Tag: Uwe Boll

If you don’t know who the hell Uwe Boll is consider yourself lucky thats for sure. Uwe is a german screenwriter,director,producer and actor based in Canada of all places. There is simply 2 parts to Mr.Boll his work in film and his pungent personality (Boll won the “Worst Career Achievement” Award at the 29th Golden Raspberry Awards)

WORK: Uwe Boll has made many movies over the years since 1990 that have one thing in common, THEY SUCK on a monumental level. They are all gutter garbage for the same reasons as well, the acting is like watching a nervous summer camp talent show skit were the actors are literally reading their lines off a piece of paper as they try not to shit their shorts. But thats just the beginning of the cinematic shit storm that are Uwe Boll’s films. As far as a script is concerned its like Boll took a crude amateur script, shoved it through a industrial sized shredder, and then picking up the shreds to tape them back together in a completely random order. Not to mention 95% or more of  Boll’s work is based on the same similar subject matter and basic Boll business plan. The whole of Boll’s work consisted of him buying the rights to popular video games (such as Postal, Bloodrayne and House of the Dead to name a few) and adapting them into his movie template. Its not a surprise that video game fans have blasted Boll with aggravated anger claiming Boll butchers the games he bases his films on by destroying the plot and ad-libbing a bunch of his own idealistic gibberish. Some Anti-Boll minded people have also said that Boll’s work is low budget as if thats a contributing factor to how much blue whale cock his movie(s) suck. I DO NOT AGREE With The Previous Statement for I’ve seen brilliant independent movies made for around $25,000 and shitty ones too ,and same goes for bigger budget hollywood films as well. You can make a masterpiece or a monstrosity with 1 or a million dollars.

As for his pungent personality its plain to see Boll is overtly egotistical and self assured, far beyond opinionated, a bit delusional and a extremely intense person who truly believes the endless stream of bullshit he perpetuates. Boll blames everyone else for his failure from distribution companies to underachieving Kickstarter account its ALWAYS some else fault, as Boll believes the world is out to get him because of his outspoken self perceived talent and self deluded cinematic genius. Boll who was/is an amateur boxer has over the years challenged many of his critics and detractors to a 10-12 round boxing match to prove he and his work isn’t a laughing stock of the entire film industry. After Boll’s last failure he posted a handful of videos on Youtube screaming like a banshee. Boll went on to yell about Hollywood is for fake motherfuckers, no one is smart enough to understand his work, Big Name Hollywood actors (i.e. George Clooney) are talentless whores who sell their faces for films, American directors (such as Eli Roth and Quentin Tarrentino) are slaves to the film industry who have no originality Boll said in his random rambling rant.

What set Boll off was the Kickstarter page he started to fund the 3rd installment of his Rampage film series failed to secure the needed funds. Boll’s baby all along was his Rampage project about a disgruntled average American Joe who can’t take the corruptions of the country (and world) with all its injustices and brutality (Calling Micheal Douglas via Falling Down) and takes matters into his own vigilante hands. Unfortunately for Boll who wrote,directed,produced and acted in the previous two Rampage movies (Rampage and Rampage:You End Now) were a PERFECTLY PRIME EXAMPLE of what makes Boll such a wannabe bitch. The Rampage movies were shot on a single shaky digital video camera by what one can only imagine is a teenage high school AV Club member. As for any sort of proper sound recording/editing there is none just the microphone on camera which causes the sound to cut in and out like a shitty WiFi signal. As for the screen play its just a vague and artificially angry monologue spewed out by the lead actor (who’s body armor is blatantly a run of the mill paintball outfit) thats supposed to be this hyper intelligent socio-political commentary of the current state of affairs in American and its citizens.  Instead the “dialogue” comes off like Boll got a paranoid schizophrenic conspiracy obsessed person to hook up with a elderly homeless person with late stage dementia ,and the script was dictated to him by their outrageous offspring.

Boll’s bottom line is he spends more time trying to make people believe  he’s a great film director/writer instead of just MAKING A GREAT FILM.