Over the last few Months I (along with My Wife and a Few Select Friends of f-yourblog) have been hitting up the Local Weekend Flea Market. The Weekend part is due to the fact that this particular Flea Market is only Open Saturday & Sunday. Also when I say Local I mean an Hour long Drive Away from Our Home Office in the Sticks.
During Our time Scouring The Flea Market for Cool Shit that We like or Appealed to Us We learned the Lay of the Land, Scored some really Good Deals, picked up some kick ass Cool Pieces, got to Know Our favorite Vendors, and started to build a more Personal Relationship with Them.
We observed that the Quality (and Coolness of the various Merchandise) along with the People Selling it relied on a very simple Geographical Geometry. It consisted of Three Principle Parts or Territories as I prefer to refer to it as.
At the Center of the Flea Market is the Big Building or Heart if You will because like a Heart without it the Entire System Dies. Next as You work Your way Outward from The Big Building You find The Vendors of the Cement Circle that Surrounds the Encompassing the Entire Exterior Perimeter of the Big Building.
And Lastly there is the Sketchy Outer Circle frequented by “Vendors”that I have dubbed The Gravel People. Their feeble Circle separates the very Fringe of the Flea Market from The Dirt Parking Lot (that at one point was Gravel but obviously there hasn’t been any attempt at upkeep since it was installed).
Don’t worry Dear Reader I will elaborate further on the Three Tiers in Detail as I describe The Who’s & What’s of the Three Very Different Tiers of said Flea Market. I know right know it may seem rather confusing if You haven’t either been there or at least seen Pictures. Well Lets get started in that case.
The Big Building is a rather interesting structure. There is a Main Hallway that runs around half a mile from one end to the other. Along this long corridor are intersecting Hallways that are Alphabetically Labeled, and designated with a Directions such as C North. To Me it would look like a set of Cartoon Stitches if You could get an Arial Photo of it, please feel free to refer to the Diagram (Diagram: +++++).
The only Downside outside of Restrooms that make the Restrooms at Bus Stations look Sterile is the Building Lacks Heating and Air Conditioning. Needless to say Spring and Fall are the Prime Seasons due to Their temperate climate and Milder Weather. I have personally gone in July, and holy shit I can’t even describe how God Awful Hot it was. Within 5 minutes of Entering the Building I was Sweating like I was on an African Safari and shit.
The Stalls that line the Walls of the Big Building Aesthetic is reminiscent of Third World Markets. It all starts with the fact the Big Building is in all actuality a Massive Prefabricated Structure comprised of a Wood Frame and Corrugated Metal Siding. It gives it the feel as if You’re wandering around in some Giant Garden Shed Display Model and shit. The Booths are Open in the Front located between Two Make Shift Walls slapped together with random Pieces of Ply Wood in a Clapboard Architecture Style.
There are some more Grandiose Vendors Who have build Faux Store Fronts complete with Plexiglass Windows, Exterior Doors, and Wood Frame with Painted Ply Wood walls. And they’re all types of Businesses You can Find Besides the Usual Vender Peddling a Schmorgesborg of Assorted Wares such as Lamps, Glassware, Antique Furniture, Vintage Video Games/Toys, Clothes etc.
Some of the Exceptions are an Exotic Animal Vendor, A Krantom Dealer, a Palm Reader, Knife/Sword Dealer, a Crappy Dairy Queen Knock Off, Hemp Product Hawker, Computer Repairs, a T-Shirt Screener, a Head Shop, an exclusively Hot Sauce Salesman, a Boiled Peanut Vendor, A Leather Dealer, A Pair of Old Men that Sell Pet Fish, an Ice Cream Joint and a Couple of Christian Ministries holding Court and general talking about God/Bible/Jesus.
The Vendors that Operate in the Big Building are the most Personable as well as Knowledgeable (Perspectively) when it comes to Their Merchandise. They also have the Vast Majority of Quality and Interesting Pieces. The Inside Vendors are by far more Friendly, Welcoming, and Engaging than Their Counterparts that occupy the Subsequent Additional Two Outer Circles. These Vendors seem to have a serious Carnie Vibe to say the Least. It’s a VERY tight knit Community. They all know each other and all get along, and They take care of One Another. Be it Watching a fellow Seller’s Booth while They take a Bathroom Break to Running into Town to Get A Fellow Vender Lunch.
Speaking of the Outer Circles lets address the Vendors of the Concrete Tables now. These Vendors set up is far more simplistic than the Big Building’s Booths. The Vendor rents a Large Stationary Table constructed of Concrete thats lined with a shabby sidewalk that laps the Big Building. Now the Concrete Table Crew have the Option of Providing Their own Tent to protect Their Merchandise and Customers from the Blistering Sun of Summer or for the Gloomy Overcast Slightly Rainy Days.
The Concrete Table Vendors wares are less distinguished, and more Generic than the Collection of Cool Antiquities located Inside. Here You can find People Peddling more common wares such as Clothing, Bargain Jewelry, DVDS/CD’s, Old Yard Equipment, Perfume/Calone and Fresh Produce such as Fruits and Vegetables. This strike Me as the kind of Shit You more Typically see Someone Selling on the Corner Sidewalk in Any City USA.
The Vendors like Their Merchandise are Unassuming, don’t get Me wrong They aren’t rude or assholes They just act the same as any Retail Employee in They hang back and wait for a Purchase without really even acknowledging Their Customers. Their quite and Reserved in Their own right.
There are certain advantages if You can find them as Well. I mentioned that inside the Big Building there was a Overpriced Knife/Sword Dealer, and I’ve been collecting Knife/Swords and such for 15 Years from Retail to Pawnshop. The point is I’m not blowing smoke outta My ass and Up Yours, I actually due know what the fuck I’m talking about here.
Well not too long ago while walking The Cement Circle I found a Boisterous and EXTREMELY Friendly Man who was also there to solely sell Knife/Swords. The difference in the Vendor was He was Happy and Humble where as the Knife Guy in the Big Building Thinks WAY TOO HIGHLY of Himself to the point He comes off rather rough and bit condescending. Let’s just say He doesn’t know as much as He thinks He does. He just got lucky and has a good customer base which is Why I assume He has such a Pretentious Attitude.
The difference in Merchandise was also notable. The Indoor Knife Guys had Display Cases, Shelving, Shit Hanging suspended over the Counter, and a The Back wall adorned with all types of Weapons hanging on it (it’s Overkill You ask Me). Now the Gentlemen selling Outside had His Knifes in Recycled Produce Bins with Price and sometimes a Unique Description like “CONFISCATED AT AIRPORT” for Example. The Outside Vendor also had a much more accurate Price Point though some of the Knifes needed sharpening or a hinge tightened (But thats Shopping the Flea Market for You. You want pretty packaging in a Tranquil Retail surroundings go PAY RETAIL)
Now as for the Last Group of Flea Market Vendors are the aforementioned Gravel People. These are the so called “Vendors” who display Their wares either by Setting them on the Ground, Thrown haphazardly into Extra Large Plastic Bins, and in some bizarre cases They have the Goods in an Actual Pile. It’s as if They drove up in a Dump Truck packed to the Gills with Glorified Garbage, and Unloaded on the Spot. They kind of shit the Gravel People Sell is Your Typical Garden Variety Yard Sale bullshit. It’s the definition of USELESS CRAP. Seriously No One’s Grandmother would even bother looking at Their junk.
The Gravel People are also hard on the Eye as They look like They’ve been living under a fucking Bridge or in a Homeless Shelter. They’re sweaty, dirty, and run down by the trials of living a Hard (and usually unpleasant) Live. Their attitude matches Their Merchandise its quite unattractive. The last time I and My Wife were there We decided to check out the Gravlers for the first time ever since We started frequenting the Flea Market.
While We were overlooking this particular card tabled with Cheap and Broken items on it We overheard some of The Gravelers conversation They were having amongst Themselves. The conversation was One White Trash Meth Addict bitching that He only made $40 in the last 3 weeks, and He hated Thieves to the point He’d Stab/Cut anyone he caught Stealing From Him. The Skinny Old Guy who looked like a late stage Alcoholic nodded His head and mumbled in agreement.
I couldn’t help but to look around at this Guys Goods, and Though Who the fuck would even bother to Steal this shit to begin with?! It was the kind of crap You couldn’t even give away for the low low Price Free at Yard Sales half the time. I swear 80% of the Gravlers are there to sell Their sub par shit to fund Their Drinking or Drug Habit.
The other 20% are just a bunch of Poor Bastards just trying to scrape by anyway They Can. It’s those Poor Souls be it a Grandmother who lives in a Single Wide Mobile Home trying to supplement Her Shitty Social Security Check, or Immigrants who came to this Country in Hopes of a Better life for Them and Their Families only to find None. Whatever the Misfortune I try to buy a couple of Trinkets (I honestly end up donating them to Goodwill) from The Poor 20% of the Gravlers now each time I go. I do it because its one of those situations where the Money doesn’t matter to Me, but that couple of Bucks is a much bigger Deal to say Someone fighting to avoid being Homeless or someone Who Needs a decent fucking Meal.
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In the End the Flea Market is entirely a World in itself full of Colorful Characters, One of a Kind Pieces, and Stories to Tell. And just like Tattoos or Potato Chips it’s Addictive as all get out. Once You’ve gone and experienced The Flea Market in all its Oddity You’ll find Yourself walking to Your Car while simultaneously Planning Your Next Trip back.
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober