“Well I do’t know about You, but I haven’t Eaten shit all goddamn day so I’d kill someone for a fucking Burger about now.” said Lee hoping the mention of Food would keep Dizzy’s Eyes on the Prize as it were.
Dizzy Who looked poised to Pounce on the Poor Misguided Ride Driver, and Gauge out the Driver’s Eye’s with His fucking thumbs. Then Dizzy sudden snapped back to Reality and darted into the Hotel Lobby like a Jack Rabbit with Its ass on Fire. Not a moment later Lee and the Driver who were left standing outside on the Sidewalk like a Bunch of assholes heard a commotion. It was loud enough for both of Them to hear, but it was still too distorted to make out what was being said. Whatever the Altercation was going on inside it was getting desernably Louder to the point Lee was beginning to wonder if He should see what was going on out of growing Concern.
Luckily before Lee had to take any sort of Action Dizzy reemerged carrying a Generic Toy Store Skateboard under His Arm and looking a bit Sweaty. Dizzy walked past Lee without saying a single word as He made His way to the back of the Smart Car. Once Dizzy reached the rear of the Car He stood there Transfixed in a Steely Stare glaring At the Rear Bumper. Dizzy appeared to be stuck in-between Deep Though and Overwhelming Anger as His face twisted and contorted while He was thinking silently to Himself.
“What are You doing Sir.” asked the Driver with a snide smile stretched across His face like Someone Who had One too Many fucking Facelifts.
“The fucking Bumper. I’m looking at the bumper OBVIOUSLY. The problem is this Outlandish excuse for a Car has a MINUSCULE fucking Bumper which I guess should be No fucking Surprise considering its Size is the Issue.” snarled Dizzy spitefully not even bothering to glance in the Driver’s Direct.
“What is the Skateboard for Exactly?” ask the Driver like a Cat playing with a Mouse before it Kills it.
“I was planning on fucking Riding the fucking thing while I hung on to the Bumper which apparently doesn’t fucking Exist.” replied Dizzy still half lost in Thought.
“I have to Inform You Both that Ride has a Strict No Bullshit Policy, and riding behind the Car on a Skateboard falls smack dab in the Middle of said Policy. That means I simply can not allow You or any Customer to engage in Illegal and Potentially Harmful or Fatal Activities that put Them, The Company, and Others in Harms Way.” chirped The Driver Triumphantly Grinning Ear to Ear as if He had somehow achieved a Checkmate situation.
“Well The Car is Far Beyond Insufficient it’s Thoroughly FUCKED! The Bumper is Fucked, This Situation is DEFINITELY fucked, and Most of All YOUR a Totally Fucked Human Being!!! So I’m declaring a Citizens Enactment of The Transportation Department Marshal Law Act motherfucker! This Empowers Me to set up Unconventional Answers to Unorthodox Issues, and with that said I’ll just hang the hell onto this Piece of Electric Uselessness’s rear Windshield Wiper. That’ll have to Work.” announced Dizzy defiantly with a Renewed Sense of Vigor.
“Absolutely Not didn’t You hear what I just Said regarding Company Policy?!!” demanded the Driver as He twitched with annoyance like a freshly crushed Insect.
“Yes I’m Not DEAF YOU ASSFACED DONKEY!! I have No Choice in the Matter and Neither DO YOU Dipshit. It is what it is so fuck it. Now let’s get fucking Going already We’ve wasted 45 fucking minutes of My Life already You belligerent Asshole.” answered Dizzy standing Toe to Toe Eye and Eye to Eye with the Driver though the Driver was significantly Smaller when it came to Physical Stature so Dizzy had a sort of Loomed over Him.
“Fine! Fine! You win I can’t stand here idly arguing with You any longer so let’s Go.” quipped the Driver exacerbated to the Umpteenth degree, and well aware that He would Most Definitely Lose in an any sort of Fight Scenario.
The Driver and Lee loaded Up into the Extremely cramped Confines of the Smart Car while Dizzy stood Stubbornly on the Cheap Children’s Skateboard grabbing onto the Rear Windshield Wiper like He was attempting to Strangle it to Death. Lee paused for a split second to thats fucking God that HE wasn’t Claustrophobic because He was pretty sure if He did He’d be back behind the Car with Dizzy for Crying Out Loud. The Car started with a Low and rather Pleasant Low Hum and They were Off.
Stay Tuned for the Next Invigorating Installment of………
LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (51/365)
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober