I was mulling around the House the Other Day and I found Myself thinking about Past Neighbors We’ve had in Our Travels over the Years. As most of Our Reader’s are aware I’m rather abstinent when it comes to Neighbors though I tend to ignore most, and hate most of the Rest. Once in awhile there is an Exception to the Rule where One of Our Neighbors was in Fact a Very Cool Individual.
While Perusing the in the Mental Library of Our Past Neighbors One sticks out as Truly Unique, and while the details may Fade a Bit over time as I get Older, BUT still I will NEVER forget these Particular Neighbors. I’m Not exaggerating when I say These Neighbors were the kind of Shit Urban Legends are based Upon.
We were Living in the Great Souther Swamp at the Time, and there was a Neighbors House located behind Ours with a 6 foot privacy Fence running Directly down the Property Line separating the Two Backyards. Now the Observations started by sheer coincidence as there was No predetermined thought about it. What I mean is while doing mundane shit in My backyard like Mowing the goddamn Grass I would casual glance over at My Neighbors Yard without really thinking about it, it was more of a Subconscious Reflex if You will. I never thought to Myself I’m going to Spy on My Neighbors like some Nosey Fuck it was just a way to break the Monotony of Laboring in the Yard.
Slowly I started to consciously Notice certain Details about The Neighbors who lived Behind Us. First thing that occurred to Me was Their Backyard was a Blank Canvas since there was a Total Absence of Gardens, Patio Furniture, or Any Typical type shit You see in Peoples Backyards like Lawn Ornaments, Cloths Lines, Kids Toys, Gardening/Yard Tools, Hose, Hammock, or Fire Pit for further example. For all Intents and Purposes The Neighbors Backyard was Simply a Square of Grass with a Small and Empty Patio located Outside of a Set of Sliding Doors.
Now in the Great Southern Swamp Yards be they Front or Back were a Big Deal with Tones of Professional Landscaping, Bright and Vibrant Gardens, and Lush Green Lawns that are meticulously maintained to the Point of Absolute Insanity. So to have a Yard that contained Grass without Additional Botany or Human crap in it was like finding Bigfoot. It was just Unheard of.
I also had observed that all the Visible Windows had been covered with Blackout Curtains. You know the Ones that People Who work the Night Shift employ so They can Sleep during the Day like a fucking Vampire. The aforementioned Sliding Glass Patio Door was also equipped with said Blackout Curtains. The only difference with the Sliding Doors was that Usually the Curtains were Slightly Parted if You will with a 2-4 foot gap perspectively at any given Time. This allowed Me (or anyone for that matter) an opportunity to Sneak a Peek into what I assume was the Neighbor’s Living Room or Possibly Den.
Later on I noticed The Mannequins. It Started when I noticed there was an Adult Sized Generic Store Mannequin standing in the corner of the Room to the Right of the Sliding Doors. It was just a basic Mannequin being made of White Plastic with a Virtually Featureless face wearing a Blue Base Ball Cap and a Vibrant Red T-Shirt. The Mannequins Arms were positioned reaching out straight in front of it as if It was waiting to be handed a Package or to Give someone a Hug.
Thats rather Odd granted but it Didn’t End there. A little way longer down the Road I saw the Second Mannequin which appeared to be a Teenage sized Mannequin. I say this because if it was a Child Sized Mannequin I more than likely wouldn’t have been able to see it. Also the Second Mannequin was A Third Smaller in Dimension than the Original Adult Mannequin. The Teenage Mannequin stood Idly by the Second with its arms at its Sides like One of the Guards Outside of Buckingham Palace.
Now this is where My Wife and I disagree. You see a THIRD and Final Mannequin finally Joined the Crew. The Third Mannequin was obviously Dressed as a Adult Woman in Brightly Colored Sun Dresses with Flowers patterns on it and shit like that. It also sported a Black Wig that was Black, shoulder Length, and had Bangs. I fully Believe that there were in fact Three Different Mannequins though My Wife Believes there were Only Two. She adhered to the School of Thought that there were only Two Mannequins and the Alleged Third Mannequin was The Same Adult Mannequin that was being used for as Both the Female and Male (Original Mannequin with the Base Ball Hat) Mannequin. Unfortunately as I said previously this was over Eight Years Ago and My Memory is Blurred a Bit. I can’t for the fucking Life of Me remember definitively that I did indeed see Three Separate Mannequins standing Together or if I only saw One Adult Mannequin along with the Teen Mannequin.
Come to think of it I can’t actually say Neighbors due to the Fact I never saw a Single Person or Persons who may have been Residing There. I honestly couldn’t Tell You if it was a Family or A Couple with No Kids, or a Single Person who lived Alone. Not to mention there was never a Car parked in the Driveway or Out Front of the House (The House Didn’t have a Garage) so that combined with the Vacant Backyard and constantly covered Windows gave the impression No One lived there as The House was for Sale. Also I never hear a single voice coming from the House or Backyard as if The Occupant(s) were Deaf or Mute or Perhaps had taken some Vow of Silence.
The Crazier Part is The Mannequins weren’t the Weirdest Thing about these Neighbors, Not in the Least. The Second Phenomenon was the Middle of the Night Movies. I swear to God I’m not blowing smoke up Your ass when I say that these Neighbors must have had a $100,000 Home Theater System. I say this because They Neighbor(s) would Play Kid Movies (Like Disney or Pixar) in the Middle of the Night I’m talking 2,3,4 in the Morning. The unusual thing was that They played the Movies at FULL FUCKING VOLUME You could hear EVERY Word of Dialogue, Every Note of Every Soundtrack Song, and Everything Else like Ambient Noise Doors opening/closing, footsteps, car engines, and Sound Effects CLEAR AS DAY. It was the Equivalent of having a UnLicensed Full Blown Drive In Movie Theater located in the Heart of Your fucking Neighborhood. And Again they were Always and Only Kids Movies, NOTHING ADULT BY A LONG LONG SHOT.
For the Longest Time I thought The Middle of the Night Movies were the Strangest Thing about these Neighbor(s), But looking back on it there was One more Oddities that Hadn’t ever Occurred to Me. After a Few Years Whoever inhabited the House behind Ours Moved Out I don’t know exactly when But the fact remain that They did. The Next Resident was a Collage aged Girl and this was blatantly obviously Her first Independent Living Situation. She had tons of Friends over blaring shitty EMD music, binge drinking, and making a shit ton of Noise (Yelling, Screaming, Hysterical Crying, Arguing, Laughing, and general making an INSANE amount of Noise Every fucking Night All fucking Night Long till 5am on Average. Now The Neighborhood was a Quite Blue Collar Town where 9 out of 10 Households had Kids.
Needless to Say the Other Neighbors repeatedly called the Cops over the Noise Disturbance(s) and Repeatedly the Police came and Shut the Party Down. There was one Sunday Night around 10 pm when the New Young Neighbor’s Friends decided it was a good time to utilize a small assortment of Power Tools. The Neighbor to Our Right was so pissed off He ran out into His backyard in Nothing but His fucking Underwear, Went out His back Gate, Walked over to said Noisy Neighbors, and Unleashed Hell Upon Them like His Name was Rasputin. It got so annoying that in the End the Neighborhood reported the Young Woman to the Home Owner Association Nazis (HOA) who stepped in and Used Their bullshit Powers for Good and They Put a Permeant Stop to the Late Night Revelry Once and For All.
Now here’s the Strange Detail I mentioned earlier which is This NO ONE EVER NOT ONCE CALLED THE COPS on the Previous Eccentric Neighbor for Their Middle of the Night Movie Showings, No One Batted an Eyelash. I can’t figure out WHY? The Only reason that I can think of that makes ANY Sense whatsoever is The Neighborhood as a Whole were simply Scared of the Previous Home Owner. I can’t say I would Blame them as Crazy can be Annoying/Enraging, BUT No One wants to get Caught Up in Anything Crazy. I mean what if You pissed off Your Mentally Unstable Neighbor? What would They do? And most Importantly would They get angry and Retaliate? And that’s when the “I Don’t Want To Be Murdered By a Psychopath” Scenario comes into Play.
Thank for Reading,
By Les Sober