Tag: Viking

The Views of Vikings

As I mentioned in a Liquor synaptic storm I mentioned  (in the previous post) that today I would be posting something pertaining to the Vikings.

First off Vikingistic is not a recognized word, but English is such a half assed shit language I see there no reason Vikingistic should’t be a viable word.

Vikingistic: Having the Attributes or Likeness to or of a Viking/Viking Culture/Viking Life Style.

Now on with the Post.

I think a brief refresher on exactly Who and What Vikings were in Reality. Over decades of Hollywood Movies and Television Shows have been given one hell of a make over/rebranding.

According to Movies/T.V. Vikings are portrayed as  Stoic, Brave, and Honorable Nomadic Warrior Explorers. This couldn’t be FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

Vikings in Reality were complete Savages who’s bloodlust was unmatched. Vikings spent their time Drinking, Fighting, and Fucking through countless conquests. Vikings were brutal Barbarians that raped and pillaged anyone or anything that crossed their path. True the Vikings were explorers, BUT NOT in the traditional sense.

Vikings unlike say Charles Darwin for example traveled far and wide to Discover new Cultures, Animals, Sea Life or Plants. Vikings did the EXACT OPPOSITE. Vikings traveled for one reason, and one reason only to Rape, Pillage, and Destroy ANYONE they might come across,(and take their land for Viking expansion and EnSlaving Women and Children that is if they decided not to butcher them for the sheer fuck of it.)

Vikings though (more than likely due to their Lifestyle) had a total acceptance of Death, They had no Fear of Dying. This has been immortalized in the saying “Today is a Good Day TO DIE.”

Now Vikings didn’t say that shit to look tough or like a bad ass before battle they said it for an actual reason.

Vikings believed their Nordic God’s had scheduled the exact time, date, and day of their Birth. AND Those same God’s had also scheduled the Time, day, and date of their Death.

Another Key Viking belief was that a TRUE (and only appropriate) death for a Viking Warrior was to Die in Battle. For if a Warrior died in Battle not only did he die an Honorable Death, BUT he would be rewarded as well.

The reward for dying in battle was that the deceased Warrior’s Spirit would be transported to the Halls of Valhalla (The Viking Version of Heaven/Paradise) where a Viking could indulge in all that he loved while living. This meant his Spirit would spend eternity Drinking, Fucking, and Fighting.

Bottomline: Vikings Loved Violence and Hedonism to such an extreme that even in Death a Viking could spend eternity doing EXACTLY as He had Lived..

Believing this apparently led to the total acceptance that death is inevitable thus one shouldn’t be concerned about it. This is the concept that I’ve been mulling over recently.

With My inevitable demise due to my shit heart, the Doctors who want to run me around like a fucking Lab Rat, and Still come to the same conclusion PLUS the fact now they want to continue to their Frankenstein shit cutting me open again I have to ask myself is it worth it?

Obviously Dying isn’t the only option, BUT when I ask is it worth this is what I mean. If I get all this medical mumbo jumbo done yes I will live Longer anyway you look at it. My question pertains to Quality of Life.

Is it worth all the bullshit, time, pain, and most of all MONEY if after I spend my life strapped for cash, living pay check to pay check barely scrapping by because I’m buried under mounting of mounting medical bills.

Point: Do I want to spend my elongated life utterly stressed out and poor as shit due to massive medical bills? Sounds like financial fucking Slavery to me. (“We’ll save your life, FOR A HEFTY PRICE.” that is so fucked up I can’t believe I’m typing it.) This is America and CAPITALISM has turned Life Saving Medicine into a FUCKING BUSINESS full of Greedy motherfuckers.

So were the Vikings Views on Death really the best way to deal with one’s Mortality? Who the fuck Knows, Not Me.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Patrolman Pud Whacker & The Night Of 1,000 Tickets

It was a warm summer’s day back in The Mother State I remember it well, time as not dulled the vivid details of that day in the least. I was driving around town aimlessly trying to find something to do in a town trapped in constant small time stagnation. I ended up stopping by my friend Arminian’s grandmother house and found him at home with his long term high school sweet heart girlfriend by the name of Eon. Not to long after picking Arminian and Eon up we ran into a mutual friend in the 7-11 parking lot called Hermoor the self proclaimed “Last Norwegian Viking”. Like us Hermoor was bored out of his Nordic God loving mind and had nothing to do as well decided to join our futile quest for entertainment.

We had been aimlessly driving in virtual circles for about half an hour when I made a right turn onto a highway accidentally cut some random red pick up truck off. The driver was a beer bellied middle aged man in a stereotypical John Deer baseball cap, dingy flannel shirt and sporting a scruffy unkempt wild man of the woods beard.  At this point in time the term road rage had not been defined and coined into the american lexicon as of yet ,BUT thats exactly what this moronic hillbilly bellend had going on. The driver was tail gating the holy shit out of me while screaming like a banshee and waving his hands around like a Hitler during one of his speeches.

The problem at hand I was faced with was I had 2 choices and had to make one on how the hell to best handle this road raging dickbag. On one hand I could keep driving until I hopefully lose the fool and that would be that problem solved. OR I could pull over and my friends and I could beat this wannabe bad ass into the ICU. Blinded by his road rage the pick up truck prick had failed to notice he was one middle aged outta shape man versus 3 twenty somethings figuring a fight would relieve the eternal state of boredom for a bit. I decided to attempt and avoid a fight due to the fact that inevitably the cops would be called followed by us getting arrested and the other guy getting a ride to the nearest emergency room. Unfortunately in such a small ass tiny town its next to impossible to lose anyone especially if they’re bumper fucking your car into next week.

Finally I drove behind a shitty strip mall to reach main street when low and behold there are 2 cop cars sitting side by side as they do when the officers are chatting about the bullshit they pull with tax payers money. FOR ONCE I figured the cops would be helpful in deterring the Pick Up Truck Fucker to lay off his wannabe vigilante war path and we could be rid of this son of a bitch. At first my idea seemed to have worked as I drove past the parked cop pow wow and the Pick Up Pecker pulls right up to the pow wowing police and starts ranting like a Meth head on a bender so I figured well hell that douche bag is the cops problem now.

I pulled out of the shitty strip mall onto main street and managed to drive 2-3 miles before I look in my rear view mirror and see BOTH cop cars driving up on me quite seriously with lights on and all that fun shit. I pulled over confused as to what the hell I did other than  save some ungrateful asshole from eating soup through a straw for months on end. That and I wasn’t speeding and I obeyed all traffic signs and shit because well there were 2 cops present so what the hell am I getting pulled over for?!

Thats when I officially met Patrolman Pud Whacker a 25 year old just graduated from the police academy and so fresh out of the wrapper he stilled smelled like a new car.  Patrolman Pud Whacker asked me what the pick up truck deal was all about so I explained the situation in full. Now I was the picture of refractory when I was younger as I didn’t give a shit about the game and went out of my way to shit all over the so called rules. Patrolman Pud Whacker essentially dismissed the Pick Up deal and just plain started to hassle us “young punks” at which point I all but lost my shit. I vented my increasing anger at this ass backward situation where for once in my/our lives we didn’t do the wrong thing by letting the pick up driver act the fool without inflicting grievous bodily harm.

Patrolman Pud Whacker broke right into the snide superiority of a cocksucking cop who just hit the streets and is getting an erection from the new found authority (My guess is Pud Whacker was a punk bitch who was bullied and beat up all through high school so now being a cop is his way of settling his the score with society) Anyway things between Patrolman Pud Whacker escalated quickly to say the least as our voices rose and I let the profanity train go hurtling on its way to obscenityville. I was viciously arguing that messing with us instead of dealing with some reckless revenge driver’s road rage was exactlly why America is fucked as well as why no one trusts nor likes what the American police force has turned into.

So to be a MEGA prick and also prove my point Patrolman Pud Whacker preceded to walk around my car in a malicious 360 of dickdom writing tickets for every and all traffic infractions he could find wrong with my car. At the end of our lovely 15 minute roadside shit storm I was handed a literal fist full of tickets that totaled $1,200 and change.

Summery: Cops are Crooks so handle things yourself because cops can only hurt you they don’t help anyone BUT themselves and now in 2016 cops aren’t just crooks anymore their cold blooded power tripping killers.