unconventional – f-your blog

MISS SHAYE SAINT JOHN – STARBOARD

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring the One, The Only, The Really fucking Odd Miss Shaye Saint John in STARBOARD. Shaye Saint John is a Fictional Character and Art Project Who Appears in a Series of Surrealist, Creepy Short Films, and is Brain Child of Creator Eric Fournier. In the 90’s, Fournier was a Member of the Punk Bands The Blood Farmers and Skelegore when He began working on the First Miss Shaye St. John Video. In 2003, the Character started a Blog at LiveJournal, and a YouTube Channel Named Elastic Spastic Plastic Fantastic was created in August 2006. The YouTube Channel Uploaded all 56 of the Saint John Videos from 2006-2007, and the Official Shaye Saint John Channel Quit Uploading Content in December of 2007. Unfortunately the Creator of the Shaye Saint James Character Eric Fournier Died sometime back in 2010.

Who is Miss Shaye St. John? :

The Character Shaye St. John is Described as a “Model”, and is Shown in Videos Wearing a Plastic Mask, a Series of Wigs and Dresses, and Manipulating a Pair of Wooden Hands Attached to Sticks, and the Character’s Legs are in Fact Mannequin Legs as Well. Tragically Saint John was Hit By a Train which Resulted in the Loss of Her Arms and Legs (as Well as Horribly Disfiguring Her Face). Instead of Using the Traditional Prosthetics, She Added Mannequin Parts to Her Face and Added the Wooden Hands so No One could See Her Severely Damaged and Deformed Hands. Saint John Wears a Series of Different Masks throughout Her Videos, Supposedly because She Doesn’t want the World to See What She Actually looks Like. Creator Eric Fournier Explained “It’s Really Bad, that’s Why She wears the Mask.”

MISS SHAYE SAINT JOHN Vs. YouTube:

It had been quite a long fucking Long Time since We had Checked in with Shaye Saint John’s Youtube Channel and when We did Obviously Recently We Noticed Some Strange Shit. What We noticed was 90% of the Videos on the Channel have been Taken Down. As of Now all but 10 Videos (all from 6 years ago) remain Posted on the channel. We found this Rather Odd since one of the First things to Consider is the Content Creator Removed them, But in this Case the Content Creator is Died in 2010 so that’s Not It. So We decided We had to find Out more Information about What the fuck was Going on Since We are Huge fucking Shaye Saint John Fans.

The Bottomline here is SO FUCKING WHAT if the Shaye Saint John Creator Eric Fournier Died? We’re Not trying to be fucking Dicks about it, but Yeah We all end Up Worm Food or Ashes in an Urn so fucking What of It?! We fail to see ANY fucking Point/Reason for Youtube to Take Down Fournier’s Videos or for Youtube to just Straight Up Delete the Entire fucking Channel! There was a Small fucking Library of Content with a Substantial Viewership, and Again so what if the Content Creator Died?! Why should that be a Reason for Youtube to Shit on and Delete Fournier’s Legacy?!!

It is What it Is,

Presented By Les Sober

CONSUMING and EMBRACE YOUR MADNESS

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring CONSUMING and EMBRACE YOUR MADNESS by Content Swedish Creator Alex Unger Who makes Stop Motion Animations as Well as Sculptures in His Free Time. Unger Posts His Videos to His Youtube Channel called Guldies which are Almost Exclusively Tutorials in Sculpting and Animation. But there are Exceptions to/for EVERY Rule and there is a Small Handful of Surreal, Sick, and Twisted Animations. Both of the Videos Showcase a few of User’s Monstrous Mutant Sculptures, and to be Fair Our Favorite of the Two would be CONSUMING. Though We do think EMBRACE YOUR MADNESS is a way fucking cooler Title.

CONSUMING: Is a Slide Show of Two Humanoid looking Mutant Creatures Eating Babies or at Least a Baby.

EMBRACE YOUR MADNESS: Again is a Slide Show Showing the Creative Construction of an Abominable Beast that is Pure fucking Nightmare Fuel. The Creepy Creature Reminds Us of Something Straight Out of the HELLRAISER Movie Franchise and We fucking LOVE HELLRAISER.

CREATIVE NOTE: All Unger’s of the Monstrous Monstrosities in these Videos were Constructed Using Acrylic Paint and Super Sculpey.

Description By Alex Unger The Creator of COMSUMING:

“We leave the younger generation helpless, without a chance to stop us. The unborn can’t even beg us to stop.. We eat our way to human misery.” I

DESCRIPTION By Alex Unger the Creator of EMBRACE YOUR MADNESS:

“I made a small piece of art…”

It is What it Is,

Presented By Les Sober

The Jesus Twins – God Come Down Here

Well it’s no secret that I’m a long time fan of Howard Stern and as such I was listening to an old episode of The Howard Stern Show the other day on Sirius Xm. I have Sirius for one reason and his name is Howard Stern. What? I told you I was a fan did you doubt me because that wasn’t wise.

In this episode of The Howard Stern Show fan and frequent guest actor Micheal Rapaport was coming in for an interview so I was rather psyched since I’m a fan of Rapaport too. The fucked up thing was when he showed up for the scheduled interview Rapaport showed up with The Jesus Twins in Tow. Howard by this time was rather familiar with The Jesus Twins, but still had to ask Rapaport why he brought them with him. Rapaport answered simply that The Jesus Twins were far more interesting than anything he had to say. Howard and Rapaport discuss The Jesus Twins for a few minutes, and lead to The Jesus Twins preforming a live acoustic version of their song “God Come Down Here”. I didn’t know much of anything about The Jesus Twins other then they were some seriously fucking weird musical fringe duo, but after hearing them play “God Come Down Here” I was hooked like a motherfucker. I hadn’t EVER heard anything fucking like it before in my life and I honestly became a fan on the spot.

I started to research the some what mysterious Jesus Twins and unfortunately didn’t find out a whole hell of a lot. That’s the problem with niche bands is the total lack of exposure in the mainstream music industry which insanely inhibits the band/artist’s exposure. Think about it a minute that all we know of musicians (and other famous fuckers) is from interviews, critical reviews, and biographies/autobiographies. You limit or remove those aspects then you can see what the fuck I’m dealing with when it comes to this kind of research shit. Anyways without further ado here is what I found out about The Jesus Twins after scraping and scouring the fucking internet.

The Jesus Twins

The Jesus Twins were an obscure, virtually unknown and unsigned independent fringe musical duo active from 1997-2004.
The Jesus Twins was a pair of identical twin brothers Eric Lewis and Jeffrey Brian Liebowitz.
Both of the The Jesus Twins are manic depressive and in addition to that Eric also suffered from Bi-Polar Disorder.
The Jesus Twins had an inexperienced manager named John Mendelsohn who the Twins treated with utter and total distain.
In 1997 The Jesus Twins gained notoriety for crashing the Jay Leno Show.
Also in 1997 The Jesus Twins garnered more notoriety when they forced their way onto the Howard Stern Show. The Twins demanded Stern recall every copy of the soundtrack to his movie “Private Parts” so their song Feel My Ubiquity could be included on it.
The Jesus Twins muscling their way onto The Howard Stern Show was aired on television and is one of the most popular Stern show segments of all time.

The Jesus Twins made several subsequent appearances on Stern’s radio Show over the following years.
In 2001 The Jesus Twins released their song “God Come Down Here” as a protest against California’s “Three Strikes Law”. The release was accompanied by yet another completely bizarre appearance on The Howard Stern Show. The appearance included a manic Eric cutting his hand while punching a glass picture frame.
The Jesus Twins musical style is considered to be “Outsider”.
Outsider music is songs and compositions by musicians who are not part of the commercial music industry. They write songs that ignore standard musical or lyrical conventions, either because they have no formal training or because they disagree with formal rules. Outsider music is often bizarre and emotionally stark in nature.

The Jesus Twins music actually displayed good production value which is rare in the outsider genre.
The Jesus Twins music has been described as “an unfashionable street-informed soul funk sound (which I totally fucking disagree with. They were outsider musicians plain and simple nothing more and nothing less) with wordy melodramatic lyrics.
The Jesus Twins songs were accompanied by frantic and frenzied synchronized dancing by the Twins.
Tragically on August 5th 2008 while suffering a manic episode Eric Lewis Liebowitz was shot and killed by a Los Angeles police officer.

Albums:

Resurrection
This Moment
Resurrection (Explicit)
Feel My Ubiquity

Top Tracks:

Feel My Ubiquity
God Come Down Here
This Moment
Death By Chocolate
Crazy One
Siamese Fighting Fish
Peace Is The Word
Let Go And Let God
Make Believe
Wonder

I’ll see you when I see you,

Justin Sane

Satan Panonski Croatia’s GG Allin

Welcome to a Thursday FYB Post which may be somewhat of a Surprise. I was tooling around Looking for a Music/Musician Piece since it Occurred to ME that We hadn’t Done One in Quite a While. I wasn’t having a Whole Hell of a lot of Luck until I noticed an Article Titled Satan Panonski: The Croatian GG Allin and was Instantly Intrigued. It’s No Secret at this juncture that We here at FYB are Diehard Fans of GG Allin so Obviously the Comparison mad Me sit Up and Take Notice. I spent the Next 48 Hours Scouring the Internet for Any and All Information on Satan Panonski the so called Croatian GG Allin. Now if Finding Information on a Notorious Underground Niche Musician like GG Allin was a Pain in the Ass it made Finding Info on His Croatian Counterpart Satan Panonski almost fucking Impossible. The Main reason for the Serious Lack of Information on Satan Panonski was Even MORE OBSCURE since the Limited Documentation. This was due to Satan Panonski’s EXTREMELY LIMITED Exposure Outside of His Native Croatia, and Small Parts of South Eastern Europe.

This Post was Originally Intended to Showcase the 1990 33 Minute Documentary Film by Serbian Director Milorad Milinkovic (which served as His Graduate Thesis for Film School) on Satan Panonski. The Problem with the Documentary while it is as Interesting as it is Entertaining it was Shot Over an 8 Hour Period. This explains the short Runtime of the Documentary, but it also Explains Why its Far from a Traditional Style Documentary. The Documentary Doesn’t have any Biographical Backstory Information, Musical Career Information (prior to the Filming of said Documentary), and it Didn’t Cover Satan Panonski’s Unusual and Untimely Death.

With so Many Holes if Missing or Lacking Proper Information I set Out to find Out More than just this One article Alone. It was Laborious but Rewarding and I’m Very Glad I did. Thus with all that Said I Tracked Down the Information on Satan Panonski that’s Not Included in the Documentary as Additional Information. No Worries for Anyone Wondering the Documentary is Included at the End of this Post. So Now I give You the Story of Satan Panonski the Croatian GG Allin!

“A Punk By Nationality A Friend By Profession.” – Satan Panonski

Born Ivica Culjak in 1960 in Cerici which is a Village close to Vinkovci Croatia although it was know as Yugoslavia during Virtually all of Culjak’s Life. In the Early 1970’s CulCuljak dropped out of High School and Entered into the Punk Scene where He Garnered a Notorious Reputation for His Crude Music, Violent and Disturbing Live Performances, and Brutally Uncompromising Lyrics. Panonski’s Infamous Live Performance Antics Included, but Not Limited To Breaking Beer Bottles Over His Head, Self Mutilating using a Razor Blade of Piece of Broken Glass, Sticking Safety Pins through His Flesh, and Preforming Dangerous Stunts.

Towards the 1970’s Panonski sought out Psychiatric Help, but this was Allegedly Panonski’s Scheme to Avoid serving Mandatory Military Service in the Yugoslavian Army (Which was at the Time Required). It was during the Same Time Period that Panonski Started to Preform Under the Stage Name Kecer II. In 1979 Panonski became the Singer and Frontman for the Band Pogreb X which Translates to Funeral X. Panonski Claimed throughout His Brief Career that He wanted to “Shock the Audience” and Elaborated by Saying the Following in a 1991 Interview with the Croatian Magazine Globus. “I Shock People to Free Them. When I Shock Them with My Gaze, I know They’ll listen to Me, Then it’s Hypnosis, Madness…..In These Moments, I set Them Free, I Liberate Them from the Barricades that have been Built through Education.” For the Prolific Violence that Panonski Inflicted on Himself wasn’t to Fight or Lash Out Angrily at the Establishment, but as a Product of Culjak’s “Inability to Change Things for the Better” as He said Openly. Unlike GG Allin Panonski Didn’t Hate Life, Loath His Fans, Abuse His Audience, Desire to Destroy Anything, Rage Against Society, Shit on Stage, Bring the Fear Back to Rock’n Roll, or Hate Himself.

In Spite of His Reputation for being Outrageous Panonski had Yet to Reach the turning Point from Musician to Murder. In 1981 Panonski’s Band was Preforming in Vincoshee when a Fight Broke Out. It’s one of those Events where No One Truly knows the Series of Events and the Story variates depending on Who is Telling it. The Most Widely Accepted Explanation is the Fight Broke Out when a Local Low Level Criminal Thug and Degenerate Gambler took issue with Panonski’s Older Brother. Once the Fight Started Panonski intervened to Stand Up and Protect His Brother from this Unsavory Character. Panonski managed to deescalate the Fight/Argument telling the Man that Fighting was Pointless, and They should talk it Out Face to Face Man to Man. The Thug Agreed and He along with Panonski took a seat at a near by Table where the Thug Ordered Them a Couple of Beers.

At one Point Panonski saw something in His Peripheral Vision and Turned His head to see what the fuck it was. Once He turned back to Face the Thug the Thug hauled off and Punched Panonski in the Nose like a Motherfucker Temporarily Stunning Panonski. After a Moment or Two Culjak recovered from the Blow, and Immediately Attacked the Thug in Retaliation for the Sucker Punch. During Their Scuffle Panonski grabbed Hold of a Knife and Stabbed the Thug to Death right There in the Club.

Panonski stood Trial for Murder and Assault (The Assault Charge stemmed from the Fact Panonski had Accidentally Struck an Innocent Bystander during the May-lay). Panonski was Convicted on Both Counts and was Set to Serve Out His 12 Year Sentence in Prison when by Some Unseen Divine Intervention Negotiated that He Shouldn’t be Sent To Prison, But Remanded to a Mental Hospital Instead. The Ploy worked more than likely to the Combination of Panonski’s Claim it was Self Defense coupled with the Fact He sought Psychiatric Help in the 1970’s (even if it was a ruse to get Out of Mandatory Military Service. While Serving out His Sentence in the Metal Hospital Panonski spent His Time Writing Poetry, Making Music, Painting, and Drawing, AND He was even Permitted to Temporarily Leave the Hospital to Play with His Band (or a Live Performance or Press though there wasn’t much of that).

Panonski Adopted the Stage Name Satan Panonski around 1984 for His Solo Work. Panonski continued to Garner a Cult Following as Reputation Grew. Panonski’s Outlandish Live Performances, Unique Production Style, Manner of Dress, and Even His Sexuality (Many People Close to Panonski claimed He was Openly Gay or at Least Sexually Fluid. While this isn’t a Big Deal Today, But the Time Period Panonski Lived in 1960’s-Early 1990’s it definitely was). Less Then Two Years after the Filming of the Documentary Panonski Died under Quite Mysterious Circumstances.

In January 1991 while Serving in the Croatian Military during Croatia’s War for Independence Panonski had Voluntarily Enlisted in the Military (Due to His Intense National Pride). Panonski was found Wearing His Military Uniform with a Single Gunshot Wound to His Head. Panonski was just 32 at the Time of His Death. Since the Exact Circumstances Surrounding Panonski’s Untimely Demise there have been Several Theories on the Subject in Circulation. The First Theory is Panonski Committed Suicide due to the Fact He had Sought Psychiatric Help in the 1970’s, Panonski had been Sentenced to 12 Years in a Mental Hospital, and His Unconventional Life Style as a Manic Musician/Poet/Artist/Writer. The Second Theory is Panonski crossed paths with an Enemy Soldier who then Shot and Killed Panonski which seems Viable as Hell since He was Serving in the Military during the Croatian War for Independence. The Most Common Theory (and seemingly Most Popular) is Panonski simply Accidentally Shot Himself which happens Far More than The Average Person is Aware of. All That Remains of Panonski’s Life and Art are Three Albums, Collection of Poetry, A Mysterious Death, and The Myth of Satan Panonski.

The Three Satan Panonski Albums :

Ljuljajmo ljubljeni ijubicast (1989)
Neklearne Olimpijske Igre (1990)
Kako Je Panker Branie Hrvatsku (1992)

Documentary Synopsis:

SATAN PANONSKI: DOKUMENTARAC is a 1990 Serbian Student Film Directed by Milorad Milinkovic featuring the Best Footage of Panonski’s “Hard Blood Shock” Body Art Performance, a Mixture of Self-Mutilation, Chaotic Punk Rock, and Spoken Word. Also Captured in the Documentary is a Radio Interview (Recorded at 1 am After Panonski’s Performance Earlier that Evening) where Panonski Outlines His Dreams of Creating a Communal “Rock n’ Roll State”, and His Return to the Mental Asylum where He spent the Better Part of the 1980s for Murder.

Self-Identifying as “Punk by Nationality, Friend by Profession” We see His full Tragic Range of Emotions that lead to Comparisons with both Marina Abramovic and GG Allin. If Panonski was Yugoslavia’s/Croatia’s Equivalent to America’s GG, then this is Their HATED (The Infamous GG Allin Documentary by then Film Student Todd Phillips). Like His Albums and the Myths of Panonski’s Life and Death, it has up Until now Only Circulated Underground on VHS Tapes traded at Flea Markets across Eastern Europe, and has likely Never Before been Screened in America.

Documentary Content Rundown:

Part 1 : May 28, 1990 11pm-12am at the Students Cultural Centre

This is Footage From Panonski’s “Hard Blood Shock” Live Performance that includes Poetry, Spoken Word, Panonski Breaking a Beer Bottle Over His Head, Flailing Wildly on the Ground, Sticking Safety Pins into His Bicep, and Some of Panonski’s Songs (along with a Strange Audio Recordings of Panonski Yelling/Screaming/Screeching/Moaning) as a Backdrop to Parts of the Performance. Part One Concludes with Panonski Cleaning Himself Up and Tending to His Wounds in the Venue’s Restroom. During this Scene You can see the Extensive Scarring on Panonski’s Head, Chest, and Arms that’s reminiscent of a Hardcore Deathmatch Wrestling Veteran.

Part 2: May 29, 1990 1am-3am Panonski Does a Post Show Interview for a Local Radio Station. Again this isn’t a Traditional Interview as Panonski spends His Time there Fielding Phone Calls while the DJ acts as a Hype Man. Some of the More Interesting Aspects of Panonski’s so called Interview was the Fact a Couple of Caller did in fact Refer to Him as (The) Wrestler. There were Several Callers be They Fans or Curious Parties asking the Question (Pertaining to Panonski’s 1981 Murder Conviction) if He was in Prison or a Mental Hospital. For the Majority of the Phone Calls were Well Wishers hoping Panonski can Resolve His Mental Health Issues. NOW THE MOST INTERESTING PART of Panonski’s Radio Visit was When the Director was being Antagonistic and Baiting the Haters between Callers. While He is Ranting and Raving He Says “Yes, You, Who Promised Us a Bullet in the Head…” This is Note Worthy considering Panonski Died Mysteriously of a Gun Shot to the Head. Could Panonski have ACTUALLY BEEN KILLED by one of His Detractors?

Part 3: May 29, 1990 4am-5am at a Private Residence

This Ironically is a Real more In-depth Interview where Panonski looking/acting Relaxed for the First Time in the Documentary. Panonski delves into His Unorthodox Personality, Way of Thinking, Artistic Works, His Personal Beliefs, and Yes The Murder as Well.

Part 4: May 29, 1990 3pm-??? Hospital Popovaca

There is No Dialogue outside of Recordings of Panonski’s Poetry and Spoken Word that Accompanies the Scene of Panonski Walking to a Train Station. The Film then Cuts from the Train to the Hospital as the Camera makes Their way Around the Halls until They Reach Panonski’s Hospital Room. The Camera Cuts to Panonski who is Now Lounging Calmly in His Room on His Bed. The Camera moves from Panonski to the Window in His Room, and Does a Close Up of Sorts Out the Window and Ends There.

Enjoy. (Note: The Film is in Croatian with English Subtitles.)

Thanks For Reading/Watching,

Presented By Les Sober

What With All The Warning/ What Are All These Warnings About?!

In the Fledgeling Days of FYB I specifically Stated FYB Would NOT use Warnings of Any Kind as We Deemed it a Form of Censorship. I mean How the fuck do We have Free Speech under the First Amendment, BUT the same Government Who gave Us Freedom of Speech creates the Federal Communication Commission?! The FCC’s ONly Job is to Censor What People Can and Can’t Say or Show so again how the Fuck does that constitute Freedom of Speech for Fuck’s Sake?

What We discovered was Not placing any type of Warning on the Kind of Content We Traffic in (the Unconventional, the Unorthodox, Strange, Controversial, and Disturbing/Dark) Opened Us up to Shit Storm of Complaints, Objections, and Pissed off People.

Since We hate dealing with Bitchy People We Knew We had to go back to the Drawing Board. I ended up writing a Subsequent Post that We would Provide a “Head’s Up” to Our Fans if there was Objectionable Content contained within a Post. I simply and Lazily Adopted the TV/Movie Rating System only to Abandon it a Day Later. Why I thought would I want to Emulate What I Objected To?

So We were back at Square fucking One Again needing Some Sort of Acceptable Solution for Us and Our Fans. Utilizing the Premise of the “Viewer Discretion Advised” Model We collected a Small Variety of Different Warning Labels. This of Course raised Questions unto itself as to Why and What was the Reasoning behind the Selected Warnings. Well We have grown Weary of Repeatedly Explaining it to People on a Individual Basis thus We concluded a Proper Post was Needed pertaining to Said Warnings.

This is the Warning We use When We Personally DO NOT Think there is Anything Really all that Objectionable, BUT We use this Warning to Over Our Asses just incase.

This is Our General Warning which again is Not that Serious in Our Eyes, But the Colors seem to Garner a Stronger Sense that One SHOULD HEED THIS/THE WARNING.

This One is about a Simple and Straight Forward as Warnings Come. We use this Warning when We Know There is Content within the Post that a Great Number of People would find OFFENSIVE. We also use this Warning once in a while as a Second Additional Warning incase We think We should still Cover Our Asses a Bit More. Think of it Ironically as an Exclamation Point backing Up THE ORIGINAL WARNING again Just in Case.

This Warning is the One We Use when We are Serious about the Fact that said Post Contains OFFENSIVE, OBJECTIONABLE, OBSCENE, or Otherwise DISTURBING CONTENT contained within it.

This is the First of Our Top 3 Warnings which Should Not be taken at Face Value. If You see This Warning You Should Expect the Content in the Post is BEYOND A DOUBT OFFENSIVE/OFFENDING, SHOCKING, DARK, OBSCENE, DISTURBING, AND WILL ILLICIT A STRONG REACTION From Most People!!!

This Warning is Almost Identical to the One Above it with One Serious Exception. The Exception is the Second Line of the Warning that States”VIEWER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED. If You see this Warning DO NOT take it Lightly. This Warning Guarantees there is More than Enough OBJECTIONABLE, OFFENSIVE, DISTURBING, SICKENING, SHOCKING, SEXUAL, GRAPHIC, VIOLENT, Or in Any Other Way Troubling. THIS WARNING IS NO JOKE so if You are Easily Offended, Angered, Sickened, or have a Weak Stomach DO NOT VIEW ANY POST WITH THIS WARNING!!!!!

This Warning is The End All Be All of Our Warnings. This is such a Serious Warning We have actually Only Used it Once or Twice over the Years. This essentially means what You are About to See is THE MOST ABSOLUTELY EXTREMEST, GRAPHIC, OFFENSIVE, OBSCENE, DISTURBING, SICK, TWISTED, DARK, VIOLENT, SEXUAL, DEMENTED, TRAUMATIC, AND DEEPLY TROUBLING Content Ever Created. If You See this Warning unless You’re HONESTLY a HARDCORE FAN of Some Seriously FUCKED UP SHIT then Please Do US both a Favor and SKIP IT. Again the Content in said Post is ONLY For the Most DIEHARD FANS OF THE EXTREME!!!!!!!

To be Truthful No One should Really View ANY Post with this Warning Period.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober & FYB

Seriously Sick Saturday Cinema: TAXEDERMIA

FYB is Diabolically Delighted to Bring Our Fans The 2006 Surrealist Dark Comedy Horror Film Directed and Co-Written By Gyorgy Palfi. The Movie is a Genetic Narrative that Unfolds over Three Generations, or rather Degenerations. Inspecting the Details of this Movie will Allow the Viewer to see how They Inter-Connect. HOWEVER, Inspecting Them may Also make You want to Clamp Your Hand Over Your Mouth as You Run for the Lavatory.

Brief Plot Summery:

Morosgovanyi is a Sexually Frustrated Army Orderly in the Second World War who relieves His Tensions in the Most Outlandish and Gross Ways. Morosgovanyi, a Hunted-looking Man with a Harelip, is Loathed for His Ugliness, but hangs around the Womenfolk at the Barracks, and Burns His Own Body with a Candle while Masturbating, during which He Discovers He has the Ability to Ejaculate Fire. His Penis is Seriously Mistreated by Chickens, but His Frustration is Finally Relieved by Humping a Fat Woman, and Also with a Dead Pig’s Carcass. The Two Procreative Events somehow Fuse, Spiritually- and Horribly- to Produce Balatony, an Extremely Fat Boy with a Pig’s Tail that is Amputated at Birth by His Perturbed Father. Morosgovanyi is ultimately Executed by His Lieutenant Oreg Kalman for a Obscene Indiscretion, and Kalman raises Balatony as His Own.

For Balatony, Lust becomes Gluttony and His Vocation (He’s a Champion Speed Eater) is Stuffing Himself Silly. Eventually Balatony is Unable to Leave His Chair in His Claustrophobic Apartment due to being Monstrously Obese. Matrimony Produces a Son Balatony Lajoska who Purchases Groceries for His Shut In Father and His Fathers Cats. Kalman, who feeds Butter to His Caged Cats, has Nothing but Harsh Words for His Son who, upon Reaching His Breaking Point, Abandons His Father to His Own Hellish Personal Prison. Returning LAter, He Discovers that the CAts have Escaped Their Cages and, Fiending for Flesh, have Eviscerated His Father.

Lajoska stuffs His Father and The Cats. With Little left to Live for, He locks Himself in a Homemade Surgical Harness and Through the Use of Sedatives, Painkillers and a Heart-Lung Machine, begins removing His own Internal Organs. Pumping His Body full of Preservatives and Sewing Himself up, He Activates the Machine that Decapitates Him, leaving behind a Preserved Statue. His Body is Displayed in an Exhibit Alongside His Father and the Cats.

Enjoy.

We Hope You Enjoyed this Horrendous Generational Horror Show as much as We Did.

Thanks for Watching,

Presented By Les Sober

FYB’s Personal Pandora’s Box is About to Bust Wide Open.

Well Hello Dear Reader,

This is just another quick Peak Behind the FYB Curtin to Let You Know what We are Up To.

SpaceDog has returned from a Cerebral Sabbatical of sorts and We couldn’t be Happier about that.

Now that I have gone 166 Rounds with the Issue of Time Management I have Managed to Free Up some Time to give FYB the Attention that it Truly Deserves.

What that means essentially is FYB is about to go through some rather Serious Growing Pains in the Next few Months.

I have a Virtually Insurmountable amount of Catch Up to Accomplish to say the fucking least. There are so MANY Unorthodox and Unconventional Oddities, Mysteries, Curiosities, and Discoveries Roaming This Reality of Ours I barely know where the fuck to Begin.

SO I will be Using the so called “Monkey Method” We Throw a Bunch of Shit at the Wall and See what Sticks as Content comes at a Much Quicker Pace. If You LIKE something by all means Let Us Know. If You HATE something by all means Let Us Know. We aren’t at all Afraid of Criticism.

FYB’s Amended Mission Statement Update Below.

We are Our Own Alternative Dimension as to Adhere to Our Uniquely Unusual Agenda with Absolute and Utter Abandon. We will continue to Feed the Creative Hedonism with an Epileptic Intelligence, and Unapologetic President.

We are the 7th Dimension to Your 6th, a Niche within a Niche within a Niche Once More running on a Transcendental Time Line Searching out the Secrets of The Soul. Thriving on an Undying Curiosity to fill Our Emporium of Abominations with Abnormal Creations of Kinds and Creeds.

We SHUN the Inane and Mundane Mainstream full of Floating Bloated Corporate Corpses clogging up the Rivers of Creativity. The Mainstream is NOT CREATIVE it is DESTRUCTIVE. It Chokes the Life Out of Ideas and Slaughters Original Thought.

We are the Reuniting of Split Personalities Standing Victoriously in The Infinitely Unyielding Vastness of the Virtual Void. We are Higher than the Hight Road, and Lower than the Low Road a Lost Circus Sideshow Attraction abandoned by The Wayside only to Defy Death with Insanity to Achieve Immortality.

We are the Ideas that Lurk in the Confines of Your Cranium, We are the Thoughts that Linger while Sitting inside Your Skull. Our Strength comes from Those who Try and Kill Us.

Remember to Question Everything and Everyone. Reality is a Construct.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

GG Allin: The Profile of a Rock’N Roll Terorist

As Most of Our Readers are aware I am a HUGE GG Allin Fan I mean FYB has done 3 Pictorial Posts (with a 4th in The Works) dedicated to GG Allin and His Musical Career of Infamy.

In Addition to the Pictorials FYB also posted a Copy of GG Allin’s Legendary Song “Bit It You Scum”. I did that because No matter if I’m having one of the Greatest Days in My Life OR One of the Absolutely Shittiest Days of My Life either way if I put on GG’s “Bite It You Scum” it always makes Me Smile.

NOW Do Not get Me wrong I am NOT DEVIATING from My original Statement on the subject of GG Allin. I said I WILL NOT write a Typical or Traditional Bio Post because there’s No Point it’d just be an Exercise in Futility. What I mean to say is simply there isn’t ANYTHING I could write a Biographical Post about GG that isn’t just like all the Other Posts/Articles Out there on Google. Its all been said before so to say it now is just Regurgitating the Same Shit over, and over again.

So to Honor GG Allin and His Music just as FYB as recently done with Shitfucker and Silencer I devised the following Three (3) Video Tribute.

The FIRST video is the 1993 Cult Documentary by then Film Student Todd Phillips (who later went on to make: Old School, Road Trip, The Hangover Trilogy, War Dogs, Borat, and More) called “Hated GG Allin and The Murder Junkies” NOT Hated in the Nation which was the GG Allin Album.

This Documentary follows the Life and Times of GG Allin featuring Concert Footage as well as Interviews with Family Members, Friends, Fanatical Fans, and Fellow Band Mates.

The Second Video is the 2008 Short Film Documentary by Jay McBeth called “Live Fast, Die” which is Quite Different than “Hated”. This Story is the Story of so many GG Fans because like Jay and countless others I discovered GG by complete coincidence. I was at an Indue Record Store poking around the Bins, and I stumbled across a bunch of GG Allin CDs.

This Documentary with a running Time of just 28 minutes and change I believe is the Better of the Two Films. “Live Fast, Die” takes a different approached to the subject of GG in it follows the Curiosity of What made GG Tick or What Made GG Allin who He Was. It’s more about the Man than His outrageous and often Illegal Live Shows or Personal Life like “Hated”.

The Third Video is one of Several Video Versions of GG Allin’s “Bite It you Scum” played Live in Concert since We already Posted the Lyrics w/ Pics.

Enjoy………

ALRIGHT WELL FUCK TODD PHILLIPS. Todd had “Hated GG Allin and The Murder Junkies” posted on Youtube FOR FREE. I know because I watched it like 400 fucking times. ANYWAY Todd apparently now wants $1.99 for the pleasure of Watching His Film that was previously FREE. GRANTED $2 is nothing really, BUT I WILL NOT PAY ON PRINCIPLE.

The Film was Free until Fans started making it More Popular to those outside of the GG Allin Universe, and since Todd has also had time to make Big fucking Hollywood Comedies He now seems to feel He can and will Charge $2. Again for a Film NO ONE FUCKING KNEW OF ACCEPT DIE HARD GG FANS WHO THEN MADE IT MORE POPULAR AND ARE NOW GETTING NICKLE AND DIMED OVER IT.

Fuck Todd Phillips personally in light of this I will say “Hated” is the only decent Film Todd Phillips had made the rest is Over Rated Recycled Hollywood Big Budget Bullshit so Fuck Him.

SO I WILL NOW POST A TRAILER FOR ‘Hated GG Allin and The Murder Junkies” Below instead of the Film since it is No Longer Free.

NOTE: Also I will be Posting an Entire Concert by GG Allin and The Murder Junkies to make up for Todd Phillips being a Greedy Hollywood Cocksucker.

SORRY for the Interruption, We now return You to The Regularly Scheduled Post Currently in Progress Please Enjoy.

OK SEE WHAT I SAID! Todd is REALLY milking this Film for all its fucking Worth. I have NEVER seen this Trailer Before, and The Cover of the Film has been changed from the ORIGINAL cover. All this bullshit because Todd got Hollywood a Hard On, and now with the Anniversary the Greedy Twat is Now Charging $2 to view his Film that agin was PERVIOUSLY POSTED FOR FREE.

And Now Ladies and Genitals Welcome to the Stage The One, The Only, The Rock’n Roll Terrorist GG ALLIN & THE MURDER JUNKIES! Enjoy.

Well I’m still Pissed Off About Toddy Phillips’s Greedy Money Grubbing Student fucking Film. SO I’M Adding a BONUS VIDEO.

The Following Video is a Interview with GG Allin FROM PRISON. Enjoy Kids.

Thanks for Reading & Watching,

Brought to You By Les Sober.

Try Scamming Me & I’ll Royally Fuck Up Your Day PT. 2: Counterstrike

I left off explaining in the last post that some Absurd Asshole(s) had contacted via text about trouble processing my Health Insurance Payment that was a BLATANT SCAM. In stead of flipping out and going batshit crazy with rage/revenge I would try a different plan. Here is what I did.

I did some Bong Rips and began to think about a plan. Now not only did I want to piss the Scam Artist off as much as they had me I also wanted it to be fun to do. I ended up coming around full circle by selecting Text Messaging as my form of communication versus Cell Phone Call. If I had chose to call the number included in the Text I know what the fuck would have happened.

I would have simply lost my shit and started cursing out the guy on the other end of the phone. The swearing then would be followed by a slew of insults and then violent threats of bodily harm. I seem to have inherited my Father’s intense source of Anger. My motto in situations like this is if you try and fuck with me or fuck me over I will return the favor 100 fold, BUT I digress.

Then I concocted a phony Movie Company Called Von Dire Films. Now Von Dire I thought should be a scummy, underground, indie, sleazy, offensive, and troubling films with titles like “Corpse Farm: A Return to Flesh” or some weird shit like that. I then came to the conclusion that Von Dire Films was a Self Promotional Merchandise Super Sluts who TEX BOMB the Hell out of random people hoping to secure some new fans/customers.

Here are some examples of the Von Dire Film Solicitation Texts:

Text 1.

You have reached Von Dire Movie Production Company. Unfortunately We are having budgetary issues while shooting our new Movie in Borneo called “Skull Fucking Your Bloody Skull”. We will be out of the Country for Filming for the next 8 weeks. Please leave any and all contact information pertaining to the specified project at Our Dark Web Website VonDiresFuckedUpFilm.Org

So to Our Fans We say “Fuck Off We’re Filming” & “Adios Assholes” so Thank You for Your interest in Von Dire International Snuff Film Productions LLC.

Text 2.

Von Dire Banned Films That with Mindfuck you like a Lobotomy!!!

WWW.VDBF.ORG

SUPER SICK SALE ALL WEEK LONG!!!!!!!!

Text 3.

Von Dire Film “Cannibalistic Coitus” Nominated for the Underground Picture of the Year at Cannes!!! Now Only $29.99!!!

See Our Website on the Dark Web for further details!!!

STAY SICK CITIZENS!!!!!!

TEXT 4.

VON DIRE IS BACK! in the Celluloid Slaughter Business with his new demented movie “Meat Hook Justice” Coming to American Theaters Feb. 14th 2018! ADVANCE TICKETS Sales Available Through Our Dark Web Website. SO SIGN IN, SHOP, AND STAY SICK!

Text 5.

Von Dire’s Ferral Film Festival set for Bucharest Sept. 18th 2018!!!

Gorepon Group Packages Available on our DARKEST WEBSITE!

HURRY BEFORE THEY SELL OUT!!!!!

GOREPONS START AT 12,000 BitCoin (Purchaser must have a Valid

PayPal account at time of Purchase)

Text 6.

Gorepon the Groupon of Grizzly Gore has current Tour Packages of

Killing Christ’s Kingdom Studios

VERY LIMITED TIME ON ONLY!!! DON’T THINK BUY. BUY.BUY.

TEXT 7.

VON DIRE Sinful Spoken Wicked Word Tour COMING SOON!!

Check Out Our Deepest Dark WebSite for Upcoming Information!!!

Have Your check books ready!!!!

Text 8.

Von Dire Biography 4 Sale!!! “Bloody Genital Mutilation: My Life Growing Up in Antartica” ON SALE! LIMITED NUMBER PRINTED!

ORDER NOW,NOW,NOW!!! (Sale Price 165 Euros) !!!

All We need is Your Social Security Card Number for verification of Purchase!

Text 9.

Von Dire Films Presents Bloody Sod Bollock’s

“Shoot My Face Off I Like It” Disturbing Documentary of Damnation

For Sale For LOW, LOW PRICE of 900 Yen!!!

All We Need is Your Debit Card Number and Pin Number!!!

Text 10.

Von Dire’s New Gothic Novel

“The Insurance Sucubus Slayer: Cannibalize The Conman”

Available now on BrutalBooks.Net for $49.99

All We Need is the Routing Number from a Personal Check!!!

Text 11.

Von Dire is Von Damit in “Demonic Dolphin Rape Cave 2”

Streaming on FuktFilms.Net for just the low price of $4.99 for

the 1st Minute and $2.99 each Additional Minute!!!!!

Text 12. “Lust and Lobotomies: The Jeffery Dalhmer Story” by Von Dire

Inspired by Real Life Insanity!!

Torn from the Headlines of Horror!!!!

On Sale Now For Just 17 Easy Payments of $59.99!!!!

Text 12.

Von Dire’s work will Haunt you!!!!

Check Out at Goddamn VOnDire.Org!!!

Text. 13

Von Dire Fan Club Enrolling NOW!!!

Von Dire’s Fan Club The Bloody Bastards has LIMITED OPENINGS!!!

Rare chance to become an actual Fan Club Member just Sign Up For

12 Months for $6,499.99!!!

9 Months for $4,995.99!!!

6 Months for $3,499.99!!!

3 Months for $1,499.99!!!

1 Month for just a mere $999.99

All You need to do is just send ALL Your Personal Banking Information to Us Via Our Deep Dark Dark Website!!

Text 13.

“Suck My Ass It Smells” the Von Dire GG Allin Punkumentary Slated for Release in FALL 2019!!! ADVANCE TICKETS FOR SALE!!!! BUY NOW!!!!!

Text 14.

It has come to Our attention that you haven’t purchased anything in QUITE A WHILE!

Please contact Us IMMEDIATELY with Your Credit Card Information Ready!!!

VON DIRE FILMS LLC “The Sickest Shit on Celluloid!!!”

Text 15.

WHY haven’t YOU visited Our Deep Website VonDire.Org Website??????

Please Stop and SHOP! SHOP! SHOP!

Deals! Sales! Discounts!! DOUBLE Fan Club Member Points!!!!!

Text 16.

It has come to the attention of Our Billing Department that You have an Outstanding OVER DUE Payment Pending for $749,999.99.

If You FAIL to contact us within 24 hours We will turn Your Current Past Due Amount over to The United States Federal Debt Collection Agency.

It be in Your Best Interest to CALL US TODAY and PAY Without Thinking or Questioning it. You can also Log Onto Our Darkest Website and SPEND the Equivalent on Merchandise.

Text 17.

You’ve been CAUGHT by MasterLock Security Monitoring Systems on Illegal Von Dire DarkWeb Movie sites.

These Sites contained depictions of Extreme Fetishes, Donkey Shows, Eating Feces, Platypus Rape, S&M&B&D&GT, Pygmy Gangbangs, Live Sex Acts preformed by Sea Monkeys, Defamation of the Dead, Necrophilia, HillBilly Incest, Cattle Decapitation, Sex with Star Fishes, Genital Mutilation, Uniques, Rectal Insertion of Foreign Objects, Triple Fisting, Nipple Clamp Carnage, Group Masturbation, Coffin Coitus, Blood Lust Orgies, Vaginal Vomiting, Testicular Torture, Midgets Running a Train on a WNBA Center, Amputee Stump Humping, Skull Fucking, Ejaculating Blood, Among Other Offenses.

If You Do Not PAY the Fine of $15,499.99 to Us in Target Gift Cards OR Cigarettes WE WILL REPORT YOU TO THE NSA IMMEDIATELY POST HASTE!

Text 18.

Cunt-Fart & The Rotten Peckers have just signed a contract to record the entire Soundtrack for Von Dire’s Short Student Art Film

“Sadistic Sex Slug Sodomy”

Release due February 1st at MIDNIGHT through Our Super Sick Website!!!

Members get unlimited listening!!!

So Send Us a Photocopy of Your Driver’s License and a Blank Persona Check or Debit Card!!!!

ONLY $975.99 While Supplies Last BUY NOW WITHOUT DELAY!!!!!!

Shitting and Fondling Included for an Additional Fee of $64.99!!!

Text 19.

Visit VONDIREMERCH.ORG(Y).NET NOW!!!!HURRY!!! GO!!!!

Discount Sale Starts This Friday at Midnight on Our Sick As Shit Website TODAY!!!

BE THERE YOU BASTARDS & BITCHES!!!!!

Text 20.

Authentic Bulgarian Bahhbahchoubpa Available TODAY!!!!

Grown EXCLUSIVELY at Von Dire Feral Farms in the Sunless Lithuanian Country Side!!

JUST A MEASLY $49.99 a Bushel!!!!! LOGON TO OUR Sinful Website for Purchasing Information TODAY!!!!!

Text 21.

Von Dire Office Yard Sale is going on this Weekend!!!!

This is YOUR rare and utterly exclusive chance as a Fucked Up Fan Club Member to PURCHASE SPECIAL MERCHANDISE ITEMS SUCH AS:

A Mason Jar of Von Dire’s Shaved Pubes, VD’s PERSONAL ANTIQUE Genital Torture Kit, VD’s diseased and stuffed Pet Electric Eel, VD’s office Urinal, The German Industrial Nipple Clamps from VD’s Outfit he wore to the Vomitous Awards in 1993, AND SOOOOO MUCH MORE!!!! LOG ON NOW LEMMINGS!!!

Text 22.

Von Dire’s Scummy Spoken Word Collection “Decade of Debauchery” consists of the 1979-1991 Spoken Word Tours of Guam. ONLY $99.99! LOG ON AND BUY NOW and BUY A COPY FOR A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER NOW!!

Text 23.

Von Dire’s Lost Movie has just been Found!!!!

“Cockring Carnival of Karnal Cock Carnage 1888”

One of Von Dire’s 1st Films found misplaced in the Lost Soul Studios’s Film Vault!!!! ONLY $179.99!

EXTREMELY LIMITED TIME ONLY!!! This is a one time 36 Hour Special Secret Sale!!! Buy Several Copies NOW!!!

Text 24.

Von Dire POP UP RESTAURANT The VD Clinic IS HERE Tonight!!!

Just a small fee of $299.99 Per Person and $499.99 Per Plate!!!!

Dinner Includes:

Specialty Corrosive Cocktails, 17 Course Dinner (with the Main Course Being Bison imported from the Croatia), Damnable Dessert, and Sinister Cigars served with 110 year old cognac from Turkey.

PLUS A SPECIAL SHOWING OF VD Video Productions Catalog BUT HURRY SALE ENDS IN 76 Minutes!!

Text 25.

BREAKING NEWS!!! THIS JUST IN!!!!

Von Dire Dick Pics Leaked on

HollywoodHardons.com!!!!!!

NOTE TO READER: The texts above were sent starting Monday 6:15 am and Wednesday 11:39am. That would have been the end of it, BUT on Wednesday at 2:47 pm The Absurd Assholes sent me yet ANOTHER TEXT. The text was the same deplete piece of shit cheap ass scam bullshit as the last previous 3. Thusly at 7:48 Wednesday I returned to my antagonistic ways.

Text 1.

“Throbbing Taints and the Shitty Assholes” a Film By the Legendary Deplorable Director VON DIRE is a Political Commentary Documentary on the current sate of political affairs throughout this Evil Earth. Von Dire has already announced He will be filming the sequel “TrumpFucker: A Legacy of Failure” solely focusing on Donald Trump.

ADVANCE COPIES AVAILABLE FOR 210 BITCOINS!! CHECK OUT OUR SICKLY WEBSITE!! SOONER THE BETTER, BUY NOW!!

TEXT 2.

“Crippled Faith” is a collection of Gothic Poems about Death and Desire by none other than VON DIRE’S Little Bastard Brother VAN DIRE!! The book was released by Putrid Publishing which is his Older Brother VON DIRE’s Publishing House known mostly for publishing “Necrophilia Noir” a instructional guide for beginner Necrophiliac.

AVAILABLE AT OUR WEBSITE!!!

All We Need is a photocopy of Your Personal Financial Statements such as Banking Statement, to Complete Your Purchase RIGHT FUCKING NOW BITCHES!!!

Text 3.

Von Dire’s band SlutFuck will be playing a limited number of secret acoustic Tour all during the month of March.

DON’T MISS SLUTFUCK’S “EATING THE ASS OUTTA A DEAD DINGO” TOUR

WHERE WILL THEY BE PLAYING YOU ASK???!!

Log On to Our Wretched WebSite where You and Your Friends can PURCHASE CLUES to help You to locate a Secret Show NEAR YOU!!

The Cost Per Clue is Only $29.99!!! ACT NOW, BUY NOW!!!!!!

Text 4.

Cocktails To The Tits: A Von Dire Meet & Greet scheduled before the debut of VD’s most recent Diseased Film “The Cyclops: Cycle of Shitty Sex, Unbearable Sin, and the Abominable Aftermath”

Saturday Midnight Showing down at The Barfly Lounge!!!

Meet & Greet Passes $349.99 and Film Tickets for ADDITIONAL $74.99!!

Call The BarFly Lounge For Details RIGHT FUCKING NOW BABY!!!

Text 5.

“Zombie Hooker Handjobs” a Sick Flick by One of the most despised film makers in MOVIE HISTORY Von Dire’s Eldest Son Vin Dire!! COMING SPRING 2019!!!

Text 6.

“The Scumfuck Tradition & Legendary Luridness”

Von Dire’s FAMOUS AWARD WINNING ROCKUMENTARY chronicles Iconic Underground Hardcore Porno Punk Bands Such as the Following:

The Fuck Me Pumps, SlutFucker ( a SlutFuck Tribute Band), Slore, The Shitty Shitty Gangbangers, Agent Alien Anal X, The Prolapsed Rectums, Anti-All, Puss Buster, Rectal Invasion, Muff Diver & The Bull Dykes, Fighters and Fuckers, The Les Sober Scumbag 6, The Gash, Up To The Nuts In Guts, The Young Cocksmen, Hairy Clam and The Beavers, Death To Dipshits, Fuck Your Face, Mr. Fister, Cunt-Fart, Mangled Manginas, Vag The Impaler, Manstruation, The Salty Yogurt Slingers, Molested Melvin, The Perv’s, Rectal Leakage, The Bastards, and MANY MORE!!!!

Just Send Us the Deed to Your House as Payment!!! Purchase NOW!!!

Text 7.

Von Dire Presents “Disemboweling The Dead” a Perverse Film from Celluloid Sinn with LIMITED SHOWINGS AVAILABLE NOW STREAMING ON OUR SINFUL WEBSITE!!!! ONLY $197.60!!! ACT NOW!!!

Text 8.

The Sultan of Slaughter, The Duke of The Damned, The King of Corpses, The Barron of Blood, The Price of Perversion, The President of the Perverse, The Prime Minister of Sinister VON DIRE RETURNS AFTER 2 YEAR ABSENCE!!!!!

“Mouth Full of Maggots” is Von Dire’s Return to the Wretched Movie!!!

Already Banned in 49 States and 42 Countries World Wide!!!

Available in 90 Days for $129.99 or an Advance Copy for just $119.99!!!

Text 9.

The Von Dire Movie “Gargling With Broken Glass” is now available fully remastered in GORE VISON !! Available Now For $665.99!! Gore Vision Glasses NOT INCLUDED! Gore Vison Glasses SOLD SEPARATELY and can be PURCHASED for $349.99!!!

Text 10.

The Satanic Semen Society to induct Infamous Film Maker VON DIRE into the Sleaze Hall Of Fame on Julember 32nd!!! Watch the Induction on PPV On Demand for $49.99 or Stream it LIVE on our Sinister Website for $74.99!!!!

Text 11.

BREAKING NEWS!! YUGOSLAVIAN FILTH FILM DIRECTOR VON DIRE!!!

VON DIRE was Arrested and charged with Crimes Against the Indigenous People of PogoPogo while filming his latest movie

“The Bloody Savages of The Flesh Forrst”

Stay Up To Date on this SHOCKING News Story by Subscribing to Our NEW YOURUBE Channel for a Low Monthly Charge of $79.99!!

WTF R U WAITING 4?!!

That My Readers is where it has ended for now, and We will have to wait and see if this situation will continue in the near future/future.

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober

Unconventional Assignment Sets English Department on its Ass

DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING POST DOES NOT INDORSE, PROMOTE, SUPPORT OR GLORIFY DRUG ADDICTION. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS BATTLING ADDICTION PLEASE GET HELP.

I was a freshman in collage when I took a writing course that was billed as a creative writing class. It turned out to be a real turd. There was absolutely NOTHING creative about the class I assure you. The Professor was phoning it in as far as I was concerned. There wasn’t creativity because there was no originality. What I mean is this Guy basically ran us through a basic writing textbook full of the most mundane rudimentary writing exercises.

One fateful day the so called Professor assigned what is called “A List Exercise”. A list Exercise is writing a list describing a process such as ReBuilding a Carburetor, Baking Cup Cakes, Making a Toy Model, Groom a Dog etc. in list form. Its basically a step by step how to list.

I was so utterly disgusted with the assignment I decided to write an unconventional list because that would be interesting (I mean its a fucking list how interesting is that shit?!), and not just a half assed description of some ordinary task I chose just to complete the assignment.

When it comes to writing a classic motto of sorts is “A writer writes what they know” and with that said I decided for my unorthodox List Exercise that I would write about the ritual of the Heroin Addict which I am quite personally familiar with from my Decade of Debauchery (My past feels like several lifetimes).

Needless to say this caught the Professors eye and not in a good way. He told me it was inappropriate and that I was making a mockery of the class. The Professor then went on to report my paper to the Head of the English Department. Before the end of the day the entire English Department was gossiping feverishly about it and adding their two cents worth.

In the end I was given a slap on the wrist and told not to repeat such “Disruptive Behavior” and all would be forgiven.

Ladies & Gentlemen without a further ado for your reading pleasure I give you that very cleaver and controversial Exercise List:

Score the heroin
Find safe and private area/location
Fire up Zippo lighter and place it standing upright
Get spoon out
Place small amount of water in spoon (to help with this part bending the spoon at the base of the neck is recommended)
Combine the water and heroin in spoon
Mix water and heroin thoroughly in spoon
Place spoon over a heat source i.e. flame such as a Lighter, Match or Lit Candle
Wait for the water-heroin concoction to simmer (Bubble)
Once simmering immediately remove spoon from flame
Allow the mixture to cool (requires just an minute or so)
Place piece of cotton or a piece cigarette filter to use as a filter
Draw up heroin into syringe through the filter
Make sure to remove ALL air bubbles by flicking syringe with index finger (If you inject an air bubble it will travel to your heart and you will DIE)
Once the bubbles have burst expel the excess by pushing plunger of syringe until air is out

16.Tie off using a belt, phone cord etc. as a tourniquet

17. Insert syringe into vein at a 45 degree angle

18. Draw back plunger to see if your actually in a vein

19. If a small amount of blood rushes into the syringe your set, if not repeat #17

20. Once you’ve draw the plunger back and blood entered the syringe inject heroin slowly

21. Once the heroin is injected remove tourniquet

22. Remove needle

23. Wipe off excess blood from injection site

24. Apply pressure to stop any further bleeding

25. In 3 to 4 hours the high will wear off (possibly making you severely sick depending on how addicted you are or become)

26. When you come down you will want/need to repeat this entire list again and again and again….Until You either end up DEAD, IN PRISON or GET CLEAN.

Thanks For Reading

Les Sober