Rejected TV Shows

These shows are all great on paper but sadly many are far ahead of their time.

1- Whose Kid Is It Anyway?-

Who wouldn’t want a network reality show to start with a gangbang? None of the Americans ones for sure. Long story short: Girl meets boy. The catch? Girl meets 15 boys and shoves them all in her snatch.

Then she eliminates them one by one (or more) before she gets the paternity test. Sadly the orgy for this film was shot but never released.

Even more tragically the star of the show Vanessa Montana Lopez died during a botched week 40 abortion of her pregnancy while waiting for the producers to get back to her about filming.

2) King of the Trump-

I know what you are thinking. Nope not about him. Picture a bunch of senior citizens trying to out racist one another. Also bill cosby was slated to host and that didn’t quite turn out too good.

3) The Brotherhood of the Travelling Jock Strap

So this must be great gay camp, right? Nope the whole show took place in a hetero beaver cleaver world. The jock strap was a talking jock strap but alas even talking jock straps can’t save america.

4) Serial

Never got made because well no serial killers wanted to kill people wearing body cams or shitty google glasses.

5) Anuses Over the Moon

How far can you shoot objects out of your anus? Not far enough as the search for the greatest anal field goal kicker in the world continues.

6) I Think I Fucked My Mom

This show pitted horny young men with vivacious cougars. After wining, dining and 69ing however the bombshell was dropped. You just fucked your birth mother. However massive abadoned dwarf protests led by Tangia (walk into the light Carol Anne) and the Munchkin 7 in the early 90s halted this project right after the pilot was found.

7) Dick Dongle Does Kids

Pee Wee had it hard. Too hard at a porn theater. Dick dongle actually taught kids but the title killed the show and the real life Dick Dongle (yes his birthname) shot himself and 3 others at a Texas rest stop in 2001.

8) Dumpster Livin

This followed around a group of homeless dumpster diving, begging and smoking crack all day. The homeless led by former grateful dead devotees fought this long and hard but by trying to give the homeless LSD. They gave Ricky Hanakowski a bit too much. He killed 2 people and ate a living cat in front of onlookers because he had to prove his worth to Satan. He was in hell’s kitchen after all.

More shows to come later.

 By SpaceDog

I hate Oprah Winfrey

First of all, I must say I do not entirely hate Oprah Winfrey. The success she has achieved as a talk show host and business entrepreneur is indeed absolutely remarkable.

So why exactly do I hate Oprah Winfrey??? It apparently is today’s million dollar question. Well I happened to watch yesterday’s show with her mentioning some mumbo jumbo about never having to be overweight or unhappy ever again.

So anyway……she had some talking head middle aged woman on with her blabbing about her new book or some grandiose bullshit like that. Then she had different assorted women talking about their weight loss struggles or something like that. I don’t even really know I was really not even paying that much attention.

   

However there were several things that greatly disturbed me. This talking head blabbing woman on there with her, maybe she was a doctor or some accredited something or another, talked about how in order to lose weight you cannot deprive yourself and shouldn’t count calories and all that.

People like this are exactly the problem that we have with obesity in this country. For Oprah Winfrey (who so many women understandable look up to her) to allow this woman to say something like this is a complete mockery.

First of all in order to lose weight one must create a calorie deficiency. You have to burn more calories then take in order to lose weight. I highly doubt Oprah’s legion of follows is going to burn more calories then take in if they do not deprive themselves of food somewhat. No one really wants to do two hours of cardio (or an hour of high intensity interval training) on a daily basis in order to keep consuming their fried chicken or their sugary treats or their ice cream or their cheesesteaks or their biscuits and gravy.

    

Then she goes on about how the most important thing is to be happy with your creator and you will be happy. OK that is fine and all. Now we get to have a bunch of fat women sitting in church not depriving themselves and celebrating with their 3500 calorie chompdown at the Old Country Buffet. While God is an important figure in many people’s lives it is not the above all and end all of happiness. Well if there is a God when you die I am sure it is, unless you are a naughty Catholic and thus damned to hell.

      

The craziest thing about Oprah’s struggles is that she is so rich that she should not need to worry about what she is consuming and how much is exercising. She could easily have people figure this out for her. She could easily have wonderful meals made for her that are delicious and low calories. She could easily find something to graze on like lettuce or carrots or hoodia. Yes I said hoodia.

Hoodia is found in South Africa or other parts of Africa. Oprah is a racist. It is quite funny how we can allow black people to be racists in this country but not white people. Oh wait, I forgot about the small but vocal minority of people in this country that consider themselves birthers. People that believe are president is not from this country. But this is not about Obama. This is about Oprah.

I’m really not all that frazzled by Oprah’s comments on the web talking about the white people that work for her. I might say the same about black people I worked with who were kind, decent people due to the fact that most of my contacts with black people have been with gangsters, criminals, and black men who have some kind of horrible fever for my flesh.

       

I’m really most appalled by Oprah not allowing whites into her school in South Africa. If someone white did this it would be all over the place. It would be protested and it would be stopped. I suppose because this is in a foreign country that only recently ended apartheid the people there are more then happy about having the blacks away from their white kids. Oprah is only adding to the problem. She is not helping that country progress. All the money in the world she has does not make this right.

So in closing I must say this. Oprah should really inspire our country’s women (and possibly men) to lose weight by setting an example. So many people admire her and this would mean a lot to so many people. On this one regard I have to say that Oprah is a quitter and a major disappointment to me.

Mind, body, and soul Oprah. Show me some gusto. Until then enjoy being overweight. Enjoy your shortened life span. Enjoy your rolls, both at the table and under your clothing. Inspire. You’ve lived, you’ve dreamed. Your generous. I know I’m all over the place here but in closing all I can say is I am very disappointed.

  By SpaceDog

Insane Text Exchange

WARNING TO ALL READERS: OBJECTIONABLE MATERIAL

This is the most recent and most entertaining Text Exchange between SpaceDog and Myself. Enjoy.

SpaceDog: U need to pull up your pants and clean up your voicemail. Did u know that men with unclean voicemail are 95% more likely to contract Syphilis and 180 timeshare likely to infect their partner? Its horrible i tied my own tubes. But i feel like u get Syphilis more than me hence my text. Multiple shots in trader joe’s to be the most Portlandia crime ever.

Les: First I’m not wearing pants so Ah-Ha! I like my voicemail FILTHY like a Pecker. 180 times that’s it?!!! GREAT now my Crabs have Syphilis AND HERPIES! Shots at Trader Joe’s SHOTS! SHOTS! SHITS!

SPaceDog: Lol

Les: Headed home from Porn Shop, gonna grab some Pickled Eggs, and Budweiser, Hit you up when I get back to Base Camp (Named after all the Cocaine Smoking or Free Basing going on there.)

SpaceDog: I just like gay hulu and i get a massive cock. ok cool.

Les: Also to get rid of Crabs soak Your Junk in Vodka and then cover it in sand. That way the Crabs get Drunk and Stone Each other to Death.

SpaceDog: Id like to do that to get my crabs to work again, between 20 year old Tweens doing vaginal stretches and the male lifeguards moving out of masturbatorial range my life has been no bed of roses. Im just watching cool gay stuff online.

Les: 

Les: Worst Dick Pix EVER. LMFAO!

SpaceDog: There goes that orgasm…clean your voicemail. I dont mind not talking to you i do mind being drunk and not being able to Express my freak.

Les: Gave my voicemail a well needed Bourbon Enema so Speak Your Freak.

Thanks for Reading,

SpaceDog & Les Sober