Tag: zen

Happy Holidays errrrrr maybe not so happy???

Here’s a Lost Post From The Vault.

First off before I tear a bunch of people new assholes, I would like to extend a wish for everyone that reads this (and well those don’t too, I can’t really help if you have poor taste and haven’t read my blog yet) to have a very happy holiday season. Even if holidays are not your thing and you hate gatherings and you hate people and you hate egg nog and you hate presents and you hate jesus, please have a happy something. Even if it is your miserable death.

   

Now on to bigger and brighter things. Ahhhhh the spirit of the holidays. For me this means seeing a bunch of relatives which I like and dislike to varying degrees. I can handle this. Some years I hide. Some years I show up. Some years I show up and hide by the punch bowl. Blah blah blah. If there was no holiday I would live.

But this blog is not about me. I’m done serving up my life on a fuckin’ hot plate. This is about the flaws of others. If I wanted to see my own I would take my bike down by the lake and stare at myself in the deep dark waters until I thought I could see the bottom or until my blue eyes became one with the mucky goose shit.

       

Repentance?

Repentance can be simply defined as regret. We could throw big holy words like salvation, pennance, forgiveness from sin, rosary, holy holy polka, crucifix, and Tammy Faye Baker into it but I’m not in one of those moods. We shall stick we regret for this one but one thing before I vanquish goddish words.

I’d like to give a shout out to Jesus. Happy birthday. Although we don’t have much in common other then we both like growing beards and working with wood (oh wait that was your dad, oh wait wrong kind of wood) I would like to say Happy Birthday. I’m not quite a Christian but a lot of people really love you so you are okay with me.

Now back to the show……

       

There has been a disturbing trend going recently with people I know. Between oh about Halloween and Thanksgiving a lot of people I know got all fat and happy. Chocolate here, disappearance there, cranberry here, asshole there.

Well these unnamed people (no I’m not talking about anyone in my friends list or any of my friends for that matter, there are plenty of blogs to talk about you people) have decided to try and turn in their asshole card. Perhaps this is because they are good christians or atheists or jews or good people in general. No I really do not think so.

They are looking for handouts. They are looking for a cheap gift or a cheap lay or a cheap moment of zen for their past transgressions. I’ve seen it happen on more then one occasion this time of year. I have seen it on many.

     

The holiday most of us celebrate is Christmas people!!! It’s not confessional booth. It’s not lets make everyone rush to my good side so that I can get laid when the ball drops. Maybe that’s it. Maybe they want to get it hard in the confessional booth. I’m not really sure.

I just do not understand why people need to wait for an opportune time in order to stop being jackasses. Why do we need a holiday to be nice to someone? Why do we need specific days prescribed to us to give to others? All holidays have become corporate at least there is some religious backing to these. Well I don’t know about Kwanzaa much.

       

Point being. Don’t be bought for Christmas. Don’t be bought for New Years. You may go to bed with Rudolph and his red nose under the Christmas tree but you may wake up with Pinochio and his long, growing nose firmly planted inside your ass and growing. Nobody wants that kind of sex. Then Giapeto is gonna walk in and ask you to pay a dowry.

No no no.

When people stop being total douches could someone please send me a memo? Oh no wait you are sending me a text message with some bull about Santa. Happy Holidays!!!!!!

  By SpaceDog

Hmmmm What That Smell?! By Spacedog

MARIJUANA!!!!!

When times are tough and times are dull, I think back to the life I once led in the south of Columbia. Sure it was difficult. I mean there was enough cocaine to help me stay awake for weeks upon end. That was always fun. Even just chillin with Pablo and Juan Valdez made for some good times I’ll never forget. There is one person though I will never forget. Her name was Mary Jane.

My own personal Mary Jane was a big, tall strong woman. Sure I don’t have much of a proclivity towards women but she was twelve feet tall and smelled like no other woman I have met since. I even liked her seed and well that’s not the kind of seed that ole Jeffy usually takes a likin too.

She kept me safe and warm. Whenever I got home from a night at the theatron de pelicula and had bad things squirt in my eye, she was there to heal my infection.

The night I saw all of Pablo’s men get mowed down in a rain of gunfire, Mary Jane was there. I just put her in my bong and smoked her down and off I went to the club. I could already taste the rainbow even though well that was for later. Shhhhh…… And she never told any of my secrets.

She was my mother, my sister, my dominatrix, my bulldyke, and my fag hag all rolled up into one great big, bright ass spliff.  She let me tolerate more Britney Spears then any human could just so I could bring the next Juan or Carlos or Juan Carlos or fuck why not all of them back to my humble mud hut.

Eventually though we grew apart. My funds in Colombia were confiscated and back off to New Jersey I so went. That was in 1980. Oh how I miss 1980. Those were the days.

Mary Jane?

So then I was walking down the street yesterday and saw this midget girl (aptly named Midge) I knew from the club. She was a fun one to know, I mean anyone who smokes out of a bong taller then them is alright with me.

Midge introduced me to her friend. His name was Kyle. He smelled of dirt, he smelled of mud, he smelled of naughty things. So he smelled like Mary Jane. So then we smoked and then we went back to my place and Midge took pictures. She wanted to join in but I have a moral code up in this bitch. If I can teabag you standing up it’s a no go. That is my number one moral in life.

You may say I’m a dreamer. I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.