I decided to write this rather impromptu Post BECAUSE it’s No Joke an Extremely Effective Example of the Bizarre shit that tends to happen to Me, and has My entire fucking Life.
I may have touched on the fact last year was a Surreal Trip Down The Medical Rabbit Hole as once more Life TRIED to Murder Me. And again I found Myself in the Best Case Scenario for being in a Seriously Shitty Situation.
Anyway all that shit is disappearing fast in the Rearview Mirror, and I’m doing just fine so fuck it Alls Well that Ends Well.
I used to Only drink Water be it Bottled or Tap I don’t care the Bottled Water Craze is a fucking Scam. Then when as They’ve been known to do (and have many times before over the Decades The Medical Community changed They Recommendation/Supposed Health Facts.
The Medical Community had rallied the American Public into a fucking frenzy over HYDRATION. It became the Prime Topic of conversations, dominated advertising, and had countless Medical Professionals agree Hydration was a Serious issue facing Americans.
HYDRATE became a Social Mantra REMEMBER TO HYDRATE, ALWAYS BE SURE TO HYDRATE, DON’T FORGET TO HYDRATE, STAY HYDRATED, HYDRATION IS IMPERATIVE, and EVERYONE IS DEHYDRATED IS A FUCKING EPIDEMIC NO ONE IS HYDRATED PROPERLY.
Well just a short time ago The Medical Community realized that People were now in fact OVER HYDRATING which just like Dehydration can be detrimental to a Person’s Health, and could even result in Death.
Once again Mankind learns that its not always wise to try and Out Think Biology. The point being its one of the many times Doctors/Scientists reaffirmed the HUMAN BODY CAN HANDLE ITSELF.
BOTTOMLINE: If Your Body needs Hydration it Triggers Thirst Sensation, and We then Drink WHAT WE NEED exactly the way it was Engineered.
Now one of the Things I can drink that doesn’t piss My Doctor off like Beer is Snapple Lemon Iced Tea.
In the Beginning it was the time of year many Friends/Family of Mine are Zipping up and down the Coast, and all I did was ask Them to pick up any Snapple Lemon Iced Tea while up North or in Route.
This worked BRILLIANTLY as believe it or not is easy to find Snapple Lemon Iced Tea out here where I live. Don’t get Me wrong They do Carry and have tons of OTHER Snapple Flavors IN STOCK, yet I think the Ones They do have taste like Liquid Ass.
Thats why the Whole Snapple Train as I called it was so great because it was essentially Importing what I needed in a geographic area almost utterly devoid of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea.
Well in the end after 4 months I had managed to gather the SPARSE amount of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea in My region combined with all the Imported shit had created the desired Giant Stock Pile.
THEN EVERYTHING STARTED TO PROGRESSIVELY DETERIORATE QUICKLY………
As I sustained Myself as it were on said Stock Pile it became increasingly difficult to Replenish. Each Time I drove an fucking Hour or so to a more populated Area there was LESS AND LESS Snapple Lemon Iced Tea. This is what started the Snapple Situation to Start Spiraling Out of Control.
It got to the point that it wasn’t uncommon for whichever of The Particular Stores I went to to be COMPLETELY OUT OF STOCK.
This started scenario spiraled out of control.
It finally got so fucking bizarre with the Stores as far as Stock I started contacting the Manager’s of such places as Grocery Stores, and asked if I could place a Special Delivery. Surprising to Me (I’m a Natural Born Pessimist) SEVERAL Managers said Sure and took My Order.
Again it started off Promising as Hell, but fell fucking FLAT. A week or two would pass without word so I would end up calling the Store to find out what the fuck was going on.
EACH AND EVERY FUCKING TIME I got apologies along with a bunch of Boonie bullshit. I was be told the Person who places to orders was informed, The Trucks got fucked up in Transit, or Their Supplier was OUT OF STOCK.
So The Store were now useless along with trying to place specific Orders THROUGH the RETAILER.
I then did the last thing possible and I went Online. I found a place and Ordered a 12 pack of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea, BUT the Cost of Shipping was totally outrageous.
I continued My Online hunt until I found a place thats prices were reasonable and offered FREE SHIPPING! And again things looked like they had at last be remedied, BUT NO.
Two Weeks past so TODAY I called the Company directly to inquire as to why the fuck I hadn’t received My Order Yet. The Dimwit on the other end of the fucking phone put Me on hold for fucking ever to check on My Order.
When the Dimwit returns They inform Me…are you ready….THAT Snapple LEMON ICED TEA IS OUT OF STOCK, and They would be refunding My money.
And while I was glad to get My cash back I told the Dimwit how I thought it was fucking stupid that NO ONE CONTACTED ME about the issue at hand, and wasted My fucking time.
I have since contacted Snapple Via E-mail and strait up asked:
“Are You Discontinuing Lemon Iced T because I can’t fucking find it to save My fucking Life, AND THAT INCLUDES ONLINE?!”
Snapple was kind enough to respond with a generic template computer generated form letter saying How They’re sorry I’m having trouble, They Value Me as a Customer, and NO They are NOT Discontinuing Snapple’s Lemon Iced Tea and have NO plans to do so Now or in the Future.
So as of NOW I’m left Ass Out in the Cold with My Dick in My hand as it were feeling like I’ve lost My fucking Mind.
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober