Sometimes things are done that are irreversible. Whether they are words, whether they are thoughts, whether they are actions, whatever means the university has to dispense of them, they to be insurmountable when they occur.
I almost wrote about one of these misunderstandings lately. Fortunately the gods of social media, let the misunderstanding between the X on my browser and the little button called submit blur. This was a positive misunderstanding.
However most misunderstanding is not positive. Most of it is what divides people from one another. Misunderstanding is different then a lie. Lies are purposeful and can be hurtful whether or not they were intended to be. It’s just that most lies can be exposed as such. As lies, as mistrusts, as transparent as the shaky foundations they were built from.
They can be fixed in many cases, harmless in others, and cause a complete lack of mistrust and mishap and all the other mis- words you want to think of when done on a frequent basis.
Misunderstanding is where the real problem lies. Too many people are too busy with their lives, with the things going on; important and complete frivolity to even bother to try and understand others and the things they say and the things they do to try and grasp a more complete picture.
Of course there are people who I would rather have misunderstand me then know the complete and total picture. We repaint this on a daily basis, usually just a few strokes here and there on the canvas, other times we wish to start a whole new work of art. Usually it is just a few strokes here and there with an occasional day of massive labour to complete a few more pieces of the puzzle then usual.
Who then are we most upset about when a total lack of understanding occurs??? For me this is friends, parents, lovers, mainly the people closest to me in my life whom I wish to share more of myself with then the casual stranger. Unfortunately this misunderstanding occurs in these situations as well and sometimes it gets a bit more deep then it should, whether the fault of one party or both.
For myself the part about misunderstanding and mishaps, the part occurring involving former lovers and friends, current and former, have shaped things more then anything involving my family.
For me, at least in all my experiences so far, the misunderstandings for me that are hardest are those involving love. Friends and lovers. Lovers and friends.
Love actually????
So what is love? It is a word some people throw around as if they were throwing a penny into the grab penny, take a penny or a penny into a water fountain; while to others it is something that is rarely said in fact all too rarely.
People are so afraid of this word for the most part however but for it to be said meaning friendly love and respect it is rarely done with a throat penetrating kiss or even with a very deep look in the eye unless maybe you are looking at one of your parents. Even if you look at them too deeply, that might be considered incest in some regions.
However when love is said to mean something more then just the friendly type, it is done with a certain tone, it is done with a deep look in the eyes, it is followed by a kiss, a feeling of lightness and is not thrown around like pennies. It should be only used in very special circumstances and once it becomes fodder as a prelude to a kiss or rubbish in order to get your wife to throw up her legs it becomes meaningless as a person telling it to their acquaintances, frenemies, and one night stands.
I believe love can be shown in many different forms. The words, “I love you.” only mean so much. Actions are what show love. Doing nice things for people you care about, treating people with respect and decency consistently not when it is convenient, and holding the door for an old lady show love. Love for your fellow man.
While a lot of those things are just common courteousy, well guess what??? These are all love, just not the Romeo and Juliet bullshit that society raises us on. If they make children read that, why not give a counter point about Syd and Nancy, for better yet something boring about people such as my grandparents who have been together for nearly 60 years and have truly survived the old adage through better and through worse.
Back to misunderstanding…….and love……..
So what happens when love or lack thereof it is misunderstood???? It is a rather unfortunate event. Some people I have really cared about and definitely loved in a friendly, non-romantic manner, well frankly I am afraid to tell them I love them. For some people it is such a tabu, as if i told them to drink a cup of their own urine or walk naked into a church. And it hurts to not be able to say it, even without a look in their eyes, even without meaning, even without a passionate kiss, even without as slight as a passing glance.
It hurts because I feel that is what they need at the moment. Because I have not meant anyone yet who does not like being told that they are loved. It is just when people misunderstand the love that they are being given in which the issues begin.
While a lot of those things are just common courteousy, well guess what??? These are all love, just not the Romeo and Juliet bullshit that society raises us on. If they make children read that, why not give a counter point about Syd and Nancy, for better yet something boring about people such as my grandparents who have been together for nearly 60 years and have truly survived the old adage through better and through worse.
I’m maybe a victim of this misunderstanding. Maybe because I was raised on Romeo and Juliet and not Syd and Nancy my ideas of romantic gestures are old fashioned, not newfangled. Maybe I’m the last person left who thinks of something sweet as candlelight and a homecooked meal and a freshly drawn bath and rose petals as being appropriate gestures of love, courtship; rather then a bottle of jim beam, a flea ridden motel, and a few packets of astroglide.
And since I sometimes believe this to be true, these are a few things I thought were universal, a few things I would never give to someone except under special circumstances.
The things
Anyway like I said maybe this is because I have too much of a grip on what societal norms seem to be, especially for a person who does not consider himself very much in the norm, but well I do I guess……
Flowers- I feel somewhat that flowers given to someone symbolize a certain love, however this pretty much can be devised into, what the note says if there is a note and if there is not the abundance of the flowers. Special circumstances also can apply like a housewarming gift, a holiday like mothers day, weddings, funerals, etc. However flowers given for no particular reason to me are not common places unless associated with love.
Chocolates- While chocolates never asked to be brought into this whole love mess they fucking have. Thankfully they come in those little gay heart shaped boxes for Valentines Day and come in cheap little packages like a Hershey bar to differentiate between the two of them.
Stuffed animals- Stuffed animals didn’t ask to be brought into this mess either but they have been. I have always thought as them as something a guy wins for his girl/boyfriend, child, wife at the shore and as nothing more or less. Especially when used a prelude to a sexual encounter or as the aftercare for being told you were like someone’s soulmate. But hey maybe I’m just old fashioned. Maybe I’m just stupid.
Banners from airplanes at the Jersey shore- If someone is going to dole out the cash to say they love you being dangled from an airplane or dangled any sort of thing for you up for the whole word to see, it’s either love or a psycho with way too much money.
(women only, maybe men?)- Undies from a place like Victoria Secret- Wait I don’t know about women, but can only imagine this would be love, psychopathy, or a husband buying their wife underwear 4 sizes too small as a suggestion his chick got a bit too big.
Anyway that’s about it I’m getting stupid and I’m more sure about it this time.
The ENDish
It is a shame, that they say all things must come to an end. But in many cases, this is the complete truth. When misunderstanding and mishaps combined equal more then the love of any kind it is very hard to repair without an open line of communication. It would seem for this not to be a very hard thing, yet most people do not wish to maintain communications such as that.
Yet it is the reason that I do things that may seem dumb to others. Like blog. Like saying hello to strangers and holding doors for the elderly. Like listening to others even when they have reached the twentieth degree of annoyance.
Like not needing to hide behind a private profile on social media. Like treating people in equal fashion and manner no matter who they are surrounded by or who I am surrounded by.
Of course I have not been perfect in this and sometimes fall back on my old ways of being a complete and total jackass. If it were perfection I were looking for, I would never have had any friends, any lovers, or even had a family to hold onto at this point in my life.
It is also the reason that people sometimes have very strong opinions of me without getting to know me and just knowing my words or a few choice actions. It is also the reason I may come across as a know-it-all, misinformed, stupid, intelligent, caring, asinine, naive, friendly, or as a complete jackass. But I would rather have people know me or try to have them know me then to constantly run and hide behind a million walls. Yes, it is healthy to have some walls but when all you are doing is building walls, there is no time to enjoy the house behind them.
So for those of you I consider my family and friends I would consider to be like family.
I love you.
For those of you I consider to be little more then acquaintances or frenemies or just random people on my friend’s list or people I do not even know.
I love you too.
By Spacedog
By Les Sober