. The Members of Malice and Carnivore were Actually Slapped Back to Reality by Malice’s Manager Harold Slickmann Who Carried a Heavy Pimp Hand.

The Show was a Unmitigated Success that End with all the Members of Both Bands on Stage playing Various Covers requested by the Audience. Unfortunately the Crowd worked Themselves not a Frenzy and started setting off a Small Arsenal of Fireworks. This Pissed off the Promoter to No End as He worried about Property Damage and Fires ravaging His Precious Amphitheater. On Top of that The Police were None to Happy Either about the Situation to say the Least. All the Smoke, Flashing Lights, and Additional Noise made it damn Near Impossible for the Police to Actually Police the Crowd of Overly Exuberant Fans.

            

Alls well that Ends Well and Once the Show was Over No One had been Injured, The Amphitheater was still Standing (and in good shape all things considered), and No One was Arrested.

May 25th:

Malice was due to Play a Sold Out Show at the Mississippi Motorway, but where Forced to Cancel due to Circumstances Beyond Their Control. What Happened was while en route to the Motorway Malice had been Taking Massive Bong Rips of a Incredibly Potent Strain of Marijuana called “Zombiefier”. The Weed got its name because of its Insanely High THC Percentage (97.9%) Smoking it Resulted in the Smoker becoming So Stoned it felt as if They had become an Actual fucking Zombie.

It was Rock’s Turn and He Inhaled a Lung Exploding Cloud of Smoke which Upon Exhalation caused Him to Start Coughing like Crazy. The Problem was Rock was still Recovering from His Recent Facelift and all of the Gut Wrenching Coughs Aggravated His Stitches. It got so Bad that the Post Bong Hit Cough caused Rock’s Surgical Stitches to Pop unbeknownst to Rock and the Rest of the Band. Finally Rock’s Rib Cracking coughing resulted in Rock’s Face to Slip off onto the Floor of the Bus.

           

The Band’s Manager Harold Slickmann Instantly Jumped into Action and Took Hold of the Situation. He snatched Rock’s Now Disembodied Face up off the Bus Floor and Stuffed it Tightly Between a Couple of Beers in Malice’s Cooler. Thanks to the Weed Rock was far too High to Freak the fuck out over having No Face as it were, and Kept Him Calm keeping Rock from going into Shock. Slickmann Rifled through a Copy of the Yellow Pages until He located the Nearest Hospital and gave the Driver the Directions. The Driver put the Peddle to the Metal and within mere Minutes Malice’s Tour Bus was pulling up in front of the D. Rockefeller Hospital’s Emergency Room. Rock was hurried directly into Surgery and Thanks to Slickmann’s quick thinking Rock’s Face was able to be Reattached without Issue.

May 26th:

Since Rock’s Face would Need to Heal Malice decided to do Something Unorthodox and completely Unconventional. Malice came to the Conclusion that They should put the American Leg of Their Tour on Hold, and Travel to Australia which was the First Destination on the World Tour. Then once Rock had Healed Properly, and The World Tour was Over Malice would Return to the Untied States at Which Time They would Complete The Remainder of the Shows in America. This way Rock could Recoup while the Band managed to still Stay on Tour without Interuption or Issue.

            

Slickmann approved of the Idea and got the Band’s Lawyer TR McCoy to Start working on Amending the Contracts as well as contacting Promoters. Slickmann came up with the Idea that to Accommodate the Fans who would have to Now Wait for the Rescheduled Concert Dates by Giving Them Free Merchandise as way of a Consolation Prize for the Inconvenience. The Way Slickmann pulled this off put out a Press Release informing the Public of the New Abbreviated Tour Schedule, and that Every Fan who attended a Rescheduled Show would Receive a Free Malice T-Shirt and a Free Beer.

Then Slickmann called the Up In The Air Private Jet Company to Reserve a Private Plane for Malice’s Trip to Australia. Since the Sudden Schedule Change Malice’s Own Private Jet was still sitting at Aero Plane’s Private Jet Hanger in California which was the Original Location for Malice’s World Tour Departure. Slickmann Booked the Biggest Private Jet there was a 747-8i Boeing Business Jet.

           

May 27th:

Malice Loaded onto the 747-8i at 8pm with Great Gusto and Enthusiasm since They had Offered Carnivore to be Their Opening Act for the Remainder of the Tour. Of Course Carnivore was more than Happy to Sign on the Tour and Met up with Malice at Mississippi’s Greenville Airport. The Two Groups were more then Pleased to be back in Each Others Company, and Boarded the Plane and got Straight to Partying. There were Silver Platters Piled High with Obscene amounts of Cocaine, the was Alcohol Flowing Freely, and Carnivore had brought along a Quarter Pound of Fresh Magic Mushrooms (Shrooms). The Band Members Got High, Got Drunk, and Got Laid having brought an Entourage of Female Groupies along with Them.

Meanwhile Harold Slickmann and TR McCoy worked on Formulating the Best Strategy to turn the Current Chaos into a Money Making Machine.

           

May 28th:

Since the Flight From Greenville Mississippi took a Whopping 40 Hours and  Malice and Carnivore continued Partying Hard during the Entire Flight to Australia.

May 29th:

Malice arrived at Australia’s Brisbane Airport at roughly at Noon looking like Day Old Cadavers having Partied to the Point of Delirium. Slickmann had anticipated the Band’s Partying combined with a Hell of a Case of Jet Lag (having Flown half way around the World) and Hadn’t scheduled a Show for that Evening. Malice made a B Line to The Westin Brisbane Hotel where They would be Staying post Haste.

Once at the Hotel The Band’s crashed due to Drug/Alcohol Fueled Exhaustion. By 9 pm most of the Band Members had regained conciseness and started compiling a $57,683 Room Service Bill in Food, Drink, and Additional Services like Massages for Example. By Midnight the Band Members had Assembled on the Roof of the Hotel to Finish off the Shrooms Carnivore had Brought and Stare out Over The City of Brisbane until the Sun came up the Following Morning.

           

The Band met for Breakfast and to discuss Their Schedule with Their Manager Harold Slickmann Over Eggs Benedict and Bloody Mary’s. After Their Breakfast Pow Wow Malice was in the Best Spirits They had been in for a Very Long Time. It Seemed having Carnivore on the Tour had Revitalized Malice breathing New Life into the Band’s Lungs. The Two Bands spent Their Down Time before that Night’s Show getting 8 hour Non Stop Massages of all Kinds Deep Tissue, Shiatsu You Name it They got it Happy Ending and All.

At 6:30 Malice and Carnivore Hopped on Their Tour Bus and drove to that Nights Venue The Munted Civic Center and headed straight into Sound Check. The Audience was whipped into a Frenzy by the Time Carnivore had finished Their Set and Malice Took the Stage. They Opened with Their Classic Party Anthem “Party Till You Puke” ,and Finished with Their Epic Sing-a-Long to Their Hit Single “Keg Stand” to the Delight of the Australian Audience. Malice Spent the Next Several Hours Signing Autographs during a After Show Meet and Greet of Sorts. Malice fell in Love Instantly with Their Loyal and Supportive Australian Fans while Bonding Over Countless Cases of Foster’s.

           

May 30th:

The Bands left Brisbane heading for Logan City Australia for Their Next Show, but having Arrived Early had some time on Their Hands. Since Logan City was relatively close to the Coast The Bands decided to take a Day Trip to the Ocean Shores 90 Minutes Away. This would turn out to be a Major Mistake on Malice’s Part.

Once They had reached Ocean Shores The Band Members hightailed onto the Beach for a Little Fun in the Sun as the Saying Goes. After Eating an Exorbitant amount of Sushi (mainly Ahi Tuna) Carnivores Lead Guitarist Monty Mungman went for a Quick Dip in the Ocean. What Monty had been unaware of is Australia is Home to Great White Sharks, and who Immediately Locked on the Smell of Tuna that was emanating off off Monty’s Hands. Before Monty even knew what Happened a Great White came hurdling up from the Depths and Bite Down on Monty’s Mid section as it Burst from the Water like a Freight Train. Monty was especially thin due to His Outrageous Drug Use which allowed The Great White to Bite Him in Half. Monty’s Lower Body disappeared between the Shark’s Gaping Jaws and Monty’s Top Half Surging with Adrenaline attempted to Swim to Shore. Monty’s Torso didn’t make it more than 10 feet Before it To was Devoured by another Inquiring Great White.

            

Carnivores Drummer Tommy Snare dove into the Water in a Valiant Attempt to Rescue Monty only to have His Right Leg Ripped Off by yet Another Great White for His Trouble. The Life Guards and Paramedics Stormed down the Beach to the Water ready for fucking War. Snare somehow made it back to Shore minus His Leg and was Being Tended To By The Paramedics as the Lifeguards set about scavenging the Left Over Pieces of Monty’s that were Periodically Washing Ashore.

That Evening instead of putting on a Show that evening  the Bands held an Press Conference to Announce the Tragic and Untimely Death of Monty and the Subsequent Injury to Snare. Carnivore for They’re Part of the Tour as Tommy could still Drum with a Prosthetic Leg, and Monty could and would be Replaced as Carnivore insisted the Show Must Go On Regardless.

            

May 31st:

While Carnivore Auditioned a Replacement Lead Guitarist and Their Drummer Tommy was fitted for a Prosthetic Leg things weren’t faring to Well for Malice.

Yesterday during Their Day at the Beach Prior to the Great White Incident Malice Drummer Rock Harder had fallen Asleep in the Sun. Being a Rock Star Rock had forgone Sunscreen figuring Whats the Point anyways He’d be dead of an Overdose before Skin Cancer could Kill Him. Sadly for Rock His Current Reattaching of His Face hadn’t completely Healed, and the Brutal Australian Sun had Sun Burned the Holy Hell Out of Rock’s Face to the Point of Blistering.

           

Slickmann took Rock to the Nearest Plastic Surgeon for an Emergency Consult for His Sun Ravaged Face. The Prognosis was Grim Rock would have to be Flown to a Specialist in Switzerland to undergo a Entire Face Transplant due to the Extensive Sun Damage. Slickmann took Rock back to the Airport and had Him Flown to Switzerland on the Private Jet He had Rented for the Trip. Rock following in the Footsteps of Carnivore Swore to the Gods of Rock’n Roll that He’d return in No Time good as fucking New with His New Face.

Stay Tuned for the Next Insanity Ridden Installment of……

MALICE THE BAND THAT ALMOST KILLED US ALL!

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober (Pt109AmTFS)