When I say I found some Strange Shit on My phone I’m not talking Googling or any of that Happy Horseshit. I have so much shit on My Cell Phone take Pictures for Example. I currently have 9,867 Pictures/Videos on My Phone as I write This. So needless to say some shit gets Lost in The Parallel Universe that is My Phone.
I was sitting on My Porch Idly fucking around with My Phone and Discovered a Long Lost Text Conversation I had with SpaceDog. I had Apparently taken Screen Shots of since it for Safe Keeping as I repeatedly Delete Texts/Emails/Recent Call List throughout The Day.
This in all Actuality a Conversation as it is a One Hell of a Diatribe of a Monologue on SpaceDog’s Part. I have a Total of Two (2) Texts in the Very Beginning as You will soon See. So All The Credit Goes to SpaceDog, and SpaceDog Alone as its 100% His Material. Respect.
Now I’m not even Kidding Here Kids this Text Exchange is Dated:
August 13, 2014 Starting at 12:16 am
Note To Reader: Each SpaceDog Paragraph is a Individual Subsequent Text.
Without Further Ado Here. We. Go.
Les: New Olympic Sport Gum Gargling.
SpaceDog: Jesus may have had 12 apostles but this girl steals the show with her 6 fetuses on a world class adventure transversing space and time. Staring Lena Dunham. If her pussy sin’t already engraved in your head it will become tethered to your soul says Roger Ebert.
Les: HA! Holy Shit!
SpaceDog: Lmfao. And please Exit before the clittoris becomes totally aroused. Just one 1 ml too much fluid on ones erect pernis will lead one to thinking that the dick inside their asshole is actually their own really pounding some world class pussy out. But then u wake up in that same dark hallway. Where all you see is Sarah McLaughlin eating dead puppies and Alissa Milano saying a little girl waits on a constant loop. And the only clothing you can buy ever again is the Susanne Sommers 3 way.
The hole that swallowed time is an epic battle between good and evil. Starting odd couple Jeff Goldblum and Judy Dench this odd couple wins a free time share at the beach but must go Blindfolded.Watch as they must escape the depths of hell, battling mesa, vaginitis, and misguided fecal matter. Adolph Hitler says “Mien stomach was so turned I actually freed 100 Jews from the gas chamber because I knew this movie would be much more painful. Special guests appearance by lemmewinks, Morgan Freeman, Kesha, and Weird Al.
I’m a rejected marvel comic superhero that only gains his powers from shooting up b 12 and being a snark cunt. Otherwise I turn into my day job as an accountant, while as a superhero I fly around and steal all the precious metals I can from old men on beaches with metal detectors, and then I feed the parts to sea gulls at beaches over run by assholes. This is the true reason assholes hate the beach.
And Thats That just like Opening a Text Time Capsule.
Thanks for Reading,
Presented by Les Sober.