Weed – f-your blog

A Hard Fork For Humanity

Welcome to Today’s Post featuring A HARD FORK FOR HUMANITY by Content Creator Known as Umami (aka Justin Tomchuk) Who is a Canadian Artist and Content Creator who makes Surrealist Animated Videos. We can say in All and Utter Honesty is this is by FAR the Trippiest Mindfucker of Video by Umami that We have seen to Date. Not Only that it just so Happens to Also be One of the Trippiest Mindfucker Videos We have ever seen Period.

Now We really Can’t Begin to Describe this fucking Video worth a Damn, BUT luckily for Us the Description by Umami well Simple fucking Says it All. I know it We could be Accused of just “Phoning it In”, and to Those We say Watch this Motherfucker and THEN see if You still Think So. In Our Humble Opinion to get the Most Perspective it’s Beneficial to Smoke some Weed while Watching. So with that Said without Further Ado here is A HARD FORK FOR HUMANITY…….

Description by the Creator Umami:

Aboard the SpaceX Starship heading to Mars, a sentient packet of soup mix comes alive to school Elon Musk about its future inhabitants.

It is What it Is,

Presented By Les Sober

Carmen’s Banana Cooking Episode #41

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring CARMEN’S BANANA COOKING EPISODE #41. Carmen’s Banana Cooking Show Aired on Austin Community Television (Public Access) on Channel 10 on Fridays at 10pm from 1984 until 1992. Carmen would Cook Up Banana Dishes, Showcase Local Talent, and Go on Countless 80’s Austin Adventures. The Show’s Viewing Audience was Comprised of Actual Real Fans as well as Those Who were Fans of the Surreal Absurd fucking Freak Show Factor. The Show was Recently Rescued and Restored Carmen’s Banana Cooking is Streaming for Free On Youtube, and it has an Official Website. Also an Interesting Fact is Every Single Episode of Carmen’s Banana Cooking Show was Produced by Steven David Video.

The Host is a Ugly motherfucker in Wannabe Chiquita Banana Drag with Prosthetics (But remember They weren’t like the Prosthetics used in TV and Film Today. Take for Example Carmen’s Massive Quadruple DD Tits that were made from fucking Paper Mache for fucks sake), and the Finest fucking Dollar Store Wig Available. Carmen is Also Adorned with some Seriously fucking Tacky Banana Gimmick that looks like Some shit You’d buy for a fucking Halloween Costume. As for Carmen’s Make Up it Looks like a Piece of fucking Trailer Park Dwelling Piece of White Trash hooked up with a fucking Las Vegas Meth Addicted $2 Hooker and had a fucking Kid. Also We must fucking Warn You that at the Beginning Carmen Sings some Old Ass Love Song and Sings it HORRIBLY that it makes American Idol Rejects look Talented.

Episode Synopsis: First and Foremost the Show has Insanely Shitty Production Value and is EXTREMELY fucking Low Quality as it fucking gets. As We just Mentioned Above the Show Starts with Carmen Murdering the fuck Out of some Back in the Day Love Song. Then Carmen’s Big Sister Karma Stops by for some Utterly Unknown Reason. Karma then Dumps a Basket of what fucking else Bananas and Proceeds to Read Them like Some Sort of Shaman Mystic Medicine Man. Now it’s Not exactly Clear but it Seems that the Banana Basket Bullshit was to Confirm the Winner of the 1988 Election or at Least that’s what the Two Started Babbling About Almost Incoherently.

Our Favorite Line is when Carmen tells Her Sister as Her Sister is Leaving “We’ll Twist Up a few Banana Peels” Not too fucking Subtle Smoke Weed Much? FYI We Smoke Weed so We’re Not talking some Straight Edge Happy Horseshit. The Episode Ends by Transitioning from the Show’s Set to Some Asshole in Bed with Leopard Themed Pillows, Sheets, and Shit Wearing a Cheap Latex Mask (The Kind Used in the Human Doll Fetish). Now whoever the fuck it is or Supposed to be Doesn’t say a single fucking Word and Body Language is as if the Camera Man just Walked into Their Bedroom and Surprised Them so Their Acting all Shyly Taken Aback.

It is What it Is,

Presented By Les Sober

Some Drug War Dinosaurs WON’T DIE.

Some Lingering Dinosaurs Left Over from the Failed War on Drugs refuse to Face the Fact They’re facing Extinction. The War on Drugs has been a Colossal waste of Time, Money, Man Power, Resources, and Ended in Horrific Failure. The Cliche goes “Those Who Don’t Learn from History are Doomed to Repeat it” and That Cliche definitely applies to America. You think after the Spectacular Shit Show that was Prohibition The American Government would have learned the Simple Lesson of PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO DO THINGS THEY WANT TO DO EVEN IF THEY ARE ILLEGAL.

Prohibition surrendered to Defeat in 1933, but the Government had a Serious Public Relations Disaster because Prohibition Failed. Not only did Prohibition Fail in its Mission to Stop Americans from Drinking it also gave Rise to Organized Crime. Along with the Rise of Organized Crime came Countless Murders and Assassinations as Bootleggers fought for Territory and Customers A Like.

So The Governmental Law Agencies had to find a New Public Enemy Number One to Save Face from Prohibitions Failure, and Distract the Public from the Monumental Failure that Prohibition turned out to be. Motivated by Desperation, Humiliation, and Racism The Federal Law Agencies Demonized Marijuana due to the Fact Latinos (Primarily Mexicans) were the Key demographic of Marijuana Smokers along with Jazz Musicians (aka African Americans) at the Time. And Thus REEFER MADNESS WAS BORN.

Not only was REEFER MADNESS a Campaign of Pure Propaganda and Lies focusing Heavily on the Threat that Pot Smoking Minorities posed to the White Man’s way of Life. Marijuana They said would Not Only Lead to Instant Addiction, Insanity, Crime, and Death to those Who Used it, and that Directly put America’s (White) Youth, as well as (White) Women in Harms Way. Thus the Evils of Alcohol were turned into the Evils of Marijuana.

Then eventually Marijuana was Illegal on the Federal Level and the Raging Fire of Reefer Madness subsided to a Pile of Smoldering Embers after Marijuana was made Illegal. That was until Ronald Regan the D-List Actor turned D-List Politician took office as the President of the United States in 1980. Regan was the one Who Declared the War on Drugs and the First Drug His New Drug War Targeted was Marijuana. The Flames of Reefer Madness jumped back to Life to become a Full on Bonfire of Misinformation, Propaganda, and Blatant Lies perpetuated by The combination of Government and Law Enforcement Agencies.

Now in 2019 with 2/3 of the 50 States that comprise America have Legal Medical or Recreational Marijuana (though it is still bastardized and Illegal on the Federal Level) gave way to Exposing all the Propaganda and Lies that The Government had been Force Feeding the American Public starting in 1933 and then Resurrected with Regan’s War on Drugs. It also had allowed for the Positive Effects of Marijuana have come to Light through New Unrestricted Scientific Studies. With all this You’d think the Booze Vs. Buds argument would have been rendered Moot, but Alas No. There still some Old School Drug War Dinosaurs wondering the Land desperately trying to Fan the Flames of the Anti-Marijuana Movement.

For All Those Dinosaurs and the Misinformed, or Naysayers here’s just a Short List of Facts on the Subject.

BOOZE:

According to the 2013 YRBS, the most COMMONLY ABUSED DRUG among Teenagers is ALCHOL. Alcohol is in Fact a Drug as the American Medical Association defines a Drug as “Any and All Mind or Mood Altering Substance”. In the Past 30 Days Alone 35% of High Schoolers admired They Drank Alcohol, 21% took part in BINGE Drinking, 10% Drove Drunk, and 22% said They had gotten in a Car with a Driver who had also been Drinking.

A LARGE Proportion of Interpersonal VIOLENCE is related to Alcohol. 80% of Murders, Aggravated Assaults, Domestic Violence, and Rapes are related to Alcohol Consumption.

Alcohol Offenses constitute the LARGEST Single Arrest Category which includes Public Drunkenness, Public Urination, Indecent Exposure, Disorderly Conduct, Vagrancy Charges, and Drunk Driving.

A LARGE proportion of Automobile FATALITIES are Related to Alcohol Use. in 2013, 10,076 (31%) of Fatal Car Accidents were Alcohol Related. The National Highway TrafficSafety Administration cites Alcohol as the MOST Pervasive SINGLE FACTOR found in Fatal Highway Accidents.

Alcohol is DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH. Alcohol leads to Alcoholism, Diabetes, Heart Problems, Kidney Issues, and Wet Brain just to Name a Few. Alcohol Kills approximately 88,000 People Per Year, which is MORE than ANY OTHER DRUG besides Nicotine which Kills 480,000 People a Year. 4,300 of the 88,000 Fatalities are due to Underage Drinking.

People who Drink are more likely to Engage in Sexual Activity, have Unprotected Sex, Have Sex with a complete Stranger (The preverbal One Night Stand/Hook Up), or be the Victim OR Perpetrator of a Sexual Assault (aka Rape.)

MARIJUANA:

Today there are OVER 2 MILLION Americans incarcerated in the Prison System making America’s Prison Population the LARGEST IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Over 350,000 of the 2 Million Inmates are Serving Time for Drug Offenses. It has been proven that sending Drug Offenders to Rehab is FAR More Beneficial than Imprisonment since the Crime is a Symptom of the Sickness of Addiction. Prisons are basically just Collages for Convicts where Low Level Offenders can Learn how to be Major Criminals with Tutorials in Drug Dealing, Car Jacking, Identity Theft, Gang Banging, Murder, Rape, and that’s just for Starters.

10 States still have SEVERE collateral Sanctions for Marijuana Offenders. Florida has the MOST SEVERE Sanctions in regards to Illegal Marijuana Offenders (Florida Legalized Medical Marijuana in 2017). Possible Sanctions include a Barred on Educational Aid, Barred from being a Foster Parent, Denial of Housing Assistance, Suspension of Driver’s License, Barred from Voting, Barred from Serving on a Jury, Lost Job Opportunities in the Medical Field, and Barred from Possessing a Fire Arm.

Over the past 4 Decades, the Federal and State Governments have spent a WHOPPING 1 TRILLION DOLLARS on the War on Drugs. Imagine what that money could have been used for like Repairing Infrastructure, Education, Healthcare, Poverty, Cancer Research Etc.

In 2015, 61% of American Voters believed Marijuana should be Legalized on the Federal Level. in 2019 the Number of American Voters believe Marijuana should be Legalized.

72% of American Voters Believe Marijuan should be Decriminalized, and there should be a FINE NOT TIME for Marijuana Possession.

I encourage all Our Reader’s to Properly Educate Themselves using Only Facts and Decide for Themselves where They Stand on the Alcohol Vs. Marijuana Argument/Debate. QUESTION EVERYTHING, KEEP AN OPEN MIND, AND THINK FOR YOURSELF.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Chronic Chronicles

Arijuana Marijuana woke Suddenly as His Sinsemilla Super Senses where Going Off Like an Air Raid Horn. It felt like He had fallen asleep on His Brain which in turn had “Fallen Asleep”, and Now was Suffering the Side Affect of His Brain feeling like Pins and Needles.

Somewhere in the Immediate Area there was Someone Bogarting a Joint which is a CLEAR VIOLATION of Pothead Edict, and Thus Must Be Stopped. Arijuana Marijuana sprung into Action Grabbing His Hemp Superhero Suit, and His trusty Bashing Bong. The Bashing Bong was 6 feet Long and made of some Secret Sativa Infused Metal as part of a Failed 1969 Drug War Experiment. Once He was ready and full equipped Arijuana jumped behind the Wheel of His Mighty Spliff Mobile, and Speed Off through the Coloradan Countryside Towards Indica Issue at Hand.

When Arijuana Marijuana pulled into the Parking Lot of a 7-11 He instantly saw The Two Pot Smokers in Question. The Gentlemen on the Left looked Disgruntled as all Hell while the Gentlemen on the Right was Obliviously Babbling On while Sporadicly taking Puff After Indulgent Puff of a Giant Ganja Spliff.

Arijuana Marijuana left from The Spliff Mobile and took off Running towards the Dank Smoking Duo Post Haste. Once He had reached the Two Ganja Enjoying Gentlemen Arijuana Marijuana took Hold of His Bashing Bong (like it was a Baseball Bat), and Swung for the Fences . The Bashing Bong Hit the Bogarting Gentlemen directly Upside His Head.

The Force of the Blow from the Bashing Bong sent the Top of The Bogarting Gentleman Flying Through the Air like a fucking Frisbee, and the Gentlemen Soaring in an Elaborate Arch into a Neighboring Drainage Ditch. The Bogarting Gentlemen landed at the Bottom of the Drainage Ditch (with His Exposed Brain Glistening in the Afternoon Sun), and Started to Wonder How and Why He was In Fact at the Bottom of a Drainage Ditch.

Arijuana Marijuana strolled Over to the Edge of the Drainage Ditch and Yelled as Authoritatively as Possible “IT’S PUFF, PUFF, PASS YOU ASSHOLE.” , and with that Walked Triumphantly back to The Spliff Mobile.

As Arijuana Marijuana pulled Out of the Parking Lot He observed The Once Disgruntled Gentlemen Bend Down and Pick Up the Freshly Liberated Spliff. The Gentlemen then wondered over and Peered Questioningly at His Associate and Asshole at Sitting Flat on His ass in a goddamn Drainage Ditch.

Another Spliff had been Saved by The One and Only THC SUPER POWERED POT SMOKING HERO ARIJUANA MARIJUANA .

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Everything is Coming up R̶o̶s̶e̶s̶ Crack Roses

Once upon a time, I used to be that guy that would check the internet for random holidays and annoy the shit out of people celebrating them.

National Cupcake Day? Sounds good to me.

National Piss Off Your Co-Worker Day? Why limit that to one day? I did this by breathing every single day. I once got poked in the eye by a female co-worker for the simple reason of me doing my job. Got a nifty pair of goggles by that is another tale.

National Prostitutes Day- I used to celebrate this but not anymore. I don’t think I’m still for sale but I sure as hell am not crusty enough to be buying yet.

So this week I am going to proclaim National Crack Cocaine Week. I am not really sure why it should be this week. I mean Bobby Brown was born in February and Whitney Houston was born in August. The crack mayor from the 1990s Marion Barry was born in March.

So why Crack Week? Why should it be right now? All of my actions this week have led me to crack. I have not personally smoked crack in more than a decade, nor do I have any burning desire to do so. Yet if I were pulled over earlier this week by a cop I would have quite a bit of difficulty explaining myself. My truth is their fiction.

It all started so innocently. Boy meets boy. Boys get weed. Boys smoke a bong hit. Boy gets a bit too high. Boy asks what is in this. Boy gets told freebase. Boy is older than the internet so he has no clue. Innocence gone.

Boy hits a car going 2 miles per hour. Lady in other car has a hissy fit. Cops come. Boy bats his eyes and pleads innocence. Cop tells boy (me) to go fuck my friend. I say no he’s not into me. Cop says your friend wants it real bad. Friend doesn’t believe me. Cop then flicks his tongue in and out at us in a manner that reminded me of Gene Simmons. Friend believes me.

So that is my history. That is my first time. I know some of you will say freebase is not crack to which I say YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD.

Back to the present……

I had a rather unfortunate event with my glass bong last weekend. I yanked it from underneath my kitchen cabinet directly upward and destruction was upon me.

Then at the same time I somehow threw out the only screen I had for it into the garbage. I checked my two faucets. They were barren of screens. So now logic would dictate I just buy a screen with the bong but no. I just bought a bong by itself.

Then I was just down to some shake left in my bag o’ weed. So instead of going back to where I bought the bong I thought oh I should just buy some Chore Boy. In my head I remember it as not having so many holes in it. So I threw my shake in there with the Chore. It utterly failed. I did have a flashback to smoking crack, not an urge per-say, just well Chore Boy does have a unique taste on its own.

So now I’m stuck with this.

At least if a random crackhead comes out of the woods and somehow gets into my apartment they will have something useful to steal. I’m seriously considering sticking it in a bowl with 1000 pennies so they’d have another amusement. Copper for the win BABY!!!

So then this new bong had a stem I did not like. (I did not break the old stem). It was too long and thin. So I decided to execute it in my sink. I thought it would break into a million pieces but instead I ended up with this. The STEMASAURUS!!!

By SpaceDog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (21/365)

“Look I know You’re young Guys and I could care less if You Guys wanna Drink some Beers or Smoke a little Pot, But NOT on My time, NOT on My dime You hear Me?” asked Bob in a Authoritative Tone that resembled a Stern, but Fair Father Figure more than a Boss.

“I here You loud and clear Sir.” replied Lee being sure to sound as Sincere as He actually was.

“I’m not joking here I don’t need any extra bullshit to deal with. I already got a heaping helping of Everyday Bullshit on My damn Plate. This is a Business and I’m not in the Bullshit Business. This isn’t a damn Manure Factory for Christ’s sake You know what the hell I’m saying?” said Bob who was beginning to sound a bit worked up.

Bob walked over to the Office’s Big Plate Glass window and peered out Purveying the Gas Station from one end to the Other as if He was standing Guard. Bob then turned to Lee and sighed before offering Lee the Job which Lee gladly took.

“Now I don’t wanna come off like a hardass here, But I’m dead serious I don’t tolerate a bunch of juvenile bullshit. You gotta see where I’m coming from.” said Bob exasperatedly, “There was this one time a couple of the Boys who were off work swung on by to keepTheir Buddy who working the Overnight Shift from 11pm to 7am company. Well They’re hanging out and decided since it had gotten so damn late that there wasn’t a single damn car out on the Road more or less one needing a fill up.”

Bob wondered behind the Office Desk as He talked and started to fuck around with some of the Work Order’s on the Counter. Lee couldn’t help at this point thinking Bob looked like Mario’s (from the Classic Super Mario Brothers Video Game) lesser known Older Brother Antonio or some shit.

“Anyway These geniuses go buy some beer from the Connivence Store across the way there, and started knocking them back.” continued Bob as He started to fiddle with the Computer Mouse while squinting at the screen ignorer to see what it said before finally continuing the Story.

“So its the following Day which was a Saturday so that’s a busier Day around here being the Weekend and All. Well around lunch it was around 1 in the afternoon if I remember it right a big old wind started blowing. Well wouldn’t you know it all of a sudden You know what starts blowing down off the Roof?” asked Bob fustratedly, “Damn Empty Beer cans. The Guys thought it was funny to throw Their empty’s from the previous Night up on the damn Roof instead of just chucking them in the damn Trash Dumpster. So as a result I now had a barrage of Beer Cans flying off the Roof with every Gust of Wind pelting My Workers, The Customer’s, The damn Pumps, and worst of all the Customer’s Cars. And on top of it all the damn things are scattered all over the damn Lot rolling all around like a bunch of aluminum tumbleweeds or some damn thing. It was a complete mess, and damn near killed off My customer base because No One wants to deal with that bullshit just getting some damn Gas You know.”

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Exciting Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (22/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (18/365)

Lee awake around 7:00am and remembered He needed to get a New Job. SO Lee started His morning routine starting with a Lengthy Shower. After His shower Lee headed downstairs, turned on the Coffee Maker, Packed His Bong, and sat down with the Want Ads.

Lee wasn’t too concerned about the prospect of landing a new job as Lee had done His homework. You see with Lee’s Personal People Watching Employment Plan He had to keep one Eye on the immediate future since He only allowed 90 days per Job. So Lee had gotten in the habit of par-oozing the Want Ads on a Daily Basis to see what was currently available, and might be a Future Employment Prospect (aka a Job He’s get a kick out of having).

Some of the Jobs Lee had scouted Possible Prospects especially in the last couple of weeks which had yielded a Plethora of Potential. Some such Jobs were for example A Trailer Park Supervisor, A Parking Lot Attendant, and Rest Stop Night Time Security Guard. he had also contemplated working at An Exotic Pet Shop, Cigar Shop, Tattoo Parlor, Brewery, and perhaps in a Pawn Shop too.

Lee took some time to mull things over in His mind as He drank His Coffee while intermittently Hitting His Bong. When all was said and done Lee who had always been bad at making designs was No Closer to His answer than He had before. Since Lee found Himself in this hapless situation decided to copout, and use the Shitty Cliche Romcom meets Dipshit Disney Method.

Feeling like a suckass Sellout Lee wrote out His options on Post It Notes, and then stuck them in no particular order to the wall of His Living Room. Lee made all His Life decisions in His Living Room. Lee thought it appropriate considering the Historical Rebranding of the Living Room.

To keep it simple the History of the Living Room is as follows in a condensed version. Originally what are now Living Rooms were called Parlors as in Funeral Parlor. Times and Society changed when Undertakers Opened Mortuaries, and the Science of Embalming was Discovered. Thus Families didn’t have to Display Their dead Family Members in the From Room of Their House for Several Days before Burial (basically at Home Wake that lasted typically 3 Days).

It was at this time in History that The Parlor which was associated with Sorrow and Death was simply and brilliantly renamed The Living Room. The reason is simple the Room Associated with Dying would now be the exact opposite a Room for Living. Thats why Lee thought it just made sense to make major Life Decision and the like in His Living Room.

Lee had all the Post Its up on the wall at last. He then Took a Huge Hit from The Bong, Closed His Eyes, and Exhaled Slowly He threw the Dart to decide the Next Step in His Destiny.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Thrilling Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (19/365)

Thank for Reading,

By Les Sober

Bongs True Works of Art

Bongs Have Come Along Way in the Last Couple of Decades as Marijuana becomes more and more Legal through out the 50 States.

They have gone from a Generic Piece of Paraphernalia to Actual and Awesome Works of Art.

Here is a Small Sampling of some Exceptional Pieces.

By Les “Then” Sober

Quick Quiz Could Change Your Reality

Hello Reader(s),

If You opt to take the following Quiz Please follow these Guidelines:

Take Your Time. This isn’t some Convoluted Cosmo Quiz.
Think Over Your Answers. Question Everything.
BE HONEST. This is not some piece of Fluff Post.
This Quiz Could Alter Your Perception of Reality, The World, Humanity, Your Friends, Your Family, Coworkers, Significant Others, Neighbors, The Universe, Yourself, or Life & Death Permanently.
Pictures Have Been Added For The Purpose of Stimulating The Your Pre Frontal Cortex While Taking The Quiz.

For those reasons the ANSWER KEY won’t be Posted for a couple to a few Days as again it pays dividends to TAKE YOUR TIME, BE SURE OF YOUR ANSWERS, and BE HONEST (Otherwise Your Only Going To Fool Yourself, and the Quiz will be NULL & VOID.

1. Would You Ever Buy Something Off The Dark Web? A. Sure Why Not?! B. No Seems Like A Bad Idea. C. OH HELL YEAH, I’m An Asshole Who Lives Dangerously and Has No Fear Of Death! D. OH HELL NO, I Don’t Want End Up In Prison.

2. Even If Its Prepared Correctly By A Master Sushi Chef Japanese Blow Fish or Fugu still has a 1 in 66 chance of Death When Eaten. Would You Ever Try Fugu? A. Yes I’ve Heard Its Tasty. B. No Thanks I Don’t Have a Death Wish. C. I Know What Fire IS So I Don’t Eat Raw Fish. I’m An Asshole. D. What The Fuck Is Wrong With This Red Lobster?!

3.When You Go To The Adult Store Do You… A. Buy Something. B. Look Around Briefly And Leave. C. Realize You Could Have Done Your Adult Shopping Online. D. I Don’t Indulge In Any Porn or Adult Store Merchandise, and I’m a Lying. I’m an Asshole.

4. What Kind of Pet Person Are You? A. Rodents (Rats, Mice, Gerbils, Hamsters, Guine Pigs) Because I Forgot About The Black Plague B. Dog, Their Mankind’s Best Friend For A Reason. C. Cat, They Were Worshiped Egyptians and They Had Pyramids so Thats Cool.. D. Fish. I’m a Simple Person Keeping It Simple. E. Bird. I’m a Masochist. F. Reptiles. Dinosaurs Baby, Living Fucking DINOSAURS! G. Unconventional (Pot Bellied Pig, Miniature Goat, Tarantulas, Scorpions, Hedgehog etc. I Was Born Without A Identity so Now My Identity Is My Pet. Also I’m An Asshole.

5. What Kind Of Motor Vehicle Is Your Type “Dream Car” ? A. Sports: Speed Kills So Lets Die Fast! B. SUV: I’ve Always Wondered What It Be Like To Be a Godzilla Sized Asshole. C. Luxury: I’m a Rich Fat Bastard, and I Want The World To KNOW IT! D. Truck: Bigger The Truck Littler The Man (Height and Penis) E. Motorcycle: Because Car Crashes Can’t Kill You Fast Enough. F. Moped/Scooter: I Like Motorcycles, But I’m Too Scared To Own One.

6. What Is Your Preferred Type/Style of Music? A. Heavy Metal: What I’m Middle Aged and Nostalgic. B. EMO: I’m Dark, Brooding, Deep and Clinically Depressed. C. Classic Rock: I’m a Hippy Hangover From 1969. D.Death/Black Metal: We Are All Going To Hell & I Have The Soundtrack! E. Folk: I’m Heavily Medicated. F. Jazz: I Like Things That Sounds Like Schizophrenia Put To Music. G. Pop: I’m a Mindless Commercial Lemming. H. Classical: I Like To Think I’m An Intellectual, I Listen To NPR. I. Punk: I Refuse To Admit Punk IS DEAD. J. EMD: I’m a Bot. K. Country: I Don’t Mind The Hypocrisy and Commercialism because I Like Horses and Playing Cowboys and Indians. L. Talk Radio/Podcasts: I Didn’t Understand The Question, and I’m an Asshole.

7. When Its Comes To Social Media Do You……… A. I Check Once and a While, I Like Keeping Tabs On Shit. B. I Check It Frequently and Often Because I Need To Stay In The Loop. C. I Check It CONSTANTLY I CAN’T AFFORD TO MISS A GODDAMN THING D. I LIVE in Social Media, I’ve Fully Exited Physical Reality E. I DON’T Check Because I Enjoy My Real Actual Life. Shove Second Life Up Your Avatar’s Ass.

8. What Kind Of Movies Do You Prefer To Watch? A. Horror: I’m a Sick and Twisted Little Puppy B. Action: Lets Blow Some Shit Up Already! C. Drama: Because Life Doesn’t Have Enough Drama For Me. D. Foreign: I’m Profound & Worldly. E. Rom-Com: Sometimes I Need a Break From Eharmony. F. Documentary: Fuck Fiction I Want to Know What Is Really Going On in The World. Fiction, Save That Shit For Mordor. G. Mockumentary: Fuck Facts I DON’T Want to Know Whats Really Going On. H. Comedy: The Laugh More, Live Longer Philosophy I. Thriller: I Like Being Scared, BUT I Can’t Handle Hardcore Horror. J. Rockumentary: I Don’t just Want To Listen To Bands I Want To Know All The Behind The Scenes Shit Too!

9. When I Drink I……… A. Shots! Shots! Shots! B. Break Out The Beer Bong and Lets Party. C. Have a Glass Of Wine With Dinner. D. Have A Few Beers To Unwind After a Long Day. E. Go To The Bar and Shut That Fucker Down. F. Binge The Frat Life and I’m an Asshole. G. Responsibly H. Like Theres NO Tomorrow and I Have A Hallow Leg. I. Drink Like My Name IS Andre The Giant. J. Drink Night and Day Because I’m an Alcoholic. K. Drink Cocktails Because I like To Classy Up My Boozing. L. I Don’t Drink because I’m probably a fucking Alien.

10. Where Do You Aquire Your Pornography? A. YouPorn.Com B. PornHub.Com C. Alternate Free Pornography Site. D. I Pay For My Porn Sites Like An Asshole. E. Offline. I’m a Dinosaur and Still By Porno Magazines because I Like Reading The Articles.

11. When It Comes To Trends I……… A. Follow Blindly Like a Sheep. B. Make Sure I Conform To The New Trend WHILE Claiming Not To Be a Trend Follower. C. Follow Half Heartedly. D. I Live To Trend, I’m a Hipster Asshole. E. I DEPEND ON TRENDS I wasn’t Born With A Personality So I Need Trends To Define Me. F. Trends Are For Twats. I’m Not a Twat.

12. When I Smoke Marijuana I……… A. Puff, Puff, Pass B. Break Out The Bong and Bomb it Like Bagdad. C. Smoke Straight To The Head By Myself. D. Call My Friends and Bust Out The Bag/ Bust Out A Bag. E. Smoke The Whole Bag From Beginning To End in One Sitting Like a Super High Hedonist. F. Wake And Bake BABY! G. Smoke Socially because Hey Its Free. H. Smoke Until I’m SO STONED I have To Hold Onto A Blade Of Grass To Keep From Falling Off The Planet. I. Smoke Like I’m Giving Cheech and Chong a Run For Their Money. J. Smoke Like My Names Doug Benson. K. Smoke Like a Chimney L. Smoke Like I’m Trying To Smoke Colorado Dry. M. Smoke To Unwind After Work. N. 24/7 Like Snoop Dog. O. Smoke Until The Tellitubbies Talk To Me. P. Smoke and Run Up a $600 GrubHub Bill Q. Smoke Old School and Roll Up A Joint R. Smoke New School and Roll Up a Blunt. S. I Don’t Smoke Weed I Vape it and lecture People Who Didn’t Fucking Ask How Much Better It Is For You Than Smoking Weed. I’m a Self-righteous Asshole. T. I Smoke SO MUCH Weed I Forgot How Much I Actually Smoke. U. I Don’t Smoke Weed and I’m Lying.

13. Air Guitar OR Air Drums? A. Air Guitar: I Mean They Based The Widely Popular Video Game Rock Band Game on The Principle Of Air Guitar! B. Air Drums: You Wanna Really Rock, DRUM SOLO! C. Air Harpsichord: I’m an Asshole D. I play a REAL LIFE Drums/Guitar/Other Actual Musical Instrument.

14. When It Comes To The Government I Believe……… A. Love Those Bastards, Good Job and Wouldn’t Change a Thing. B. Its a Necessary Evil C. Its Time For a REVOLUTION. D. The System is Broken as Fuck, Scrap Current Model and Start Over. E. Fuck Big Brother Period. F. ANARCHY Live Free & Die Free.

15. When I Gamble I……… A. Play It Safe, And Stick To The Slots Like a Senior Citizen. B. I Set a Budget Before Hand, and Then Let The Chips Fall Where They May. C. Play Fast and Loose Because You Only Live Once so Fuck Consequences. D. Play Like Your Auditioning For The World Series of Poker. E. Until I pass Out Or Puke From All The Free Fucking Drinks. F. I Don’t Gamble Probably Because I’m an Asshole.

16. When It Comes To Racists I Believe A. Whole Heartedly In The 1st Amendment. B. They’re Good People, and I’m a Trump Loving MAGA ASSHOLE. C. Racists Are Entitled To Their Opinion. D. Racists Are Entitled To Their Opinion Even if Its Being a Bigot. E. Racists Are Fucking Scumbags F. My Favorite Game Is “PUNCH A NAZI”

17. When It Comes To Religion I Believe……… A. There Is a God and We Should fucking FEAR HIM! B. The Bible is a Moral/Ethical Historical Handbook Full Of Valid Advice. C. God MIGHT Be Real So Better Play It Safe, and Go To Church. D. Heaven Or Hell Religion Doesn’t Matter To Me. E. I’m a Spiritual Person, Organized Religion is Man Made. F. All Hail Mermenozoid! G. Cults Are Cool so Whats Up With Scientology? H. Man Created God In HIS OWN IMAGE. I. Take EVERY WORD of My Religious Text of Choice LITERALLY Because I’m a Religious Fanatic Like an Vile Evangelical. J. Science Over Organized Religion. K. There is Something Bigger Than Humans, BUT its Something Like The Universe or Nature for Example. L. The Ancient Greeks/Romans/Egyptians Had It Right. M. How Would I Know About Religion I’m a Reincarnated Flat Worm. N. See You In The Halls of Valhalla ASSHOLES!

18. When It Comes To Exercise I……… A. Believe My Body Is A Temple and I’m Its Maintenance Man. B. I’m just a Few Pounds Overweight, And Not That Out Of Shape so Steady As She Goes. C. I Exercise Now and Then Basically Half Ass It. D. I’m Fine Buying Fitness Equipment, and Letting It Rot Covered in Dust In My Basement/Attic/Garage as I Always Have. E. I Love Exercising I’m a Gym Rat. F. I’m a Fitness Fanatic, I’m Running In Place While I Read This. G. I Need to Exercise, But Don’t Because I always Put It Off Till Tomorrow Like An Asshole.

19. When I Come To The Police I Think……… A. I Believe They Are In Fact Here To Protect & Serve Us B. They Police Have Some Serious Problems That Need Correction. C. Blue Lives Matter, and I’m an Utter Asshole. D. The Police Are The Biggest Criminals in America. E. We Should Dismantle The Police System, And Reinstitute State Militias Or Wild West Modeled Sherriff’s Like Wyatt Eurp. F. The Police Are Just High School Nerds, and Now Have a Badge so They’re The Bully Now. G. Good Cops Are A Myth. H. The Police Are Useless, Vigilante Justice Is The Only Way To Go.

20. When It Comes To Snakes and Spiders Which Are You More Afraid Of A. Snakes: Obviously Remember The Garden Of Eden. B. Spiders: They Can Crawl Into Your Ear, Lay Eggs, and The Babies Eat Your fucking Brain. C. Both Whats Wrong With You? D. Neither: I’m The Asshole Exception To The Rule.